The sky was stormy, grey and depressing; not unlike her emotions at the instant.
The wind was strong and dry leaves hit her form as she drew her jacket tighter around her, heading straight against the current. Her hair flew wildly around her face, but she couldn't care less. Not now, not today and not tomorrow. She trudged along the soft grass, her posture stiffening with every step she took. She caught sight of the small party ahead of her and drew a sharp breath.
She wasn't ready for this. She probably shouldn't have come.
But she couldn't not come.
They were all dressed in black, with their shoulders slumped in grief, or in fatigue, she didn't know and didn't care. The woman was crying with a pain so raw, it nearly matched hers. Except it didn't. A boy of age ten or so was wrapped around the woman's legs and she felt a deep stab inside her, her legs shook endangering her balance.
She didn't belong here, among these people. She belonged with him.
Gathering her courage she walked firmly through the crowd, dread filling her. The woman looked up at her in surprise and she could see the stained tear tracks on the cheeks. The woman freed herself from the kid's grasp and embraced her, anguished. She felt her lips tremble as she stood still, unable to comfort the sobbing woman, the sobbing widow, who clung to her. Instead she looked down at the kid. The ten year old boy was his splitting image. She smiled dryly, as she looked at the lost expression on his face. Her eyes glazed over the other people and fell on the chunk of black marble protruding from the ground. She read the name engraved on it and willed herself to stay stoic.
Swayam Shekawat (1971-2015)
And then, she cried.
--
"This is stupid. You asked me to come here and you wouldn't say a word?"
"..."
"Swayam, if you don't have anything to say can I go? I have my physics exam tomorrow."
"I love you."
"What?"
"I love you."
*
"Why did you have to come here in this blizzard. Look at you, you're shivering."
"A-a-r-r-e you-u a-ang-g-r-r-y a-t-t me?"
"Goodness, Swayam. I'm not angry at you, I'm just a bit moody. Oh, I feel like crap now."
"You are hot."
"Very clever Swayam."
"No, seriously, I feel a lot better now."
"I'm sure that's because I'm more or less draped around your body."
"True, I love you."
"I know."
*
"You are supposed to be there for me Swayam! That is what a relationship is all about and you dumped me when I needed you the most."
"Your pain is my pain, Sharon. I can't comfort you when I myself can't get over my pain. I am not ready for that Sharon."
"I wonder if you'll ever be."
*
"Congratulations Swayam, I received your invitation today."
"So that's how you're doing it now? You're going to be civil?"
"What do expect me to do?"
"Cry, beg me to not do this, tell me you want me as much as I do."
"I- you're getting married tomorrow Swayam. I can't do this."
"Why?"
"Because, I love you."
"What crappy reason is that?"
"The one which will make you walk the aisle tomorrow."
--
The night before his marriage had marked the demise of their relationship. That had been it, and they had somewhat accepted it. And now, finally after eleven years of separation, they were together, alone. Everyone else had gone except her, who lingered around his grave, rewinding her whole life, his whole life in her mind. Many a times she had wondered how things would have turned out if they hadn't broken up. The answer had always been the same; they'd have broken up. With their clashing personalities, it was inevitable.
They'd been worth it.
She knelt down besides the grave and placed her hands on the moist mud, imagining his flesh beneath those fingertips. It gave birth to a fire inside her, a fire of passion, and brought along a wave of sadness, a storm of frustration. With a heavy heart, she stood up and began walking away from the one person she loved, one who was always hers but also wasn't. Someone who had shaped her life, danced with her at every point. Someone who now was just a memory.
She stepped outside the symmetry and dug her hands into the pockets of her coat. The wind had toned down to a chilly breeze; coarse yet gentle. With one last look at her slain lover, she walked away into the streets.
The sky was now black, empty and silent, not unlike her emotions at that instant.
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