Posted:
Dear Friends, Family & Amdavadis,
First of all we would like to thank you for coming to the wedding of our son. Except that, as all of you know, there was no wedding. In case you haven't heard it already from the Bens of Vastrapur, the wedding did not happen owing to a case of dowry demand being declined. You know, the usual middle class activism. How very inconvenient.
As many other parents with daughters will know, we had estimated that our son was worth Rs 50 lakhs. Thanks to the gracious Uma Ben, who worked as an interlocutor for us, we were paid Rs 25 lakhs at the wedding venue. In cash. However, owing to a last minute change of heart, the father declined to allow the wedding to be completed. Needless to say, we are disappointed and terribly embarrassed. However, we have no doubt that this is indeed all for the good and we will now revalue our son and demand a higher dowry. Parents of daughters, write back to us with two full-length photographs of the girl, specifying her age, weight, skin-tone and the amount you will be willing to pay. Parents of sons, please make sure that any dowry is collected at places other than the wedding venue and much before the ceremony.
Some of you stayed back for lunch. Hope the catering was satisfactory.
We regret to inform you that any cash gifts will not be returned. Any casseroles, dabbas and clocks that you may have given will be re-gifted immediately.
Yours apologetically,
Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember
**
Dear Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember,
Since I paid you Rs 25 lakhs as dowry and the wedding did not take place, I would request you to return the amount to me at your earliest convenience. As you might have already heard through the Vastrapur grapevine, I am now unemployed as well as homeless, all thanks to my heroism. So you can imagine I am very anxious to be given this amount immediately.
Waiting to hear back from you.
Purvi's-Dad
**
Dear Purvi's Dad,
What Rs 25 lakhs? I have no idea what you are going on about. Please do not ever email me again.
Still seething with rage,
Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember
**
Dear Chhan Chhan,
Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember have declined to return us our Rs 25 lakhs. In fact, they are denying any recollection that such a sum was given to them.
*cries*
Purvi
**
Dear Uma Aunty,
Could you please give me the address of the place from where you buy those homeopathy memory pills? We desperately need it so that Ragini can remember the name of Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember and Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember can remember that they owe somebody money.
Thanks,
Chhan Chhan
**
Dear Manav,
Please visit every homeopathic store in Ahmedabad and buy out their entire stock of memory pills. Because let that girl know that I am the world's best bearer of grudges. While you are at it, see if there is something for your dog allergies as well. Seeing that it is a dog's world out there and given your poor sneezing skills, we might need to fix it.
Affectionately,
Mummy
**
Dear Amdavad Cops,
We would like to inform that one of our friends has gone missing. We were at a wedding, trying on readymade saris, posting pictures on Facebook and the next moment... bam... she was gone. Oh and Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember attempted to take dowry, which I suppose is also a criminal offence. But mostly we are just worried about our missing friend. It is too early in the day for cast members to go AWOL. Kindly do the needful.
Worriedly,
Gals of Vastrapur
**
Dear Anurag Kashyap,
We are confused. Is it possible that you are remaking a movie called Gals of Vastrapur about a gang of five girlfriends where one goes missing.
Regards,
Amdavad Cops
**
Dear Amdavad Cops,
That is a brilliant idea. Five Guju girls who stab each other for sport with dandiya sticks set against the 2002 riots. And then one goes missing. Will be a poignant, coming of age tale.
Thank you.
Anurag Kashyap
**
Dear Production House,
Wait. Are you remaking Khoobsurat? But, but, but... that is a classic. Why??!
Fangirl Who Spends a Lot of Time Online
**
Dear Production House,
Wait. This is no remake of Khoobsurat. But, but, but... that was a classic. Why not??!
Disappointed Fangirl Who Spends a Lot of Time Online
**
Dear Sanaya,
I love you. But I don't think that you should have done this show. I mean, I like the dogs, but you already have dogs (not a euphemism) at home. But, I like your clothes, except for the shiny bits. But I think you should have waited. In fact, I am sure you were not thinking through your decision. I don't think you know what is best for you. I know what is best for you. Astonishing as that might seem.
Anyway, I still love you.
Yours adoringly,
Fangirl
**
Dear Fangirl,
TFS.
Please find attached a restraining order with this email.
Also, please remember to vote for me on Jhalak Dikhla Ja. Type JDJ SAN and send it to 991.
Thanks,
Sanaya
**
Dear Ragini,
You have an exam in two weeks. Taking away your Internet privileges with immediate effect.
