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"What makes you beautiful"
This post is dedicated to my dii jaani sanju.😃 love U tomato 😛
The snow was thick as I maneuvered expertly through the narrow street. The air smelt like frost and pine trees; like Christmas. I inhaled the sweet scent of relief and festivity. The constant frown on my lips melted into a small, but genuine smile.
It had been long since I smiled; I almost forgot how to.I didn't blame anything, but sometimes when life offered you bad things over bad things, you'd just be like me: empty and void of emotions.
Snow swirled around, making it hard to see. The air was frigid; with every whiff of air I inhaled, I could feel my lungs freezing. When I exhaled, the frosty smoke swirled around like a connoisseur salsa artiste.
The sudden growl echoed inside the quiet interior of the car reminded me of my hunger. The convenient choice was the nearby restaurant; but I hated every time I'd to walk inside anywhere public; eyes followed me like shadow, haunting and taunting me.
Braving my heart, I stepped out. The diner's covered with snowflakes, giving it a heavenly aura. Sweet aroma of frying food and cheese filled the air. Ordering for a burger, I waited in the cozy chair.
"Excuse me?" Looking up, I saw a man standing there; tall and broad; his hair, a stunning black;his magnetic eyes, . I nodded; words were lost in that split second I looked inside his eyes.
"Have you ever visited Lakeview?" His voice was mesmerizing, but that wasn't what caught my undivided attention.
It was the name Lakeview.' I was suddenly vigilant, like a lone dog at night, guarding his masters. My eyes narrowed as I nodded again, wordlessly.
"Did you, by any chance, know about the fire accident happened..." My heart pounded like a deranged drum inside my ears. I watched his lips moving, but didn't hear a word he said after that.
My eyes caught my reflection in the polished table. On my left cheek ran a long charred scar, permanently marking my features. It was dark like an overcooked toast, completely contrasting with my pale, lifeless skin tone.
Before that scar, I wasn't considered hideous; or a bogey-man. It's always a mortifying occurrence, when mothers pointed me to the child, saying If you don't stop being stubborn, I'll hand you over to that creepy woman.'
This was whispered in a harsh tone, and they'd never know how they killed my remaining self-esteem with those hurtful words.
"Do you know the Kaul's family?" I stared at him in surprise.
"I'm Antara Kaul." He perked up like he had just found his long last friend and slumped in the chair opposite to me; the magnetic eyes glinted with mirth and smile.
"I'm Raghunath nayak. My family has been searching for you since that fateful day; do you remember?" I didn't say: I can't forget.'
I remembered that day with utmost clarity, like it's videotaped by my brain; every single scene, vivid and animated. The flames hungrily gobbling people; blazing orange inferno on every corner as everyone ran for life; the lifeless charred bodies, looking like burnt tree twigs.
I was breathless. My heartbeat picked up the pace and I was living that nightmare once again. I was surrounded by smoke; my skin was melting in red hot fire.
"Antara, hey, come on, you're fine. Look at me, everything is fine." A voice, sounding extremely concerned pulled me out of my dreadful reverie.
I sighed in despair; days, months, years had already long gone, but it'd never failed to make me feel the pain of loss; loss of mom and dad, my only family.
With those scars in my face and along my arms and body, came a hoard of memories; memories I couldn't let go; a burden so heavy and grave; burden filled with anguish and misery.
Even if I tried to let go, the looks on the eyes of the people around me- repulsion, disgust and sometimes pity- never let me stop thinking about the palpable stain of the past.
Time killed the childlike smile; filched the meaning behind my naive words; I was forced to grow up, even before I'd fully understood the meaning of adult-hood. I was no longer the girl I was in the past. Now, I was just a broken piece of sculpture that could never be fixed back.
"I'm sorry I reminded you of that day, but I really want to talk with you; can we meet tomorrow? I was in the motel." He was looking at me for a sign of approval. I was surprised to find myself nodding again.
What was with me and the constant nodding? What was he doing to me?
You're happy to be around him; because his eyes didn't hold the same look you've faced all your life.' A small voice proclaimed at the back of my head.
"What do the likes of you want to do with Mr. nayak?
He doesn't run charity organization." The receptionist's voice was louder when I inquired about Raghu. ; I flinched back in shame.
"I'm going to let this behavior known to you manager." It was Raghu.
