She looked and was absolutely stunning.
Just simply amazing and gorgeous.
She was smiling and blushing as her friends and female family members were around helping her put on her jewelry while Kittu was helping her with her makeup.
They were praising on how beautiful she was and how she was going to shock her soon to be husband, Roshan.
She smiled.
Kittu smiled as she made her finishing touches while someone else came and helped draped her dupatta over her, matching the beautiful red and white lehenga that she was in.
"You look absolutely gorgeous Shraddha. I'm finally happy to see you smiling and finally you can start anew." Kittu said while smiling and she kissed Shraddha's forehead.
Pain shot threw to my heart.
Everyone was praising Shraddha and she smiled and then she looked at the mirror and her smile died.
I noticed I was visible in the mirror and she noticed me and she was staring at me through the mirror.
"Kittu and the rest of you guys I need some help in the kitchen and for some last minute preparations before Roshan and his family comes." Amrit said.
She paused before leaving when she saw Shraddha.
She smiled and went over to bless her, kiss her, and wish her happiness.
After all of that everyone in the room left Shraddha alone as she busily sat on her seat, looking down while fussing with her bangles.
I continued to stare at her and my heart ached even more.
Seconds went by and soon minutes and soon I grew frustrated as she didn't look in the mirror again nor did she turn around.
Instead she wanted to ignore me, forget me, pretend like I never even existed.
That pissed me off and that was something I couldn't do.
No matter how much she was trying to erase what happened, I wasn't ready.
It was haunting me, coming into my dreams, when I was at work, at home, and when I was able to relax my mind.
Everything that happened, everything we shared, it just continuously haunts me.
Shraddha of course she was trying her best to forget.
To ignore.
To pretend.
To hide.
Anything as if we never had anything together and that just wouldn't do.
I got up from leaning against the posting on the doorway and came into the room.
She froze when she noticed that I was coming closer but I didn't stop and I made my movements slow and steady.
I was close to her and was going to reach a hand out to her but her statement made me stop.
"You are not suppose to be here." She said simply.
She turned halfway around without looking at me and I dropped my hand.
"You don't have to worry...I'm not your soon to be husband it won't matter if I see you now." I spit out the husband bit more harshly.
"Please leave." She said completely ignoring me altogether.
Her dismissal pissed me off, agitating me even further that I turned back to her and this time I touched her arm and lifted her up from her seat.
She got up without any further noticed and she crashed against my chest, her jewelry clinking and clanking as she moved.
Her hands fell on my chest, along with her body that was brushed against me, causing my lower half to respond.
"Stop this..." she said with a shaky breath.
I stared at her, at her eyes that were overly applied with eyeliner and eye shadow, her cheeks that was almost a full pink, and her lips that were painted a full bright red.
She didn't meet me in the eye I put my hand on her chin to raise her head so her eyes will actually look at me instead of looking away.
Her light brown eyes finally focused on mine and this time she didn't look away.
Her gaze held onto mine and I couldn't look away and I could feel my heartbeat pick up its pace, as my breath felt like it was purposely being held as I stared at her, at her face, into her eyes...it was just rooted on her sole image and nothing else.
"Someone could come in..." she said.
"I just want to look at the beautiful bride." I taunted.
"The beautiful bride whose about to go off on her palanquin...wow she is gorgeous isn't she?" I said mockingly.
She just stared at me mutely and I continued.
"The beautiful bride knows her role really well...acting coy and innocent. You know this role really well isn't it?" I said.
She lowered her eyes at that.
I squeezed her closer to me and she froze, releasing a shaky breath.
"Why are you acting shy like this Shraddha?" I said.
I got closer to her ear and I could feel as she closed her eyes and she stood still.
"The last time I remembered you were screaming my name and moaning in abandon." I said.
She sucked in a breath.
"Don't do this..." she whispered.
"I'm not doing anything...nothing that I haven't already done over and over before." I said.
"Stop it." She said while looking away.
