The way you are..
She has always been insecure, never confident that someone will love her the way she is. Her life of an average looking girl has offered her more than enough experience to see love as just a luxury for milky skinned, doe-eyed beauties. Her best friend Tanya was one of the girl who everyone categorised as beautiful in the first glance. They were inseparable in their college days. And hence she always bore the sting of being invisible in her presence. She was just Tanya's friend for the class. She was always sidelined in Tanya's dazzling appearance and persona. While she never blamed anyone for it, she always wanted to be accepted and noticed for what she is. She couldn't go away from Tanya for loved her best friend too much to do that. Besides, Tanya never did anything to hurt her. So Miss Khushi Gupta didn't leave her best friend's side when her first crush asked her best friend for prom, or when her best friend taunted her for crushing on her best friend's admirer. She believed these things are too small to let them come between their friendship. So, she learned to find happiness in success, devoting her time for her carrier, for her dreams.
But that phase of her life was over; she is now a women who is sure of herself. She is content in her life with her newly married husband. She never had a boyfriend, blame it on her carrier oriented view of life or her lack of faith in herself, but the teenage love phase got omitted from the pages of her life. She had an arranged marriage with Arnav. He is not the prince charming who promised to take away all her pain with his words of love. And she doesn't care for he accepted her for what she is, if not swept her off her feet. He is not the doting husband whose entire world revolves around her, but he never let her feel invisible whenever he is with her. He never told her how much she meant to him, he has never been good with words, but he always requests her to make his favourite dishes or to choose his shirts for office. She can do with that. Well, she has long stopped believing in fairytales anyways, she tells herself. Though, she is content with the her life, her earlier insecurities has threatened to raise it's ugly head ever since her best friend has rang up informing her impending visit to their home. It's not that she doesn't trust Arnav, but her own shortcomings as a girl makes her insecure. She had sidelined herself from people's attention all her early adult life after always being pushed to the corner in her college life. She was afraid to nurture another crush let alone love or trust someone. For the first time she found someone who didn't let her sideline herself from his attention and care, who made her feel beautiful. She didn't want to lose that. But no one has ever been able to ignore Tanya's charms, she is just too beautiful for her own good. What if her husband of four months finds her more charming then her? He will never betray her, she knew that. But will he regret marrying her? If he does, even for a second, she won't be able to live with that. And his rugged handsomeness isn't helping her to think straight. Tanya will obviously admire his looks. No matter how many times she tries to shrug away these thoughts as silly, they continued tormenting her.
It's been two days since Tanya's arrival. Arnav and khushi both had gone to pick her up from the airport. Tanya has been assigned a project in Lucknow, as she is the assistant manager of the HR department of Mumbai branch of AR Textile Industries. Co-incidentally Arnav is the head of Lucknow branch of the same company. So she will stay at their place till she gets familiar with the place, Tanya explained. Khushi is giddy with happiness, meeting her best friend after so long. Her earlier worries have vanished with the first glimpse of Tanya beaming with happiness of meeting Khushi. She felt guilty to have thought about Tanya in that way. Arnav and Tanya had gotten along quickly too. Khushi was happy having Tanya to share everything about her life and to listen to Tanya's own life in Mumbai, to go shopping with her to chandni chowk, bargain over pieces of trinkets or to eat golgappa in the street. It's like her life has moved back in time. She is once again the Khushi who was silly, happy and always acted on impulse.
