Two more months passed in a blur with Damini trying to fit work, visits to the hospital and time for her family in a single day.
Roshni and Varun had made some tangible process. Damini could tell so from the smile that had returned on her sister's face. Sameer had finally gotten through to Avni as well. At first Damini had wondered if it were for the sake of the baby and whether Prithvi had put Sameer on the job. She did not trust Sameer Saxena. Perhaps even lesser than Prithvi. Everything from his name to his motives behind entering her sister's life had been a blatant lie. He had been lying from the very beginning and playing with her sister under the cover of Jai Chawla and for that she wouldn't forgive him. Not that easily.
As she concentrated on the work before her, her mind drifted towards Prithvi. They had made some progress, if you would call exchanging greetings and goodbyes and asking about the other's day on a few occasions, progress.
She hadn't seen him in the last two days though. Her forehead creased at that and she wondered why he hadn't been present. He almost always was.
"It's not exactly any of your business, Damini. You are not supposed to care remember?" She told herself.
Before she could continue with the lecture her phone rang.
It was Sameer.
She looked at it for a more then just a few seconds, far too surprised to actually pick up. Never in all these months had Sameer called her.
Feeling slightly wary she picked up the phone, wondering what the middle Saxena brother could possibly have to say to her.
"Bhabhi?" She had half a mind to tell him not to call her that but she decided to let it pass.
"What do you want?" She asked instead deciding not to bother herself with any pleasantries.
"It's.. It's Bhaiyya."
"Prithvi? What happened to him?" She asked at once feeling far more worried than she would have liked to admit.
"He's'.. Something's wrong with him."
"What do you mean something's wrong with him?" She snapped feeling slightly impatient at the lack of information.
"He's'' He's locked himself up."
"What?"
"I don't know what happened. He just came home from the hospital two days back and went in his room. He hasn't come out since then. He hasn't even had anything to eat. We keep asking him about what's wrong but he just says he wants to be left alone."
This was bad news. This was very bad news.
"Why'. Why are you telling me all this?" She asked. Pretension was important, she told herself even as worry clouded her mind.
Sameer had clearly not been expecting that.
"Well'. well because we were hoping you'd come and talk to him. You are the only one who can get through to him."
I am? She couldn't help but wonder herself.
When Damini didn't answer Sameer spoke again,
"Well, Can you come? Please Bhabhi."
Again with the Bhabhi. She wasn't anybody's Bhabhi.
Yes, that's why you dream about his brother all the time.
Having the sense to feel atleast a little embarrassed at that thought she focused on the issue at hand.
"Are you still there?" Sameer asked.
Oh, he was certainly the impatient one.
"Yes I am. Tell me something Sameer. If it were Avni, would you come?"
"Well'.."
"And you don't need to worry about your answer having any impact on mine."
"I'd come everytime." He answered simply.
She was glad he had kept it short. It was the only reason she decided to believe him.
"I'll be there in half an hour."
~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~
Damini merely nodded at the two brothers as Sameer let her in.
"Where is he?" She asked.
"That's his room, over there." Sameer pointed.
Damini made her way towards it and was about to knock when Varun spoke for the first time.
"Thank you for doing this Bhabhi."
She didn't even bother to contradict him, not even in her head. She did not answer him either but merely knocked on the door.
A few seconds later Prithvi responded.
"I'm fine Sameer. Why can't you two just leave me alone?" He sounded so weary. Damini realized.
"It's me Prithvi." She said her voice lined with nervousness and uncertainty.
"Damini?" Prithvi asked at once.
"Yes. Will you let me in?"
There was no response for a few seconds until she heard a slight flurry of movement and then the door being unlocked from the inside.
"Thank God." She heard Sameer murmur.
Taking a deep breath she gripped the door handle, not quite sure of why she was doing this in the first place.
Taking another deep breath she turned it and entered.