His arms came around my waist as if he was protecting me from the world. She begged; but he walked me outside, unhearing of her pleas, his arms still around me.
I stiffened; a man's touch was completely new to me and it sent a tumult of emotions through my every living cells. He pulled away looking flustered, and my rigid shoulders slumped in utter defeat.
"No, don't do it. Her family lives with her money." I muttered. His eyes held admiration and something else that I couldn't pinpoint as he looked up.
We talked; nothing of significance. For the most part, I wanted to ask what he wanted to talk with me, but I found myself immersed inside his voice, his eyes and his aura.
His company was refreshing and I liked having conversation with a human soul; it had been too long and I cherished every moment with him.
Next morning, I was inside his car, travelling to an unknown destination. I didn't know why I said yes' when he asked me to go with him and work for him as his PA; it was still a mystery to me; but it wasn't like I've had anything worthy in this town.
He took me to shopping; brought me clothes, disregarding my protest. He cooked me dinner that night and let me stay in his condo. It felt like a date to me, though I had no experience whatsoever.
Three months had passed since I started working for him. He was strict and unbending while he was working. Outside the work, we're friends. Sometimes it felt like he wanted more with me, but I wasn't sure.
We talked about everything under the sky. I lived in a small apartment opposite to him; he paid. He made my life easy.
He made me go and see a psychiatrist. He drove me to the therapy when I was being stubborn. Now, my nightmares were not as frequent and I could think of my mom and dad without suffocating.
I couldn't help but falling for that man, who had given me life and my strength back. I was still ridiculed for my scars; mostly by jealous women who hated seeing him with me; but with him there, I felt confident and strong.
"We're going to meet my family. They're in the city for Ronak's birthday; but before that I want to ask you something." I looked up from my iPad and wiggled my eyebrows.
"Will you be my girlfriend?" He looked nervous.
The guy, who had everything, including the city's most famous ladies, was nervous. I was flabbergasted, but I wasn't a fool.
"Look at me and look at yourself. We don't match. I'm not pretty enough." It was the truth, though it pained me to say so.
I didn't, couldn't complement his handsomeness. He's every girl's dreams come true, including mine, but I wasn't stupid enough to believe in fairytales.
A girl, looking like me, detoriated and ugly, couldn't have fairytales or her own prince.
His grip was iron-like as he clutched my shoulders and pulled me up. He walked me to his hall and stood me in front of the full-length mirror.
He pulled my chin up and stared into my brown eyes, his jade eyes speaking volumes; they told everything I wanted to hear at that moment; my heart stuttered.
"Are you talking about this?" His fingers traced the scars; his touch as soft as a feather's; loving and comforting; like a mom's touch.
"I can help you with that if you want to; surgery can easily make you pretty again." I stood there frozen, powerless to talk.
"But I want to be with you, all of you, including your scars. This scar's what makes you really beautiful." I tried to cut in, but his finger pressed gently on my lips stopped me.
"You've a big heart. Even when that receptionist was cruel, you saved her job. You're forgiving." His voice was melodious.
"You're kind and brave. You could've walked away from the fire, but you chose not to and saved my little brother jay; you are a superman to my family. When people twice your age ran away for life, you stayed and saved three little children. You're a hero."
His voice was respectful. He looked at me like there was more to me than my scars. His eyes held more than just respect; they held love.
"Beauty isn't in your skin, baby. It's in your heart; in your deeds and no one's as beautiful to me as you. Do you still consider yourself ugly? I don't." He kissed my cheeks gently.
"But Raghu, it's impossible; people will talk." My voice was weak.
"Why did my car had to breakdown in a small nameless town? We're supposed to meet; it's fate. Your hazel eyes, like honey, changed something in me that day. Now I hate all the ladies I once used to admire, because I know a girl who's more beautiful than them all. Your beauty is different and it's what captured my heart."
"I'll go out with you, raghu . You're beautiful and you make me feel beautiful."
He wrapped him around me like a blanket and I enjoyed the peace. What tomorrow would bring was a mystery, but today, he's my only get away from the past; he's my haven; my refuge.
As I walked down the lane filled with colorful lights, wearing a satin green dress he had bought, his arms around my waist in a possessive hold, I really felt beautiful for the first time in my life.
As if hearing my thought, he whispered in my ears:
"You're beautiful Ms. caul. You'll always be beautiful to me."
-The end.
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