I like how you tie up loose ends , wonderfully written fanfiction.
May I know what does title mean?
Originally posted by: Couch.Potato
I like how you tie up loose ends , wonderfully written fanfiction.
May I know what does title mean?
The title is a line from Kālidāsa's poem Meghadūta; the language is Saṃskṛta. The poem is a monologue by a lover who misses his wife and their home, which he describes in detail, including many individual trees that enjoy his wife's attention. At the gate of their home stands "the young Mandar-tree burdened with flowers within hand's reach" (translation of "hasta-prāpya-stabaka-namito bāla-Mandāra-vṛkṣaḥ"), which his wife has lovingly raised as their child.
One can imagine that the lover wishes to raise a real child with his wife, which he cannot do because he has been banished from his home. If the lover were at home, he would pluck the Mandar-flowers and put them in his wife's hair, but because she is alone, the flowers are deprived of their natural purpose in romance.
The poem's reader may decide what else the Mandar-tree represents. I chose the title because a closeted gay person like the character of Mandar in my story is deprived of the romantic fulfilment that is natural for him. Mandar in my story is a lovable character and fulfilment is within his reach, but as long as he is unwilling to be himself, his fine qualities are like unplucked flowers that only burden the young tree and bend it down.
Thanks to everyone who is still reading and reacting and commenting!
Excellent 👏!! Can't wait to read how & why Pallavi finds her way back to Raghav!!
Chapter Twelve
"Āśīrvāda deūna zhālā asela, Āī, tara tujhyā Ghaṭotkacālā prasāda deto." If you have finished blessing him, Āī, I'll give prasāda to your Ghaṭotkaca, Mandar joked.
For once, Raghav understood what one Deshmukh was saying to another in Marathi. Mandar had nicknamed him Ghaṭotkaca - the name of a Rākṣasa whose head was as baldly smooth as an earthen pot. Well, Raghav thought, I have nicknames for each of you too, and Pallavi is repulsed by my embrace, so I might as well be bald and ugly. Ghaṭotkaca it is.
"Ghaṭotkaca has something to say to you alone, Mr. Mandar Deshmukh, outside," Raghav quipped, taking the prasāda that Mandar doled out to him and popping it into his mouth. Raghav left Damayanti with Pallavi and headed for the door, followed by Mandar who had handed the bowl of prasāda to Farhad.
Raghav's expression was defiant and Mandar's was serious as they faced each other outside. Then Raghav suddenly pulled Mandar into a hug. "Congratulations, Mandar. Pallavi told me that she chooses you. In fact, Pallavi gave me a chance only in your name - that's how important you were in our marriage, even when we thought you were dead."
Mandar stood motionless. One of the lessons of conversion therapy was to avoid same-sex hugs, but for Mandar, his revulsion for what Raghav had done made it impossible to feel tempted by Raghav's warm body, and he did not want to antagonize Raghav unnecessarily by pushing him away. What did Raghav mean, Pallavi gave him a chance in my name? Mandar was wondering.
Raghav showed no sign of loosening the hug, and then he hissed into Mandar's ear, "Get used to me being close to you, and watching everything that you do, Mandar. Never forget what I said: I am not going to move on from Pallavi. I promised her that her rights and her happiness are my priority, and no law and no annulment makes a difference to Raghav Rao vāgdānam." Raghav now pulled away, took Mandar's right hand in his and squeezed hard, scowling into Mandar's face. "You better treat Pallavi right. If you ever fall short as a husband ..."
"Well, Raghav, you really are Ghaṭotkaca!" Raghav let go of Mandar's hand, hearing the voice that belonged to Amruta, who was seeing Anuradha and Krishna to the door.
Amruta was saying, "Aunty, Krishna, you may have heard the story of Vatsalā, who loved Abhimanyu, but her father Bala-Rāma was forcing her to marry Duryodhana's son Lakṣmaṇa. Well, Ghaṭotkaca was Abhimanyu's brother, so he carried Vatsalā and her bed out through the window to Abhimanyu, and then Ghaṭotkaca took Vatsalā's place, disguised by his magic."
Anuradha looked surprised that Amruta knew anything traditional, but her face darkened as Amruta continued, "Yes, Aunty! Ghaṭotkaca in drag did a gay wedding with Lakṣmaṇa, and squeezed his hand so tight that Lakṣmaṇa lost consciousness, just like what Raghav was trying to do to Mandar Dādā, you see! Raghav squeezes boys' hands to find out who's interested, but my Dādā doesn't want to be his boyfriend!"
Anuradha's eyes were bulging as she looked Raghav up and down, her lips pressed in a thin line and her nose twitching with disapproval. She pulled her pallu over her right shoulder and set off haughtily down the driveway, followed by her discomfited daughter Krishna.
"O Cipakū Laḍakī! There's nothing wrong with me!" Raghav was ready to sling mud right back at Amruta. "Do girls like you chase every aisā-vaisā boy?"
At that, Mandar grabbed Raghav's wrist and twisted his left arm behind his back in a quick, smooth move. "You are talking about my sister, Raghav. Say you're sorry."
"Sorry! Ah! Sorry kahā nā?" Raghav gave up, and Mandar released him.
Raghav remembered what Luṅgīvālā Raghav had said to warn him: look at Mandar's muscles - he could take you in a fight, and impress Pallavi too. Just when Raghav had thought that his morning was as bad as possible, what with finding out that the blackmail started with Celli, then Mandar correcting his mistake that endangered Damayanti's life, Pallavi telling him that she would get their marriage annulled and go back to Mandar, and Amma having to apologize to Vijay Deshmukh, now he was being humiliated by Mandar for Amruta's honour!