~*****~*****~*****~******~*****~*****~*****~*****~******~
The room was a mess. The bookcase was half empty with its contents strewn on the floor. A pillow lay neglected in one corner of the room. A lamp that she supposed belonged on the side table beside the bed lay broken on the floor. The drawers were open, their contents now a part of the general clutter on the floor.
And Prithvi'..
Prithvi sat on the bed with his back to her, resting his elbows against his knees, his head bowed.
She made her way towards him feeling wary and concerned at the same time. She had no idea what she was going to say to him. She wasn't even sure how she felt about being here in the first place and yet she had come.
She rubbed her fingers against her palms as she reached his side, feeling more and more inept at this as the seconds passed by and the silence continued, unbroken by either of them.
Prithvi was the first one to speak,
"You can sit down."
"Right."
"What's.. What's wrong Prithvi?" She asked a few seconds later once she settled herself down beside him.
He rubbed his eyes and shrugged.
"Don't tell me it's nothing."
He turned his face to look at her at that.
"Right. That would be stupid wouldn't it?"
"Yes, it would be."
When he still didn't speak she decided to take charge once again. She hadn't expected of him to tell her the problem so easily anyway. That wouldn't be like Prithvi. No, that wouldn't be like him at all.
"Prithvi, what's wrong? You'. You can tell me. Is it Maa?"
"Kind of."
"What else is bothering you then?"
He let out a laugh at that. It was low and throaty and very, very tired.
"Everything?"
"And what is this everything?"
"Mistakes. Regrets."He responded, his manner clipped.
Damini wondered if she was merely shooting in the dark but she tried anyway,
"Your Father."
He smiled bitterly at that and she knew she had been right.
"Papa.." He whispered softly. Every tale of the pain, the regret, the loss and the guilt attached to the way his Father's life had been put to an end was evident in that brief whisper and she felt a mental shudder at the glimpse of the agony that Prithvi had always held so close to himself, her mind wondering briefly about whatever else he hid from the eyes of the world.
She did not speak but merely reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, he did not shrug it away and she took that as a good sign.
A few seconds passed by until Prithvi spoke again,
"He was very proud of me, you know? He'. He expected so much from me."
"He's still proud of you."
His eyes flashed briefly before he bit out,
"No, he isn't."
"You don't know that'."
"Yes I do! I was supposed to get him out of there! I was supposed to save him. But I couldn't'. I couldn't get to him in time. He died because I couldn't get to him in time!"
Damini winced slightly at the rise in his tone before trying to calm him down,
"It's not your'.."
"It is my fault! Papa's dead! That's my fault! I didn't try hard enough! I promised him! I promised him that I'd get him out! That I wouldn't let anything happen to him! I broke that promise!"
"Prithvi you can't blame yourself. You know it was out of your hands. You can't let this break you.. You have to be strong'"
The next thing she knew he had grabbed her roughly by the arms, in a grip that was almost painful, and dragged her up before he started to yell,
"Don't tell me to be strong! I am not strong! I am not what other people think that I am! I don't keep my promises! I always, always break them! I promised Maa I'd bring him back! I promised him the same thing! Now he's dead and Maa is barely alive! So don't tell me to be strong! Everything is my fault! I let everyone down! I let my family down! I was supposed to take care of them. All of them! But I didn't and I can't!"
Damini simply stood clutching on to Prithvi's arms as he shook her pulling her closer and closer with every passing second, unable to say anything to calm him down. She was still standing dumbstruck even as he stopped, taking deep breaths, his eyes moist, his fingers digging into her skin.
"Prithvi I''," She murmured finally searching his face, far too stunned at the emotional turmoil that she had witnessed to actually say anything. He lived with all this everyday? His demons were far darker then she had imagined. To live with all that guilt and remorse everyday and to never, ever reveal it to anyone not even to your family? It was too much. Simply too much for one person.
She murmured his name again before reaching out to touch his face gently,
"Prithvi.."
His face crumpled at her touch, the tears flowing far more freely now as he crushed her against himself in a hug that was almost painful.
"Damini'. What do I do Damini?" He whispered thickly.
