Originally posted by: jagrutid
Anupam: "Shiv ko dekh rahi ho.?"
Surprised by anupams presence gauri jerk into attention and happens to nodd a yes without realising that amuses anupam.
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Shiv: "Ab tume kaon roak raha hai gauri'.,mein tumare saamne hoon."
Anjaane se woah - Chapter 9
Shiv hearing gauris words felt an deep sensation of hurt..her tears were becoming unbearable for shiv and as gauri put down the painting down wipe her tears shivs words were sounded between that short distance.
Shiv expression carried ease, a comfort.. He was ready to embrace all of gauris pain. Shiv watched gauri from the distance as he spoke..his words resulted in an eye lock between the two.
Shiv: "Ab tume kaon roak raha hai gauri….,mein tumare saamne hoon."
Gauri unable to take shivs words into account pauses before realising what shivs implication was.
His expression gave off an unusual ease, something that told gauri that he was welcoming ease into his life and it was now for her to decide. Shiv stood with an simplicity and watched gauris eyes..her tears her expression that was looking into his eyes with confusion and disbelief of the moment.
With a tense silence and an nervous stance from gauri shiv takes a few steps towards gauri, stopping a little closer gauri realises that this was that very moment she had pictured and it in front of her.. meeting shivs gaze for a second gauri eyes asked for a certain permission from shiv and seeing no objection in his eyes there was something that did not permit her to spill her emotion. something that was missing. It was everything that she had been waiting for all these years yet why could she not melt like she had always imagined. There was so much pain she had relied on this moment for it to be washed away yet when the moment had finally come the pain was at its extent. Gauri didn't understand her feelings all she knew was that she felt more distance from her husband than ever.
An awkward moment fell as gauri looked up at shiv. She couldn't, something wasn't quite right. Stepping back a few steps gradually gauri expression changed into a denial.. taking momentarily a glance at shiv as always gauri couldn't make eye contact but shiv watched gauri and noticed the minor details in her presence…he could feel that whatever she was trying to say it was taking a lot of courage, there was fear, sadness and the complexity of confusion in gauri that shiv could feel. "Maaf kijyey lekin shayad mera dil ijaazat nahin de ta."
Turning around swiftly gauris eyes cup tears….her expression creases in shock confusion and even fear little does she know that shiv is watching her expression with the aid of the reflecting mirror on a wall parreall. He watches in silence gauris tears.
Shiv: "jis pal ka intaasar kiya..use jeene se inkaar kar kyun. ,Yehi chahti ho tum, apna dard baatna ?" gauri said nothing. Melting in pain she had so much to say within yet couldn't find the words…until a certain moment of silence fell and she spoke. Softly yet her words gave acknowledgement of pain.
As a silence falls shiv expects gauri to say nothing more yet is surprised when she does. "Chaha toe meine bohot kuch tha lekin joe ham chahte hai vo mile woah saruri toe nahin naa." This is what he wanted, for her to open up…speak her mins.
Without knowing gauri begins to spill her thoughts yet as she realises she stops and walks a few steps away as to leave the room.
Gauri: "meine kuch syaada hein kehdeyey…umeed karti hoon ke aap maaf kardenge". Gauris expression and posture changes quickly in realisation as she walks away shiv stops her with his words.
Shiv: "Tum kahi nahin jaaon gi gauri', shivs tone was as ever strong and played its mark on gauri. She stopped at his words and…turned with hesitation there was no way she could overlook shivs words.
Shiv noticing the sort of pain and sadness lingering within gauri shivs expression takes to a stronger concern…diverting his eye contact to make it easier for gauri.. shivs words were sounded with a feeling of regret as well as determination.
"Mein sun raha hoon, tumari baat puri kar ke jaaon."Maybe gauri didn't want to say yet her words even though brief told of her grief
Gauri: "Chaha toe sirf aapka saath. " gauris words made shiv take an intense look at gauris expression. Filled with worry filled with hurt knowing that he was responsible shiv hated himself for what he had done to her.
As gauri had nothing more to say..shivs hate at himself within grew….he spoke with a sense of resentment for himself.
Shiv : "mila kya.. ek behad hein khudgarz aur nirdaay insaan jisne tumari bare mein ek baar nahin socha.
