The noise of a heavy storm is constantly buzzing in my ears along with the wild weeps of the royal ladies in Hastinapur!! Sometimes I could hear some roars along with moaning..Right from the day eleven after the fall of mahamahim hastinapur palace has lost it's life.From the very next day when my husband marked his entry in the battle field..I am dying daily.My bed is burning..palace is scorching.my breath is seething. During extremely frightful and horrible situations some brains will stop working like vrishali jiji..some brains will work even clear and perfect. It would be better if I loose my conscience like vrushali jiji after hearing the death of our children.she is lucky.my pulses are popping..My heart is bursting..my nerves are squeezed..my brain is heated..my eyes are extruded but still i am not dead..I am alive..still alive!! thirst hunger..sleep left my body but still my soul refuses to leave my body.My soul is struck in my body because my heart is beating in some other's place.
Arya!! What are you doing now!!1 he must be shedding blood from his heart after losing his sons.I can sit and cry here in the palace but he has to face the battle field again and again.I wish to go there.when panchali can go then why can't I?women should not go there.it's a rule but Is there anything going on there as per the rules??Where is the righteousness in the war done by vasudev and dharmaraj yudishtir?? Arjun proved that is father's cowardice is worth for him by showing his courage in slaying mahamahim.Then dharmaraj!! My blood is seething.If a person who lies to Guru should be cursed then where is the curse for yudishtir???He will rule a kingdom as a prize of killing his Guru!!But..but ,,what kauravas did in abimanyu's death!! I remember that young abimanyu..I closed my eyes..My sons..abimanyu..laxman..god..how many children??brutal..brutal..
Now I hear the roar of a mad old lion!! Almost all the kauravas are dead.tomorrow is the sixteenth day My husband as commander in chief.The smiling face of my husband interrupted me.Is this the day??I have to meet him right now..He must be expecting me .In the next hour I started my journey towards kurukshetra least bothered about others.
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My father in law is hurrying to hide behind the mountains.I am travelling through the residential camps!!
"wait !! wait!!"
I stopped and got down.
What is this I am seeing!! Who are they standing around a woman sitting in the floor?? As i came closer I could see they are Pandavas..vasudev and panchali.!!The most gruesome sight I saw.I felt extreme repulsive and grisly.The smell of fresh blood dashed my nostrils and felt vomiting sensations.Bheem is caressing the fresh blood on her hair.He poured the remaining on her head!All laughed madly!! I am stunned and got speechless by seeing blood bathed panchali.She was sitting like a furious Goddess with blood thirst.Oh!! shushashan finally you are paid for your blind obedience for your brother. panchali is sitting with red eyes..red body..red saree!!It was really scary.Something drove me! I approached their tent! Pandavas and panchali were stunned to see me suddenly there!!
"you" asked Bheem
"She might have come to meet panchali!!Let her"
Said vasudev.
Panchali expressed a mixed reaction!! Shock..suspicion..surprise..queries..lot of proud!
She laughed at me.
"Tell me Draupadi! What you got from this blood bathing?? What you obtained by this gruesome bath?"
Her face became rigid and harsh!!
"I tore the man who humiliated me..don't you know that"
"oh! Then now can you erase your humiliation?? Will you be able to forget your humiliation or change what had happened?"
"No!! No!! But i am contented now"
"so! You fulfilled your revenge"?
"yes"
"are you satisfied now?"
"yes!! Yes!!"
Then give back my children now!!"I voice got shaky!!She turned at me with battered look.
"can you give back my sons!!!" she approached me and clutched my hands.
"I ..I..can't"
"you can't ! you can't revive the dead!! Past is past..then what is the meaning of revenge here?? Does this revenge..war serve any purpose?she is stunned..she just hurried inside her tent.I swallowed my tears and moved back where my way is blocked by vasudev.He smiled at me!! He raised his arms as a sign of blessing.
"Just a minute Vasudev.You raised this hand to bless me?? So Do you want me to salute you?"
"what's wrong in it?I am elder to you"
"so! Elders deserve respect!!My husband is the elder most but what respect he got from you all?"Vasudev..he is also your own blood!! But you too ditched him"
"no!! I never betrayed anyone..I respect him and he too respects me"
"But I don't!You can consider me as a rakshas Hirinyakashubu who hated you to the core!"
He chortled! "Hiranya kashubu was a big devotee of Lord Vishnu in his previous birth,,he hated Srihari in oder to gain moksha from the hands of Lord himself and to reach him as soon as possible..shall I consider you as Hiranya??
What shall I reply for this?
