Agar tujhe koi aitraaz na ho toh

My dearest Maa,

Or should I address you as God? Because that's what you've always been to me. My God. The one who took care of me and my sisters when my father died and our whole world fell apart. One who made sure my belly was full even when the wallet was empty and you went hungry.

Since the day I stood on my feet, I had only one aim. One goal. That I should be a good son. Ek achcha beta. To make sure you never want for anything. Ever. And I was sure I could do it too. Because I had your blessings. Your love. Who would dare to stop me when I had those two, right? And you were right there beside me every step of the way. Cheering me on. Delighted at my every success. Motivating me through my every failure. Through it all, you always made sure I knew that my success is your success. My joy is yours. My pain would hurt you. Teri khushi, meri khushi se alag nahi hain - you'd always said. And I always remembered that. I never felt the need to ask you - maa, should I do this, maa should I go there. I just did what I wanted to do. Tu ne hamesha mujhse kaha hain...sikhaya hain ki mein khud apne faisle kar sakta hoon. Aur mere har faisle mein tu mere saath hain. I had that confidence. That freedom.

Then I met Sonakshi and fell in love. So much in love maa. World became a brighter place. Everything had started to look beautiful. I love you. I love my sisters. I love my family. But I never knew how to handle these emotions. Business deals were easy because there was no emotion cluttering them up. Emotions, on the other hand, are complicated. And then, she walked into my life and nothing was complicated. Everything was just...smooth. Easy. She balanced me, maa. That's the only way I can put it. She brought balance into my life. I began to understand you better. I began to understand Neha, Riya and Nikki better. And before I knew it, Sonakshi became the breath of my body. Love turned into need. Yet I never told you. Meri maa mujhse bahut zyaada pyaar karti hain. Mein Sonakshi se bahut zyaada pyaar karta hoon. Yeh wajah kaafi hain meri maa ko automatically meri Sona se pyaar karne keliye. And Sonakshi was making me so happy. So very happy. She made me want to be a better person. So how could you not be happy with her? With us? Meri sabse badi khushi mein tum khush kyo nahi hogi?

But maybe there was this selfish part of me, inside me, that didn't want to share Sonakshi as yet. I want her...that love of hers...cocooned safely in my arms for just a bit longer. Why, I don't know. Was it my heart telling me that all would not be the same once I tell? I don't know. I didn't tell but you came to know anyway. And you were angry. So angry. Because I didn't tell, I'd assumed. And when I did tell, you accepted it, didn't you, maa? I really thought you had accepted. That you were happy for me. Happy for us. Sonakshi kept telling me to give you time but I didn't listen. Why do you need time to accept my happiness, I thought. Even when you excluded her from the family portrait, stupid me thought it was about the mere technicality of me marrying Sonakshi. Kuch rasam hi toh baaki the. Woh bhi poore hojaayenge.

But there was no acceptance from you, was there? You didn't like my love. You thought I chose her over you. You actually thought that. And you took those pills. I will never forget the gut-wrenching terror I faced when I saw you on the floor like that. I lost my father and I was on the verge of losing you. How could I let that happen? How could I let my sisters lose their one remaining parent? I couldn't. I couldn't, so I slashed off my heart, my Sonakshi, and threw her out of my life. I traded the breath of my body in exchange for your life. And I got you back.

Now what do I do maa? I have you, my mother, my God, with me but I am not able to breathe. Still, I had you, so I had to find a way to endure. To survive. Maybe if I give you time, talk to you after a few days / weeks... Maybe if I saw Sonakshi once every day, that would give me enough oxygen for the next 24 hours. But I never thought...I never EVER in my wildest dreams imagined that you would close off that one avenue too. That you saw her as a threat. You made sure that threat is forever out of your life. You wanted me to choose. I chose. You. And I lost my Sona and myself in the process. You won. But I lost everything. Including that confidence. And that freedom I was so proud of. Losers don't have freedom, do they maa? No they don't. Losers don't do whatever they feel like, whenever they feel like it, do they? They should explain themselves. I did explain myself to you, when the newspaper article came out, didn't I? And I would continue to do so.

Sona says we should accept and move on. She is trying. I promised her I would try too. But for the life of me I don't know how to do it. Any ideas maa? You taught me so many things in life. Maybe you can teach me how to live after my heart got ripped out of my chest by my own mother. Will you teach me maa? Awaiting your reply.

Yours,

Dev.

P.S: Sonakshi invited me for her engagement. So here I am, once again, explaining myself to you and asking your permission. Agar tujhe koi aitraaz na ho toh mein jaau?

Originally posted by: fanktlk

Me first. Will come back and comment.

Originally posted by: Malvika07

You're on a roll!! Can someone pls mail this to the CV's so that Durjoy dutta can incorporate this on the show?!!