She wrapped her arms around him before letting her fingers sink in to his hair, stroking at it gently.
"Shh' it's okay. Everything will be okay."
"How? How will it be okay? I can't'. I can't loose Maa Damini. Not like this. I have lost Papa and I have lost' I have lost you. I can't loose her as well. I just can't."
Her fingers stilled at that and something tightened in her chest before pain engulfed her. She took a deep breath and willed it to go away before responding,
"You won't loose her. We'll'. We'll bring her back. I promise you. Maa will be fine."
"She will be?"
She eased out of the embrace now and took his face in her hands.
"Yes. Yes she will. Just have a little faith."
He merely looked at her at that, his face wet with tears. He had never wanted her to see him like this. He had never wanted anyone to see him like this but it did not feel so strange. Her presence and her attempts to comfort him did not seem to have an unfamiliar and unsettling edge to them and he knew that if he would have to reveal his true self, his dreams, his secrets, his fears to anyone it would always be Damini.
She was wiping away at his tears now he realized with a start as he looked down at her, slightly dazed at the woman who could make him feel both vulnerable and comforted at the same time.
She could do strange things to his heart, she always had he reflected dimly as something in his chest contracted painfully. He didn't know whether to be happy or sad. Happy that Damini was even here or sad that she'd go away. He knew she wouldn't stay. Knew that despite being here with him today she still hadn't forgiven him. He knew all this because he knew her. Knew that her heart was incapable of hatred in the face of someone's pain. She was just like that, his Damini. Caring for him and forgiving him were two different things though, this he knew. For now, for now he'd take whatever she had to give and be grateful for it because in his eyes he did not deserve that care either.
"Listen to me now. You did not kill your Father. Someone else did. His blood is on someone else's hands, not yours. You can't blame yourself Prithvi. It would kill him, if he knew that his son blamed himself for his death. You know that don't you?" She interrupted into his thoughts, her hands far too tender in their caress as they cupped his face, their touch warm against his skin.
"But I still didn't'" He tried to look away now but she made him look her in the eyes again,
"Listen to me." She commanded now.
He blinked once at that.
"This was not your fault. You tried your hardest. I know you. It is against your nature to do anything otherwise. I know that, your Father knows that and somewhere you know that as well. Blaming yourself is not going to help Prithvi. Your Father maybe gone but whoever killed him is still out there. You need to find him. We need to find him."
"We?" He whispered.
"Yes, we. I will help you. I'll talk to Mamma she'll have the best homicide detectives work on the case. Your Father will get justice. His name will be cleared. I promise you that."
"You'. You promise?"
"Yes, I promise." Her fingers were gentle against his skin as he felt them graze across his jaw, the subtlety of the motion doing unusual things to him.
"Thank'. Thank you." His voice was still clogged owing to the painful lump in his throat that hadn't quite disappeared.
She let go of him now and he looked away. Damini turned and Prithvi saw her scanning the room again.
"You sure know how to create a mess." She commented.
His sheepish expression turned into a curious one when she bent and picked up a photo frame off the bed.
It carried a picture of his Father.
"I knew him you know, your Father."
When he didn't say anything she looked up.
"He was a wonderful man. Mamma was terribly fond of him. He was a lot like you when it came to his work."
"And that would be?"
"Dedicated, efficient and very good at his job."
Prithvi smiled once before Damini continued.
"He told me about you."
"He did?" She could tell that he was surprised.
"Yes, once. He told me how you shared my love for horses. He also told me how you were the most responsible one. How you took care of your family. How protective you were of them." She couldn't help but smile at the memory.
"Sometimes I think he knew me more than I thought he did. He thought'"
Her voice trailed off at that and he raised his eyebrows in question.
"He thought we'd get along."
"Well I suppose we would have'." Prithvi began
"'If we hadn't fought so much in the beginning." She finished.
"I suppose he didn't see that coming." He couldn't help but smile now.
"No, I guess he didn't." She smiled as well. It was not a happy smile.