Hearing shivs comment gauri reacts with an assurance, her words sound meaningful yet shiv is not convinced. "Nahin. -- Muje aapse koi shikaayad nahin hai..,Sirf apne aap se nafrat hai."
Shiv listens to what gauri has to say and realises that maybe somewhere gauri didn't blame him completely yet he couldn't help feel that hatered for himself.
"Itne saal intaasar kiya…ab jab aap samne ho toe" gauri couldn't carry on yet shiv knew what she was trying to say. Pausing and thinking about this was the time to speak shiv made his thoughts apparent?
Gauri wasn't ready and he knew it, stepping forward closer towards gauri shiv spoke with care.
Shiv: "Mein jaanta hoon ke tum Muje abhi tak maaf nahin kar payi ho."
Gauri looked up at shiv with surprise her face showed to confusion and hesitation carried within. She had nothing to say yet her eyes spoke and silence spoke louder for shiv as she leaves with no words.
Distressed with all that had occurred shivs expression fades into a worry.. as he rubs his forehead on a tense note his eyes fall on the painting lying on the floor before him. Walking across the room towards to the centre of the room shiv picks up the painting that gauri had dropped on the floor. Unrolling it he takes view of the image…hurtful feelings and the past.
The look on shivs face is of deep thought…taking the painting some desistance, a few footsteps bring shiv to the flames of the burning fire… dropping the painting amongst the flames shiv watches it burn to ashes.
"Tumare leiyey ehk nayee shuruaat gauri, ek baar phir tum pyaar karogi aur is bar kisi tasveer saryey nahin pyaar karongi…apne pati se."
……….
As shiv sits with a word of thoughts weighting his mind his surroundings let him be alone with his own feelings. Warmth of a lit fire and lavish surroundings of his room provide comfort yet they do not help ease to discomfort in his mind.
As the wooden framed chair moves back on fourth with shivs thoughts…shiv happens to lay eyes on a framed portrait of his mother.
Just the reminder of her comforted shiv…..her words…a moment from there past shiv revisited.
Fashback:
As shiv returns home late from work…loosening his attire he notices his mum is awake at this hour. Sitting amongst the lounge on her own…shiv notices the way she is all officed out, pen paper..telephone…and with a number of photographs of girls….i.e potential brides for shiv. Knowing full well what she was up to shiv walks over and disconnects the phone which doesn't please nikhila at all.
"Mom aap yey kya kar rahin hai., the expression on shivs face is rather serious. More like shouldn't you be sleeping at a time like this and his mum could sense this.
Nikhila: " aur tum kya kar rahin ho shiv…itni raat ko ghar aa rahain ho.
Shiv: "Aap jaanti hai aapka beta office par tha, it was important." Nhikila replies with as much atterduide or even more just to get to shiv.
Nikhila: " …mere kaam tumare kaam se saruri hai."
Shiv gives nikila a funny look as she hands over a collection of snaps.
"…no no no..and no " looking at them shiv rejects them straight away. I don't think so shiv kapoor doesn't have time to waste. All the girls were incredibly attractive yet shiv didn't care which provoked nikhilas words.
Nikhila: "Shadhi shiv…yey koi time waste nahin hai." Shiv takes no notice and walks of with a smile until he hears on and turns back.
"Muje toe teri hone wali wife ki chinta ho rahi hai. Bechari." His mum purposely etherises her words.
shiv not at all impressed by the Implications turns back for his say…or even questioning. – "Excuse me aap kehna kya chahti hai." The way his mum was pulling a certain face shiv knew she was teasing him along with adding the mix of a taunt.
Nikhila:"I mean apne aap ko dekha hai shiv…kaam ke sivaa kuch dhikh ta hai tume. Vo bichari tumara itaazar hein karti rehjaayeygi."
Shiv: "Kaam sab se saruri hota hai mom, aur vaise bhi jo ladki mujse shadi karenge she will be very lucky."
"Mein nah tumare leighyey ek list likhne vali hoon…100 ways to be the perfect husband. Tume sarurat padegi."
-------end of flashback.
Realising he was lost in his own word shivs flashback puts a smile on his face and also makes him realise that maybe his mum was right. An amusing moment between mother and son became something of a coincidence for shiv. Something that made him think that maybe this was a sign.
As shiv goes though cherished memories of his mothers belonging he reaches for the dairy. Inside he finds a creased paper folded...with his name.
