"unki-siddat se" his with devotion
chapter 6
recap…...10pm and and as the rest of the family takes to there room as per the night samar sits in the lounge. Somewhat lost with mixed feeling he spends time contemplating on the way he had reacted with shivangi..maybe he was too harsh? Not as able to see things clearly..all thoughts taking over he takes refuge in alcohol. Something unusual for samar yet responsibly he drinks within his limit and spends the rest of the time in his thoughts. Shivangis words had made him think...maybe the way he had treated her was unfair..she was his wife after all but then again his heart was always tied to gauri and no body else. Drowned in all these feelings and even a sense of stubbornness that he was right samar sat on his own..dwelling until prateek made his presence known.
Sitting down on a sofa parallel to samar prateek got straight to the point. "jab tumne aapne kano se shivangi ki dil ki baat suni aabhi bhi dosh de rahe ho use samar." samar had nothing to say he just glanced over prateek as he carried on talking.. "woh tumse pyaar karti hai samar tum use kuch nahin maante magar woah tume apna sab kuch maanti hai aur phir ek galti ke leighyey. ." prateeks last comment provoked samar to speak up and put down his drink .."uski ek galti se mein apni beti kho deta.." prateek could not ignore that because it was true but he could see that samar was feeling a little guilty..because inside that hard exterior samar kapoor was as compassionate as any man could ever be. His eyes showed his feelings the fact that he too regretted some things...regretted throwing shivangi out. "galti toe tumse bhi hue samar.." samar looked at prateek in question. "tum jaante ho samar shivangi bemaar hai kal raat ko tum driver bhej naa bhul gayey the toe waoh shardi se behosh hogaee..barish mein tumara instasaar kar rahi the... tumne kaise notice kiya hoga..tum toe us pein insaalm lagarahe the.. aur aaj bhi apni shehad ki parva kiya bina chali gayee." Listing to all this samar was somewhat surprised and also realized that he had made a mistake. Shivangi was ill..and still he didn't bother to even find out..he was the reason. Feeling guilty he thought over his mistake and how he had taken all his anger out on her..she was already unwell and he had made things worse. Samars approach after hearing this seemed to soften somewhat..getting up from his seat he grabbed his blazer and walked out.. only stopping when prateek made question to where he was going... "kaha jaa rahe ho samar?" as samar turned back ..."shivangi ko ghar laane.." watching samar leave the whole situation seen at prateeks point of view was something to smile at.
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As samar makes his way to haridwar..having dedicated his time throughout the night towards travelling he reaches haridwar early morning. Finding a somewhat tired and restless feeling taking over he decides to take to an hotel before heading for shivangis home. Having tided himself up in both appearance and peace of mind samar heads for shivangis home. Having set mr gupta on the task of finding out where exactly shivangis parental home was samar drove himself down the narrow alleyways of haridwar. Passing very rural elements on the way samar noticed how different things here were. The lack of technology.. the advances of the era were well set back in this little village. Homes small very village like in appearance yet there was a peacefulness about the place something that was a contrast from the life he was used to living. Having managed to park his car with difficulty samar steps out and yet his appearance seemed to be surprising passers by. His usual formal self, very neatly dressed in a suit samar thought he had take an neutral look today but it proved not casual enough as passers by seemed to be amazed my samars appearance. Dressed in a blue shade...samars loosened collar approach added to his shirt for him was as informal as it got...yet it was like these people were amazed. Looking around samar seemed to understand the difference of environment..shivangi came from a very routed village and all this time he had always emphasised the fact that she was never good enough for his family but looking around samar began to realise that maybe it wasn't her fault at all. Where one is, born and brought up is not a choice they have..looking around yet again samar drops his thoughts and heads for what in his understanding is shivangis home. Standing at the door step of small house..very old fashioned in its appearance..wooden outlook with windows and a ganpati sybol that plated the door. Knocking on it samar waited a few seconds before the door was opened and the person to open it was shivangis farther.
….the man had a very peaceful outlook, traditional in every way. His appearance aided with very simple clothing..dothi kurta that showed a very sincere personality. samar finds a bond growing in his conversation and it was time to maybe to ask upon shivangi but as baba insisted on taking leave to inform shivangi of his presence samar stepped in instead. "agar aapko ko itraas nah ho toe mein shivangi ko kudh milna chahta hoon."
