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Brilliant.. really like what you write... Just finished reading chapters 1-20 at one go and I must be I really enjoyed it... can't wait to know where the story is headed.
A figure stood in the corridor, her head bent down, her hands holding the window legde behind her, trying to catch her breath.
Picking up her bag from the floor with her trembling hands, she slowly straightened up....and wiped her wet cheeks.
It was sheer luck no one had passed them.....no one had seen them.
She wondered what explanation she would have offered in that case.....of course it was another thing she wasnt in a state to give any sort of explanation.
Gathering herself, she started walking, her legs shaky.
She should feel angry....hurt......furious....but all she could acknowledge was sadness.
Her first kiss
.....that had been her first kiss.Growing up she had often fantasized about it......how it would be, who it would be with......and the only person in her mind then had been Pranay.
Of course later, life had taught her a valuable lesson.
Childhood dreams never came true.
Life always threw you in unexpected situations and right now, despite everything, she couldnt say she was complaining.
There had been nothing happy about that kiss.....it had symbolized only hurt, loss and frustration.....and yet...it had been perfect.
She knew what he had seen and read in her eyes.
Pranay and her guilt.
But how could she explain??.....how she could explain the reason for her guilt......didnt he know?
He had been there that night....he had to know.
Part of her wanted to just follow him and tell him...why she behaved the way she did....why she had so much guilt.....why she was so......cold.
She tried to feel angry.......she dug inside herself to feel at least a small amount of anger at what had just transpired between them.....at the fact that, like always, he had the power to disturb her mentally and walk away calmly.
But...nothing.
She came up empty.
Because as pathetic as it sounded in her head....he had made her feel alive.......after six years of numb existence, she had finally.......felt.
*********************************
The days kept them busy with the ever increasing workload, the nights were equally vacant with nothing to do except letting the mind wander into travelled-before territories.
Because whatever you do, you cannot escape the your thoughts....the tangled web your mind weaves.
She had successfully managed to avoid him for the next couple of days....not that he had tried to catch her alone either.
They only spoke when necessary and if it was related to work.
To a third person, it seemed as if they were irritated with each other's mere presence.
The cold wedge between them had increased further. She supposed it was a good thing that Parvati and Pallavi werent in town....or she would have had to deal with their inquisitional glances.
She supposed it was better this way.
She had, many times, come close to confessing the reason for her guilt to him but had stopped herself.
That would only complicate things further....it would only increase expectations that could never be fulfilled.
"She doesnt have much time."
The quiet words, said with an awkward uneasiness, hung heavy in the air.
His eyes wandered away from the man in front of him to glance at his surroundings.
Soft murmers of conversation could be heard along with the soft clink of cutlery as people huddled closely in the quite restaurant they were currently seated in.
His grandfather had suggested eating outside today......now he knew why.
Because here he couldnt escape.
He mused over what he had just heard.
It didnt matter.
She was as good as dead to him anyway.
"I think...", the senior Mehra paused as he chose his next words carefully knowing the temper of the younger man before him, "....that maybe you should consider...meeting her....just once."
There was no reaction as Adi continued looking around.
Finally after what seemed like a long time he looked at his grandfather. So many similarities between them and still...so much difference.
"It wont make any difference."
"True....not to you, maybe, but to her, yes.The doctors informed me that she mutters your name quite often....and that is the only time she's calm."
A pang within him......which he resolutely ignored.
It didnt matter.
"So?" The voice as cold as ice. But the older man knew him well. ....could see the intense confusion he was trying to hide.
"So for the sake of humanity at least, just visit her once........I know you hate her but dont forget what all she did for you."
He scoffed and sipped his wine.
"You can stop the pretense in front of me."
The glass came down hard on the table. The words sharp as razor, "First of all,I dont need to pretend in front of you......secondly I neither have the time nor the inclination to go visit her."
His words were final...Suyash knew that. It would be no use trying to convince him further.....until later.
"Fine", he said calmly, finishing his food......."Another thing I wanted to inform you was that I will be out of town for the next week or so......in my absence anything regarding Rajeshwari will be informed to you", he ignored the sudden flaring up of his grandson's eyes,"and ...if there is any emergency you will inform me immediately."
There was no mistaking the authority in his words........causing Adi to stiffle his anger.
There was a slight drizzle and people around him were hurrying up to clear the streets lest they be caught in the impending storm.
But he didnt notice......because he was too caught up in the storm raging within him.