Feeling very alone, Raghav walked over to his car and texted Farhad: "Come outside with Amma and Celli and Damayanti."
Mandar stood facing Amruta, thinking of how his little sister had made fun of a gay wedding. Farhad's parents might talk seriously about Farhad settling down with a man, but who wouldn't think that a man taking a woman's place was a spectacle that deserved ridicule?
"You know, Dādā, that handholding story has got to be bowdlerized." Amruta was laughing, feeling giddy about her Dādā fulfilling her dream of humbling Raghav. "The unexpurgated version, you can imagine: after the wedding, in the bedroom, Ghaṭotkaca got Lakṣmaṇa so worked up with the love of a man that he passed out."
"Amruta, enough!" Mandar felt as naked as if his clothes had flown away, just like those of the wedding guests in the story, who made a deal to trade in their old clothes for magical new clothes from the crazy trader who was Ghaṭotkaca in disguise.
"What, Dādā, are you uncomfortable? Raghav is homophobic, so I got him to react, but you? I think two boys doing stuff together is hot - so there!" And Amruta winked as she took Mandar by the hand and marched inside.
Mandar found Farhad with Jaya and Kirti and Akash, and said to him, "Farhad, could I ask you for a favour?"
"Yes, Mandar?" Farhad's face lit up with a smile.
"I need to know what happened to me after the accident. Raghav took me to the hospital, but which hospital? Who treated me? Who was aware that I had lost my memories? Why was Raghav told that my family got me discharged? Where can I find someone named Dr. Janaki?" Mandar knew that answers to his questions might lead to even more uncomfortable questions. After all, it shouldn't be simple for the health care system to lose track of a person!
"Raghav would be the right person to ask," Kirti offered.
Right, thought Mandar, but after everything that your Rākṣasa brother did to ruin Pallavi and my family, how can I humbly ask him for a favour? Besides that, I just took his wife and twisted his arm, so why would he help me? Farhad, I know I said that you share Raghav's guilt, but even after that you've been only kind to me. You may be like a brother to Raghav, but you're my friend already; you'll save my dignity, and I can trust you to go to Raghav for me, right?
Mandar had said nothing aloud, but Farhad sensed that Mandar did not want to be the one to ask Raghav. "I'll do my best, Mandar. I'll talk to you later today."
Anticipation of another talk with Farhad today made Mandar's mouth open into a smile instantly, unaware that his expression sent Farhad's hopes soaring.
Pallavi approached them to hand over Damayanti to Kirti. Sharada and Manasi were with her.
Jaya gave an encouraging look to Kirti, who said, "Sharada Aunty, Manasi, Pallavi, I want you to know that I am truly sorry for what I did after the accident that hurt Mandar. Thank you for allowing me to attend the pūjā."
With everyone looking at him, Mandar added, "I told Kirti that she doesn't have to feel bad for me."
Farhad thought, Mandar is a remarkable man. The idea of being left to die in the street would make anyone feel angry. Anyone in Mandar's situation would ask, was I so worthless? And yet Mandar is keeping those feelings to himself, and expressing compassion for Kirti. Mandar's beauty is as much on the inside as on the outside. Yesterday, Mandar was in so much pain after hearing about what Raghav Anna did to Pallavi Bhābhī, and today that same sensitivity is helping Mandar to forgive Kirti. I want Mandar for myself. Yā Allāh, please let Mandar understand that Pallavi Bhābhī will not make him happy. Let Mandar share his feelings with me, so that he doesn't have to bear his hurt alone, and he will never feel worthless. Let me be worthy of Mandar. Let Mandar forgive me for doing whatever Raghav Anna tells me to do. Protect Mandar's sensitivity, so that it brings him only happiness.
Pallavi gave Kirti a hug, and Manasi followed her example. Sharada said, "I don't know what will happen in court, but as Mandar's mother, I believe that you want to outgrow your mistakes, and I should give you a chance."
After Farhad departed with Jaya, Kirti, and Damayanti, and when Akash and the other guests including Gurujī were gone, Pallavi came and stood next to Mandar, smiling at him. She had removed Raghav's maṅgalasūtra and applied a fresh mark of sindūra for Mandar.
"Shall we tell our family and Vishnu the good news?" Pallavi asked.
"Yes, I'd like that," Mandar replied. This was it; there was no turning back now, and of course he didn't want to turn back; what he felt was just nervousness, he told himself.
"Āī, Bābā, Kākā, Kākū, Manasi, Nikhil, Amruta, Vishnu, give us your attention, please!" Pallavi called everyone to gather in the courtyard.
Mandar looked around at every face: Kākā's was alert, and Nikhil's was dreamy; Amruta's was excited and Kākū's was bored; Bābā's was confident and Vishnu's was serious; Manasi's was nervous, and Āī's was thoughtful. All of them knew what was coming.
"It is my great pleasure to tell all of you that from now on, I and Mandar will stay together in life," Pallavi announced.
Nikhil cheered, echoed by Vishnu, and they high-fived, while Manasi hugged Pallavi and Amruta hugged Mandar. Sulochana simpered, but Milind grinned with his eyes overflowing, and Vijay exchanged beaming smiles with Sharada.
"What we promised three years ago is finally coming true," Mandar reflected aloud. "Our Deshmukh family will welcome Pallavi as my wife, the senior daughter-in-law. Of course, by now everyone knows Pallavi very well, and I've become the new arrival."
"Are, tujhyā navalāīçe cāra divasa; lavakaraça ekhādā lahānasā bābū yeūde, āṇi tulā moṭhā karūna ṭākūde!" Hey, your novelty will last four days; soon a little lord will arrive, I wish, and turn you into a grown-up! Milind joked, bouncing his eyebrows at Mandar.
