Chapter 8 Anjaane se woh
Morning rays give comforting warmth throughout the haveli. With tradition a number of people in the haveli are working before sunrise to provide thakur family and the thakur himself the perfect start to the day.
With a usual routine of shiv kapoor illness or no illness shiv was admant to follow his own structure and wakes up sharp on time. Feeling a little less burdened with discomfort today leaves his bedside to take a shower. Just as he gets out of under the covers the instant sent of in-sense phases him…sweet yet quite powering over the room. Looking around the room there was a certain grey mist due to the Smokey fragrance. Thinking it to be a little stage shiv looks around the room and finds certain additions to the surroundings. A cup of tea/coffee sat on a side table -- he'd only find out which one it was by drinking it the shade of color said tea but he could be wrong.
A newspaper that sat beside the cup, someone had been in his room when he was sleeping but it surprised shiv. Thinking himself to be of a very sharp nature he would know if someone would enter his room wouldn't he? Not thinking too much about it shivs attention is a drawn towards the sounds of faint music…. If he was right his ears were experiencing a classical tone… as shiv concentrated that little more In verifying the sound he found that the music was coming from the direction out of his room. Before heading in the direction of sound shivs eyes scatter for something to relive that morning chill. His eyes happen to fall on the shawl gauri had given him the night before. Its sight alone brings back a soft recall of gauris words last night that bring certain ease to shivs expression. Walking towards the armchair where the shawl hangs over shiv takes it with a moment of thought. Taking it shiv unfolds it and swings it around himself..thinking upon how unsuited it was to the persona of shiv kapoor shiv reassures his mind with the thought that what ever he did what ever he wore he was still shiv kapoor. The shawl had done its job..feeling an instant warmth shiv walks towards the entrance of the room to leave in the direction of this music.
As he takes steps outside of his room and steps out into corridors the music seems to get louder. After walking a few corridors in flowing the source of music …the sound of payal…classical rhythm gets stronger…louder as shiv reaches the balcony which over looks the courtyard to the haveli looking down he sees an delightful sight. As shiv stops to watch over what is going on a floor below his eyes glow with surprise..
Gauri in a shade of pale yellow…not saari but a churidaar type dress her duppata typed round her waist her her left loose and still wet…she glowed with a sense of simplicity. For the first time shiv was seeing her without a traditional takurian look and it blew him away. She was smiple yet beautiful she still wore her sindhoor her mangalsurtra..yet it was a much more casual form.
More surprisingly she was dancing with perfection to classical sound, shiv watched to way there was an array of young girls…standing In horizontal flow in front of gauri ,they were copying gauris steps. The view was innocent and adorable.
His wife was talented in the art of classical dance...there must have been a lot of things shiv didn't know about gauri but this moment captured the million moments that were to come. Smiling at the sight shiv watches the way gauri essays the role of an dance instructor. There was a hint of confidence he saw in her that was never there around him yet her persona was still very light and soft. Shiv admired gauri from this distance shiv watches gauri as she dances…instructs her pupils yet when they do not listen to her she raises her voice. Putting her hands on her hips with irritation gauri expresses her annoyance, which surprises shiv.
She could even behave in such away was of surprise or at least something he had never seen. Shiv enjoys seeing this differed version of gauri and carries on watching while she scolds the children. Unknown to shiv he spends more than sufficient time loosing himself in the view of gauri until there is a minor interruption.
An interrupting cough and anupam voices his presence. -"Shiv"
Realising that there was someone else close by shivs attention from gauri is diverted and he realises what he had been doing.
Anupam teasingly comments – "Admiring the view shiv vaise….gauri mein kuch baat sarur hai."
Shiv disapproves of anupams comment yet within he knows that his friend was right. Surprised by his own actions shiv conceals his thoughts under a very shiv kapoor expression. Soon as anupam sees that change in expression and posture he gets to the point. "Shiv yey kuch documents pein tumare signatures chahiyey the"
Shiv takes the file from anupam and signs it… knowing that anupam was going to leave the haveli today shiv could do with a little more company and asks…
"Anupam breakfast "ke leighyey rukh raheh ho naa..?" anupam smiles, he knows his friend very well. Even shiv kapoor needed some backing support and times and this was one of those times. Anuapm smiles as per his usual ease and takes off.