In the past year she has tried to kill herself at least 10 times.
He walked ahead steadily, people pushing past him and sometimes pushing him.
It didnt matter.
He didnt notice...not even the pointed ends of umbrellas moving by poking him.
Her brain activity is decreasing day by day.
He mistakenly pushed a man to his left and completely missing the irate "Watch where you're going!"
It didnt matter.
His brain felt tired.
The doctors say she doesnt have much time left.....she's deteoriating.
It didnt matter.
He was tired of thinking.....his grandmother,his situation with Maithili........in the past years he had learned to ignore whatever had caused him discomfort but the only thing he had been since coming back here was uncomfortable.
He walked and walked until......one hesitant voice penetrated the fog around his brain.
"Adi....?"
And he found himself standing in the middle of a sidewalk, rain pouring down on him.
When had it started to rain?
Did it matter?
He looked down into the worried, brown eyes in front of him.
What was she doing here.....how the hell had he gotten here dammit?!
But something had made her stop.
She looked carefully at him........she had never seen him look so....disturbed.
"Are you ok?"
He looked back at her.
Sudden anger sparked in his eyes making her feel weary.
Women
.......he was tired of them messing up his carefully controlled world.."Why??......does it look like Im not ok?"
She was taken aback by the unnecessary harshness of his tone.
"I was just..."
"You were just what?....did you finally get so bored of your own misery that you decided to search for others' ?"
What was wrong with him?,
they both thought."Well news flash!.......Nothing is wrong.....Im fine....Does it look like I'm not fine?.....well then let me tell you that I am. Everything's just bloody peachy! Now really... why you dont you get out of my way and find someone else to bother."
With that he moved past her and headed back to where he had left his car.......leaving her standing there, totally crushed.
Thick silence in the room.
He stood at the window with his back towards her while she sat at the table typing the letter he was dictating.
Or rather....trying to.
Till he now he had made several mistakes .....which was not normal for him.
What had him so disturbed....she wanted to know but would definitely not ask him.
She knew that last time he hadnt really meant the things that had come out of his mouth, that she had just been an easy target for his frustration.....but that didnt mean she wasnt hurt.
She had resolutely kept quiet all this while......and what she didnt know was that it was irritating him even more.
"Can we please do this some other time?.......", his voice stoic and polite.
She didnt bother replying ,instead just picked up her notebook and walked to the door.
Her hand was on the door knob when,"Im sorry."
She stood still.
"I shoudnt have said all that."
Sighing she turned and found him still looking outside the window, his mind clearly far away.
All these days she had avoided him like the plague.
But now she didnt want to leave his office till she found out the reason for his unusual behavior.
Curiosity had always been her weakness.
"My grandmother is going to die."
Her eyes widened. She certainly had not been expecting that.
In all these years she had hardly given any thought to Rajeshwari Mehra.
What surprised her even more was the offhand way he had just informed her....as if talking about the weather.
"Im....Im sorry", she finally spoke, not knowing what else to say.
"Dont be", his tone sardonic, "Im not."
She frowned.
Something about him seemed off....he looked and sounded like a robot.
She knew he hated Rajeshwari.....but there had to some remorse buried underneath all that coldness.
She chose her words carefully."I understand this must be a hard time for you and your family."
"For my family....yes, maybe. For me......no, I dont care how she ends up."
Calmly, "You dont mean that."
Now he turned towards her, his eyes scrutinizing her.
He slowly walked towards her and her heart beat increased with each step.
He came to a slow stop in front of her.
For a moment, no one spoke. Even though he was not invading her personal space,she felt the need to take a tiny step back........his proximity and scent was triggering memories of the last time to wash over her.
As if just the sight of him didnt always do that.
He noticed her action and smirked with smugness.
"Oh really?...And how would you know that?"
Her mind immediately shot back to that night when he had spoken to her about his grandmother.
She could clearly remember everything about that night....his words, his feelings.
She knew without a doubt that no matter how much he pretended, deep down he had to have at least a small inkling of love for her.
"She's your grandmother,"she replied simply.
He raised his brow as if to say "So?"
"She has done quite a few bad things, I know, but she has also suffered for them. She has paid her price."
He gave her a look of amusement. "I still dont see any explanation in your reasons as to why I should care for her."
"Because no matter what you say, you cannot deny your bond with her. She may have hurt many people in her life, but the one person she has truly loved, more than her own sons, is you."