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pausing a little at the door step of the room samar takes a glance inside the room and looking from where he was he could see shivangi perfectly. Looking as to be cleaning her surrounding, shivangi was genrally looking to keep herself busy all the while the toll of illness taking its imapact on her she seemed to stuggle. Dusting her surroundings and then sneezing, coughing all the prateek had informed samar of he could see. Her expression seemed to be drowned in tiredness. Dark cirlces carried her eyes whilst her clothing had taken her back to that old shivangi the one that dressed in rural churidar look. It was as if she had a reverse transformation back and she looked like what she had done when samar first laid eyes on her after there wedding night. Her hair tied back, clothing back to what It was once and the look on her face even more displaced than ever. Having intended first to knock samar changed his mind when he laid eyes on shivangis vagarious cleaning and felt the need to step in.
"tumari tabyet theekh nahin hai...tume aaram karana chahiyey." hearing what she knew was her husbands tone stern yet with character shivangis expression took an instant change..surprise, shock whatever it was it was all showing right this moment. Dropping her dusting cloth at once shivangi seemed to straighten herself out in realisation. Pulling over her head under her duppata it was just like she had taken a step back into the past. Forgotten everything she had learnt and gone back to the old shivangi. Taking a quick glance behind her maybe just to check her prediction was right shivangi caught a glimpse of samar who was standing at some distance and turned back with instance as to avoid him. Noticing so samar thought to question before he made a move. "kya mein andar aa sakta hoon?" shivangi felt it to be a little strange for samar to ask such a question for even if she preferred for him not to enter there was no way she could express so. Nodding still with her back to him shivangi feels a strange element to the situation possibility the type of situation she didn't want to be In at the minuet. The feeling of guilt, samars words his lifting his hand upon her was still all floating in her mind all as guilt and blame for herself but as samar walked into the room looked around at its soundings. The room was small..very little furniture but he did notice how a framed picture of himself sat amidst the room. Again the surroundings seemed to show the difference in lifestyle. Here was a room..a bed room yet the bed consisted of bedding on the floor. Only very essential furniture and it became clear to samar that shivangi had come from a totality different lifestyle and noticing how she had gone back to her old appearance maybe thats the way she liked it. but the detail apart samar looked upon shivangi, the way she had her back turned to him he guessed it was out of bitterness for the way he had treated her. His words were harsh and actions worse and this he expected. Walking into the room further samar stopped at some distance delving his hands into his pockets he looked at shivangi in front yet even if he tried he would not have not been able to talk to her back. "mud ke nahin dekhogi..? " with a slight pause samar got a reply.. "aap ne hein kaha tha ke mein aapko apni sakal naa dikhaaon..aapke saamne naa aaun." shivangi reminding samar makes him realise just how much his words must have hurt her to act in this way. She respected his words even though they were so harsh. "aur mein aab kehta hoon ke muje dekho" even though samar asks shivangi still persists until a second request. "dekho muje.." as shivangi turns to look at samar, samar notices a certain insecurity and sadness that he had caused. As per usual shivangi avoided any eye contact and simply listened to what samar had to say. Showing confidence yet a mixture of feeling within samar rubbed his forehead a little as he began to speak. "dekho shivangi mein jaanta hoon ke kal meine jo tume kaha waoah galat tha . Ghuze mein aakar mein soche bina bolgaya. Im sorry. Samars words seem to make a mark on shivangi and even though her English was somewhat limited she seemed to understand the significance of the word sorry and a dilemma came to mind. Not knowing weather to feel discomfort at her husband apologising or pleased that he had come for her shivangi stood silently whilst samar spoke. Not lifting her sight once she listened with devotion.
Jaha tak mere yaaha hone ki baat hai toe mein tume lene aaya hoon. Somewhat pleased that samar wanted her to return a certain insecurity still filled shivangi the thought that there were many other things, feelings she had in regards which she couldn't explain but samar had a solution to even them. She had no longer any need to express anything as samar went on to reveal...