….. As shiv kapoor freshens up for the morning with a neatly dressed shade of black buttoning up his shirt his eyes take to the cup and newspaper that had been left on his side table. Someone had been in his room, something that shiv found strange and would never approve of it. He disliked invasion of privacy.
Just as shiv thought over someone entering his room without concent Shankar chacha happened to be at the door with a knock.
As he completed his attire shiv opened up the wardrobe and looked through the array of suits whilst listens to what chacha has to say.
"Maalik naasta tayar hai "shiv acknowledges this and asks chacha if any one had entered his room yet he confidently deinies that any servant would enter without permission and chacha leaves.
Picking out an complementary blazer shiv thought twice over it. Choosing it and then looking over it shiv replaces It In its rightful place. Instead he opts for the shawl gauri had given him. Putting it on in a similar wrapped way shiv walks towards the side table picking up the cup the drink within had gone cold yet he drinks it.
At the breakfast table in the haveli as shiv enters, anupam accompanies him, anupam notices how shiv carried that changed look of a sawl, trademark of a thakur? – Maybe things were slowly changing for shiv yet he thought best not to mention it.
As shiv sat at the head of a grand dinning table….anuapm sat a few seats away on the left. As shiv had demanded the breakfast was as per his taste. Coffee..toast a more western style start to the day. As both shiv and anupam take to conversation it is only the two of them and one or two maids that are present.
Anupam : "Shiv yey toast, cereal vagera… thakuro ka andaaz nahin hota"
Shiv: Muje "thakur" maat bulao mein shiv kapoor hoon aur mein kisi ke leighyey apna andaaz kyun badloon.
Anupam replies with apt "Gauri ke leighyey bhi nahin?" the softness in shivs eyes changes as soon as gauri is mentioned at noticing it anupam smiles. On the other hand
Shiv looks adamant to keep his own persona whilst anupam tries to suggest the things that he needs to change shiv listens to them. Both of them knew that in the end shiv kapoor only does what he wants. Just at the mention of her name gauri enters.
Shiv notices the way gauri had changed her attire to a saari. The shade of emerald green she looked simple yet beautiful. Shivs sight was caught up by gauris appearance and he was in more of a daze until coming back to his sense. Even after realising the situation shiv took constant watch of gauri…her expression her look was now more formal/traditional with her sindhoor that stood out.
Gauri stands to the side of the dinning table as to serve food..she adds to anupams plate and smiles faintly. Trying to avoid any confrontation with shiv his presence she acknowledged silently.
Shiv had something to say. Starting off with simply mentioning her name it was already something that made her heart skip a beat.
Standing at some distance with her eyes to the floor she replied with a very polite and quite "ji"
Anupam watched the interaction and was amused by how much gauri blushed in shivs presence.
Shiv: "Subhe tum mere kamre mein aayi tha kya…?"
Gauri happened to take a glance up at shiv and began to stumble upon her words as she caught a glimse of an eye lock, it was more the serious tone and look shiv gave off than anything.
"Ji ..woah….ji nahin."– gauri words were muffled, it was the effect of shivs presence and shiv was aware of this.He asks again, with a little ease yet it was still a questioning manner. --"Tume pura yakin hai ke koi mere kamre mein nahin aaya tha?" gauri nods for the second time. As shiv reaches into his pocket he places on the table what looked like gauris earing.
Shiv "Lekin yey tumara hai… " Anupam sees this as this queue to leave and with a quick excuse he leaves.
Shiv with a more comforting smiles knows just what is going through gauris mind..coming to the end of his breakfast shiv picks up his cup of coffee and walks towards gauri. Stopping at a close distance to gauri shiv hands her what his hers and watches over a certain hidden expression. His words and expression is at some ease if gauri was to look up she would notice. Shiv is silent for a miniute as he reads her expression. Before leaving he adds..Mein chai nahin coffee peeta hoon.. he eyes sparkeled with some a soft comfort for gauri as he walked away.
Sometime later… anupam finds gauri sitting partway down the staircase, walking down the steps he stops just before he gets to gauri and looking at her realses that she is staring at something.
Walking down to the stair that she is sitting on anupam quietly takes a seat next to her and watches her out looking on shivs room. Even shiv within his room. On her lap gauri carried a tray which contained a diluted medicines.
Anupam: "Shiv ko dekh rahi ho.?"
Surprised by anupams presence gauri jerk into attention and happens to nodd a yes without realising that amuses anupam.
"Hummn waoh tume dekhe jaa raha hai..aur tum use .. – kya pyaar hai."