Mandar felt awkward, and Pallavi blushed, but together they bowed at the feet of Āī and Bābā, who said, "Akhaṇḍa saubhāgyāçā, sukhāçā saṃsāra karā." Live a married life of unbroken companionship in comfort.
As they turned to bow to Kākā and Kākū, Kākā shook his head and embraced them instead, saying "Dādā-Vahinīṃnā kelelā namaskāra āmhālā paṇa poçalā. Dīrgha āyuṣyāçā āṇi sukha-samṛddhīcyā saṃsārāçā tumhālā āmaçā āśīrvāda nehamī āhe." Your bowing to Dādā and Vahinī reached us too. Long lifespan and a married life of comfort and prosperity is always our blessing for you.
"We should celebrate Pallavi's arrival with all of the post-wedding rituals," Sharada suggested. "Manasi, tāndūḷa bharūna māpa āṇa gaṃ!" Manasi, bring a measure full of rice-grains, dear!
"Āī, mī itakyāta kāhī gharī yeṇāra nāhī," Āī, I won't come home so soon at all, Pallavi protested. "First, I have to annul my marriage to Raghav. Until that happens, I will live with Farhad's Ammī-Abbū, or in a hotel, but I and Mandar will meet every day and talk about our plans."
"Meaning, you'll go on dates?" Manasi was excited.
"Yes," Mandar shrugged. "We will get comfortable with each other before we start married life together."
"Before I come to live here, I would like to get Mandar's death certificate expunged so that there will be no question that our marriage is still valid," Pallavi explained. "I know that this process sometimes takes years ..."
At that opportune moment, Mandar's phone rang. It was Subhadra, telling him that his affidavit was ready for swearing in front of a notary. Could Mandar meet her at the notary's office right now?
Chapter One on page 1
Chapter Two on page 2
Chapter Three on page 2
Chapter Four on page 3
Chapter Five on page 4
Chapter Six on page 4
Chapter Seven on page 5
Chapter Eight on page 5
Chapter Nine on page 7
Chapter Ten on page 7
Chapter Eleven on page 8
Chapter Thirteen on page 8
Chapter Fourteen on page 9
Chapter Fifteen on page 10
Chapter Sixteen on page 10
Chapter Seventeen on page 11
Chapter Eighteen on page 11
Chapter Nineteen on page 11
Chapter Twenty on page 11
Chapter Twenty-One on page 11
Chapter Twenty-Two on page 12
Chapter Twenty-Three on page 12
Chapter Twenty-Four on page 12
Chapter Twenty-Five on page 12
Chapter Twenty-Six on page 13
Chapter Twenty-Seven on page 14
Chapter Twenty-Eight on page 14
Chapter Twenty-Nine on page 14
Chapter Thirty on page 14
Chapter Thirty-One on page 14
Chapter Thirty-Two on page 14
Chapter Thirty-Three on page 15
Chapter Thirty-Four on page 15
Chapter Thirty-Five on page 15
Chapter Thirty-Six on page 15
Chapter Thirteen
As Raghav drove home from the Satya-Nārāyaṇa pūjā, he was impatient to get drunk and not feel so empty because Pallavi was lost to him. However, he knew that he could not give up control until he had dealt with the threat to Pallavi. He had to talk to Celli in private about the blackmail.
"Raghav, do you realize what just happened?" Jaya asked from the back seat, where she and Kirti were riding with Damayanti. "You attended this pūjā that worships Satya-Nārāyaṇa, the God who is truth itself, and the truth was revealed to you even as you were waiting to receive prasāda!"
"What truth, Amma?" Kirti asked, while Raghav drove on in silence.
Jaya looked at Kirti with a satisfied smile. "The truth that Raghav and Pallavi had rights to each other's puṇya long before their marriage. When Pallavi prayed for someone to help a lady with cancer, it was Raghav who provided the help. And when a blood donor came forward to save my life, it was because Raghav had tied a kalāvā on his wrist that belonged to Pallavi. The same kalāvā that Raghav still wears for Pallavi's protection."
Raghav could not deny Amma's logic. Even when he had hated Pallavi and devised sadistic schemes to defeat her and drive her out of Hyderabad, he had felt inspired to help her too. His charitable deeds, his survival, and his repentance were surely connected to Pallavi's puṇya. Knowing that the kalāvā on his wrist held Pallavi's own power, Raghav felt renewed confidence in his ability to protect Pallavi from blackmail for his mistake, and from any other threat. As long as Raghav had breath in his body, he would hope for another chance to keep his promises to Pallavi.
"Raghav, think!" Jaya exhorted her son. "Who was it that Satya-Nārāyaṇa inspired to show you the truth? Damayanti, whom you adopted to prove that you listen to Pallavi as her husband, was the one who proved that you are destined to help Pallavi and she is destined to help you. Pallavi's decision cannot change that destiny."
"You're right, Amma," Raghav agreed wholeheartedly.
Jaya continued, "I chose Damayanti from the animal shelter because she has a problem with her pancreas, just as I have a problem. Raghav, you made a vow to look after my blood donor, and since we don't know who that is, you are looking after Damayanti to show your sincerity. Every time you give Damayanti her insulin, you are acknowledging a debt that we can never repay, and yet, after only two injections, Satya-Nārāyaṇa rewarded your faith by telling you why I received the blood donation - thanks to Pallavi's puṇya."
"I didn't give Damayanti her insulin on time this morning, and I almost put her life at risk by giving the injection without food. How can I be rewarded for that?" Raghav argued. "Mandar, who took Pallavi from me, is looking after Damayanti too!"