"Kal jab tum prateek se baat kar nahin thi toe meine tumari baate suni." the comment swayed shivangis attetion a little hearing that samar had listened there conversation shivangi was a little worried. What hadn't she said in that conversation, her feelings thoughts everything she put out in the open and samar had heard it. something she haa never had the courage to tell him forherself and something she never wanted to. "Muje aaisas hua ke mein tum pein naainsafi kar raha hoon, jo meine tumare saath kiya...woh...." samar seemed to be deepening into his feelings and for him this was not the right time nor place and per nature he ended the conversation there. "keher yey saab baate baad mein bhi ho sakti hai. Abhi mein chahta hoon ke tum mere saath ghar chalo." with a nod from shivangi samar took that as a yes and in no time at all samar and shivangi were on there way back home. A fairly long journey made for tired persona's. Having driven for a while now samar began feeling the strain whilst it was clear that shivangi felt a little uncomfortable sitting at samars side. Not once did she take a look in his direction yet all her thoughts and feelings were dedicated to him. Thinking about how he had taken his anger out on her, asked her to leave the house and still within him there was a side that cared for her. As shivangi continued looking out of the window the outlook dark rainy as coming towards the evening the overall look was a little unpleasant and cold yet it wasn't problem as sat amongst the comfort of samars car shivangi was wrapped up in a shawl as per being ill her expression showed a certain strained trademarks. Tired eyes and worn out expression on the other hand not much seemed to bother samar. He carried on driving till something seemed to be a out of routine and and parked up the car. Curious to why he had done so shivangi took a glance at samar for a second and samar explained. "woh baarish bohot ho rahin hai..age jaana mushkil hojayeyga toe thodi der yaha rukhte hai. " le samar sat back in his seat a little more comfortably and in real the situation called for it. looking out of the window the rain was taking its tall... unsure as to what to do or even say shivangi felt a little out of place whilst samar simply looked relaxed. Reaching for the compartment below his cd player he took out from it a cd and putting it into the cd player pressed the play button. Sitting back he awaited the music....the song began to play...naturally the song was In gauris voice and maybe that was what put a smile on samars face. The song was soothing and even shivangi noticed the sort of expression that took over on her husbands face. "gana atcha hai.." hearing shivangis comment samar took a glance towards her an to her surprise he smiled. Something that he did rarely in her presence and so the moment brought with it a slight arkwardeness that let shivangi to drop her sight. "yey gana gauri ki aavas mein hai.." there was a certain warnmness to samars words. Affection that could be both seen and felt. As the music played shivangi realsied that It was of sentimental value to samar....yet the music played
"Tera Saath hai toa, muje kya kami hai
Andhero se bhi, Mil rahi roshni hai.
Kuch bhi nahi hai toa, koi gam nahi hai
Hai ek bebasi, band gai chandani hai."........tera saa
Both listened to it but suddenly a break in the flow and the music stopped. Samar didn't seem to find it out of the ordaining. It was as if he was used to it.but before shivangi could wonder or question her illness made presence in the form of various sneezes and coughs. Samar reacting to it pulled out a few tissues and handed them to shivangi..yey lo...saying so he took a look at the cd player..giving it a little hit to make it work seemed to be what usually worked but not this time around. Looking around his surrounding and shivangi next to him who seemed to be growing with her illness he spotted a tea station just outside and decided that to be the solution. Unwinding the window to take a better look samar noted the heavy rain yet still admant opened the car door to take a step out but was stopped by shivangi. "aap..." before shivangi could question samar had answered. "mein tumare leighyey chai lene jaa raha hoon." looking a little worried at the immese rain outside shivangi interuppts... "mein le kar aati hoon. " samar takes a look at what is already an unwell expression. "tum pehele se meri vaaje se bimar ho.." saying so samar leaves the car walking some distance..not much still viewable from inside the car he gets wet in the rain....... from where he stands in the cue..rubbing his hands together for warmth he takes a look back at the car seeineg shivangi sitting within he takes another glance at the cue in front of him..but as he waits he hears music...he hears gauris song predicting that his cd player had began functioning the words, music take him back to old times...
"Tuti hai kashti, tej hai dhara
Kabhi na Kabhi toa, Milega Kiitnara
Bhai Ja rahi, Yeh samay ki nadi hai
Is a parkar nae ki asha jagi hai."