His hands fisted at his sides. He didnt want to hear this. He got enough of it from his grandfather.
His eyes bore into her, "Tell me Maithili, is it that simple?..........Are things in your life that simple?"
She stared back defiantly ,"You, out of all people, should know that nothing in my life has ever been simple."
Oh he knew that. He also knew he was one of the reasons for it.
She sighed softly and shook her head. "Look there is no point in arguing. Maybe...maybe you should meet her...just once."
He frowned.She was repeating the same words he had heard two nights before.
"She doesnt have much time left, right?.....so before anything happens, make your peace with her, forgive her.........at least then you will not have any regrets."
It felt funny how she had been avoiding him all this days and now here she was giving him advice.
He gave her a scathing smile, "First of all, I dont know why everyone thinks meeting her will solve anything....secondly, unlike you Maithili, Im not one to regret the decisions I make. I dont feel guilt over them."
And with that he grabbed his long coat and moved past her.
Her eyes closed tightly as the door shut behind her, his words lingering strongly in the room.
The cold wind blew across his face, ruffling his hair, billowing the long trench coat that was draped around him.
The cold didnt seem to affect him as it calmed his over heated body and mind.
This internal struggle within him was driving him crazy......his mind and heart pulling him into two different directions.
No he was right.....and they were all wrong. Meeting her wouldnt change anything.
A memory from long back filtered into his mind...as if hesitant of the resitance it would meet.
A little boy on a swing. Behind him a beautiful woman pushing the swing carefully.
"Faster, gomma, faster!!!"
"No Adi", came the patient voice, "Any faster than this and you might fall down."
He looked back at her with innocent confusion.
"But how can I fall gomma? ....you are with me and I know you wont lever et me fall."
The woman's eyes lit up with this new trust that she had been given.
She stopped the swing and bent down to give him a soft kiss on his chubby cheek.
"You're right Adi....I wont ever let you fall."
He slammed his fist into the rock at a nearby tree into a tree trunk, tiny blood forming on his knuckles.
The pain was helping him focus.
Yes, he was right.
Another memory.
He huddled inside his blanket trying to drown out the shrill screams of his mother.
He wnated to go to her....to stop the pain.
But he was also scared....scared of the screaming.
He had always been scared of that.
Hearing another scream, he shut his eyes tightly and covered his head withe edge of the blanket.
Then, he heard the door of the room open....some one slowly walked in.
He felt the covers being slowly pulled away from his face.
"Adi?"
Feeling relieved he jumped into his grandmother's arms, and started to cry softly.
"When will the pain stop gomma??"
She held him close to her trying to comfort his little worried mind.
"Soon, my son,soon."
"The screams scare me gomma."
"No, Adi, you shouldnt be scared.....if you get scared then who will you help your mommy get better? She needs you to be strong for her."
He processed that in his little mind.
"Come now...go to sleep. You have to wake up early for school tomorrow."
"WIll you stay with me gomma....at least till I fall asleep?"
"Of course, dear, I will stay with you for as long as you want."
Another tree.Another fist.
High waves crashing against the shore in front of him.
Heart pounding against his chest.
After a few seconds, the blood stopped pounding in his ears and there was silence.
Except for the sound of the sea.
And then he heard a silent step behind him.
And her soft quick breaths.
He hadnt expected her to follow...hadnt expected her to care.
She had known he would come here. Like her, it was his favorite place too.
Nothing but a wide stretch of water and a never ending horizon.
Even in days when they used to hate each other, she had spotted him here many times.
Slowly she walked to his side, her hair whipping around her face and shoulders, and faced him.......while he continued to stare ahead.
"That night......after the board meeting, when we met....you told me you owed me a life debt....that I saved your life."
Her words were quiet as he felt her eyes on his face.
"No matter what you think, I have never felt guilt over my decision that night....not even for a day, not even for a second..........My guilt stems from something else.....but never over my decision that night."
She paused as she gathered her next crucial words.
A part of her warned her to not say it...to let it be....but she couldnt..she had to explain herself...at least a little.
"I made that decision because in the end Adi, in the end, I chose you."
For a second, everything stopped.
And then....realization.
Confusion.
She turned away from him and started walking away.
Over her shoulder,"Dont stay out here too long."
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Lyrics from 'Easier to Run' - Linkin Park
Fabulous Part sidra... luv d feelin, emotion wht madi were goin thru.... sl mine adi. wow his anger i luv it man...
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