It was just what he expected….nikhila had written him that list..somewhere the thought put a smile on shivs expression yet the underlining anxiety still remained.
…………
Another regular visit from the doctor for shiv. Increasing almost better now shiv still had to complete his medication for full recovery and as the doctor stresses this while carrying out some tests gauri watches silently from the corner of the bedroom. Doctor: "jab tak aap theekh nahin hohte aap ko alcohol se dur rehna chahiyey mr kapoor.."shiv goes on nodding as the doctor speaks but he is more interested in gauri.
Avoiding any interaction at all she overhears the conversation going on…as soon as the doctor has completed the checkup…his words are aimed at gauri.
"Agar aap isi taara apne pati kya khayal rakhenge toe woh jaldi se theekh hojayeyge." Shiv notices the way gauri has no reaction to the doctors words. she takes from the doctor some medication for shiv and sees him off.
Watching gauri walk out of the room shiv takes this opportunity and reaches towards the bedside drawer. Picking up his mothers diary he turns pages to that certain piece of paper. Checking the door way now and again..to she if she had returned shiv managed to find the note he was looking for and unfolded with haste. Hoping this would help him shiv was disappointed when in front of him was a blank chit. Two lines written in blue in….
"tum kehte the na shiv…jo ladki tum se shaadhi karenge woah naazeeb wali hogi. Tum sahi the. Tum bohot hein atche bte ho shiv atche insaan ho….aur ek atche pati bhi banoge, tume koi madat ki sarurat nahin hai." ..
it was true that his mothers note disappointed him a little…maybe he was expecting a step by step guide to perfection but it also made him realise that he was loosing touch with himself. He was shiv kapoor…the shiv kapoor that girls would die for. He was never reliant of any help…and this was his wife he was talking about. A stint of self-admiration filled shiv as he reminded himself that he was shiv kapoor. Replacing the note within the pages of his mothers dairy shiv put It away. A few seconds made him wonder If he was loosing his own person in the name of this thakur business… not letting thoughts wonder too much as gauri entered shiv stopped thinking as her presence attracted his attention.
The atmosphere being rather tense shiv noticed a different type of anxiety in gauri. Maybe his confrontation about her feelings had changed the outlook on things. shiv sensed that gauri was much more distant than ever. She had been in the past a more softer… silent figure yet the figure he was seeing today was a wounded and even resentful lady. Maybe shiv had reminded her of all he had put her through yet if she was to move on then acknowledging the reality of the past was a must. It was now time for shiv to make up. As he watched gauri from his bedside walk into the room he could feel a discomforting silence. I am not talking to you sort of silence which shiv could feel. He watched her lowered posture walk into the room….walk to his bed side table. She didn't even take a glance in his direction….all the while analysing her from this close distance shiv watches as she pours a glace of water. Opens the packaging of one of shivs tablets and dilutes It within the water. Without any words she leaves the room silently.
Shiv knowing that there was an considerable amount of trouble brewing within gauris mind notices a rather cold interaction and lets her leave silently.
Minutes later as gauri walks into her room shiv watches from his room….parallel balconies to both rooms means shiv can see gauri as she enters her room. Walking around her room she…completes minor chores. Picks up clothes and puts them inside the wardrobe…walks around moving elements yet little does she know shiv is watching until she passes the balcony in her room and her presence freezes.
From the opposite direction shiv silently watching standing at the balcony notices how gauri freezes at realising that he is viewing. It amuses shiv to know that his presence has an impact yet shivs motives are rather of an deferred kind. Walking across the room his room shiv picks up that diluted glass of medication. Knowing very well that gauri is watching bringing it over towards his balcony he takes a rather intimate look at gauri who is avoiding direct eye contact and to get some sort of reaction from her he pours the medication off the balcony. Rather shocked by his action..gauris expression rises with confusion yet shiv simply has nothing to say.. he walks back into his room.
As shiv plays on the moment he retreats to office work… sitting amongst a pile of paper work shiv seems busy as gauri happens to make her presence. Knocking lightly on the face of the door she attracts shivs attention. Knowing fully well it would be gauri , shiv takes a glance up In the direction of the door yet to gauri that was a cold look he gave her. Little did she know he was provoking her reaction?