Anupam finds it amusing but gauri is not convinced that shiv has feelings for her nor does she expect anything from him.
Anupam: "Patni ho uski..haak se uske paas jaa sakti ho…haak se dekho.. "
Anupam leaves amused thinking lightly of the situation.
………..
In the surroundings of shivs room a traditional fire gives of a warmth shiv feeling a change of heat is just about to unwrap the shawl from around him yet he feels a familiar touch to his shoulder. He knew It was gauri, her feel her silence. Shiv let gauri aid him, lift of the material from his shoulders. Feeling the lightness shiv turns around to see gauris presence.
Standing under his watch shiv makes note of the medication gauri had left on the table. Shiv takes a seat on the chair infront of the medicine.. with ease he takes the the glass and begins to drink—watching gauri, a glance here and there as he does. Gauri fidgeting in front of him with scattered sight wants to say something.
Gauri: "Aj subha..woah..mein", shiv watches gauri hesitate for a few seconds and then steps in. – "Mein jaanta hoon ke tum kya kehna chahti ho." The way he looked at her was very knowing almost with a sense of authority.
Shiv watched gauri from this distance and his eyes read her like a book.
Shiv: "Tume mein atchi taare se samaj ta hoon gauri." Talking with a certain reassurance shiv talks gauri through exactly why her actions where such.
"Mere kamre mein aayi thi lekin mere samne aane ki himaat naa kar payee..dar tha kahin tum meri naarazgi ka shikar naa hojaon." Drinking now and again from the glass in his hands there is a pause in words.
Shiv spoke with a certain knowing confidence and the fact was that he was right. As shiv spoke gauris mind began to realise how aware he was of her feelings.
As shiv watches with understanding eyes.. gauri does everything in her power to avoid looking at shiv, she keeps her eyes diverted at all times. His glass of medication is empty..wanting water he rises from his seat walks some distance across the tiled floor. His footsteps sound and indicate his moment for gauri giving chance for gauris heartbeat to relax whilst not being watched by him yet not for long. The silence and presence of shiv made things even more nerve raking for gauri.
As shiv …fills his glass of water and the sound of water pouring into the cup is the only noise herd in the room..he speaks even with his back to gauri. – "Tumari ankhon se dard jalak ta hai ." As gauri listens to what shiv has to say she has no words.
No words for the man who meant the world to her. She had always thought when the moment comes she would be able to convey her pain to him but he already knew? She realised that his words were perfect, he was perfect, he understood her beyond anyone. – He was more than she had imagined or ever hoped for. As shiv turns around and catches a glimpse of those eyes an ease of expression forms to his lips. As soon as he had turned around she had dropped her expression.
A kind of grin would have formed at Gauris innocence if the matter was not so tense yet shivs look at this very moment was of intensity. He saw emotion in gauris eyes, he saw devotion, respect, attachment and more clearly then anything there was selfless love for him. There was a pause of silence yet again as shiv watched gauris emotion build under his watch. He could feel the emotion she was going threw but this confrontation was needed. As shiv walked a few defined steps to his chair in front of gauri..he took a seat and watched her lowered expression. Everything about her was so innocent was so pure… with a pause he spoke..his tone was comforting yet hinted a sense of strength.
Shiv : "Pyaar dekha hai tumari aankhon mein." He stared at her expression just for some clue into her thoughts.
Shivs words prompted a reaction from gauri. It was of surprise to her, she loved him more than it was understandable, and she had devoted herself to him yet she never expected him to understand that. Looking up with startled emotion gauris eyes water at shivs words. Looking into his eyes was the most difficult thing for her…she dropped them in a matter of glance yet his words played with her feeling to such an extent that she was overwhelmed.
Shiv had immense resistant to pain on the surface…inside he could feel gauris emotion but on the surface was a very balanced calm persona. He spoke and this was clear. Gauri found it difficult in shiv presence but shiv simply took his words with ease, his words were of confrontation but the way in which he spoke them they were almost soft to the ears.
Shiv: "Paanch saalon mein aise ehk bhi din nahin hai naa gauri jaha tumne mere bare na socha ho..ya tumare yey asoon na bahe ho?" shiv spoke with such intensity yet seeing gauris tears his words also softened. ..gauri overwhelmed simply weeps silently.
Feeling gauris emotion and softening to her tears shiv rises from his chair..takes a few steps closer to gauri, watching over her hears how her heart beat thuds at his presence.