Khushi was home after a tiring day of work, Arnav and Tanya has not returned from work yet. So she decided to make herself a cup of tea and aaloo pakoras for everyone, Arnav's favourite. But the pakoras turned cold after hours of waiting for Arnav and Tanya. She started getting worried. Her calls were going to voicemail and Tanya was not picking up her phone. She was about to call Arnav's assistant when she heard the screeching of tires in the front yard. She heaved a sigh of relief and ran towards the main door. But what she saw had her legs rooted to the spot. There in the front her, leaning against the car Arnav and Tanya were locked in each other's embrace. Arnav was holding Tanya by her petite waist and Tanya's arms were around his broad shoulders. The pang in her heart was hard to ignore but she shrugged it away forcefully, determined not to let her insecurities get better of her. "Arnav"-she called out. Tanya pulled back from Arnav almost immediately and Arnav turned towards her with a smile on his lips " Tanya got her first task completed today, she was thanking me for helping her, which I don't deserve actually." He explained. "As if, Khushi don't listen to him, he helped me with almost everything. He is total haqdaar of my gratitude." Tanya countered. "well, you two can continue your pointless rambles inside the house too if you wish. Pakoras have turned cold anyway. You two go and freshen up while I heat up the pakoras and make tea for you." Khushi quickly butted in to stop their ramble. Tanya half skipped half ran inside the house giving her a flying kiss on the way. Arnav came towards her after making sure that Tanya is out of their view and hugged her close to him. Khushi stiffened when he buried his face in her hair and shivered when he kissed her neck thanking her for making his favourite pakoras. And just like that her hurt at seeing him hugging her best friend flew out of the window.
Days passed, Khushi learned to ignore her insecurity at the growing friendship between Arnav and Tanya. When Arnav took Tanya to his colleague's party instead of her, she shrugged it away telling herself that it's because they work in the same industry, but cried herself to sleep that day in the empty bed. She ignored it when Arnav spent more time with Tanya helping her with her project, or when Arnav told her not to make her special bamboo shoot curry because Tanya doesn't like its smell. She ignored it all, but what she couldn't ignore was the blush on Tanya's cheeks whenever Arnav spoke to her, the longing in her eyes when Arnav kisses Khushi or her effort to stay close to Arnav at every given opportunity. Khushi wonders if it is just her insecurity or Arnav is really drifting away from her. At night when Arnav growls her name in the throes of passion, she listens intently for Tanya's name to come out of his mouth. But it never did, though it did nothing to lessen the pain of her bruised heart. But she kept to herself. On their six month anniversary when they dined out to celebrate Tanya tagged along on Arnav's insistence, albeit reluctantly. The manager of the restaurant congratulated him and Tanya, well, by mistake and he didn't feel the need to correct him. But Khushi smiled through it all. Brushing away her hurt thinking these are silly things, not reason enough to mar their beautiful relationship. But all hell broke loose when she found Tanya kissing Arnav in the confines of study at midnight. She didn't have the strength to confront them; she was not yet ready to face another blow to her faith, to her own appeal as a woman and to her heart. So, she moved back to their, correction Arnav's room and lay there silently, not being able to shed even a single tear. A while later she felt Arnav crawl into bed beside her and hugged her from behind, spooning her body with his. "Khushi" he called out softly. His voice was strained, but she didn't react, feigning sleep. Maybe he thought she was asleep or maybe he too didn't have the strength to face her, she didn't know, but he didn't call her again. He buried his face in the back of her neck. She lay there still, listening to his uneven breathing, knowing that he wasn't sleeping as well. Sometime before dawn break she felt his tears wetting the back of her neck.
The next day was the most difficult day of her life. She didn't know how to start the conversation with Arnav. She called Arnav telling him to come home soon and without Tanya sometimes back. He didn't ask anything, just answered in affirmative. He will be home anytime now and she didn't know if she should make his favourite pakora or pack her bag to leave for good. She did neither.
She was sitting in the king sized bed of his bed room when he came. "theres no point lying to each other anymore, Arnav." Words flew out of her mouth effortlessly just after seeing his dear face. "I know it's not working, you are not interested in this marriage or me for that matter. I understand you like Tanya. And I don't blame you. She is everything I am not. It's not you, it's me. I am no good for you, actually for anyone. This marriage was a bad idea. But better late than never. Now that we have realised it, we should get divor..." she stopped abruptly when Arnav walked up to her and held her by her shoulder. "Khushi.. I.." he started but she didn't let him finish. " no no, you don't need to apologise, I am not hurt, well, at least not as much as you think i am. I am used to it when Tanya is concerned." She added with a bitter laugh.
Arnav could do nothing but stare at her and think how did things turn this bad?'
The next part will be from Arnav's POV and will be updated soon.
INDEX
Part 2- page 4
Last part- page 6
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
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