"All right, it's not a reward yet, but certainly this news about why my life was saved is encouragement for you to take good care of Damayanti," Jaya said. "Raghav, we are all connected by karma, even you and Mandar. Today, Mandar helped you as a friend. Tomorrow, it may be your turn to do the right thing for Mandar at the right time."
"I only have one friend, Amma, and that is Farhad," Raghav reminded Jaya.
Farhad, listening from the front passenger seat, did not understand that Pallavi had already made her decision and that Raghav was not being hasty when he said that Mandar took Pallavi from him. Farhad hoped that Jaya Amma was right, and soon Raghav Anna would count Mandar among his friends.
"Anna, there is something that you can do for Mandar," Farhad ventured. "He wants to know in detail what happened when you took him to the hospital after the accident."
"Mandar said this to you, Farhad? Of course! His ego won't let him ask me directly, so he makes friends with my secretary. Typical middle-class! Or, since he compares me to a Rākṣasa, does he think I would refuse to tell him?" Raghav demanded.
Kirti looked at Raghav incredulously, remembering Mandar's face when she had suggested to ask Raghav. Typical Raghav! After all of his offences against Pallavi and the Deshmukhs, including talking back rudely to Vijay Uncle this morning, he still imagined himself to be approachable.
"It's nothing like that, Anna," Farhad dodged. "You were outside, and we were taking our leave when Mandar thought to ask us. Do you remember which hospital it was?"
"S. K. Venkatesh Criticare Hospital," Raghav muttered sullenly.
"Who treated Mandar?" Farhad asked next.
"Dr. Janaki," Raghav answered, and Farhad wondered why Mandar had asked where to find Dr. Janaki. If Pallavi Bhābhī or Mandar's family had passed on this name from Raghav to Mandar, he would have known where she worked. Did Mandar himself remember this doctor?
"Was anyone at the hospital aware that Mandar had lost his memories?" was the next question that Farhad asked.
"I don't know," Raghav admitted. "A few weeks ago, when I found out that the hit-and-run patient Rajiv Dev was actually Mandar Deshmukh, I confronted Dr. Janaki to ask why she told me that the patient's family took him home, but Mandar's family believed that he died. Dr. Janaki said that a woman named Suhasini Joshi came to the hospital and claimed that the patient was her brother. As soon as he woke up, this woman called a taxi. Dr. Janaki said that she doesn't know what happened after they left together."
"Has Pallavi Bhābhī ever mentioned a cousin of Mandar named Suhasini Joshi?" Farhad wondered.
"Of course not!" Raghav snapped. "It's obviously a fake name. Farhad, do you think I'm stupid? I asked Dr. Janaki if anyone told her Rajiv Dev's real name - Mandar Deshmukh, and she said that his sister identified him as Parijat Padhye. I asked, did Mandar agree with Suhasini's story? Did he willingly go with Suhasini? And Dr. Janaki said yes, of course he confirmed his name and consented to go with his sister; the hospital wouldn't release a patient to anyone's care without verifying their relationship. At the time, I thought Dr. Janaki's answer was suspicious, because Pallavi remembered Mandar as an honourable man who wouldn't have run away with another woman. I warned Dr. Janaki to be careful not to mislead Raghav Rao. Then she looked like she was about to cry, and ran away. Now that we've found Mandar, I know that Dr. Janaki lied to me."
Raghav did not say aloud that Dr. Janaki would pay for crossing him, but he saw Jaya's disapproving expression in the rear view mirror anyway. Amma knew her son too well.
"How did this Suhasini Joshi find out which hospital had Mandar admitted?" Farhad mused. Dr. Janaki had lied about Mandar calling himself Parijat Padhye; she could also be lying about the name and gender of the person who got him discharged.
"Anyone at the hospital could have called her, if they recognized Mandar and knew who she was to him," Raghav reasoned. "Or, the watchman who witnessed the accident, Vipul Kadam, could have guessed that I was taking Mandar to the nearest emergency room, but if Mr. Kadam recognized Mandar, he never said so to me, or to Pallavi, and if Mr. Kadam didn't recognize Mandar, why would he inform this woman about a stranger? When I was lifting Mandar into my car, he was recognized by Ved Pillai, my former business partner. Who knows how they knew each other? I didn't notice that Ved was there, but he had escaped from prison and followed me that night. Maybe he called this Suhasini Joshi before he got caught and sent back to prison."
"Thank you, Anna. I'm sure Mandar will appreciate this information," Farhad said.
When they reached the mansion, Raghav asked Kirti to come into his den and sit down in front of his desk.
"Celli, do you need money?" Raghav asked from behind his desk, eyeing the bottles of alcohol that would have to wait just a little longer.
"No," Kirti answered, thinking, Annayya couldn't have traced the message to me, could he?
"You see, I got a different impression from this message on my phone yesterday." And Raghav showed Kirti the message: "Pay up if you don't want this recording to fall into the wrong hands."
"Someone's blackmailing you, Raghav?" Kirti desperately tried to control her voice and her trembling limbs, knowing that it was no use to feign innocence, but wanting to face Raghav bravely.
"Don't be frightened, Celli." Raghav hated to see Kirti's face contorted with fear of him. His throat itched for the fire of whisky. He looked steadily into Kirti's eyes as he said, "Your own Anna caught you, not the police. This house has CCTV, just like the other one. I know that you were listening yesterday morning when I told Farhad to delete a recording."
Kirti closed her eyes, but could not hold back the hot tears of humiliation. Raghav looked aside; watching her cry made him want to punch the desk, but that would only frighten her more.
"You're not in trouble, Celli." Raghav tried to sound reassuring. "If you need money, I can give it to you."
