I am Jassi. Like lassi. Or hussy — that's what Pari and Mallika Madam think I am. Armaan-Sir, he thinks I am Jaspreet. Always I must correct him, ''Jasmeet-Sir''. Jus-meet me on television and you won't be disappointed. Yes, they are saying me everywhere, ''Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin''. But I am only seeing me on Sony. Last one month and 30 days. I am having strong head for numbers and strong numbers for glasses, which is why Pari and Mallika Madam think I am calculating. Armaan-Sir, he thinks I am his brain bank. When he is going on holiday, na, he is leaving all his money to me. Hee-hee. I am laughing like a high-eena because that is what is coming from my mouth when I go 'ha-ha'. On account (always money matters to me) I wear my kada around my teeth — so no one can steal either from me. Hee-hee. | | < name=mail_ =http://community.expressindia.com/mail/columnist_feedback.php method=post target=feedback>< = [email protected] name=mail_to>< = value="The incredible adventures of Jassi" name=subject> | | | Send your comments to the columnist | | | Name | | < size=15 name=name> | | Your E-Mail | | < size=15 name=email> | | Your Comments | | < name=message rows=10 cols=15></> | | | | | | | | </> | Yes, I am 101 per cent clever. Never has before seen one like me on TV. Jassi Jaise Koi Nahin. My best friend Nandu, smarter than me because he wear glasses thick like his neck, says in English they are translating me: ''Jassi just like no other.'' Every man is wanting me: Armaan-Sir wants me to run his company; woh his funny friend, Raj-Sir wants me to run Armaan-Sir, Aryan-Sir, bad brother of Mallika Madam wants that I fail so he can succeed Armaan-Sir and Gulati wants that he mix me in his drinks — of which he is consuming many too much — and drown me with his tomorrows... sorrows, sorrows. Poor Papaji is wanting me not to know of his job loss, and Shantanu wants me accepting his Rs 30 lakhs of bribery and corruption. On TV. My life is no fiction, it's a fact. One day Jassi next day Judeo. Papaji saying ''money makes man into animal.'' That's why Pari and Mallika thinking I am looking like cow? Yes, all mankind want Jassi. One man is wanting me too much, he is putting ad in papers. No, not in matrimonial column. On account (always money matters to me) of journalists writing me off as Jassi, the Ugly Jain. No, I correcting them, Sikh. Nandu smarter: they mean you is not undressed like Pari and Mallika Madam, so you looking like bare buttock. No, I correcting him, Plain Duck, not bare batak. The girls' gang at office? My bosom buds after Nandu? They say you have nice, black fringe, Pari doesn't, you wear sideburns, Aryan-Sir doesn't. And, in the later, you will be taken off your clothes and wig and steel kada around your teeth. Then, you will be lovely like Mona Singh in Asian Paint ad. Hee-hee, I laugh, like high-eena, I am already looking like she because Jassi Jaisi Mona Hi! Yes, Jassi make Mona famous and other female characters jealous. Already Tulsi running to BJP for AIDS. Because I am reading that in one month and 30 days I am grown by 5.1 TRP. They not teach me this measurement in Diploma Finance, but I know I stand tall — Tulsi, Parvati, Prerna, Pammi... are on top of me, on account (always money matters to me) measuring feet in high heels. So but none have name in title song — only Kkusum and she is under me at 9 p.m. Karishma also, but by some mir-aacle, her name is Devyani in serial. Hee-hee. Yes, Jassi is running TV show on her brains. I am thinking I one day will like to be Barkha Butt on that maths channel, what they call it? 24X7? Better, I play Auntie Agony with Bakra Broacha on Helpline on account (always money matters to me) my love not paying me any interest: through my glasses, thick as Nandu's neck, Armaaan-Sir, he cannot see my eyes loving him. Yes, I become sensation. That Leela Bhansali? She make me into mega movie, starring Shah Rukh as Armaan-Sir, Ashwarya as Mallika Madam, Karisma Pari, and Madhuri Dixit as Jassi. Mein Madhuri Dixit Banna Chahti Hoon. Hee-hee. Last one week, I not laugh like a high-eena but cry like bahu — boohoo. Not nice: Bebe, my dadi not child, say if Jassi laugh, duniya in laugh with Jassi, Jassi, cry, Jassi cry alone. I must tell to my producers — no, not my Papaji and Mama — but my TV producers... |
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