Decoding of "To-go"
The essay opens to a scene in a well-known restaurant where the narrator and his lover/girlfriend are on a brink of a break-up. The lover seems to be fed up with narrator's behavior or commitment that she is ready call it quits. They seem to share a lovely relationship in the past; creating beautiful memories like any other dating couple. The narrator insists that he doesn't like hypocrisy and wants to finish the episode with minimum verbal attacks at him. When they are about to leave the restaurant, an old friend bumps into them. This leads to more civility in their current behavior and they re-live the old times albeit forcefully due to their friend's instance of recalling them fondly. When they had almost decided to move away (again), the friend reminds them to attend his birthday on the next day. As a blessing in disguise to be together, the couple settle down to their seats astonished to understand if this was a divine signal - made for each other.
These scenes looks straight from any pot boiler movie of any urban drama (very Mani Ratnam like screen play) , where new generation think they can change partners as quick as clothes. Well I am too lazy for that too ;-)
Is it a story of a man who is in love having commitment phobia leading to this situation?, or is it a story to believe in the intuition of circumstances or a to be in weariness of losing a lover and the faith of retaining her etc. Possibility is infinity.
This is definitely not a diary of a day's burning. This is definitely not a relationship building guide. This is definitely not a story of old school reunion.
If Hasan, the son of Ahmet was a curve ball, this one is a thunderbolt!
The man and his lover. Who are they? This is a rendezvous of a man's ego and his conscious. Engin throws subtle hints that ego and conscience in conflict zone in the opening lines..."She used to have a habit of hiding behind sentences. However, I didn't like visible things and used to build icebergs with invisible sentences."
Conscious does not show up easily. It always a back seat driver, giving those instructions when the confidence speeds to an ego. And this ego has a growth spurt and hides all emotions behind tall mental walls. Yet this combination of the conscious and ego have to co-exist to make a person. And by co-existing they learn to love each other. Don't they?
The childhood learning to be strong, is a confidence booster that parents often use. The usage over a period of time turns to ego. Hence the narrator's ego over powers this conscience in the first half of the essay.
Does the narrator persuade his love to stay back. No. He is simply too engrossed to say "As you wish and let's go". A visibly hurt lover realizes her futile attempts to change him and prepares for a wrap-up.
And as a thorough gentleman, Engin also addresses the pain of letting go of loves ones as a comparison to a tooth pain, may be from a root canal treatment which the most the severe one. A last minute damage control, by offering to drop her and him being quickly dismissed is Deja vu. I was giggling silly reading those lines.
The lines "Both of us had waved at him at the same time, hugged him at the same time, and embraced him" is a sitter for those who read between the lines. Physically there was only one entity - the narrator, the meta physical entity being two - conscious and ego.
Conscious is quiet and peaceful while ego is tyrannical and dictatorial. Ego focuses on one's own survival and pleasure (escape from the hand grenade).
When ego and conscious are at logger heads, everything around looks suffocating(smaller and smaller) like a noose hanging around. Some philosophers call this as biological dissolvable intelligent point!!
How many times have you bumped into a common friend while you were not in the best with your lover/spouse and had to retract with awkwardness. And also thanked him/her for averting a major show down otherwise? Hmm...so who is this Man Friday? A common bestie who loved to talk to them from old days.
Yesterday, today and tomorrow are units of time. An old friend is a personification of time in this essay. Engin effectively uses the entry of a friend (like Hakan, Mehmet) to bring a comic relief to the sublime story. This friend who is unware of the brewing tension of the couple, is quick to comment that the couple were made for each other. Paradox.
Why did the friend become the guest of honor? Is it because he praised the narrator and his lover? Definitely not.
The narrator gets enough time, to retrospect on the progression of his relationship(through friend's narration of good times), introspect his current situation ( pretending to be lovers and smiling etc.). While the friend prepared to depart, he realizes the shortcomings, however the ego is still ruling the conscious.
The result is stronger repulsion and disregard to the surroundings. This trait is demonstrated world over with people digging into the mobile phones, even if the next Hiroshima was 100 meter away from, they would still browse a useless post. Oh and that indifference to the waiter is another by-product of this disregard.
The climax of this clash, is when the narrator says "We could live in a very sincere world if we could see our mind's voices".
This is when the large iceberg built as ego is slowing thawing with time as the catalyst, to see the conscious' s point of view (mind's voices) and brings back the narrator to woo his lady back to say "Don't go" in a clear mind. The lover who is unaware of his intentions, decides to move on. A just in time intervening of tomorrow, gives them a glimpses of happy days ahead of them. Realizing their potential, the couple want to give themselves another chance, another cup of tea :)
Today luckily most of can manage the positive side of ego, but negative ego has more impact to manifest satanic & sadistic minds. On the other hand conscious unawareness leads to a society of sociopaths, who can be as dangerous as a psychopath.
When people strive to achieve a conscious mind, there is a lot of clarity, peace and integrity. This inner strength/conviction/positive ego drives us to be kind and courageous with other people without any insecurities. And this is when the whole is greater than the sum of ego and conscious parts and that is when the lovers live in union with a strong bond.
Engin wraps the Freud's structural model of psyche with a soft love story, to make readers understand that a balance of ego and conscious is very necessary for a healthy mind.
Knowing the Engin is a very sensitive person, who is well aware of his surroundings, I believe he must have realized most of the unpleasant news that we hear and read from city, state, national or international are handiwork of the devious minds who are developing faster than those cancer cells, eliminating the goodness of society systematically. The result can be minor robbery or an interstate fight for water resources or war looming large across borders or hostile take overs at companies or simply banning the carry of laptops from certain transit locations.
I am in short of words to say, how much I enjoyed reading it, learning the essence and sharing with your folks here.
Thank You Engin, every drop of water makes an ocean and you are definitely a bigger drop :))
So let's live by our conscious, let's rise above(to-go) our ego.
comment:
p_commentcount