His heart contracted painfully at that as his eyes met his. The underlying sadness to that smile and to that statement was too much for him in that one moment and the smile on his own face died away.
"I could tell he was proud of you. You should know that." Her tone was low, her eyes still holding his and he knew he could believe her.
"You should also know that wherever he is out there he must still be proud of you."
"I don't think so." His voice turned hard now.
"Prithvi'." She began but he cut her off.
"He wouldn't be proud of me because amidst all those promises I broke the ones I made to you as well."
It was he who held her eyes now, he who dared her to look away as he saw her stiffen when he walked forward.
"I promised to take care of you. I promised to take care of your happiness. I promised I would always be there for you, that I would never let anything or anyone hurt you."
He was standing infront of her now and there was that regret again. That regret she'd see in his eyes every time he had had his eyes on her and he had thought she wasn't looking. He reached out and placed his hands on her arms. His touch was not rough like it had been before; instead it was light, almost careful, as though he was aware of the fact that he no longer had the right to touch her.
"I broke all those promises. I hurt you. I betrayed you. I broke the faith you had in me. And for that'. for that my Father will never forgive me, just like I will never forgive myself. I do not expect you to forgive me either because I do not deserve your forgiveness but I am sorry. I am so terribly sorry for what I did Damini."
Her fingers clenched into fists as he spoke. She was listening to him, she was standing infront of him, his eyes boring into hers willing her to believe that what he spoke was the truth and yet in the midst of all that she was also running. Running from his voice, his words and his presence. She didn't want to listen. She didn't want to see and she didn't want to believe.
"I never'. Never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted to lie to you but I know that that doesn't change the fact that in the end I did do those very things. I did not take care of you and I couldn't make you happy. I am so sorry Damini. So very sorry."
When Prithvi finally stopped she still hadn't reacted to any of the things that he had just said. This was perhaps the first outright apology she had gotten from him ever since he had told her the truth about himself, she reflected dimly. A verbal one at least. His eyes were forever apologizing.
The awkwardness that filled the air now was perhaps strange when they had come closer then ever before just moments ago. He was still looking at her expecting her to say something, anything perhaps. When she finally did speak, it was not a response to what he had just said.
"You' You haven't had anything to eat right?"
His hands released her and she stepped away. Funny how she had felt like he had held her captive when his touch had not been of the possessive kind at all. It was of the kind that seeks absolution in its humble and unassuming nature.
"Oh, yeah. I haven't."
"You should have something then. I'll go and tell Sameer to bring you something. And I'. I should be leaving now. I have some work'.." She cleared her throat once before continuing,
"Some work waiting for me."
He merely nodded at her at that.
As she made to turn he reached out and grabbed her hand. She stiffened but did not wrench it away from his grasp. Taking that as a good sign he tightened his hold. She had not said anything in response to his apology. He hadn't really expected her to. He had always known that he wouldn't gain absolution. Not so soon. Absolution had never been his aim. Instead he had simply wanted her to know the regret that he lived with everyday and the best thing he could hope for right now was that she'd believe him. If she hadn't yet then he'd give her time. All the time in the world if he had to infact and what mattered now was not Damini's lack of apology. It was the fact that she was here. Now. In this room. And he'd say one last thing before he'd let her go,
"Thank' Thank you. For'..For coming. And'. And for everything else."
For being there when you didn't have to be. For taking care of me when you didn't have to and for giving me the strength to carry on when all you should want to do is break me.
He did not say any of those things but lifted her hand instead to press a soft, lingering kiss against it making her hand tingle and burn.
She drew a sharp breath and closed her eyes at that, thankful that she had her back to him. Every instinct told her to run as she tried to breath, her hand still feeling considerably warm.
She needed to leave. She really did. And yet she still hadn't moved.
Then thankfully Prithvi let her hand slip away from his and she turned to look at him.
"Good'' Goodbye Prithvi." She had reached the door when he spoke again, making her stop, one hand already on the door handle.