"So does your soon to be husband know he will be getting my leftover goods?" I said to her.
At that she drew away.
Before I could say anything her hand was raised and she drew a slap across my cheek.
"How could you say that to me? I'm not so used good or product. I'm a human being." She said tightly.
I could feel myself close to tears and I bit my nails into my hand almost close to feeling that blood would be drawn.
"I thought things...things could go back to normal...but I was wrong...I was wrong on that but you are going too far." She said.
At that I turned to her.
"Don't you think that is a little bit selfish? And you say I'm going too far? Whose the one who gave me hope? Especially after..." I said.
"Stop it don't say it..." she said.
But I continued.
"After we spent that night together, after we slept together, after we were in each other's arms for the first time, sharing one another's warmth...then how you coldly dismissed me as if we were nothing but strangers." I said.
"Stop it Kunal...someone could hear..." she said turning to the other door that was halfway opened.
"Yes someone might hear that the beautiful Shraddha, the soon to be bride, spent a night alone sleeping with me, her bhabhi's brother. Yes we don't want anyone to hear that. How she grabbed onto my arm, how she kissed me, how she touched me, moaned and groaned and said she loved me. That she regrets and hated she was getting engaged...that she wished she would be married to me..." I trailed on.
"STOP IT...please!" she said raising her hands onto either of her ears that were fully decorated in earrings.
She squeezed her eyes shut and my heart hurt.
I didn't want this but it was too much.
Seeing her marrying someone else and more so forgetting everything and anything we shared.
A memory slipped into play and I had no choice but to relive the best night of my life and the most horrible one as well.
"The car won't start." I said turning to Shraddha.
She was shivering as the rain wasn't letting up.
It was pouring heavily and we were completely drenched, Shraddha holding onto her body as she was cold.
"Dang it!" I said frustrated.
"Can't we call someone? Like a car service or something?" she said.
"I did but they are not coming until the morning...they won't be available to come any earlier than that." I said.
She looked worried and I went to her.
"Its okay don't worry at least think of it like this...we won't have to worry about a shower?" I said trying to laugh it off.
She looked at me in annoyance.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry I see that you are antsy." I said while apologizing.
She looked around as I continued to fuss with the car and she tapped my arm.
"Forget it...its not working just wait until tomorrow. There is no way to get back unless someone comes along and for the past two hours there haven't been any cars that have passed. Lets just head over there and wait until the morning until someone comes." She said.
She was pointing at a shack that seemed to have seen better days.
Some of the wood looked like it would have fallen at the simple blow of the wind and I was wary.
"Look we don't have much of a choice except to stay in the car but we can't stay locked in there all night." She said.
I nodded.
"We might as well." I said and I offered my hand to her and she looked at it.
She smiled and she slid her hands into mine and it was cold and it was starting to shake from the cold.
"Come on we should hurry." I said and we went into the shack, skeptical and hesitant.
Once inside, despite its look on the outside it was furnished with a small pile of hay on one end, some logs and wood on the other side, and a small lantern that was tossed haphazardly on the side.
There were a few scuffling and small noises that could be heard from the obvious rodents that made it there home.
Every time a scuffling sound was made Shraddha would tense up and grab the front flap of my jacket. Her hands twisted even tighter almost jumping.
"Something crawled on my leg!" she screeched.
I laughed.
"Calm down. Once we get a fire going whatever that is there will run away." I said smiling at her.
She nodded mutely and I tried to walk to get a fire started but she stayed attached to me.
"Shraddha I won't be able to do anything if you keep sticking to me like this. Calm down...just get out of your wet clothes and I will start a fire here." I said.
She looked at me and her eyes held my gaze a little bit longer and little bit more than intrigue enter her gaze.
She slowly nodded.
"But...but...but you cannot look. You have to turn that way." She said.
I winked at her.
"I won't spare a peek...unless you want me too." I said.
At that she blushed and walked away catching me by surprise as I thought she was going to rant and rave.
