Chapter 20 - New Beginnings (I)
Later that night, Taani found Swayam, on the terrace of their bungalow. He was staring at the distant sea. She was standing behind him and saw his slumped shoulder. She didn't need to see his face to know that whatever he had planned didn't work out. How enthusiastic he was after their talk in the morning, he was going to get Sharon back and she was hoping for that. She wondered what could've gone wrong.
"Bhai," she called out softly so as not to jar him.
His shoulders stiffened at hearing her voice. "Taani," he managed to speak her name in a choked voice. She could hear the tremble in his voice as he wiped his face with his palms.
"I didn't mean to disturb you-," she spoke delicately when he interrupted her, "Stay."
She walked up to the railing of the balcony and stood beside him. She couldn't muster up the courage to look at him. "It's all because of me, isn't it? If I hadn't started this affair with Rey, nothing would have happened. You would be happy. Sharon would be here with you."
"The only person to blame for this is me," Swayam admitted, his voice choking with every word. "I did this Taani. I took the best thing in my life and ruined it with my own hands."
Taani took his hand and squeezed it gently, "You thought Rey and Vicky were plotting against you..." she tried to give a weak justification.
Swayam shook his head, "Nothing can rationalize my reaction. I should have had faith on the girl that I claim to love. What kind of love is it if it's devoid of trust?"
"Don't doubt your love," Taani interjected, strengthening her voice, "You had a terrible experience in that past, your trust was broken. I have seen you deal with that. That kind of thing doesn't disappear. When you thought you were confronted with a similar situation you reverted to your old self that's understandable."
"Is that a good enough reason to do what I did?" Swayam asked solemnly. Taani slowly shook her head and shrugged her shoulder, confused, "I don't know... Not entirely. I thought Sharon would see through that..."
"She's been going through so much, because of me, because of her family, her career... How could I have been so blind?" he pondered, out loud.
"What will you do now?" Taani asked hesitantly.
"What she asked me to." Swayam replied with finality. "Give her space and time. That's the least I can do after all I put her through."
Taani nodded in response, praying for things to resolve as fast as they could.
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April in Delhi was one of the favourite months for Sharon. The chilly winter had receded and there was time for the scorching summer to start. She turned on the ceiling fan of her new rented flat and sat on a bean bag she had recently bought. It was a month since she arrived in the city, her city where she had spent a good portion of her life. After staying for a better part of a year in Mumbai, she felt like she was back home.
All her family brother, father, relatives were in Mumbai yet Delhi was closer to her heart. This is where she completed her studies, planned her future, and toiled for it. Last year, she went to Mumbai for a vacation and those few days led to a complete upheaval of her life. Her family being caught in that scandal, she being married off to Swayam... it all felt like a distant dream.
Her mind went back to the day she was leaving. Rey was trying to talk her out of it. He had apologized saying that he never held her responsible for any of the misfortunate incidents. But the damage was already done. That was the thing with words, once spoken you couldn't take them back. Sharon had seen how distressed Rey was when she was packing. She quelled him, making him believe that her reasons for leaving had nothing to do with him. It wasn't like she blamed Rey or Swayam or any person for all that had befallen.
Earlier she was a bystander in the world of her father and brother but once she was in it, she saw clearly that she was not meant for it. The business rivalry, the family politics, the backstabbing and the games were not something she could withstand or live with. She tried to, initially. But there came a point in her life, her breaking point, when she just couldn't do it anymore.
On pleasant spring nights, when she laid down in her bed, she found herself often thinking of Swayam. Before that fateful day, they were happy. She was in love with him, she believed he felt the same. Those few months when they were building their relationship were some of the best moments of her life. She thought it would last, but alas, like all good things, that came to an end.
A part of her longed to see him; to talk to him. She had pleaded him to give her time and he had obliged. A part of her, wanted him to protest, to say that he wouldn't let her go. If he were more assertive and didn't let her leave, would she have stayed back, she wondered oft.
The spring gave way to the start of a scorching Delhi summer. Sharon had found herself an internship at a small hospital. She decided to use her time judiciously before beginning to sit for entrance exams for her MS. On one such commute, from her rented flat to the hospital, in the midst of a heavily crowded metro station, Sharon saw him.
He was looking at the metro line map hung on the platform wall, with his back to her, she recognized his frame- the same tall guy with soft black curls. Sharon's heart skipped a beat, thinking if Swayam had come to the city for her. With each step she took towards him, her mind began to churn various thoughts was she happy that he was here? Did she want him here? What would she say to him? Should she even walk to him?
He still had his back to her, tracing the map to find some location. Taking a deep breath and shutting all the thoughts in her mind, she placed her hand, very softly, on his shoulder. "Swayam?" she whispered.
The guy turned around and smiled, "I am sorry?"
It was not Swayam. She took a step back and muttered, "Sorry. I thought you were someone I knew." The guy nodded and went back to studying the map.