Kirti shook her head, and opening her eyes to see Raghav's frustrated expression, she said, "Raghav, I don't want your money, I really don't. See, the message doesn't tell you how to pay up, or how much."
"Then what were you trying to do?" Raghav demanded impatiently.
"I just wanted to make you squirm, Raghav!" Kirti wiped her tears, angry at herself for being caught so easily, and summoning her righteous anger at Raghav. "You said that not destroying the recording of you at your wedding reception, finding out that Pallavi was a widow, would be disastrous. So, I decided to preserve the recording."
"Why?" Raghav had been asking himself ever since Farhad had informed him that morning, why would Celli go against her principles to blackmail him? "Why do you want me to squirm, Kirti?" His more formal query also got no answer. "Kirti, I went to jail for you. You kept me there to protect Sunny. Why do you want to punish me more?"
"Who asked you to do that?" Kirti snapped. "I never asked! So, don't expect gratitude from me! Who are you? Really, Raghav, who are you to look down on me and Sunny?"
"I am your Anna, Kirti!" Raghav thundered.
"No, Raghav, you're the reason I don't have Nānna and Tammi anymore." Kirti watched Raghav's face crumpling as she said the venomous words. "You should cry. You should feel guilty. You never pay for your own crimes, but you think going to jail for me makes you a big brother? Pallavi's Siddhesh Dādā protects her like a father. Krishna's Abhijit Anna protects her even though she has a father. But after your first get-rich-quick scheme got Nānna killed, you only stayed with me and Amma for a few months before you did whatever it was that made Amma throw you out. Now you're rich with dirty money. You can get away with anything. But you made an enemy of Sulochana Deshmukh and she framed me for prostitution. I still get catcalls on the street over that. I'll have to endure that all my life."
Raghav was shaking with sobs. Through the closed door, he heard Damayanti howling. Raghav knew that Kirti didn't deserve this suffering. She hadn't done anything wrong, and he had done it all. What Kirti didn't know was that her revenge wouldn't fall on him; it would fall on Pallavi, who was innocent. Could he persuade Kirti to relent?
"Sunny made one mistake," Kirti said. "He drank too much one time, drove a car, hit Mandar, and didn't stop to help him. That doesn't mean Sunny is a bad person who belongs in prison. He's sweet and artistic and loyal. I love Sunny, and I know we wronged Mandar, but I'm not sorry I kept quiet when you were in jail. Why should I feel uneasy that you took the blame? You could easily have done what Sunny did. How many times have you been drunk, and decided to drive?"
Raghav wanted to protest that he was never drunk enough to hit someone with his car, but he couldn't forget rear-ending Pallavi - that was how they had met. Raghav wanted to argue that he wouldn't leave someone to die, but honestly, when he was drunk enough, he had no memory of how he drove or what he did.
"After you saved Mandar's life and saw the consequences of drunk driving, did you make a habit of summoning your driver when you intended to get drunk? Or, did you count on the police to look the other way whenever you cause an accident?" Kirti's questions made Raghav think of that night he went to the shed to look at the hit-and-run car, dismissed Madan who had been driving him, and drove himself home, drowning his conscience in alcohol all the way.
"Remember that night you cried outside my house, and tried to erase the graffiti?" Kirti reminded Raghav. "The neighbours told us all about it the next morning. You were already drunk when you got out of the driver's seat, and you went on drinking until you got back in to drive again. Are you sure you only ended Pallavi's life that night?"
Pallavi - Raghav had to pull himself together and protect Pallavi. "All right, Kirti, you want me to go to jail, but that recording isn't going to send me there. Disappointed?" Raghav tried to sneer instead of looking hurt.
"I don't want you to go to jail, Annayya!" Kirti started to cry again. "I know it's not a crime that you let the reporters think that you did a good deed, choosing to marry a widow! At worst, people will laugh at you because you didn't know your wife's past. I can't change the fact that dirty-minded men have seen me changing my saree. If I have to live in disgrace, so should you. Why should you get to hide your secrets and pretend to be a good person when you're not? I only preserved the recording because you wanted it destroyed."
Raghav sighed. "Listen, Kirti, first, that recording is dangerous. I need your help to delete it, every last copy. And you can't tell anyone that I didn't know that Pallavi was a widow. I am not going to tell you why, but it's not that it would embarrass me or send me to prison. It could ruin an innocent person's life, and I know you don't want that, Celli. And second, don't call me Annayya unless and until you mean it. Now, tell me, did Sunny help you with your plan at all?"
"No," Kirti replied, "Sunny was at court yesterday, trying to get the charges dropped, now that Mandar is alive."
"Did anyone else help you? Does anyone else have the recording, or access to your laptop?" Raghav asked.
"Only one person," Kirti said.
"Who is it?" Raghav demanded.
A short while later, Mandar and Pallavi were standing outside the notary's office, where Mandar had just sworn his affidavit. Subhadra was still inside, preparing copies of the affidavit for the several institutions who would have a say in Mandar's death certificate being invalidated. Mandar and Pallavi had excused themselves, preferring to enjoy fresh air while they waited.
Both Pallavi and Mandar were thinking of Milind Kākā's joke that morning, that they should soon have a child together.