I gather my materials to start a makeshift fire...gathering some of the abandon logs and wood that was tossed to the side, slowly gathering them together into a small pile.
I took some of the hay and some tossed newspaper that were also on the side and bawled it up and put it in the wood.
I tried to use a stick, some makeshift bow, and a rock that was nearby to slowly start moving it, creating friction so eventually it would spark something with the hay and newspaper.
I could hear Shraddha fussing around, making small noises, and then I was almost tempted to turn when I could hear the shuffling of clothing but I stayed intact at my task at hand.
After several unnecessary tries...it finally sparked a small light and I added more hay and newspaper, hoping it would build instead of getting extinguished and thankfully it did.
I added more wood and build a barrier of more logs to prevent the fire from spreading too far.
I added more paper and hay and used a small piece of wood to carefully poke the fire so it could pick up.
After finally getting it to the point where I liked it I drew away and smiled at my success.
I continued to poke and I could feel myself getting even colder and I was starting to shiver.
I drew my jacket off and soon took off my shirt and undershirt.
I kicked my shoes off but left my wet pants on to provide some type of modesty at least more so for Shraddha sake.
I shook out my clothing, causing water to splash in its wake.
I looked around to see if there was something I could use to help string it up but Shraddha was already putting her clothes on a makeshift clothing line.
Before I could say anything I stared at her outfit which was a makeshift toga like outfit with the cloth ending barely to her knee.
She turned to me suddenly and out eyes connected.
She smiled.
"Hey bring your clothes here so it can at least have a chance to dry by the time its morning. The heat from the fire might help it dry faster." She said.
I just nodded as I stared at her.
She was beautiful as water was still hanging on her skin; her hair still wet and sticking to her face, neck, and to the makeshift...dress?
It wasn't really a dress as it didn't look like one but maybe along the lines of being a toga?
The cloth was very, very thin and it made her bra highly visible along with her undergarment being visible as well.
I looked away.
"If I take off my clothes it won't be in the best interest." I mumbled.
"Huh? What did you say?" she asked.
"Nothing...it's okay I rather just wear my clothes but here..." I said while tossing my shirt, undershirt, and jacket to her.
She barely caught it and she threw an angry glance at me.
"Hey..." She said she stopped and I looked at her and saw she was staring at my chest and I instinctively wrapped my hands around my chest.
"Hey...you are violating me." I said teasingly.
She blushed and she turned around to hang it on the makeshift line without saying a word.
After a few minutes of going back and forth we finally settled down.
"Ta-dah!" she said.
I clapped and she nodded her head in approval.
"I know I'm a freaking genius." She said nodding approvingly.
"Nope! It's just that you are competent enough to gather some hay and make it into some type of bed." I said.
"Really? Since any "competent" person can do it than you can easily make yourself one." She said.
"Now Shraddha you know I was teasing you..." I said pleadingly.
She didn't listened and plopped herself on the makeshift hay bed.
"Nope! Don't want to hear it since ANY "competent" person can make a bed." She said.
"I didn't mean it like that." I said.
She ignored me as she shifted to the other side giving me a nice view of her backside and an idea popped into my head.
Without letting her know what I was doing I went by her side and without her notice I picked her up.
"Hey!" she said.
She was squirming and yelling for me to put her down but instead I carried her in my arms as she was fussing and squirming even more.
"Put me down." She said.
"Nope not until you share fair and square." I said.
"No way, you insulted me." She said hitting my hand.
I laughed.
"Then I guess you won't mind going on a little ride." I said.
I released her slightly and her eyes bulged in panic and she wrapped her hands around my neck.
I paused at the contact of her breast against my chest and I stood still as I could feel myself starting to warm up with her touch.
I wasn't going to let her fall just scare her but this result had better expectation then I thought but it seemed to fail as I could feel myself respond even more to her touch.
Shraddha slowly drew away and her hair was stuck on my chest and I watched as she slowly stared at my chest and slowly looked at me in my eyes.