Walking back to the car carrying a cup of tea In each hand samar approaches to find shivangi lying back In her seat... and realising that the song was infact the voice of shivangi singing is surprised. Surprised that she sounds just like gauri. Approaching the car, opening the door shivangi suddenly realising stops as samar enters the car. Both in silence..shivangi takes her drink. Worried about the fact that samar had overheard she said nothing yet samar still surprised wanting to question doest get a chance as the stuck cd resumes leaving both of them in thought. ….........after having resumed there journey and a few hours later they reach kapoor house. In the darkness of the night the day had been spent mostly in travelling yet shivangi was content she had spent some time with her husband and there was something about that time that seemed to have made her feel a little closer to samar. Stepping into kappoor house the first thing shivangi does is look to meet members of the family whilst samar takes to his room for a change of clothes he steps out in a fresh shirt. Of a pink shade..rolling up his sleeves he walks towards shivangi who is still in search of people around the house. Having stepped up behind her he gives a reason for the profound silence in the house.. "ghar mein koi nahin hai." hearing samars voice shivangi turns to face him yet as usual his presence has its impact and her exited loud spoken self just seconds ago drops to more of a nervous silence. "saab log kuch dino ke leighyey farm house gayey hai..toe ghar mein sirf ham teen hai." shivangi looks up in question of the three? Samar was referring to. " tum aur shanti. Vaise bhi uski aur tumari tabyet theekh nahin hai toe tum dono kahin naahin jaa sakte." "um jaao aur aaram karo.." shivangi surprised that samar seemed to have such a caring sense in regaurds to her feels It appropriate to ask. Just before samar walks away "ji kya mein.." stopping to listen to what she has to say.
"kya mein shanti se mil sakti hoon." samar nods a comforting yes before he walks away..
as shivangi spends time with shanti who is overjoyed to see her samar walks in with what looks like her medication. On samar entering the room shivangi also becomes aware and moving to make space for farther and daughter stands in the corner of the room. Baat kya hai..kya ho raha hai yaha..? saying so rather lightly samar walks into the room taking a seat on the bed next to shanti he hands her medication. Yey lo..good girl..on her dad saying shanti does just that and drinks her medication all the while shivangi watches silently unaware of her presence in the room samar only seems to notice when there is a sharp discomfort sort of cough. Looking around he realises shivangi is around and his expression changes into more of a seriousness"tum yaha kya kar rahin ho.?" overlooking a ill posture samar doesn't wait for a reply. "jaao aur kamre mein ja ke aaraam karo." feeling that he was just about to express his disappointment at her being there yet the reason seemed to be something else, surprised shivangi listens to samar and takes her leave from the room.
….As shivangi seems to follow samars instructions she takes the there room and as to rest looking at the time 10.30pm feeling tired she takes hold of everything she needs to lay her floor bed yet when Turning around to see samar she drops her sight at once. "tum yaha nahin waha bed pein soogi.." "ji mein waoh.." being lost for words shivangi gives up. As samar puts down a series of foiled tables and a glass of water down on the bedside table he calls shivangi to take a seat on the bed. More concentrating on what he was doing..diluting the medicine. "yaha aao.." shivangi walking in his direction with a little confusion takes a glance at him as if to look curious. "behto.." samar asking shivangi to sit down waits and then hands her the glass. "prateek ne di hai..use pee kar you should feel better." very silently surprised by her husbands care for her shivangi takes the glass and drinks it as samar watches her. He was giving her the same treatment that had shanti and that shivangi was touched by. Even taking the glass and now insisting that she would sleep samar leaves the room.
Meanwhile outside In kapoor house lounge samar has guest. Business associate Mr sinha takes a seat at samar invitation yet apart from him there is no one to attend for a guest welcoming. Usually ramu kaka being around would provide for tea or coffee yet even he was away. Talking to his guest all the while thinking about how to approach the situation..shivangi happens to overhear the presence of another and walks into the moment just at the right time. Bringing with her tea to serve to mr sinha samar is surprised yet when mr sinha asks for an introduction."Mr kapoor aapne hamari mulakat nahin karvayee?" Samar with a pleasant smile of his on starts introducing shivangi "Yes actually yey meri..pa" but shivangi interrupts.."mein inke yaha kaam karti hoon.." handing Mr Sinha the tea shivangis lie surprised samar. There was no need for it. watching over shivangi with a sense of confusion samar was in question to why she would lie.
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