"Devotees of lord Vishnu are glorified always"
Now,I joined my palms!!
enough vasudev!! I don't have stamina to argue with you! I really don't understand the theory of your glory!! Previous birth..karma and dharma!what kind of design is this!! Why should a Vishnu devotee born as a rakshas and obtain such a gruesome death??a man struggles for the whole life but death glorifies him!! Why can't he be glorified when he was struggling?? How a person will be responsible for what he did in his previous birth! What is that going to do in this birth? Now this war!! What is the necessity of killing so many warriors?just for a kingdom?? Prestige..rights..or thos blood bath?'
If everyone's destiny is designed by god ..then god is biased!!"The last words came out with full bitterness and vexation!!
"I thought of making you realize and understand something you need it now..but your love is hiding your conscience!! Think leisurely" he said
"My husband made me to realize everything..and i can accept everything in my life..acceptance is the main lesson I learned from the life of my husband! No need for you preaching!! May be that women who bathed in blood need your preaching.I am wife of angaraj not pandu putron"
By this time Draupadi came again to the place with her husbands!
how rude! Uruvi! Don't you know how to respect supreme person?"
I chuckled passed my sight over all pandavas.
"Let me see how you respect your supreme"
Vasudev emitted some sparks from his eyes.I pursed my lips tightly passing a glint of vexation over Vasudev.
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The tent is dunked in darkness!Is he here or outside somewhere? I searched for the lamps..got it!! I ignited the lamps!! In that meare brightness "ouch" I was shook by what is saw..I was about to yell but controlled it from my throat.he is sitting here like a mad animal or a rakshas with war attires completely drenched in blood!! Still blood is oozing out from various parts of his body.He was sitting like a mad elephant arms rested on his knees! His eyes are fixed in the ground!! I cannot tolerate his stance without conscience..and i can't resist my outburst of cry in the moment I see my life in another body.
"arya!"
I ran to him and knelt down in front of him.He didn't see me!! Or cannot recognize me.He was still stuck.
"arya!"I shook him wildly.his eyeballs alone moved a little and saw me.but didn't react!
"Arya!!! Why are you sitting with this attires drenched in blood"
"blood !! blood! Blood! Everywhere blood!! No one can wipe it!! This is the blood of my friend shushshan! My friend suyodhan!! Thousand and thousands of kaurava warriors! And my sons !! How could I wash it?
He was speaking like an insane! The word sons made me to burst.I fell on his lap and dug my horrible weeping in it!! The hardest moments passed very slowly in a horrible silence!! He lifted my face !! now i see some life in his eyes..
"why are you crying uruvi?? For your children??everyone are dead!! Cry for all.cry..cry..cry loud!! Finish crying now!!Henceforth no crying!! "he said
I saw him strangely!
"arya!' what happened to you..you are not normal"
"hmm! I am very much normal and that is the problem.It would be better if I go insane after taking part in this horrible war and for living this miserable life"
I stood up!! I took him to the backside of the tent!! I removed his war attires.He never mind about what I am doing.I made him to sit.He was sitting like a mountain strong and firm!! Poor enemies that's why they shook the base to destroy this mountain!!
I poured water on his head and washed away all the bloods and wounds.I bathed him cleanly!The wounds of arrow tips I found in his chest ..hips..stomach ..arms..everywhere in his body!The man who born with natural divine armors..now..I cannot resist my weep!! But nothing disturbed him.I dried him completely and wore his dhoti!! Again the place is dunked in silence.i started preparing medicines for his wounds!! I slowly applied in every wounds!! Now he looked at me kindly.
"Devi! So at last you came to me in the right time as a medicine for my wounds."
He clutched my arms and rested it on his chest.
"arya! Do you remember that I said i would ask my wish when I meet you again"?
He smirked and said"yes ask me devi"
"I..I want you to make love with me now"
He saw me straight into my eyes!!
"now??"He didn't believed my words!!
"yes!now!!i want to celebrate my love now"
"have you gone mad !!this is not the time for celebration devi!! This is the time for funeral"
"Everyone is going to die..i don't want to die each and every minute thinking of dying once.."
I clutched his arms and pleaded him
"will you refuse my wish"he saw me deep..
"how can a father who lost his sons can make love with his wife now"
"If the mother who lost her children requests then he can"
He was stunned!!
Alright !! if this is your wish I would try to be a good husband for you atleast in this last ..."
I sealed his lips with my lips before uttering the next word!! I took his arms and made them to spread all over my body!! Slowly! He got completely involved in it.!!
My body after a long time got blossomed by his tong touch according to hid bend and stretch..but he is very very rigid!! His body would be a bundle of sweet..soft..and brilliance while making love!! But today i found only ferocity of a hungry lion in hunting it's prey.! Sixteen days of horrible war influenced his each and every touch and move!! His nails nicked my skins!! My hip is crushed..my bosoms are squeezed..my shoulders are bleeding..I am suffocating.!!
Our love making consumed some hours!! He was lying beside me staring at the roof!! I am staring at him.He saw me and signaled me to come closer.I adhered to him .he pressed a kiss on my forehead!!
