I Trusted You
It was finally
going to happen. She would finally get the chance to become a mother. He felt
on top of the world as it was finally going to happen. He was going to give
Ishita the happiness that was taken away because of his failure to protect her
and their baby. But he would give her their baby now...
As he headed
towards Dr. Manoj's office, he was smiling thinking about how happy she would
be with this. She would have their baby in her arms now. He silently thanked
God as he was able to get her signatures on the papers all because she trusted
him. He looked back at the papers and smiled again seeing her signatures and
remembering when she had signed the papers...
But then suddenly
as he thought about her, he stopped in his steps. Her words...
"I trust you
Raman..."
They rang in his
head. She had signed the papers without questions and did as he said, because
obviously she trusted him, but then why was he feeling so unsure of things as
her words repeated in his head. She trusted him, and why was his mind making it
into such a big deal?
But then...wasn't it
a big deal? As if his heart questioned him. She trusted him. And he was taking
advantage of it? He tried to reason with himself saying it was only for her and
it was not taking advantage when he was simply doing this for her own benefit.
And then her words came back to his mind...
"Look into my
eyes, what do you see? Only love and respect for you Raman."
Suddenly he felt
sick to his stomach. He sat down on one of the benches in the hallway. Respect,
trust, love...this was their marriage, this is what a marriage is supposed to be.
Was he putting his marriage at stake for this baby? Was he about to ruin his
marriage with his own hands? It sunk in slowly.
He was really about
to break this marriage apart right now. Love, respect, trust...he was losing it
all...
He was really
about to break her trust. She said she didn't want surrogacy, that she was
happy. He really wanted this for her, but at what cost? Certainly not his
marriage and her.
If he broke her
trust, then would all that respect she had for him still be there? He didn't
think so. And would she think he respected this marriage? Never.
And if there is no
trust and respect, where would love come from? The base of their love would be
gone, and did that mean their love and she would also...
"No!" he shouted
out. No I won't lose her, he repeated to himself. He looked around the place
and felt sickened thinking about what he was doing as he saw couples walking
together, sitting together, and one pair even crying together like they had
done once... but right now he was alone. All by himself and he knew if he walked
into Manoj's office right now to hand in those papers, he would really be alone...
And as he was
about to get and rip apart those papers, he stopped as her words again haunted
his mind. She trusted him and if he hid this truth, it would just be another
lie. So he ran out of the clinic as if his life depended on it and drove off
back home as fast as he could...
~~~~~
"Ishita...I need to
talk to you." He rushed up to her throwing away the clothes she had in her
hands and held her shoulders. He had cried his way back home and his red eyes
were all that she needed to see to know. Cupping his face, she worried what happened
now that he was stressing again. She simply had him sit on the bed and gave him
a tight hug, worrying all the happening in the house were taking a toll on him.
He on the other
hand felt disgusted with himself as she hugged him and assured him again. She
was worrying about him when he was about to commit a huge blunder that could
have cost him this very love and support from her. And so he couldn't take in
the sickening feeling within him and broke the hug...
She was taken back
for a moment, but as he cried, she forget everything and only wanted to know
what had happened to him...
"What happened?
You look upset."
He slowly took out
the crumpled papers from his pocket and handed them to her only able to say...
"I'm sorry..."
She looked
confused and took the papers. After a few moments of reading, she was further confused
as to what was happening all a sudden...
"What? When did
this...and is this my signature? Raman I never signed this, I would never sign
for this!"
"You did...for me."
He barely met her eye and all she could do was look at him. So lost and hurt...
"Oh my God..."
He dared to look
at her eyes after her words. And he knew he shouldn't have. There was too much
pain and hurt in them. Her tears fell and his heart shattered each time. He
wanted to slap himself, want to curse himself for doing this. All the while her
eyes simply questioned him. Was this really true? Was he really going to do
this? Did he really just break her trust so easily? All she had thought while
signing was his excitement. She was relieved to see a small signature would
make him so happy especially after all he had gone through in a few days. A few
moments of his happiness was all that matter to her when she signed. But now it
all seemed so disgusting to her. He was celebrating and hugging her, all that
happiness was for something as low as this...
She felt loads of
things, but all she wanted was for him to just say this was not true, that he
really just didn't do what he was saying and she shattered with his next words...
"I shouldn't
have." And now her disappointment and anger rose above everything...
"But you did." She
looked at him, no tears, no emotions just a deadpan voice.
"I know and trust
me...sorry...and Ishita I did break your trust. I really was stupid to do this. "
"Yes you were."
"But Ishita
believe me I-"
"What should I
believe you?!" She screamed out leaving him almost scared now.
"..."
"Lies after lies
Raman! Is this what our marriage is?!"
"..."
"You've betrayed
me over and over again!" She burst into tears.
"Ishita, please
listen-" She got up and he followed, but what was next was something they both
hated...
"No! Just listen
to me! I've always said it's ok whenever you've folded your hands in front me
and said you're sorry, but for how long? How long do I have to do this for?! I
forgave you when you went out hiding the truth behind Amma's accident way back,
I yelled and screamed when you used our love to deceive me only so you could
steal papers from me when Shagun took Ruhi, yet I forgave you Raman. I forgave
you silently so many times when you have called me a careless mother, when
you've told me to leave the house and never apologized once when I came back. For
God's sake, that disgusting video of you and Shagun, I forgave you for hiding
such a thing from me. I've forgiven and forgiven, but how much longer?! How
long will it take for you to share things with me?! How long will I have to
deal with these "surprises" for me?! How many more times until I can say I trust
you and not have it broken in a few days?! I have forgiven you and still
trusted you each and every time, but how much more Raman?!!"
"Please Ishita, I
beg of you. Please forgive me this time, I promise I will never hide from you
again. I really have realized how big of a mistake I was about to make this
time. I am really sorry, I will never break your trust again...just forgive me
one more time, give me one last chance please."
"Raman...this time I
won't forgive you...this time it's too far! I told you repeatedly I was happy.
You, me, Ruhi and Adi. Our small little family...what more did we need? If God
wanted to bless us with "our" baby, he wouldn't have taken that chance away...I'm
trying to deal with the fact that my baby that was in my womb...a few days ago...
is... no more Raman, that my husband also has his own grief to deal with and I
need to help him too, but...but why are you so adamant on making it so hard?! I
don't want another child Raman! What is the point, if...if I have to watch
another woman carrying our baby, carrying the child I would love to have
growing in me...I am strong, but not that strong...and I thought that you
understood...I really thought you did..."
She walked out not
giving him any chance to say something because this time it really was enough.
It was enough to break her tolerance and it was enough for her to vent out to
him. To make him realize what he had been doing to her so many times. For him
to get the wakeup call that he needed and for him to get a reality check he didn't
want...
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That was all for now! Please like and leave your feedback on whether I should continue or not. Looking forward to all the feedback!
Edited by smilesforever98 - 8 years ago
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