today all are back in bhannat mood, so my 2 cents... Maine poori bhadaas nikaal di hai! Hope you guys Enjoy this👎🏼
Dev was uncomfortable with the scorching May heat in Baalghar in contrast to his centralised AC Raichand Mansion, Car and office. He switched the fan on and was further irked by its noise.
"Yeh Fan Dekho, Vidhi. Isse MBA ki study waali raat mein lagaati toh coffee ki jaroorat nahi padati."
Watching his distress, Vidhi immediately switched to her know-all SGS Bahu mode using hair oil for the fan. The fan stopped blurring and Dev purred like a happy Pussy in his wife's care.
"Dev.... Devv ....Devv Betaa.....!! "Satya pounded on the door in a panic.
"Kya Hua, Maa? Are you comfortable?" Dev rushed to her side supporting the hyperventilating Satya in his strong embrace.
"Voh Tumhari Maa" Satya couldn't find her voice to speak out.
Dev couldn't understand anything.... She was his Maa and why was she referring to herself as third person?
"Voh tumhari Maa Ki Tasweer" Somehow Satya managed to utter the words.
"Kya hua Taweer ko??" The panic was now reflected in Dev's voice.
The trio rushed to Satya's room ...... The scene there left their mouths agape. The frame on the wall was empty and Ganga Maa stood in front of them in real.
"Maaaa...." Emotions crowded in Dev's eyes... edges red... Voice choking... He moved forward; but Ganga Stopped him sternly with her outspread palm.
The walls around started the beat
Laki chiki, laki chiki, chiki laki choom
Rapchiki laki chiki laki chiki choom
And suddenly the quiet peaceful mother changed to an angry avatar!
Bijali Giraane Main Hoon Aayee,
Kehate hai mujhko Hawa Hawai!
"Hawahawai??? My Mother? in that Sridevi mode?" The image clear in Dev's brain perplexed him completely.
Desperately, he looked at Satya urging her to seek clarification. Satya Nodded.
"Behanji.. Aap Hawa Hawai??" She dared tentatively.
"Wei wei wei wei ....wei"
Ganga cringed, "Behanji???...... Satya, whom are you calling Behanji?? I have been a diva all my life!!" Their baffled faces made her smile in mockery..... "Even today, I have a designer backless low front neckline blouse inside...." She jeered, "Yeh Dev ne laakar saare raste ke bachche uthakar mere ghar mein bitha diye.. To darkar maine Pallu Le liya!"
"Darkar?" Satya somehow managed to find her voice.
"Aur Nahi to kya?....... Mere Patine Tujhko chuna; mere betene Iss ko Chuna" She pointed a derogatory finger towards Vidhi..... "Main to parlok sidhar gayee.... ab Ganga Ulati bahegi; toh yeh fatichar bachche mujhe chun lete.... Aakhir mera bhi koi standard hai!" She flipped her shoulders.
"Haan Maa.... Par Hawa Hawai kya keh rahe ho aap?" Dev dared this time.
" Bhoot Kya Hote hain?" Peevishly Ganga answered, "Dikhai nahi dete, sunaai nahi dete..yaahanse vahaan bina chale jaate hain..... Matlab hawa hawa hote hain, right?....... iss liye main Hawa Hawai!" She did some great style of dance steps on her last words.... The pallu came off and her designer blouse was all evident!
"Main aapko kya kahu?" Satya knew she was no match for her souten though she had always imagined her own dressing as elegantly stylish.
"Gangs Keh! Main teri selfish chaalu behan thode hi hoon.... Ulata main toh genuine friendly soutan hoon... Teri meri Ek Kahani!....So no formalities..... let's keep it CAS!"
Dev immediately recognised his newly learnt word on his first day at the office... "casual" He repeated the word for Satya and Vidhi's benefit.
Satya was hugely encouraged by this friendliness, "Gangs, main aapki bahot respect karati hoon.... Aapne Dev Jaise Bete ko Janam diya.... Kitna sayana hai." She smiled lovingly at Dev encouraging him"... nahi toh mere dono! .... Jitni doulat iss ne kamaayee aur unhe dee, sab blind sign karke gawa dee" She desperately needed a shoulder to cry.
