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"IS THIS LOVE?" - PART 1
"Kuch khaas hai,..Kuch paas hai,..Kuch ajnabi ehsaas hai,...Kuch duriyan, nazdikiyan,..Kuch hass padi tanhaiyaan,...Kya yeh khumaar hai, kya aitbaar hai...Shayad yeh pyaar hai,...Haan hai shayad..."
At long last the day had come, Shravan was leaving for London and Suman was at the airport with him. She had asked him if he had loved anyone in the past and he had said yes. But he had refused to name the person. Suman sighed as she recalled the conversation between them at his house the day before.
"Who was she Shravan?"
"It's not important anymore Sumo. It was a long time ago and I was naive. I probably didn't even understand what love was. Sometimes I wonder if I do even now!"
"But why can't you tell me who she was?" said Suman in desperation, as she wanted to hear him admit it had been her. After all, she read the letter and she knew he had at least thought himself in love with her at one time.
"Because it's no longer relevant!"
"It's relevant to me!" said Suman.
"It's my life Sumo and it's not something I wish to discuss!" said Shravan in a firm tone.
"Fine! But it tells me one thing. You're still not over it!" said Suman looking at Shravan, and he was about to speak when she said "If you were you would not be so riled up by this question!"
"I am riled up as you say...because I know you're just being overly curious about a subject that I no longer consider relevant! Nothing more...nothing less!"
"Suit yourself" Suman snapped. "But don't tell me one day that you had your chance and lost it!"
"I won't!" snapped Shravan back.
"Don't be so sure!" said Suman as she stood up off the floor. They had been sitting at the foot of the couch in Shravan's room.
"Where are you going?" asked Shravan.
"Home!" said Suman.
"Home? But I thought you were going to stay till my family come back?"
"Kyon? Why should I stay? Main kaun hun aap ki? You can't even share a truth about your past with me? You call me a friend, but you still..." Shravan cut Suman off.
"You ARE a friend. That is the reason why I don't want to discuss this topic. Sometimes the past is best left in the past. Trust me on this one Sumo!" said Shravan gravely.
Suman saw the determination on his face and she knew she was fighting a losing battle. Suman sighed. She knew she had promised Shravan a great day and no matter how she was feeling right now, she owed it to him to keep her promise. She sat on the couch.
"Fine I will stay till your family come back! And don't worry I won't ask about HER anymore!" said Suman, for a minute feeling like she was talking about someone other than herself. Well she kind of was. The person that Shravan had had romantic feelings for was her teenage self. Teenage Sumo who had been so different to her. She was so much more grounded now, more serious and more responsible. She knew how to value her relationships more, or more aptly put, she knew how to "Show" she valued her relationships. Something her younger self had failed at, and that failure had cost her her friendship with Shravan. Something she regretted even more now in light of what she had discovered. Had she killed forever any feeling he had for her?
Shravan glanced sideways at Suman. Why was Sumo suddenly so interested in his love life? Why did she want to know if he had been in love or not? The worst part was that he could never tell her. He could not tell her that the girl he had had feelings for was her. Because after so many years, she was back in his life. They were back to being the old Shravan and Suman. He had not even realised how much he had missed this connection, this ease with which they interacted with each other. How they understood each other even without having to say anything. How they read each other's emotions. That same connection he had always felt to her. It was still there. He had told her the other night when he asked for her friendship as "fees" for winning the case.
"Kuch Hai Humare Beech!" Yes there was something between them. But what was it? Even he was not sure now. He knew he cared about her. Loved her even. But was it romantic love? His teenage self-had known there was something between them too. He had also been looking for a name to give that feeling. He had asked "Is this love?", but the answer had eluded him even then. Before he could ask her for her reaction, things had unravelled in his life. His Mother left, Sumo had insulted him in front of her "cooler" friends. He had been left completely shattered, and he had just wanted out. So he took up his Dad's offer of studying in London and left it all behind. But even during his life in London, he had not been able to totally leave behind the past. His sense of abandonment, his resentment. The feelings had festered without an outlet, without being confronted, that finally when they came out, they had been in the destructive form of a planned revenge. But even after that incident at the Reunion party, he had still not received the satisfaction he had wished to feel. It had all left him feeling strangely empty.
The Khosla case had given him a chance to see Suman in a new light after so many years. Given him a chance to reconnect to her, but this time as adults. They were finally in a really good place. He just could not ruin it. He didn't want to dreg up the past and mess with what he now had with Suman again. That friendship, that connection he so valued. He didn't want to lose that. He didn't want to lose her! If telling her his teenage feelings for her was going to ruin their relationship today, then he would not wish to share that information with Suman. All he knew was that having her in his life was important to him and by revealing the past if that ruined the present that was not a risk he was willing to take. He knew for sure he had her friendship. He didn't want to try for more when he himself didn't know what he wanted. No, silence on this subject was the best policy.
"Woh baath keneha hi math, jo kenehe ke baad sab kuch badal de Shravan!" thought Shravan to himself.
But what Shravan didn't realise was that sometimes things changed for the better.
Shravan's family arrived back from Chandigar an hour or so later and Suman had excused herself and left, with the promise of coming to escort Shravan to the airport the next day.
To be continued...
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Just a little something I thought of and wanted to pen down on the current track. As always leave comments and dont forget to like if you do!
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