I think I should stop reading your posts and stories. It makes me that much more disappointed and plain mad at the makers for not taking this route and not addressing these issues with the dignity they deserve. A child should not have to take the shelter of alcohol to have a serious conversation with his parent. If he does, that's the biggest parenting fail of all time. I wish Dev would've actually written this letter on the show. It would've silenced all my criticism.

I can't tell you how much I loved this, Suvi. Beautifully penned.

Keep giving us such magical pieces.

Originally posted by: Suvika.

My dearest Maa,

Or should I address you as God? Because that's what you've always been to me. My God. The one who took care of me and my sisters when my father died and our whole world fell apart. One who made sure my belly was full even when the wallet was empty and you went hungry.

Since the day I stood on my feet, I had only one aim. One goal. That I should be a good son. Ek achcha beta. To make sure you never want for anything. Ever. And I was sure I could do it too. Because I had your blessings. Your love. Who would dare to stop me when I had those two, right? And you were right there beside me every step of the way. Cheering me on. Delighted at my every success. Motivating me through my every failure. Through it all, you always made sure I knew that my success is your success. My joy is yours. My pain would hurt you. Teri khushi, meri khushi se alag nahi hain - you'd always said. And I always remembered that. I never felt the need to ask you - maa, should I do this, maa should I go there. I just did what I wanted to do. Tu ne hamesha mujhse kaha hain...sikhaya hain ki mein khud apne faisle kar sakta hoon. Aur mere har faisle mein tu mere saath hain. I had that confidence. That freedom.

Then I met Sonakshi and fell in love. So much in love maa. World became a brighter place. Everything had started to look beautiful. I love you. I love my sisters. I love my family. But I never knew how to handle these emotions. Business deals were easy because there was no emotion cluttering them up. Emotions, on the other hand, are complicated. And then, she walked into my life and nothing was complicated. Everything was just...smooth. Easy. She balanced me, maa. That's the only way I can put it. She brought balance into my life. I began to understand you better. I began to understand Neha, Riya and Nikki better. And before I knew it, Sonakshi became the breath of my body. Love turned into need. Yet I never told you. Meri maa mujhse bahut zyaada pyaar karti hain. Mein Sonakshi se bahut zyaada pyaar karta hoon. Yeh wajah kaafi hain meri maa ko automatically meri Sona se pyaar karne keliye. And Sonakshi was making me so happy. So very happy. She made me want to be a better person. So how could you not be happy with her? With us? Meri sabse badi khushi mein tum khush kyo nahi hogi?

But maybe there was this selfish part of me, inside me, that didn't want to share Sonakshi as yet. I want her...that love of hers...cocooned safely in my arms for just a bit longer. Why, I don't know. Was it my heart telling me that all would not be the same once I tell? I don't know. I didn't tell but you came to know anyway. And you were angry. So angry. Because I didn't tell, I'd assumed. And when I did tell, you accepted it, didn't you, maa? I really thought you had accepted. That you were happy for me. Happy for us. Sonakshi kept telling me to give you time but I didn't listen. Why do you need time to accept my happiness, I thought. Even when you excluded her from the family portrait, stupid me thought it was about the mere technicality of me marrying Sonakshi. Kuch rasam hi toh baaki the. Woh bhi poore hojaayenge.

But there was no acceptance from you, was there? You didn't like my love. You thought I chose her over you. You actually thought that. And you took those pills. I will never forget the gut-wrenching terror I faced when I saw you on the floor like that. I lost my father and I was on the verge of losing you. How could I let that happen? How could I let my sisters lose their own parent? I couldn't. I couldn't, so I slashed off my heart, my Sonakshi, and threw her out of my life. I traded the breath of my body in exchange for your life. And I got you back.

Now what do I do maa? I have you, my mother, my God, with me but I am not able to breathe. Still, I had you, so I had to find a way to endure. To survive. Maybe if I give you time, talk to you after a few days / weeks... Maybe if I saw Sonakshi once every day, that would give me enough oxygen for the next 24 hours. But I never thought...I never EVER in my wildest dreams imagined that you would close off that one avenue too. That you saw her as a threat. You made sure that threat is forever out of your life. You wanted me to choose. I chose. You. And I lost my Sona and myself in the process. You won. But I lost everything. Including that confidence. And that freedom I was so proud of. Losers don't have freedom, do they maa? No they don't. Losers don't do whatever they feel like, whenever they feel like it, do they? They should explain themselves. I did explain myself to you, when the newspaper article came out, didn't I? And I would continue to do so.

Sona says we should accept and move on. She is trying. I promised her I would try too. But for the life of me I don't know how to do it. Any ideas maa? You taught me so many things in life. Maybe you can teach me how to live after my heart got ripped out of chest by my own mother. Will you teach me maa? Awaiting your reply.

Yours,

Dev.

P.S: Sonakshi invited me for her engagement. So here I am, once again, explaining myself to you and asking your permission. Agar tujhe koi aitraaz na ho toh mein jaau?