As shiv had no reaction to her knock but still acknowledged her gauri let her self into the room silently. Stopping for a second at a distance she noticed the way shiv looked busy. As not to disturb him as such she silently took steps once again to the beside table and re-diluited shivs medication. This for shiv noting her movement silently meant that she cared.
Taking that glass towards shiv she places it amongst his paperwork and stands there silently for while. Worried by shivs earlier reaction it was true that gauri was going through her past and was at this moment angry at her husband but anger was never above shiv for gauri. Noting the doctor's words she cared for his health, she cared for him and shiv could see that in her expression. Undoubtedly only looking from the corner of his eyes but shiv could sense gauris feelings.
Yet to provoke the moment a little further was always in shivs nature. Rising from his seat as if to disregard gauri shiv walks in the direction of a furnishing in the corner of the room that carries a number of alcoholic drinks. Opening the cabinet to mixing a drink. Gauri watches with disappointment of the situation, unable to see shiv cause himself harm gauri touches upon shivs hand as he mixes his drink.
Feeling gauris touch shiv looks towards a submissive gauri yet her words were strong.
Gauri: "Appne aap ko kyun nukhsaan pochahrahe hai" shiv smiles faintly at gauris reaction and words which confuse gauri. He was giving her mixed signals and her not understanding the situation showed on her face.
"Mein jaanta tha ke tum rokogi…"shiv walks away from the alcohol and across the room picks up the medication. Drinks from it as he watches gauri which confuses her further. With some hesitation to her words gauri refrains from looking at shiv yet questions with a hint of confusion. "Aap chahte kya hai..?"
shiv: "Agar tum mera khyal rakhna chahti ho toe mere paas raho. Is kamre mein meri patni ki tare."
Gauri was overwhelmed with shivs words..she always wanted to have what was a close married relationship with shiv but she never thought shiv would talk of it in this way. She nodded in a away shiv failed to define.
Completing the medication shiv confirms what gauri means with her expression. Just before gauri turns to leaves she comments which puts a smile on shivs face.
Shiv: tumara intaasar karunga, shiv tone was rather demanding yet as always gauri spoke with the upmost esteem. "Aapki baat na maana apka apmaan hoga jo mein kar nahin sakti."
As shiv settles in for the night ..official matters take up most of his time. Shiv was getting the hang of ways of leading a village, handling his fathers land yet all In all his mind was in two places the first being his relationship with gauri and the second kapoor industries. Shiv was knew to this thakur business and more so he disliked it …on the other hand gauri acts upon shivs words packing all her belongings from her room she places them all into boxes which the servants take away…
Whatever she was feeling and whatever her past the fact was that gauris expression was smiling….maybe not as much as a grin but her eyes smiled…they glowed. She thought about shiv and there was a blushing ease. Whatever he was like and however he had treated her in he past this is what gauri wanted. Yet why was it that in front of him there was always a barrier of the past.??
This very moment butterflies ran through her stomach as she thought of her moments with shiv. Maybe he wasn't so much the thakur type that she had imagined but he had his ways and gauri couldn't deny that they worked.
Going through her wardrobe packing her saaaris away gauri comes across a particular red shade that played a part on her heart.
Picking up the saari gauri brought it close to her…felt the material. Simple yet significant the saari brought back the moment that became shiv and gauris relationship… that one painful night for gauri became her present.
Flashback……
Darkness of a night that changed her life forever …one cold nights journey and sitting in front of her alcoholic farther gauri fears for what is to come. He was vilonet drunk…lost in obsession of money. What he wanted of her was unknown to gauri…she worked …and all the money went to into his alcohol …she was alone..all alone. A farther who was an alcoholic was more of responsibility then a gauridan. Anger and violence was something she was used to but he was different today… he said nothing yet here they were… in an rickshaw that took her to an unknown place gauri watched her drunken farther step out of the rickshaw and she followed. As much as she hated the way he was she followed his instructions just to avoid the aggressiveness.
She watched as he sweet talked the guard of this havli into letting them and according to her farther he had an appointment with the thakur.
Gauri unknown to everything..to this haveli to this place, unknown to what she was here for. She took innocent steps into lavish surroundings'. Something wasn't quite right that she was aware of.
The name shiv kapoor moved her when she heard it…. Her farther had asked for the thakur yet present was his son.
