Arhi OS : I wish I knew...

I have been missing IPK a lot lately and felt like writing something about the original Arnav and Khushi. This one-shot, begins from the moment of their first Diwali, where Arnav announces his engagement to Lavanya, post the phenomenal almost-kiss.

( Arnav's thoughts are in blue italics )

Arhi OS : I wish I knew

Arnav Singh Raizada clutched tightly onto the steering wheel, to ebb away the pain. It wasn't a physical injury, which could heal with care and medication. His heart was the one that beseeched in agony for some comfort. However, the only woman who had the power to soothe his hurting heart... was gone.

His eyes clogged with images from last night. The bright red of her saree... his favourite colour reflected on her soft cheeks as well. She had stood amidst hundreds of sparkling lamps, yet they had seemed to fade in comparison to her radiance. He remembered the way her hand had felt in his, as he had walked her out of the intricate design of the lamps, she had managed to surround herself in.

That simply had been the tradition between them... her to fall in trouble... and him to fall in love. He knew it had been love all along. The anger had just been a faade to keep the woman away, who threatened to weaken him by a mere look. Each time he had fought to keep her away, she had fought harder to make a place in his heart.

The relationship they shared was unfathomable. It was beyond mere physical attraction, that he had once thought it was. She had been seeking a part of his soul with her every breath. And today he had realized the depth of his feelings for her... today of all the days... today, when she was gone.

Arnav drove rashly on the highway, overtaking cars at a manic speed. He did not care about himself anymore. He just wanted to see her... see if she was fine. He wanted to see her smile, once again. Wanted her laughter to make his heartbeats escalate like always. He wanted to see the mischief in those beautiful hazel orbs... wanted to see the love and hope in her eyes, before he had cruelly broken her heart.

I wish I knew it was the last time I would see your smiling eyes... your laughter that always brightened up my days. I wish I knew that amidst those illuminated lamps, it was the last time I was seeing your glowing face. You were always the angel and I was worse than a devil. I wish I knew that those hurtful words I said to you last night... were indeed the last.

Arnav maneuvered the car from right to left, cutting lanes to get past the other vehicles. He recollected the spell she had cast on him last night. He had been forced to pull out her mother's payal, which he had treasured for the last few weeks and placed it gently on her tender feet.

The simplest of physical contact between them, always wrecked havoc on his senses. However, last night, it was the look in her eyes that had unmanned him. The alluring intensity within those doe eyes had made him lose all control. He had moved towards her in a trance, captivated by her beauty and drawn to her soul. He simply wanted to taste her innocence, finally bringing a sense of calm to his parched life.

The shrill ring of the phone still resonated in his ears... the sound that had broken the spell. What followed was something he would regret all his life... that is if he got a chance to live again. He had gone ahead and announced his engagement to Lavanya, insulting everything that they had shared.

He was angry with himself for losing control but had punished her for his every mistake. She had questioned him about the payal, which he had treasured and he had blamed her for trying to dream of a fairytale. Her simple questions had riled him further and he had reacted in the only way he knew... by bringing up his defenses.

I wish I knew it was the last time I would see the tears in your eyes. Had I known it, I would have never let them flow in the first place. I wish I knew, I would be breaking your heart for the last time... I would have broken my entire being to prevent the same. The quivering of your lips, the faade of your smile pierces my fragile heart... I would have forever given you a reason for true joy... only if I knew.

Arnav had been talking constantly on his Bluetooth, barking orders, getting information and clinging to the last thread of hope with everything he had. He recollected her somber face, when she had come to Shantivan today morning... informing his family that her job was done. Arnav Singh Raizada and agreed to marry Lavanya and she was no more obliged to work for them.

He remembered the sad faces of his family... the misery in Lavanya's tone and even mami's behavior. Everyone had reveled in her generous heart and fallen in love with her, except him. He had loved and simply lost... even before he understood what those four letters had meant.

He had been shocked when she had declared, that she was moving back to Lucknow the same evening. She was travelling alone, setting up their sweet shop once again, much to her family's displeasure. His mind had started conjuring ideas to stop this move and make her stay back in Delhi...