Pallavi Sawant had always wanted children. Starting her life in an orphanage as she had, with Siddhesh Dādā, who was ten years older, trying to make up for the loss of their parents, her earliest paradigm of a family had been a throng of children. As she had grown older and watched her playmates grow up and move out into the world, while new arrivals from various backgrounds looked up to her for affection and protection and guidance, she had wondered how it would feel to raise children who came from her own body and started life knowing that they belonged to her and would always be loved by her. When Siddhesh was able to afford his own home, he had taken her out of the orphanage to live with him, and after some years, she had gone to live in the college hostel with her friends like Devayani and Rashmi. Those years without children in her life had had their own charm, but Pallavi yearned for a real and complete family. She had said to Mandar in one of their video chats, three years ago, that she wanted children even in the first year of marriage, and Mandar had asked, why not enjoy being free to go to business school or advance her training in Kathak dance? Why not travel the world before settling down to raise children? Pallavi admired Mandar's progressive attitude, and she was willing to adjust to his expectations, but she didn't want to follow the example of Pavani Vahinī by putting off childbearing, year after year, to establish herself in her profession. Siddhesh Dādā needs children in his life; he would be a wonderful Māmā, Pallavi thought.
Raghav is so affectionate with children! Involuntarily, pleasant memories of Raghav talking to children on the street came into Pallavi's consciousness. Raghav, who was so conceited in his own world and so contemptuous of his servants and the middle class, so readily forgot himself when he was genuinely concerned about children getting enough sleep and staying in school. The man whose violence and vindictiveness terrified Pallavi, Raghav, whose ribald talk and exhibitionism made her feel self-conscious at home, became a responsible big brother when he spoke to any child, treasuring the innocence of others for having lost his own.
Why am I thinking of Raghav now? Pallavi chided herself. Maybe because my hopes to have my own children died when I thought Mandar died, and I tried to make the marriage work with Raghav so that someday I could revive that dream. Paradharmo bhayāvahaḥ, as Āī said yesterday. It would have been an uphill battle to raise children in Raghav's world. Now that I and Mandar are three years older, maybe he will be ready sooner.
Mandar knew that learning to make love to Pallavi and being a good father to their children would be the fruition of his years in conversion therapy. Before their marriage, Mandar had thought that when he grew accustomed to Pallavi, he would be comfortable with her, and intimacy would follow. However, as Raghav had just reminded Mandar by hugging him, Pallavi's experience of intimacy with Raghav was a new challenge that Mandar would have to overcome. Mandar would have to get used to feeling Raghav's interposition whenever he got close to Pallavi, and imagining Raghav evaluating everything that he did with Pallavi. Now that Pallavi knew how it felt to be touched by a man who desired her, would she know right away that Mandar was trying to summon feelings that weren't there?
Mandar recalled that Raghav had said, Pallavi only gave him a chance in Mandar's name. Why would she do that? Had finding Mandar's engagement ring in Raghav's possession, and discovering that Raghav had taken Mandar to the hospital, persuaded Pallavi to accept Raghav as her husband?
"Pallavi, tulā tujhyā dusaryā lagnāviṣayī mī eka praśna vicāralā tara çālela kā?" Pallavi, if I asked you a question about your remarriage, would it be all right? Mandar began hesitantly.
"Ho, Mandar, je tumacyā manāta asela te vicārā." Yes, Mandar, whatever you're thinking, ask me. Pallavi smiled at him.
"Raghav mhaṇālā kī tū tyālā svīkāralaṃsa, te tū malā uddeśūna kelaṃsa." Raghav said that when you accepted him, you did it for my sake. "Hyāçā kāya artha āhe?" What does that mean? Mandar queried.
Pallavi took a deep breath and spoke of that painful memory. "Mandar, tumhālā māhīta āhe kī Raghav-ne mājhyā vartanābaddala Bābāñcyā kānāṃta viṣa otalaṃ hotaṃ." Mandar, you know that Raghav had poured poison in Bābā's ears about my conduct. "Ammāṃnī - Raghav-cyā āīṃnī - haṭṭa dharalā mhaṇūna Raghav-ne mājhyāvara tyācyāśī lagna karaṇyāçā prasaṅga āṇalā." Amma - Raghav's mother - insisted, so Raghav put me in the position of having to marry him.
Mandar knew, but it still troubled him that Bābā had thrown Pallavi out of the house, and that Raghav had taken advantage of her isolation and disgrace to marry her. Mandar vividly remembered his own experience facing the disgust in Bābā's eyes, the sinking feeling in his stomach upon seeing the pamphlet from his business school's Breaking Barriers group in Bābā's hands.
Pallavi continued, "Tyānantara Raghav-çā mājhyābaddala eka moṭhā gairasamaza dūra zhālā, āṇi tyāne mājhyāvara kelele āropa khoṭe asalyāçe Bābāṃsamora kabūla kelaṃ." After that, a huge misunderstanding that Raghav had about me was dispelled, and he admitted before Bābā that his accusations against me were false. "Tevhāṃ Bābāṃçā tyāvara viśvāsa basalā nāhī, kāraṇa toṃvara mī Raghav-śī lagna karūna zaṇū lagnāādhīcyā saṃbandhāṃnā siddha kelaṃ hotaṃ." At the time, Bābā didn't believe it, because by then, it was as if I had proved the premarital relations by marrying Raghav.
Mandar recollected how Bābā had wanted to believe in him. At first, Mandar had admitted that the Breaking Barriers group was for students who "had questions" about their sexual roles, and that he wanted to join, because he felt attraction to men. Bābā had taken a deep breath and asked Mandar to think, once his name is associated with those people, he will not be able to correct anyone's misunderstanding of him. "Āīlā kaḷalaṃ tara tilā kitī duḥkha hoīla, hyāçā tū vicāra tarī kelāsa kā?" If Āī found out, how much she would suffer, did you even think about it? Mandar had given up his idea to join the group. Every day at home, he had talked at length about all of his other school activities, and Bābā's observant gaze had softened as the weeks and months rolled by. Right after graduation, when Māmā had invited Mandar to join the matrimonial website and find a nice girl from Kolhapur, Mandar had simply said that he wasn't ready to marry. Bābā had silently watched him. After a couple of years, when Mandar finally assented to Māmā's idea, Bābā readily approved, no questions asked. For Bābā, his son's attraction to men was unthinkable, Mandar now reasoned with himself, while his daughter-in-law's name being linked with a man could not be dismissed.