"Satya, isse paala posa toh tune hi hai.... toh jitna bhi sayana hai, uss mein tera credit equal hai...... Aur Abhi-Chitra ki baat karein, toh Yeh bhi aur Voh bhi apne baap ke genes le aaye hain!😡 " Her eyes spitted fire at Dev.
"maine kya kiya, maa?😭" Dev was petulant.
Gangs's voice rose to eighth octave in anger..."MBA ke liye koun jhagada tha Satya se? Tu hi na?..... aur kiss ke liye? Iss Vidhi ke liye.... Yeh toh sab kuchh shaadi ka joda pehanate hi seekh gayee.... Pagali filum ki ekdam se know-all SGS bahu ban gayee....... Aur phir kya kiya? Ek din lectures attend kiye..... Professor ne daata bhi tha..... par isse koi farak nahi padata.... tujhe chappu bana diya, apne Maa Baap ko kuchh business idea diya..... toh iss ka MBA ho gaya.... Iss ke liye toh MBA, Mat Bekaar mein Aao hai.... toh har baar fees bharati hai.... ek din apna mukhada college mein dikhati hain... toh isse sab kuchh aa jata hai.... Phir bhale haath mein footi koudi na ho.... iss ka solution..... Meri baaton se hi pet bhar lo!.... .....Aaj jab Dev ne MBA ki baat uthai, sar ke uparse paani ho gaya... Iss liye mujhe khud aana pada!" Gangs explained the main reason of her arrival.
"Par Mummyji, yeh meri bhi family hai.... iss liye bolati hoon!" Vidhi still had some traces of her "main toh baat karke rahoongi, phir bhale baaki sabki battisi band ho jaaye" mode.
"Teri family hai na?" Gangs hissed, her anger back. She wasn't lechi pechi Satya to go and cry in bedroom. She would give full tashan to this Peeli Deedi!
"Aur ab paise bhi nahi hai..... To jaakar apni fees refund lekar aayee jaise apne maayke mein laayee thee??" her words hit the right mark, "Aur Dev ne tujhe kitne baar Marginal Utility sikhaayee hai..... jab voh fees bharake college nahi attend karna toh fees vaha rakhane ka kya faayada?... kam se kam mere bechaare Dev-Satya ko subah ki ek chaay toh milegi! "
Vidhi nodded sheepishly..... The old pagali filum creeping back into her being...... she clutched Dev's arm the way she used to clutch her father's.
"Aur tu..... Tu toh humara sayaana beta tha na!" Gangs gave Dev a flying thappad..... "oh itana nahi samjhata?.... Cake khane ke liye yeh bara baje tak jag sakati hain....par study karne bithao toh isse ekdam se neend aati hai.... Aur iss ke liye tu meri Satya se jhagada??" Dev was well berated; but Gangs was not in stopping mood today.
"Jab baara baje gale mil rahe the; tab MBA ki yaad nahi aayee.... Aaj mere papa ke fan ne thodi si aavaj kya kar di; toh MBA yaad aaya tujhe, huh?" Gangs hissed venting her steam from pressure cooker brain!
"Voh Maa...."
"Kuchh mat bol..... teri hi sheh hai usse..... Tune kya alag kiya jab tere papa ne tujhe London bheja padhane ke liye??....... Do din talli hokar pada raha!😡" Gangs had pent up frustrations since very long....... her anger emanated off, "Un do dino ke class notes liye the tune?"
"Nahi Maa....."
"Unhi do dino mein sikhaya tha..... kee biwi prenup leke aaye; toh pati ne khairaat baatne ke documents nahi banaane hote hai!" Gangs gritted her teeth.
"Par Maa, voh toh mere bhai behan hai"
"Prabhu Ramchandra ne bhi Bharat ko apne footprints diye the guidance ke liye..... Tune kya training dee Abhi ko??..... Bataya Chitra ko ki share transfer ke pehale tujhe consult kare; ya non transference clause dala tha document mein?....... Bada Businessman banake ghoomata hai!" lashed out frustrated Maa.