"It wasn't a lie Damini. Not all of it. We'. we were real Damini. You should know that."
She did not turn around. She did not speak. She merely stood still for a few seconds, one hand still clutching onto the door handle as though she was frozen in place. Then just as suddenly she seemed to regain hold of her senses, opened the door and walked out.
~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~
Sameer Saxena looked up as the door opened after practically an hour and a very flustered Damini emerged.
"How's he doing?" He asked.
She started as though he had yelled instead before answering
"He'll be okay. He needs something to eat though."
"He's not sick is he?"
"No'. No."
"Oh okay good. I was worried about the lack of sleep affecting his health. Maybe it doesn't work that way.. " He said without thinking.
"What?" Damini asked, clearly surprised.
"Nothing. I'. I should go and heat something up for him."
Damini wanted to grab him and ask exactly what he'd meant.
Prithvi wasn't sleeping?
"Thank you again Bhabhi. For coming."
"I'. Oh yes. Just make sure he eats something. I'm going to leave now."
"Okay."
When she continued to stand Sameer raised his eyebrows at her.
"What?" She asked.
"You said you were leaving." He shrugged.
Her cheeks colored a significant red at that,
"Right yes. Goodbye then." She managed to get out before leaving the place.
Sameer couldn't help but laugh a bit.
"She looks cute when she blushes." He smirked.
"What did you say?"
The smirk died from his face when he realized that he was no longer alone. He smiled awkwardly as his brother came around to stand infront of him.
"Who were you talking about exactly?"
"Oh.. I was just talking about'."
"Avni?"
"Yes, that's right Avni!" He managed to get out.
"Yes, Avni. Avni is the only girl you should remember."
"Of course Bhaiyya. Damini is anyway like my Bhabhi." He laughed awkwardly.
"I didn't realize Damini was up for discussion." Prithvi quirked an eyebrow at him.
"Oh of course she isn't." He shook his head solemnly.
"That's right. Now go and get me something to eat." Prithvi replied placing a foreboding arm around his shoulder.
"Of course. Right away Bhaiyya. I'll just go in the kitchen now?" Sameer said, his voice barely audible towards the end.
Prithvi slapped him on the back at that.
"Go then. I'm waiting."
Sameer nodded meekly at that and made his way into the kitchen all the while muttering something about eavesdroppers and how in the world did Damini control his Bhaiyya at all in the first place.
"He's certainly in a very good mood." He muttered as he caught sight of Prithvi smiling.
"I wonder what exactly happened in there'.."
~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~
Damini listened in silence as one of the men from the stud farm finished telling her about Danny, the manager of her stud farm, and the injury he had received while at work. He was in the hospital now and the Doctor had ordered complete bed rest for atleast a week if he wanted to heal quickly.
She merely nodded the dismissal after he had finished his recount before turning towards the issue at hand. She needed someone to be in-charge while Danny was away. None of the men were experienced enough to handle things on their own and she didn't have the time to take care of them herself. She hadn't been to the stud farm anyway in what seemed to be now, a very long time.
She knew perfectly well why she hadn't been there. Why she had chosen to surround herself with office, thereby insulating herself from the memories attached to that place. Just like every memory that resonated with Prithvi Saxena's presence
Now would perhaps have been the time to confront the place, once and for all but she knew that with her current work schedule for the week she didn't really have a choice.
And she still needed someone who could run things for her while her manager was on a sick leave. She didn't have time for interviews either. That left only one option.
Prithvi.
Great. Just great.
Let's keep this strictly professional shall we? A voice insisted.
"Yeah, like that had ever worked out for us." She muttered.
Sighing once in defeat, she picked up her phone.
~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~
Prithvi was going through some old hospital bills when his phone rang.
He reached out for it and answered the call without so much as glancing at the caller ID.
"Prithvi Saxena speaking."
He received a slightly awkward "Hi," in response.
He sat up straight.
Damini was calling him? Why was she calling him'. Was everything okay?
