Hi Everyone... Yesterday the CVs completed the butchering of Raman's character... This is my way of laying his character to rest. I am not going to analyse, comment or get upset about this track after this!!!
Enjoy!!!
The Beaten Path of Remorse...
It has been exactly ten years since all hell broke loose... in one day I lost everything... all the important things in my life disappeared in one day... no longer was I a husband, a father, a brother or a son-in-law... my one mistake ensured that I lost my life in one day... today as I stand in this party... being awarded the businessman of the year... the richest man in India... one of the top 10 most influential entrepreneurs in the world... being appreciated for my success in the last decade... I feel empty... there is nothing within... because I am dead... and every day I die a little more again... that one question... I keep hearing that and it kills me all over again every day... my death mantra... "Why was I not enough?"
As I have my fifth drink of the evening I see my best friend, my brother, my business partner arrive with his wife... Mihir is here... but he is not going to look at me... he hasn't looked at me since that night... the night when for the first and last time he hit me... the night when he chose to be her brother... breaking all personal ties with me and my family... and the only reason he still is in business with me is because he knows that seeing him every day like this is painful for me... I know because he told me so... He told me that he would never let me move ahead... That for the rest of my life he was going to make sure that I saw what I had lost... And he has every right to do so...
My sister cheated him... he thought none of us knew about Rinki's affair so he kept quiet... even when I hit him... even when the police tortured him... because he did not want to hurt the family... he kept quiet... and what did I do?... I destroyed his sister... my lies, my obsession was the reason for her death... I lost Mihir... and I have no one to blame but myself...
I see Mihika walk towards me... may be this time I might find out how they are... a tiny seed of hope grows in me... I put my glass down and take a step towards her only to realize that Mihika never saw me... or if she did... then just like the last 10 years, she decided to ignore me... no one in the Iyer family has spoken to me in a decade... in fact... they did not even speak to me that night... Appa only said one sentence... and that also was addressed to Papaji... "I regret the day I forced my daughter to accept your son in Marriage!"... And with that I stopped existing for the Iyers... since then I have tried many times... but for them... Raman Bhalla does not exist...
I decide to leave and walk towards the exit when I see Shravan enter... he has turned into a handsome young man... about to turn 18... just like my Rooh... and no longer a Tingu...! I call his name... but he does not even bother to turn... I can see his friends tell him that I am calling... all he says is that some calls are not worth paying attention too... my one mistake cost three innocent children their childhood... that one day I saw three young children grow up in a matter of few hours because I had damaged their loved ones beyond repair... at least Shravan has his parents... he knows he is loved... he still believes in happiness and family... but my Adi and Ruhi... that one night shattered their belief in the happily ever after...
I reach home late in the night... as usual Mummyji is awake... ready to feed me... but no longer is it because I am her beloved son... she does it because it is her duty... because after Papaji's death she has nothing else to look forward to... Romi is a gambler who spends his time in and out of rehab... Sarika left him 9 years ago taking Rohit and all of Romi's property with her... Simmi lives in Canada with her husband and family... she has not returned since that night... I don't even know her husband's name... we lost Papaji to cancer... a year after that night... And the only way his daughter, daughter-in-law and grandchildren agreed to attend his funeral prayers was if the rituals were held outside home... they all turned up... even the Iyers... Adi lit his pyre because Papaji did not think his sons were worthy enough to do so... that was the last day I saw my children... Ruhi clutching her elder brother's hand as if her life depended on it... and stoic Adi... holding his three month old sister in his arms, tightly grasping Ruhi's hand... all the time telling her that it would be OK... that they did not need anyone... that their mother's love was enough... when my children turned and walked towards Mihir and Mihika that day... they broke all the links to me... that funeral pyre was not just of my father... but also of Raman the father... and I deserved it... so I let them go...
To the world I am a father of three children... but the truth is something entirely different... My only son hates me so much that the day he turned 18 he changed his surname... Now he is Dr. Aditya Ishita Iyer... newly graduated from AIIMS, New Delhi... And the only reason I know this is because of the legal notice I received telling me that Adi had given up all rights to being a Bhalla... he had no interest in me, my family or my property... My elder daughter despises the ground I walk on... the hate in her eyes that night... that broken cry as she grieved for her mother that night... I knew that Ruhi Raman Bhalla was dead that night... that the girl in front of me would never... ever be my daughter again... and my youngest... I don't even know her name... the Iyers and Mihir had filed for her custody months before she was born... I never got to hold her also... they were already waiting outside the labour room... she was whisked away before I could even blink... And she probably doesn't even know that I exist... It is better this way... because if she finds out what I did to her mother, she would hate me too...