I wish I knew you were moving away, not only from my city... but also from my heart, carrying a part of my soul with you. I wish I knew that your goodbye, meant forever and the parting glance was the last time I would see you. Those hazel eyes beseeching me yet again to think over my decision, challenging me to accept my feelings... I wish I knew it was the last time I would get a glimpse of your soul.

Arnav parked his SUV haphazardly, and ran through the flooded corridors of the government hospital. The stench of blood and the wailing families, made his heart clench with fear and anguish. No! No! No! She had to be ok. If his heart was still beating... meant that her heart had to be alive too.

He recalled his Di's words from a distant memory... "Aisa lagega jaise uske bina tumhari saansein hi ruk jayegi, Chote." He had been a fool to laugh it off at the time. Today he realized how true those words had been. He had been struggling to breathe... his eyes stinging with unshed tears.

The call had come a few hours ago... when a frantic buaji had called up Di to tell them that the bus Khushi was travelling in, had met with an accident, a few kilometers away from Delhi. The entire Raizada household had panicked and prayed for the safety of their favourite girl... daughter, more precisely.

All Arnav could do was grab the keys and rush out of Shantivan, before anyone could question him. He did not have answers to their questions... he simply had questions of his own. A lone tear had rolled down his cheek and he wondered what it signified. He had gone back in time, his emotions the same as on the day his mother had committed suicide.

I wish I knew, your heartbeat was always synchronized with mine... making me feel alive each time you smiled. I wish I knew that I could never touch you again... neither physically nor by the harsh words I always directed towards you. If I knew it was the last time... I would have told you the hidden meaning behind those cold words... the truth behind the fake Arnav I pretended to be.

Arnav threatened, begged, pleaded for the hospital authorities to check the injured people's list again. He couldn't find her name there. His heart sank at the thought of looking through the other list... the list of the deceased. He would not be able to do it. Yes, the mighty Arnav Singh Raizada who was cold, fearless... was literally shaking in fear while reading through the names.

Once, twice, thrice... he checked both the lists thrice and did not find her name on the list. His heart clinging onto the hope, he had often disregarded. His mind praying to the Gods he had shunned a long time ago. How could one woman break him to this point? She had broken through the walls surrounding his heart... reached to his soul and was now splintering it into pieces.

He walked towards the exit, his feet trembling due to the emotional turmoil of the last few hours. His phone rang piercingly, and he quickly clicked his Bluetooth with a new hope of some positive news. "Chote... Khushiji is back home. She ju..." It was his Di... Khushi was home? What the! Before his mind registered the information buaji had snatched the phone away.

"Arnav babuwa, we are so sorry that because of this sankadevi you had to go through so much trouble. It is a relief that she missed the fateful bus. She waited for the next one, but due to the mishap, the rest of the busses were cancelled. She just came home bitwa. You must come to Laxmi Nagar now... everyone is here."

Arnav barely managed to hear the entire conversation, as the phone slipped out of his hands. He dropped to the ground, his legs no more being able to carry the huge burden of despair. She was fine... she was home! He held his face in his hands and cried... he laughed! He laughed through the tears of happiness and relief, that were now allowed to flow freely.

Khushi Kumari Gupta had finally brought him down on his knees... stripped him off his ego, anger, arrogance and hatred. He was a man in love... a love so intense that it threatened to consume him in its wake. He cried bitterly for the lost time... for the fear that he had felt and the new awakening of his true feelings for Khushi.

He got up and wiped his tears. Getting into his SUV, he speeded back to Delhi. A small smile on his lips, a new dream in his eyes, a warm feeling within his heart... He was a new man who knew exactly what he wanted out of life... who knew what he had to do to win the girl, who had always had his heart.

I know now, what you mean to me Khushi. I know now, that I want to be the reason behind your every smile. I want to beg for forgiveness... for everything I have done so far... and more than that... I want to make up to you, with everything I have. I know now, that I love you Khushi Kumari Gupta... and I will show you, just how much.

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