"Is everything okay? Did something happen to Ela ji'. I keep telling her to take care of herself..."
Damini's grip on the phone tightened at the genuine concern in his voice and she couldn't help but be touched.
So he did care.
"Mamma is fine Prithvi." She interrupted.
He fell silent at that.
"Oh. Thank God. I got worried."
"I'. I called for something else."
A brief silence followed.
"What is it?" He finally asked.
"I needed a favor."
"Anything."
Deciding to ignore the swift response, not to mention the fact that it hadn't sounded far too genuine for her liking she told him about Danny's accident.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope he recovers soon enough."
"Yes, I hope so too. Prithvi I'."
"You need someone to take care of things while he's away." He finished the sentence for her."When do you want to me to report in?"
Inwardly thankful that she didn't have to coax him into it, she responded,
"Tomorrow'. Tomorrow would be fine. I'll'.. I'll'"
But she already knew she was insulting him.
"There is no need to pay me, Damini." He said, his manner clipped and foreboding.
"Thank you. I wouldn't have asked this of you if it hadn't been an emergency'."
"It's fine. I miss that place anyway." His voice was softer now and her grip on the phone tightened.
"I'll see you tomorrow Prithvi."
And with that she cancelled the call.
~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~
Damini threw her pen down in frustration before pushing the chair away and standing up.
It had been four days since Prithvi had returned to the stud farm as manager and she still hadn't gone to seen him. There was no need to, She had told herself. He was a professional at this and she knew he was good, hence she could cancel the routinely checkups on someone new right there and then. Also, she had had her work. Not today it seemed. No, today she had ended up cancelling most of her appointments knowing she'd regret it later simply because she had wanted to go home.
She had been feeling restless and edgy all day, her temper proving to be short, at the mildest of errors and now that she was home, staring at a useless file that carried the details of a company they were about to sign a deal with did not help matters at all.
"Oh, just go and see him." She muttered, feeling far too disgusted with her own self to let pride take over and deny the fact that Prithvi had anything to do with her current mood.
Deciding to go before she could talk herself out of it, she left the room.
~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~
Prithvi was bleeding.
"I think you need to apply something on that Sir. The cut looks deep." Said Arun, one of the boys who worked at the farm.
He waved a dismissive hand even as a sharp pain shot up his arm, his handkerchief failing to absorb any more blood after a few seconds.
"What happened here?"
He blinked at the sudden appearance, the pain momentarily forgotten.
It was Damini.
She looked beautiful and once again he found himself admiring that perfect skin as the sun cast itself on her making it glow as the wind played around with her hair making him want to touch it all the more. It was the expression on her face that ruined the moment.
She was looking at the handkerchief and she was frowning down on him.
"Oh nothing. I had a small accident." The pain returned in full measure and he couldn't help but wince.
Predictably enough, she did not miss the flinch.
"Come on."
"Where?"
"You don't really think that measly handkerchief of yours is going to do you any good do you?" Her eyes flashed now, daring him to contradict her.
Anger suited her. He had always found that particular look in her eyes that could push a man over the edge particularly fascinating. Deciding that it was perhaps best to agree for now though instead of riling her up any further, he smiled, his expression sheepish.
She did not say anything but merely turned on her heel indicating that he follow,
Shaking his head a little in amusement he did just that.
~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~
"You should sit down." She said quietly once they had entered her room.
"I know the routine Damini." He said, his voice if possible even more quiet.
She merely nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and made her way towards the chest of drawers that stood a few feet away from the door in order to retrieve the first aid box.
He was here. In her room. The last time he had been here was when he had told her who he was and why he had entered her life. He had come to ruin it' to play with it'.
And yet he had also said that not all of it had been a lie. They hadn't been a lie.
Her thoughts stilled at that and it was only a few seconds later that she realized that she had been holding the first-aid box. He was looking at her. She knew he was as the skin on the back of neck prickled and sure enough when she turned he looked away immediately and concentrated at the wall instead.