"thank you"
He said
" since your husband lost his kingdom..you offered this kingdom for him to rule"he winked
"arya!! Please don't blabber"
"yes !! It's not the time to blabber..It's the last day..last moments..last breathes.."
A sharp sword ran inside my heart.
I grasped him completely
"Don't say those words arya!! Please"
He grasped me even tighter.I am dissolving in his warmth..I need this warmth.
"devi!! Why did you come here!! To make love with me"he grinned
"This sixteen day wars has changed you as an animal ..to bring you back as human i made love..This is a boon to push some horrible hours in our life"
"no!! You are my boon you gave yourself to live this hours.."
"how is vrushali"he asked
"she lost her sense.."
He sighed deeply!!"poor girl!! She has to face this being angaraj's wife!! But some way she is lucky..she had nothing in her memory now.Memories are the real weapon which kills some one badly..very badly"
" but memories are a beautiful boon and last hope for some one to live in this world.."
I entwined my fingers with his fingers!!
arya!! Do you remember our first meet in hastinapur"
"how can i forget that night when a beautiful goddess of love fell in my arms"
I am immersed in sweet memories
"You know arya!! How many days i longed to meet you alone! That day was an unexpected gift for me"
"yes!! But I never expected that you could speak about love to me..at the first day itself!!I love your boldness first Devi"
"Oh really! Then you didn't love me"
I puled.
"Well!! If you want me to say the truth then yes..I just gave a life to a girl who loved me so much..that's all"
He pretended to be honest and innocent..
"oh really! Then say me during the big feast who clutched my hands while serving and winked at me secretly.Then during mahasivratri when I was playing veena.who stared at me without blinking his eyes!! Who lifted me and locked me in his horse!! Who touched his heart and said you are going to live here?? Who stood in front of my father and roared no one can dare to harm angarani??who ??why??"
He chortled !! He grabbed me closer and kissed in my cheeks repeatedly.
"so you know everything but pretended to be innocent right?just like now we pretend to be happy"
"death is a beautiful device which brings all the good memories in the lat moments"
I sat erect!!
"arya!! You are so cruel"
He wiped out my tears!!
"Listen Devi!! Just a few hours before your arrival i saw something in my mind!! I felt some insight!!i saw a chariot stuck in the muddy soil!! Then I heard the voice of my Guru!!I asked him to take back the curse for just one day..that is tomorrow the most important day which i am going to face arjun.but you know what he said!!
"aryaaa"
"He said that the curse has been given to me calculating this particular day.He asked me to accept death from the hands of my brother!!"
I closed my face and fell on the floor
"no arya"
"Devi!! Mahamahim too tried a lot to keep away me from the war..but he failed miserably"
"what he too know your identity??"
"yes.."he tried to smile.
"God!! So everyone betrayed you arya!!!"
"no this is my fate Devi!! Tomorrow is the day! What my guru and bhoomi devi mentioned as the crucial moment while cursing!! If my chariot is not stuck in the mud and if i don't forget my knowledge ans skills then I may come alive tomorrow!!'
I shut his mouth!!
He released my palm and kissed it.
"accept it my wife!! And please dissolve my residues and ashes in hastinapur along with my friend"
"no I can't !Let me also die with you arya"
"no devi!! Don't ever utter the word. Suryaputra karna's wife can't be a coward!! Right?? And I am going with a relief that you are there to look after that poor suta wife and remaining sons!! I mean if they remain!!
Now! He was broken into tears!! I took him completely in my bosom! The later night ..those last moments are rolling with out any words!! He rested his head in my guts!! I was caressing his head!! God!! If i have some powers then I would pull my husband into my womb and keep him safely there..but i can't..don't move..please ..this night should not move!! Let it freeze in this second..right now..I feel the warmth of my husband in my guts..I want to feel it forever!!Bagwan suryadev please don't come tomorrow..you did nothing to your son as a father! At least do this for your daughter in law..please!!! but my adamant father in law raised on that horrible day too!!
My husband is very calm and quite in the morning! He woke up!! Bathed..performed surya puja..wore his war attires..he ordered for foods..he fed me..and he also ate..
"food is delicious" he said!!
Our sons arrived there..Took blessings from me!I clutched vrishasena's hands and said
"Take care of your father"I know the words has no meaning..He nodded his head.
My husband came to me!!He smiled at me!! I caressed his head..forehead..cheeks..shoulders..chest..hands.My god..My God..my king..living..breathing completely now..grinning at me!! Clutching my arms..kissing my forehead..hugging me tight..He wiped out my tears..How can i see him lifeless..He turned..Then He came to me again and inhaled deeply my fragrance and winked at
me He then never turned to me..mounted on his chariot.and went on the way! I fell down in the floor..my super loyal superior brain please stop working now!!
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Seher Hone Ko Hai
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