……On the other hand distort from his findings of ippshita's truth shiv is in a state of his own. An anger filled shiv kapoor was in distress, yet with the news of a villager in need of help shiv agrees to hear them out et with his own sharpness of personality shiv does his own research on the type of man who is entering his room.
Shiv: "bolo aapki kya parishani hai." As shiv thinks about his own distress his professionalism means he gives a hundred percent to his conversation yet he his temper was to be ware of in this situation. Noticing that there was a girl standing in the shadows of her farther shiv wondered what the problem was little did he know It was an alcoholics selfish proposal rather that problem.
As shiv walks the length of the room in his mind his own issues cloud his thoughts. Gauri and her farther stand at a distance as shiv hears what he has to say his blood boils.
"Sahab mein aap ke leigyey ek deal le kar aayay hoon." Shiv looks at the old drunken figure with curiosity. This man seemed in no position to talk of business. His appearance gave of a shoddy tradesman stench which shiv didn't like at all. There was no sincerity in the man just sweet words he fabricated in front of shiv with a slurred sense of alcohol.
Shiv: "Kya kehna chahte ho saaf saaf kaho." Shiv was getting impatient yet the reply he got from the man sent shivs mind on fire..
As the alcoholic took a step to his side gauri was in front of shiv…….
"Yey meri beti aapki agar aap muje kuch paise de….aapki…jo aap chahe woah.."
Shiv couldn't stand his words…his expression infuriated at the mans words… lashing out grabbing his clothing with the upmost anger shiv threated the old man…
"meri nazoro se dur hoja varna tum bole ke layak nahin rahoge…." As shiv fumed in anger he overlooked the girl in the background. Shocked at her own farthers doing gauri cries sliently in shock whilst shiv uses the means of anger the moment calms down as shivs anger finally seases gauris father has some last words that spark a feeling within shiv.
Gauri's farther: "Aap nahin toe …koi aur thakur hein shaahi…"
Shiv tries his upmost to control his anger and with much constraint he manages to yet this helpless crying gets his attention. He sees the innocent girl with a plea for help in her eyes and he was well aware that her fate her would take her to dark upsetting future if he wasn't to intervene. Thinking with intelligiance…shiv made spit second decision in his mind. He couldn't overlook those pleading eyes that pleading cry…
Shiv : "Theek hai…mansoor hai muje…" talking with the upmost power to his words shivs implication confused gauri was he like all other thakhurs…??? For her farther it was his golden opportunity…a glee for riches sparkled in his eyes as he asked shiv for millions…and with ease shiv accepted. Making the excuse of collecting the cash shiv takes to another room….
Opening a certain drawer he pulls out a briefcase… before leaving the room he makes a phone call. His phone display dials – Police commissioner.
Having arrested gauris farther, Mehen returns at the moment and as shiv explains the presence of this girl mehen convinces shiv to accept gauri in the form of a wife. As shiv and his farther talk…mehen is not at all impressed with shivs rash actions.
"Tume aise nahin karna chaiyey tha….socha ke us ladki ka kya hoga.?" Shiv is adamant by his decision. It was true that he may have conducted it with the spare of the moment yet it was the right thing to do. As Mehen convinced shiv that the only way gauri would be accepted into the community is by marriage shiv takes his fathers words into account yet makes no commitment.
………..
In the silence of two strangers shiv confronts an upset…meek girl.
Knowing not how to add comfort to his words in a situation like this speaks with clarity and persona of shiv kapoor while gauri listens.
Shiv: "Jo meine kiya who yey samaj kar keyay ke tumare saath kuch galat naa ho. Tumari ankhon mein asoon dekhe toe… shiv stops there. Watches how gauris expression seems to silently trust what he is saying and cuts the talk and moves to the moment."
"Meri vaja se tumara koi saaya nahin raha…tum akeli ho…islieghyey tume agar koi etraas na ho toe mein tume apna naam de ne kelieyey tayaar hoon. Shaadhi kar ne ke leighyey tayaar hoon. As shiv speaks its clear his actions are to keep his farther happy, to fulfil the responsibility that he had taken upon himself of this girl. From the moment he took matters into his own hands he was responsible for this girl. A bound to circumstances shiv kapoor was speaking yet gauri found his words honest. For the first time someone had thought of her and took care of her. That was enough for her to trust him…
As he spoke an stronger attachment to what he had done for her grew within gauri.