"Kya Maa? MBA ki degree toh lekar aaya tha vahaa se!" Dev desperately urged to reason out with Maa.
"Ok toh main ek sawaal poochhati hoon, jawab de"
"Nahi Maa, aap kuchh bhi poochh legi.... ab voh sab kitna puraana ho gaya..."
"Chal teri category ka poochhati hoon ..... Bata.... What's common between priests and Christmas trees?"
Dev was flabbergasted. This couldn't have been MBA question. He had absolutely no idea, "Maa, Koi Clue??"
"KBC nahi chal raha yaha pe....Clues maang raha hai.." Gangs mocked, " Achcha chhod.... bata Christmas tree pe balls kyun lagate hain?"
"Decoration ke liye!"
"Toh phir..."
"Phir kya?"
" He bhagwan , kya paida kiya maine...... Priests and Xmas trees both have bXXXs 🤬 only for decoration."
The whole triad went flat in abashment! But then Dev wondered, "Maa, how is this my category?"
"Aur nahi toh kya?....... Suhaagraat ho gayee..... Biwi ke shower mein bhi ghoosa...... honeymoon ho gaya.....Saare paise waste..... Samaan ka koi use nahi.......date pe leke gaya, toh paani mein naav baha raha hai..... bloody 5 year old!😡"
"Nahi maa, aise nahi.....hua tha humaara" Dev justified.
"Karodo ke bane banaaye ghar mein hota nahi tujhse; aur vaha voh jhirjhire padade lagakar.... machcharo ke beech kar liya??...... pata nahi kya?... Nana Patekar ne sikhaya ek machchar bhi aadmi ko hiXXa🤣bana deta hai"
"Nahi maa, maine kar liya sach mein!"
"Yeh tera kounse sitaronwala mating equation hai re??..... Shanatnu aur meri Suhaagraat ke baad maine unse imli maangi thee; yaha pe yeh peeli tujhe khatta khilati hai........ He bhagwan, ulati Ganga!...... aur tu kehta , tumhara hua...... aur result mein Chitra pregnant ho gayee??..... jabki Vikram sirf Ammy ke peechhe doom hilate ghoomata hai."
"maa, tum uss Amba ka naam mat lo, uske jaisi aurat maine aaj tak nahi dekhi"
"Kya buraai thee uss mein? Achchese Pooja pratharna toh karati thee tere liye; uss ne toh tere liye kangan bhi bandhavaaye the Mandir mein.... iss peeli vidhi ne kabhi bandhe kya?"
"Maa, aapko pata nahi, uss ne kya kya kiya....."
"sab pata hai...... iss ladki ka chaar hajaar ka bowl phoota , toh tune chaalis lakh ki angoothi dee; Amba ne apne aathso hajaar karod diye, aur tumne angoothi fek di??"
"par Maa...."
"Par kya?....... Kounse teer maar liye shaadi karke tum dono ne?..... Ussee Amba ne kissi Dumba ko London se bhej diya; toh yeh peeli tumhe chhodkar uss ke ghar jaati hai?..... Touch me Not khelati hai??.......... jaa, main tumhe shraap deti hoon yeh Amba aise hi nashtar banakar chhalati rahegi tum sabko." The verdict was out.
"Vidhi main kehata tha, mujhse baat karo, meri suno... dekho tumne mana nahi aur ab Amba ka kuchh nahi kar sakate hum..... last time mere formals utravayae uss ne..... ab ki baar.....
"Aap mujhe kyun dosh dete hain? formals nikaalakar jameen pe rengane ke liye toh Yogesh bhi kaafi hai aapko."
""Tum dono jhagado mat..... Gangs, aap samjhaaiye na donoko..... aap aakar sab theek kar dijiye" Satya Intervened.
"Mujhe kaha time hai..... Mujhe toh Shantanu ke saath Deewar pe latkana hai..... humara own Deewaar honemoon...second time😉..... In dono ko tum sambhalati raho"
Satyavati fainted on sofa !! Ab kuchh nahi ho sakata!
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