She held my gaze and then her eyes lowered to my lips, longingly as she bit her lips.
I gripped her chin and looked at her to see if she was going to stop me but all she did was look at my hand and her breath came out and it tinkled the skin of my thumb.
I leaned forwards slowly, tentatively as I kissed her pale skin that still had small traces of water from the rain still on her skin.
It felt cold to the touch but it felt so smooth and I couldn't help but go back to kiss it again.
Her hand came on my arm, clutching my bicep as she was trying to steady herself.
"Kunal...we can't..." she said.
I looked down at her and her eyes were at half-mast; her eyelashes were clumped from the rain and it all it did was create a seductive effect that called on to me even more.
I lowered again and kissed the side of her ear and she sucked in another breath.
"We can't..." she breathed more slowly.
I ignored her and kissed the other side of her ear; layering soft butterfly kisses across her smooth skin and the coldness of it and softness of it was intoxicating and addicting.
I continued until I trailed my lips across her eyes and she made a soft whimper.
My lips brushed across the same eyelashes that were taunting and teasing me.
I continued lower to her nose, kissing the piercing that was there as well and kissing her cheeks.
"We shouldn't..." She was whimpering even more.
"But you are cold..." I said while making teasing licks and nips along her lips and slowly down the column of her neck that was also covered in small droplets of water.
"I can't...we shouldn't..." she said and she let out a soft moan as I purposely nipped her collarbone.
I drew away.
"Then I will stop...if that is what you want." I said looking at her.
She stared at me and she looked at my lips hungrily and she bit her lips, carefully putting it in her mouth and then releasing it in intervals.
She didn't say anything but she slowly wrapped her hands around my neck and brought herself closer to my body and I could feel her heart racing.
I took that as her response and I slowly lowered her on the makeshift bed and she stared back at me, shyly but something about it radiated into something that was more alluring and captivating that I couldn't look away as I slowly shook my pants off my lower half.
I came closer to her and she wrapped her hands around my neck as I teared off the piece of makeshift cloth that she had on and revealed nothing but pale, soft, and creamy skin that was tempted for my touch.
She was breathing even more and before I moved I looked at her.
"Is this what you want? Once we cross this boundary...there is no going back." I said with hitched breath hoping she wouldn't stop where this was going.
She slowly put her hands in mine as she leaned up and kissed me, pulling me closer into her warmth and I leaned down and sealed my lips against her soft yet cold lips.
We woke up the following morning to the sound of beeping from the car service truck finally coming around to finally pick us up.
We didn't say anything about what happened throughout the drive back home and the excuse we gave was a simple one: that we got stuck and spent time at a hotel that wasn't close by.
Nobody suspecting anything and more importantly my mother didn't know the truth but I told my father who was nothing but happy that I spent the entire night out without calling.
The final moment where I thought we would finally come together I find out less than a week later her engagement was set in stone.
I looked at her like she was crazy and she said simply.
"This is for the best." She said.
That was the only explanation I ever got.
Every time I tried to get an explanation trying to understand what happened, what went wrong, what I did wrong, did I hurt her in some way, but everything drew up to a blank.
I didn't understand.
She still had her hands on her ears and she had her eyes shut.
She finally dropped it once she heard someone's voice.
I looked up and saw Kittu staring at us in shock and I stood frozen hoping she didn't hear anything.
Shraddha looked at me in fear and my expression was the same as hers.
"I knew it." She said.
I looked at her and Shraddha stood there frozen.
Kittu came forward and she looked at me as Shraddha had her back to her and Kittu touched her shoulder and Shraddha slowly turned around.
Kittu stared at me before she gather her focus to Shraddha.
"I knew something happened to you guys." She said.
I looked at her like she was crazy and now I did fear what might happen. I was angry at Shraddha did but there was no way I would ever jeopardize her relationship with her family or her happiness.
"I kept asking this rascal over there but he denies and I knew you weren't going to say anything. How do two people who were inseparable suddenly not stand to be around one another?" Kittu said.