With Love,
Mom
**
Dear Mom,
Nooo. Put down that scissors. Don't cut that wire. If you do tha
**
First of all we would like to thank you for coming to the wedding of our son. Except that, as all of you know, there was no wedding. In case you haven't heard it already from the Bens of Vastrapur, the wedding did not happen owing to a case of dowry demand being declined. You know, the usual middle class activism. How very inconvenient.
As many other parents with daughters will know, we had estimated that our son was worth Rs 50 lakhs. Thanks to the gracious Uma Ben, who worked as an interlocutor for us, we were paid Rs 25 lakhs at the wedding venue. In cash. However, owing to a last minute change of heart, the father declined to allow the wedding to be completed. Needless to say, we are disappointed and terribly embarrassed. However, we have no doubt that this is indeed all for the good and we will now revalue our son and demand a higher dowry. Parents of daughters, write back to us with two full-length photographs of the girl, specifying her age, weight, skin-tone and the amount you will be willing to pay. Parents of sons, please make sure that any dowry is collected at places other than the wedding venue and much before the ceremony.
Some of you stayed back for lunch. Hope the catering was satisfactory.
We regret to inform you that any cash gifts will not be returned. Any casseroles, dabbas and clocks that you may have given will be re-gifted immediately.
Yours apologetically,
Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember
**
Dear Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember,
Since I paid you Rs 25 lakhs as dowry and the wedding did not take place, I would request you to return the amount to me at your earliest convenience. As you might have already heard through the Vastrapur grapevine, I am now unemployed as well as homeless, all thanks to my heroism. So you can imagine I am very anxious to be given this amount immediately.
Waiting to hear back from you.
Purvi's-Dad
**
Dear Purvi's Dad,
What Rs 25 lakhs? I have no idea what you are going on about. Please do not ever email me again.
Still seething with rage,
Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember
**
Dear Chhan Chhan,
Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember have declined to return us our Rs 25 lakhs. In fact, they are denying any recollection that such a sum was given to them.
*cries*
Purvi
**
Dear Uma Aunty,
Could you please give me the address of the place from where you buy those homeopathy memory pills? We desperately need it so that Ragini can remember the name of Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember and Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember can remember that they owe somebody money.
Thanks,
Chhan Chhan
**
Dear Manav,
Please visit every homeopathic store in Ahmedabad and buy out their entire stock of memory pills. Because let that girl know that I am the world's best bearer of grudges. While you are at it, see if there is something for your dog allergies as well. Seeing that it is a dog's world out there and given your poor sneezing skills, we might need to fix it.
Affectionately,
Mummy
**
Dear Amdavad Cops,
We would like to inform that one of our friends has gone missing. We were at a wedding, trying on readymade saris, posting pictures on Facebook and the next moment... bam... she was gone. Oh and Parents-whose-names-one-does-not-remember attempted to take dowry, which I suppose is also a criminal offence. But mostly we are just worried about our missing friend. It is too early in the day for cast members to go AWOL. Kindly do the needful.
Worriedly,
Gals of Vastrapur
**
Dear Anurag Kashyap,
We are confused. Is it possible that you are remaking a movie called Gals of Vastrapur about a gang of five girlfriends where one goes missing.
Regards,
Amdavad Cops
**
Dear Amdavad Cops,
That is a brilliant idea. Five Guju girls who stab each other for sport with dandiya sticks set against the 2002 riots. And then one goes missing. Will be a poignant, coming of age tale.
Thank you.
Anurag Kashyap
**
Dear Production House,
Wait. Are you remaking Khoobsurat? But, but, but... that is a classic. Why??!
Fangirl Who Spends a Lot of Time Online
**
Dear Production House,
Wait. This is no remake of Khoobsurat. But, but, but... that was a classic. Why not??!
Disappointed Fangirl Who Spends a Lot of Time Online
**
Dear Sanaya,
I love you. But I don't think that you should have done this show. I mean, I like the dogs, but you already have dogs (not a euphemism) at home. But, I like your clothes, except for the shiny bits. But I think you should have waited. In fact, I am sure you were not thinking through your decision. I don't think you know what is best for you. I know what is best for you. Astonishing as that might seem.
Anyway, I still love you.
Yours adoringly,
Fangirl
**
Dear Fangirl,
TFS.
Please find attached a restraining order with this email.
Also, please remember to vote for me on Jhalak Dikhla Ja. Type JDJ SAN and send it to 991.
Thanks,
Sanaya
**
Dear Ragini,
You have an exam in two weeks. Taking away your Internet privileges with immediate effect.
With Love,
Mom
**
Dear Mom,
Nooo. Put down that scissors. Don't cut that wire. If you do tha
**
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