I slowly walk up to my room... I walk in and smile at her... there she is... smiling and waiting for me... my Madrasan... my JKR... I sit down and tell her about my day... I grieve the loss of my friends, family and children... she listens to me patiently... just like she has been for the last 10 years... looking at me with those love filled eyes... dressed in a Kanjeevaram Saree... with flowers adorning her hair... mounted up on the wall... smiling at me through that antique frame... I close my eyes and try to hear her voice... all I hear is "Why was I not enough?"... I open my eyes to realise that I am all alone... just like every other day in the last 10 years... because my lies killed her... I still remember that day like it was yesterday...
Everything was settling... we were getting over the betrayal and loss of Rinki... putting our lives back together... when I got that news... the news that made me the happiest person alive... when Dr. Manoj called me I rushed to the clinic... I was ecstatic when he told me that Shagun was pregnant... Shagun had given me the best gift of my life... and I was thanking her when I saw Ishita... standing there in the corridor... all shocked, hurt and broken... before I could put in a word she ran away... I followed her to the parking lot to see the her breakdown in nerve wracking sobs... she was so hurt that she did not even realize when I helped her get up and sit in the car... On the way home I told her the truth... I told her about the surrogacy... the papers she signed... the setback with Laxmi... and Shagun's sacrifice for us... but it was of no use... she was numb to anything I said... I looked at her and realised that no matter what I said... she would never accept it... And for the first time I understood the mess I had created... my blind love for her was destroying her and I could do nothing...
We reached home and I tried to help her out of the car... but she pushed me away... I tried to stop her but she turned to me and asked me something that sent chills down my spine - "Why was I not enough?" ... before I could say anything she walked away...
When I reached home I saw the whole family waiting for me... Ishita had come to the clinic with Vandita... and she had told the family everything... before I could say a word Shagun and Manoj also came in... for the next one hour I tried to explain everything to the family... but it was of no use... Adi and Ruhi could not believe what I had done... Bala and Mihir hit me... Papaji cursed the day I was born... only Mummyji supported me... she hated the fact that it was Shagun who helped us... but she still believed that Ishita would understand... Papaji threw Manoj outside the house... and Mihir did the same with Shagun... Papaji was dragging me out when we all heard Ruhi shout - "ISHIMAAA..."
We all ran to my room to see Adi cradle Ishita in his lap... and Ruhi try to wake her up... I rushed to Ishita... carrying her in my arms... rushing to the hospital...as we rolled her into the ER she held my hand... I bent down to hear her say - "Why was I not enough?"... Those were the last words she ever said to me... twenty minutes later the doctor told us that she was no more... that she died of a burst aneurysm... that it was a pain less death... my whole world crashed... in that moment I stopped living... I could hear Adi and Ruhi cry... I could feel them pushing me away... I could hear Ruhi say that her Ishima died because I hurt her... I could hear Adi shout that my betrayal killed his mother... I could see him shove away Shagun as he declared that he and his sister were orphans today... I could hear Amma break down... I could hear Appa tell Papaji about his life's biggest regret...
My Ishita was dead... the woman I loved was dead... my reason for living was dead... and I killed her... I could feel Manoj and Shagun support me but I moved away... I didn't deserve any help... my lies... my obsession... my single minded belief that I knew what was best... my casual attitude towards Ishita's trust and feeling killed her... I killed her...
I open my eyes to realize that it is morning... I know that Mummyji is not at home... everyone is going to be there... for the first time in 10 years everyone is going to be there... they all are going to be in town... every year they meet at Chennai... but this year they are meeting here... the only reason I know this is because I overheard Mihir invite Mr. Tandon... I too get dressed to go... as I reach the venue the guards stop me... they have strict instructions to not let me in... I smile at them and walk away... I knew this would happen... so I walk to the back gate... I jump over the fence and hide behind a tree... for the first time in 10 years I see all three of my kids... Adi has grown into a fine young man... he looks just like m e... and wonder of wonders... he is taller than me... I feel alive watching him help his Thatha and Paati... I smile seeing him hug his Romi Chachu... but I grow curious when I see his eyes light up as he looks towards the entrance...
I turn towards the entrance to see a young girl wearing a white salwar kameez enter... she looks just like Simmi but has my dimples... with that mole on her upper lip it has to be my Ruhi... she has grown up in to a beautiful young woman... accompanying her is a little girl... I see her peek from behind Ruhi as I hear her call Adi "Anna"... for one moment I stop breathing... standing in front of me is a replica of my Madrasan... my mini Ishita... she looks just like her mother... she is my baby... my daughter... I see Adi run towards her and hug her as he calls her Arushi... ARUSHI... my daughter... named after the three most important people in my life... Aditya, Ruhi and Ishita... ARUSHI... the first rays of the sun... my Arushi... I smile and walk away as the Ishita Iyer Center for Paediatric Hospice Care is opened... I am at peace today... my whole family is with me today... every time I look at the Sun I am with Aditya... every time I feel the rays of the sun touch my soul I am with my Arushi and Ruhi... And every time I acknowledge this gift... this wealth... I am with my Ishita...
Fan Fictions
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Naagin 7
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