Sharon found hot tears stinging her eyes. She was disappointed that it wasn't Swayam. She tried to wipe the tears forming in her eyes, but the more she wiped, the more it came. Why was she disappointed? She had asked him for time and he was giving her that. He would just pull her back to the same mess that she had tried so hard to leave behind. Why did she then want him near her?
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It was a hot July Sunday when Rey and Kria visited Sharon. Rey had wanted to come and visit her months ago but Sharon kept delaying. She knew that her brother was not happy with her shift and would try to get her to move back. Finally after months of persistence, she invited him over. He had taken an early morning flight from Mumbai and came straight to her rented flat. She wasn't expecting Kria to accompany and was pleasantly surprised. It was evident to Sharon that Rey and Kria had rekindled their relationship. She was happy for them.
Sharon's flat was a small 2 room house with a kitchen and washroom. Kria looked around and complimented Sharon that the flat was cozy.
Rey sulked at the doorway, "You mean small?" he asked Kria.
"No, I mean cozy," Kria replied with a smile as she plopped on a beanbag.
"At least find a better place to live," Rey complained as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"This is what I can afford with my internship stipend," Sharon responded, "And I don't want to take your or dad's money." Sharon argued as she saw Rey about to say something.
"It's your money too," Rey reasoned. "I get that you don't want to have any connection with that world but you can atleast keep your share of the money."
"I'll take it when I need it," Sharon replied and handed him a cup of tea. "Enough about me. Tell me what's happening with you guys."
"Nothing much," Kria spoke, "Dad's in London and recovering at a good pace. It was a good decision to send him away from all this."
Sharon pursed her lips at the mention of her father. She had called him from Delhi when he was in London. He was not very enthusiastic but maintained civility. He had made small talk and asked her if she needed anything. Sharon thanked him and asked him to visit her if he ever came to India. She could sense some disappointment in his voice as he disconnected the call. He was recovering and that was all that mattered. Sharon always had a non-existent relationship with her father, especially after her mother passed away. She was gratified with the small phone calls from him, once every few weeks; though she could make out that her father had kept constant touch with Kria and Rey.
Rey took over from Kria, "I am starting a new venture. There are some old connections of mine who are willing to invest."
Rey looked unsurely at Kria, who gave him a slight nod. He continued, "Swayam came to see me a few weeks back."
Sharon's ear perked up at the mention of Swayam. Rey went on, "He told me why he did what he did about the misunderstanding. He apologized and offered to reinstate me to my previous position. I accepted his apology and declined his offer. There were too many complications in the past. I told him I would be better off on my own... He was quite earnest in his apology, Sharon. Poor guy seemed really sorry."
Sharon shrugged, "I don't know what you are trying to get at?"
"Can't you guys work it out?" It was Kria who responded, "Rey has forgiven and forgotten the past. Can't you do the same?"
Sharon frowned, "Can we talk about something else please?" She didn't want to answer Kria's question coz she herself didn't know what she wanted. She wanted him back yet at the same time she was scared about what he would bring with him.
Rey and Kria didn't pursue the topic any further. They spent the entire day at Sharon's apartment till it was time for their late night flight, back to Mumbai.
As she was bidding goodbye to her brother and Kria, she had an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach like there was more news to come, from Mumbai.
Turned out she was not wrong. A few days later, exactly on the day of what was supposed to be her 1st marriage anniversary, she received a big and heavy manila envelope in courier. She knew what it was before she ripped open the packet a deed for divorce. Malhotra uncle had very meticulously put numerous post-its on the pages she was supposed to sign and put her initials in.
Her cup of tea turned cold as she finished with the last signature on the papers, many minutes later. The last shred of hope for her and Swayam was now over. Swayam never tried to contact her in these past 4 months. Maybe he had moved on. Maybe she was the one who was secretly hoping for some miracle to happen. She never paused to think that maybe, just maybe, Swayam didn't want to have any relationship with her.
She scoffed at her foolishness, at her silly heart for harbouring the hope for a reunion. "Happy anniversary, Sharon," she whispered to herself, in a heavy voice as she resealed the packet to be couriered back to Mumbai. When the courier delivery boy came to pick up her parcel, she held it in her hand for quite some time.
"Ma'am?" the young boy gestured her to hand him the parcel.
Sharon heard him but for some reason she couldn't find the courage to hand over the papers. If she gave it to him, that would be it the end of her relationship. There would be no going back from it. But what would she achieve by holding on to it? Swayam didn't want her. As much as she hated to believe, the truth was he didn't love her- for if he had, he would have never sent the divorce papers to Malhotra uncle. He wanted a clean finish and she would give it to him, no matter how much it pained her.
As she handed the packet to the courier boy, she wondered if she would ever see Swayam again.
She did see him again 6 months later, on a cool January morning in Mumbai, in the court while waiting for their divorce to be finalized.
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