She sat down beside him before taking a piece of cotton and soaking it briefly with an antiseptic.
"This will hurt." She warned.
Sure enough he couldn't help but wince a little when she removed the handkerchief and dabbed the cotton on the wound.
"You're lucky you don't need stitches." She frowned disapprovingly as she cleaned the wound.
He merely gritted his teeth as the wound continued to sting and did not answer her.
Discarding the cotton now she tore off some more from the roll that lay beside her and placed it on the wound.
"Hold that for me will you?"
He merely nodded and held it in place as she began to drape bandage around the wound now, his eyes looked at her face, taking in the way her eyes concentrated on wrapping the bandage, her eyelashes lowered, casting shadows beneath her eyes and her full lips slightly parted as she worked. It took every amount of self control that he possessed right then to avoid reaching out and placing a finger underneath her chin before making her look up so that he could kiss her like he so wanted to'.
Damini wished he would stop looking. What was with this man and that heavy-lidded gaze of his that managed to seduce her even when she was trying to focus her entire attention on the injury he had managed to procure!
Really. Either he was really good at seduction without even planning it or'. She was just..pathetic.
He finally looked away as she finished the job and raised her head.
"There. You're all set now." She said, thankful that her voice was steady.
"Thank you. It's just'..just like old times isn't it." He smiled now. There was no trace of joy behind the subtle curve of his mouth but a terrible sadness that reached out to her even as she tried to push it away.
"I suppose so." She managed to say.
It had been mere seconds ago when a quiet desire had surrounded the air that now breathed of old reminiscences and the pain attached to them.
When he didn't say anything but merely continued to look at her, she asked him the one thing that neither of them had been expecting.
"Do you miss it?"
He blinked.
"Not all of it."
Her heart felt like it had been punched.
"I don't miss the lying. Nor do I miss the running."
"What then?" She whispered.
"The good parts. You. Being with you."
He held her gaze at that and she saw the stark, almost painful honesty in his eyes and she couldn't summon the courage to dismiss his words even as her pulse quickened.
"Why'd you do it then?" She heard herself ask him, her voice falling dimly on her ears as she fought the urge to touch him.
"Do what?"
She woke up a bit at that.
"Tell me the truth. You could have continued with the facade and nobody would have found out..unless you simply wanted to be rid'.
"I wanted to be rid of my lies, my deceit, Damini. Not you." His voice turned hard now.
"You knew I would leave you anyway upon finding out the truth." She shot back.
"Yes. I knew that. But I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted you to know the truth about me. I cared more about you knowing the truth then my own happiness. When you decided to marry me you thought you were marrying someone sincere and honest. I wanted to be that man even if it would cost me a great deal. I could not'. I could not marry you. Not when you lived in the comfort of my lies. I wanted you to know the man I really was. I wanted to give you that choice Damini. It would have been wrong of me to keep you in the dark even when I no longer had to. I had done a lot of wrong things ever since I met you. I wanted atleast one of them to be right. Everybody deserves the truth no matter how painful it is. You did too Damini. To continue lying to you would not have only been a continued disrespect to you and your beliefs but to our relationship. I could not do that. To you or to us."
Damini listened, stunned into silence as he said each and everyone of those things that the man she had fallen in love with and felt something so strong with that it had shaken her, would have said.
When she still didn't say anything he decided to get up. He would let her think over his words instead of pushing her to say something, he decided. Perhaps it was best.
"I should get back to work now." He murmured, her eyes had followed his movements in a manner that was almost trancelike. She blinked now and looked away.
He looked at her once more before heading towards the door.
He was at the door when she finally spoke,
"Take care of yourself Prithvi." She said, her voice so soft it was miracle he heard it.
He turned to see her tracing patterns on the bed sheet, her head still bowed.
"I will."
And with that he left the room, leaving Damini with a very messy array of thoughts and feelings, all of which mingled with the impact of his words leaving her unsure as ever.
~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~
Continued in the next post..
Edited by ...Maham... - 13 years ago
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