"Tume yey bhi jaana chaiyey ke mein ek baar pyaar mein dhoka kha chukka hoon..shayad phir se na pyaar kar sakoon. Naam dunga lekin…pure adhikaar dene ka vada nahin kar sakta."
Gauris heart asked for nothing more she had found the person that gave her importance enough to think of her future. Gauri knew he was the one, he was her destiny. Shivs words seemed more of a made decision than an option for gauri yet it was decision gauri didn't have an objection to.
With silence from both sides confirmation of marriage is established. As gauri is left In this haveli room on her own……mehen steps into the room. Knowing full well of his status gauri is weary of the persona approaching her yet it doesn't take long for gauri to see a farther figure in mehen.
Pleased that his son was about to step into a new future mehens fatherly joy spilled from his expression. Gifting gauri a red saari……mehen described it as the saari he was unable to gift his shivs mother.
……………End of flashback.
As gauri realises that she had taken herself back in time the shade of red material for her signified her marriage. It was her wedding saari…now that her relationship seemed more visible than ever even the smallest elements put a smile on her face. Weather she tried to fool herself with resentment at shiv he was all she wanted all these years. All she loved..now he was close to her the shades of love for him seemed deeper than ever. Bringing that saari close smile on gauri face was more expressive than ever. She displayed the saari on her self in front of the mirror…smiled to herself ..thinking of all the moments with shiv …she was happy. finally whatever feelings brewed inside the dominant one was love……
Little did she know of shivs presence watching from a distance? at the entrance of the room shiv at ease…in an posture that gave of the hint of him being there for a while now..his arms were comfortably folded as he watched gauri…he was amused by her innocence. Shiv didn't know what to give more importance to her love or her resentment.
Gauri was completely in a world of her own as she thought over her relationship yet shiv interrupted the moment with ease.
Couughing in the right nature to give off an indication of presence gauri realised that someone was watching and at once dropped the saari and corrected herself only to find it was shiv.. she blushed…was nervous like a school girl..yet shiv watched silently for a second just to capture the moment.
As gauri dropped her gaze and stood in a more proper posture shiv spoke keeping his watch on gauri spoke after a luring silence.
Shiv: "Coffee chahta tha…" gauri answers with a "ji" and walks away avoiding the moment yet leaving shiv with a content feeling that tells him that he is having an impact on gauri.
………….Amongst the surroundings of shivs bedroom gauris belongings had been shifted into the room with one of shivs earlier requests to servants. Nightfall as shiv goes on with official work with the aid of a laptop he happens to take a glance around the room he wonders if the surroundings would be apt for gauri and it was. After all It was designed to be a couple space the problem was more his presence. He wondered if his plans would be successful all he wanted in the end was to get to know gauri…a second chance to make up for his neglect.
Knock at the door and as gauri tires carefully not to overflow that cup in her hands shiv simply looks on towards the door his eyes admire the innocence in front of him.
As gauri walks concentrating more on the hot drink than shivs presence….she fails to realise that shiv rises from his seat and walks towards. In a seemingly relaxed posture shiv makes his way closer…but a slip of the moment sees gauri catch her foot on the material rug on the floor and trip into shiv. Spilling steaming hot coffee over shivs chest the sensation of burning could be seen on shivs expression yet being shiv kapoor he doesn't let much on. Silently injuring the pain he watches gauri In an overwhelmed panic.
"Sorry woah…jaal raha hoga naa..ab mein kya karu!"…in a state of panic gauri worries yet sees no sense to the situation. Looking at shivs shirt ruined..remembering how hot the drink was gauris panic and anxity turns into tears that cup her eyes. Shiv softly watches…as she tries to look for a first aid kit and walks in the wrong direction…grabbing her wrist as she walks past to stop her. Gauri feels that warm touch and the feeling inside starts to butterfly worried about him gauri tries to explain her search yet shiv doesn't give her the chance. Letting go of gauri walking a few steps to the bedside table he opens a drawer. Taking out a first aid kit he leaves it on the table..turning to gauri with the look of understanding…he unbuttons his shirt…leaving gauri In a state of embarrassment.
……………………………………
Note: Thanks so much for waiting. it was really hard to get back into it after a 2 week gap so sorry for any blunders. please leave your feedback. love you all... going to rush off now..please do read though!
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