"Bābāñcī pratikriyā kaḷalyāvara māzhā dhīraṃça suṭalā." When I understood Bābā's reaction, I just ran out of courage, Pallavi said quietly, and Mandar gently took her hand in his. "Zagāyacī āśāça uralī nāhī." I had no more desire to live. "Mī Raghav-lā malā mārūnaça ṭākāyalā vinantī kelī." I pleaded with Raghav to kill me and be done with it. "Paṇa azūna māzhe Dādā-Vahinī āheta, hyā vicārāne mī Kolhapur-lā zāyaçaṃ ṭharavalaṃ." But with the thought that my Dādā and Vahinī are still there, I decided to go to Kolhapur.
Ironically, as Mandar looked sympathetically into Pallavi's eyes, he recalled how Bābā had given him courage on his wedding night. As luck would have it, Bābā was the one who picked up the phone call to their land line. Ved Pillai, of whom Mandar hadn't heard anything in the past five years, assumed that he was speaking to Mandar, and threatened to out his homosexuality to his new bride if Mandar didn't bring him cash right away. Bābā had exhorted Mandar to stand up to the bully, to call the police to the meeting-place that Ved had chosen on Outer Ring Road. "Tū nirdoṣa āhesa, he kadhī visarū nakosa." You are blameless, never forget that. "Tujhyāvara khoṭe āropa lāvūna, tuzhe toṇḍa kāḷe karūna, tulā lubāḍāyaçā vicāra karatoya hā!" He is falsely accusing you, blackening your face, planning to rob you! "Hyā asalyā ghāṇeraḍyā abrūnukasānīcyā prayatnāsāṭhī kāyadyāta jitakī śikṣā asela titakī tyālā miḷāyalā havī." For this so abhorrent defamation attempt, he should get as much punishment as the law has for it. "Zā, ādhī tyālā police-āṃcyā tābyāta de, āṇi maga saṃsārāçā śubhārambha kara!" Go, first get him into police custody, and then make an auspicious start to married life!
Pallavi's words reclaimed Mandar's attention. "Raghav-ne māzhā pāṭhalāga kelā, tyāne dilagirī vyakta kelī, āṇi mājhyākaḍūna tyāne tīsa divasāñcī mudata māgitalī, jyāṃta mājhyā gharacyāṃnā paṭavūna mājhī punhā zāgā nirmāṇa karaṇyāçe tyāne malā vacana dile." Raghav followed me, he said he was sorry, and he asked me for a grace period of thirty days in which he promised to persuade my family and restore my place.
Farhad said that Raghav is truly sorry, Mandar thought. And Kākā said that Raghav tries to be a part of our family. Raghav's declarations this morning - is he just possessive of Pallavi, or is he sincerely committed to her happiness?
"Tevhāṃ māzhā Raghav-vara lavamātrahī viśvāsa navhatā." At the time, I didn't trust Raghav in the slightest, Pallavi remembered. "Malā vāṭalaṃ kī to svārtha sādhāyalā, Ammāṃnā khūśa ṭhevāyalā, malā koṇatehī khoṭe āśvāsana deū śakato." I thought that to achieve his selfish purpose, to keep Amma happy, he could give me any false reassurance. "Eka mahinā soḍā, ekā janmāta suddhā to kāya svataḥcyā çukā sudhāraṇāra, kiṃvā svataḥçā duṣṭa svabhāva badalaṇāra?" Never mind one month, even in one lifetime, how would he fix his mistakes or change his perverse nature?
Right, Mandar thought. Raghav's belligerent behaviour at this morning's pūjā proves that he's still the same man who harassed Pallavi.
Pallavi went on, "Mī tyālā mhaṇāle, malā zāū de āṇi punhā kadhī malā bheṭū nakosa." I said to him, let me go and never meet me again. "Tevhāṃ Raghav-ne malā tumacī śapatha ghātalī, zara tumhī mājhyākaḍūna eka saṃdhī māgitalī asatī tara mī tumhālā nākārale asate kā, ase vicārale, āṇi tyācī patnī asaṇyāçe māzhe sagaḷe hakka mānaṇyāçe tyāne malā vacana dile." Then Raghav swore me to your oath, he asked if I would have refused you if you had asked me for one chance, and he promised me to honour all of my rights for being his wife.
If I had asked Pallavi for a chance? Mandar was startled. He had asked her to marry him, not once but twice now, and she had said yes both times. Could he promise her her rights?
"Malā tumacī śapatha ullaṅghūna zāyalā zamalaṃ nāhī." I couldn't bring myself to transgress an oath in your name, and leave, Pallavi explained. "Tarī mī Raghav-lā spaṣṭa bolale kī Mandar-āṃvara kadhī asā prāyaścitta māgaṇyāçā prasaṅgaça ālā nasatā." And yet I told Raghav outright that Mandar would never even be in this position of having to ask for penance. "Svapnāta suddhā tumhī mājhī hāya lāgela asaṃ kāhī karaṇaṃ śakya nāhī." You could not even dream of doing anything to me that would haunt you.
Mandar remembered Raghav's warning: if you ever fall short as a husband ... What if Pallavi found out that he was in conversion therapy to overcome same-sex attraction?