Shraddha raised her head and finally spoke.
"Didi...I wanted to say something to anyone but I didn't want you to think...I didn't mean to..." she tried to say.
"No it was my fault, it was my jealousy, rashness, and impulsiveness it wasn't Shraddha's fault." I said.
No matter how things were I always had that way to stand in defense of her.
A confused expression came on Kittu's face.
"If you guys are defending one another say easily than you guys can finally make up. For weeks you guys have been so weird and seem like you guys were bothered by your fight." She said.
We both looked at her.
"Fight?" we both said.
Kittu shook her head and looked at us as if we were children.
"Of course it has to be a fight like usual as you guys will ignore one another and won't speak to each other for days sometimes a week but this is the first time I see it coming almost up to two months...this is ridiculous you guys need to make up right now." Kittu said.
Shraddha turned her to the side and I looked at her as she glanced at me but neither of us moved.
"Come on this is ridiculous. Kunal apologize this is going to be the last time you guys can fool around." She said smiling.
Shraddha looked down as her cheeks turned crimson and I looked away.
Kittu huffed and without any further words she pushed Shraddha and I quickly caught her in my embrace.
She froze and it was intoxicating feeling the contrast of her warm skin and the coldness of her jewelry and bangles that were on her wrist.
She slowly looked up at me and I stared at her.
"Come on...say sorry." Kittu encouraged.
I looked at her and she refused to meet my eyes but she opened her mouth slowly and carefully as she said.
"I'm sorry Kunal." She said.
I stared at her and there was nothing else she said and my hurt panged at her continued indifference and continued denial.
"I'm sorry Shraddha." I said with a heavy sigh.
"Now hug." Kittu said smiling.
At this time I looked at my sister as if she was crazy but she insisted.
I opened my arms and Shraddha tentatively brought her hands around my waist and the memory of her hands skimming the length of my chest, her hands not being shy as she marked her trail, her mark on my body.
She wrapped it around my back and another memory as she dug her nails onto my back as I slowly entered her warmth and sweetness that she promised.
I tried to remain as still as possible as my heart was racing impossible and I felt as if I was about to suffocate but I waited but Kittu smacked my hands.
"Don't tell me you forgot how to hug...now wrap your hands around her." Kittu said.
Shraddha froze and I slowly wrapped her hands around her back and another memory came when we snuggled and I pulled her closer to my body as we both laid on the hay in our naked form.
We continued for another second or so before we drew away, Shraddha face a deep red and she reluctantly meeting my gaze.
We stared at one another as Kittu finally drew a smile on her face.
"Finally you guys are back to normal." Kittu said smiling.
We were far from normal and there was no way we were going to ever go back to normal but I forced a smile on my face, despite feeling my heart slowly cracking as I said my next statement.
"Congratulations Shraddha and good luck for your marriage...I hope that piece of...I mean Roshan treats you right and I hope you and Dhruv are happy with him." I said while raising my hand, extending it for her.
She looked at me and I tried to ignore the expression on her face. If I didn't I was afraid that I was going to run away with her, taking her away from her soon to be husband.
She put her hand in mine and we shook it together and soon I released her hand from mine.
I stared past her, afraid to look her in the eye and reveal everything before Kittu.
"Finally...this is much better. I wanted to do this before anything so you both won't have regrets. Let's go Shraddha...your husband is here." Kittu said while smiling.
Shraddha was staring at me, I could feel her gaze but I never looked...just too afraid to see her expression.
"Let's go." Kittu said and she guided Shraddha towards the door and Shraddha looked back and I still didn't look at her.
She turned around and her and Kittu left the room and it wasn't a good few minutes until I felt myself finally returning to the moment, to the room, to my senses, and to everything that was around me.
I could finally hearing the steady music and voices of people that suddenly came in.
I felt the commotion and I could hear the praising of Shraddha and I heard his voice.
That was when I finally let a tear fall down my cheek as I closed my eyes.
*************************
Anupamaa