Pulling out a handkerchief he hands it to her. Taking it with some indication from from shiv gauri wipes her tears whilst shiv watches and adds.. -
"Meine woh taasviere dekhi hai gauri…" instantly looking up at shivs expression unknown to this gauri gives shiv chance to capture a glance of that tearful expression before she drops it once again.
Realising that there was closeness between the two gauri steps back a little and tries to be a little more presentable wiping the tears away In a rush.
Watching gauris reaction shiv gives a warming look..rare to shiv kapoor.
Shiv went on to speak and gauri continued to unwind in emotion.
"Tumare har dard se, tumare har sapne se..tum se bohat atchi tare se vaakif hoon gauri." Shiv spoke a little more casually now..he stood in his very own persona and watched gauri..sliding his hand into his pockets shiv took a little time for a slience to set as she wiped her tears.
Gauri knew that was now true..she was like an open book to him now…there was some things that still remained yet it felt for gauri like he could see right through her. It was an sensational feeling for a wife that had spent 5 years apart from her husband. She knew very little of him yet within moments he saw through her.
Shiv happened to catch a certain glimpse of gauris expression that made a wave of ease pass. It reminded shiv of how simple gauri was how innocent. His expression eased and his words along with a certain glow in his eyes said that his words came straight from his heart.
Shiv: "Tumara pati tume samaj tha hai..tume jaanta hai…aur tume pyaar bhi karsakta hai."
The last comment astonishes gauri another instant reaction leads for a raise of expression from gauri. Her tears swell up even more with shivs words and a feeling of long awaited happiness flows within whilst shiv thinks nothing of his comment and passes a considerate look gauris tears that run down her expression say everything for shiv. Until he adds something that changes the feel…
"Lekin"— the sort of objection from shiv frightens gauri..under her hidden posture she fears what shiv is about to say.
"Ek taasvir hai jise mein saamaj nahin paaya" under her posture gauri is nervous upon shivs words. There was nothing out of context or offending that she had painted…
"Us drawer mein woh taasvir padi hai". Shivs expression and eyes moved in the direction of a certain drawer to the corner of the room. Shivs one indication meant that he expected gauri to explain herself.
As shiv waited at his distance he watched gauri histantly walking in the direction of the that drawer. Opening it she took out a rolled painting of a white shade.
Shiv watches gauri looking at the enclosed painted and prompts her.
Shiv: "Dekho use aur baton ke yey kya hai.." shiv notices the way gauris expression seems to change at his interaction but he watches her silently unrolling it.
Gauri unrolls the a painting that shiv had painted some time ago now. The very painting that shiv had taken out of the waste bin and it was in front of gauri. Gauri had painted herself in shiv arms…there was amenmed where it had been torn yet gauri was more surprised than anything to see this painting. She had had got ridden of it and now it was before her. An deep emotion fills gauri as she looks at the painting.
"Tumari yey taasir se tum kya saahir karna chahti thi gauri… ?" Shiv demanding an answer gauri with time speaks. Very faintly with cupped tears she explains the portrait. Stumbles on her words at first yet when thinking over the time she had spent painting spent with attachment to this painting she is able to speak as shiv watches over her and listens.
"Jab aapne mujse shaadhi ki hi toe kuch dino ke baad meine yey tasvir baanayi thi..yey sapna dekh kar ke kabhi naa kabhi aap muje aapnayeynge aur mein aapna saara dard..apni saari taaklif aapko gale laga kar saahir karlungi woah aasoon jo meine chupa kar rekheh te woh aapki baahon mein aakar behehte."
As gauri spoke the painting in front of her caught her tears..droplets on that image made her realise the years of pain that had gone numb now.
Shiv hearing gauris words felt an deep sensation of hurt..her tears were becoming unbearable for shiv and as gauri put down the painting down wipe her tears shivs words were sounded between that short distance.
Shiv expression carried ease, a comfort.. He was ready to embrace all of gauris pain. Shiv watched gauri from the distance as he spoke..his words resulted in an eye lock between the two.
Shiv: "Ab tume kaon roak raha hai gauri….,mein tumare saamne hoon."
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Note for my readers: thanks for all your lovely comments on the last chapter I have replied to them. Thank you all., hope that was ok. This chapter I think was one of those odd ones to write so your feedback will be much appreciated.
Jagruti
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