"Ātā mī tumhālā eka praśna vicāraṇāra āhe." Now, I'm going to ask you a question, Pallavi said to change the subject. "Amruta mhaṇālī kī Raghav-ne nighaṇyāādhī tumhālā miṭhī māralī." Amruta said that Raghav gave you a hug before he left. "Tyāçaṃ kāya mhaṇaṇaṃ hotaṃ?" What did he have to say?
Mandar answered her truthfully. "To mhaṇālā kī āpalyā zavaḷa to asaṇyācī mī savaya karūna ghyāvī." He said, I should get used to him being close to us. "Mājhyā vartanāvara nehamī tyācī nazara asela." He'll always be watching my conduct. "Śivāya tujhyā hakkāṃsāṭhī āṇi sukhāsāṭhī tyāne tulā dilele vacana pāḷaṇyāta kāyadyāçā kiṃvā radda kelelyā lagnācyā nātyāçā kāhī pharaka paḍaṇāra nāhī." Besides, neither the law nor the annulment of your marriage will make any difference to his keeping the promise that he gave you, for your rights and happiness.
"Ase bajāvaṇyāsāṭhī tyāne tumhālā miṭhī māralī?" He gave you a hug to warn you like this? Pallavi muttered, blushing at the thought of Raghav claiming his place between her and Mandar. "Punhā Raghav mājhyā cāritrāvara saṃśaya āṇūna ḍāva sādhū icchitoya, kī kāya?" Is Raghav really trying to win this round by casting suspicion on my character, again? "Mandar, tumaçā gairasamaza hoū naye mhaṇūna sāṅgate." Mandar, I'll tell you because you shouldn't have the wrong idea. "Raghav mājhyā itakā zavaḷa kadhī navhatā kī to tumacyā āṇi mājhyā nātyāta āḍa yāvā." Raghav was never so close to me that he would be a wedge in your and my relations. "Navarā mhaṇūna mī Raghav-çā svīkāra kelā hotā, tyācyā nāṃvāne mī Vaṭa-paurṇimecī pūjā kelī hotī, āṇi tyācyā zavaḷa yeṇyāsāṭhī mājhyā manātalyā bhītilā mī tābyāta ṭhevāyaçā prayatna karata hote." I had accepted Raghav as my husband, I had performed the Vaṭa-Paurṇimā pūjā in his name, and I was making an effort to control the fear in my mind so that he could come closer. "Paraṃtu Raghav-lā navarepaṇāçā hakka deṇyāparyanta kiṃvā tyācyāvara prema karaṇyāparyanta mī poçale nāhī." However, I didn't reach the point of giving Raghav a husband's privilege, nor feeling love for him.
Mandar felt perplexed. He had thought for sure that Raghav's lust for Pallavi would have been fulfilled. After all, the Rākṣasa had harassed her and defamed her extraordinarily before marriage. Yet Pallavi, unprompted, was telling Mandar that Raghav hadn't possessed her as a husband. Who was the enemy Raghav, really? Whatever Raghav might do to interfere, would Mandar be able to convince Pallavi of his devotion to their marriage?
Chapter One on page 1
Chapter Two on page 2
Chapter Three on page 2
Chapter Four on page 3
Chapter Five on page 4
Chapter Six on page 4
Chapter Seven on page 5
Chapter Eight on page 5
Chapter Nine on page 7
Chapter Ten on page 7
Chapter Eleven on page 8
Chapter Twelve on page 8
Chapter Fourteen on page 9
Chapter Fifteen on page 10
Chapter Sixteen on page 10
Chapter Seventeen on page 11
Chapter Eighteen on page 11
Chapter Nineteen on page 11
Chapter Twenty on page 11
Chapter Twenty-One on page 11
Chapter Twenty-Two on page 12
Chapter Twenty-Three on page 12
Chapter Twenty-Four on page 12
Chapter Twenty-Five on page 12
Chapter Twenty-Six on page 13
Chapter Twenty-Seven on page 14
Chapter Twenty-Eight on page 14
Chapter Twenty-Nine on page 14
Chapter Thirty on page 14
Chapter Thirty-One on page 14
Chapter Thirty-Two on page 14
Chapter Thirty-Three on page 15
Chapter Thirty-Four on page 15
Chapter Thirty-Five on page 15
Chapter Thirty-Six on page 15
Thank you for the comment, Avneel07, and thanks to my readers for the reactions.
It is really gratifying to know that each of you is reading the story, even as the show is ending and many people have lost interest in the forum.
I would love to know what everyone thinks about specifics in the story. Only if you want to write your comments.
For example, is Kirti's behaviour understandable? Or did I butcher her character by having her blackmail Raghav after apologizing to Mandar?
Is Raghav behaving with Mandar and Kirti the way you think he would behave?
I juxtaposed Vijay's refusal to believe Raghav's recantation about Pallavi with Vijay's denial of the truth about Mandar. How do you feel about Vijay after reading that?
In the middle of Pallavi's flashback to wanting to die without her family, I inserted Mandar's memory of the wedding night, and I tried to write Vijay's misguided "support" of Mandar against Ved as humourous. Was it depressing to read, or did the irony make it easier?
I've retconned the hit-and-run so that Raghav didn't call the police to say that Ved was following him, because Raghav wasn't aware, and Ved was there to meet Mandar, who called the police. Does my version make better sense than the show: Raghav's flashback narration to Pallavi in the jail cell?
The show had Dr. Janaki saying a couple of lines to Raghav, which we didn't hear, but when Raghav told Pallavi about this meeting, he said that Dr. Janaki didn't say anything. By writing that Raghav didn't believe that Mandar would leave with another woman, implying that Raghav didn't want to tell Pallavi what Dr. Janaki said, did I explain the discrepancy satisfactorily?
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