He was silent, gazing at the brown carpet covering the floor. Unshed tears burned behind his eyelids. While sharing had eased the weight a little, it had also brought back his insecurities from back then. Had he done something wrong? Hadn't he been good enough?
He felt her hand drop on his thigh and he closed his eyes, releasing a sharp breath as she pressed his thigh in assurance. Always the kind one, always the giver. Despite the toughness she possessed, Sharon would always remain that girl who could never stop giving.
He looked up at her, taking in the concern written all across her face. Her sharp eyes, they pierced through him and he wondered, for a split second, how it'd feel to be in love with a girl like her, with her. The thought vanished the very instant she withdrew from him, her form sinking into the plush cushions, her eyes downcast. Swayam moved closer to her, his brow furrowed in concern.
"I guess it's only fair to share my story with you."
MAY 2015 (SIX MONTHS AGO)
It was over. There was no other way, no escape route, no magic trick left.
Only one option remained for them; for her. Euthanasia.
She begged Sharon to do it, to let her go before she lashed out. Before any collateral damage.
Sharon couldn't do it? How could she? It was her sister, her own blood. How could she take her life?
How could she live with it after she did?
How?
'Knowing that atleast now, I'm at peace', her sister had to told her. 'No' she had protested 'this is murder. You are my SISTER!' she had screamed.
'I WANT IT!' she had yelled back. 'I want a way out from this mess. Please do this for me.'
'Do you realise what you're asking of me?' Sharon had said, in a gaunt whisper 'do you realise what you'd do to me?'
'I realise it Shar, and I think it's better than what I'd do to you, living, succumbing to my schizophrenia. Sharon, this is the most sane I can be now.'
'I-'
'Sharon, please.'
'I will.'
'I did it. A few weeks after she had asked me to. Her condition had taken down a huge fall down the drain and I couldn't watch her suffer anymore. Not after that conversation."
Her voice was dangerously low. She found an old wound reopening itself as the memories came back to her. She had killed her elder sister, the only woman who loved her as much as her mother. She clenched her fists as the very familiar pain captured her senses. Maybe this was a bad idea, they shouldn't have done it. They should've just left the old wounds in the casket, let them be latent.
She felt his hand on her cheek and turned towards him. His face made it clear that he felt for her, understood how difficult it was for her. Sharon nearly cried as she understood what he was perhaps trying to say.
--
His pain was nothing, nothing when compared to what she was possibly going through. Sharon, the strong one. Sharon, the giver. Giving her sister freedom, despite knowing it would tear her soul. He brought his other hand to her other cheek and moved closer, his thumbs stroking her cheekbones softly. His body was acting on it's own accord, eager to comfort the broken woman sitting in front of him. The absence of the girl he knew made him feel helpless. But gods, he had never seen a greater beauty than what he saw in front of him now. She was lost, anguished, guilty, even a bit sympathetic, torn apart, and she had never seemed more beautiful.
Her pain had consumed her soul and created something wistfully beautiful.
He leaned towards her slowly and placed his lips on hers, taking her into a slow kiss. She reciprocated his actions, placing her hands on his neck, underneath his smooth hair. The kiss was not fiery, it wasn't fast paced; it was slow poison, steadily devouring both of them. They held on to the other, in an attempt to soothe their pain.
He pulled apart, short of breath and moved his lips down her neck as she arched into him. His hands moved over her curves and he froze, breathless, as she let out a moan. He locked eyes with her again and saw the waves of emotions raging deep in them. He pushed her on the couch and came on top, staring at her as she unbuttoned shirt in an inexplicable frenzy. He could feel his own desire and wondered for a split second how they had ended up like this; on her couch, nearly undressed, making out with each other.
This wasn't lust, this was a need to free themselves. A desperate attempt to go to a place where the pain wouldn't follow them.
His presence everywhere was overwhelming her. He was above her, beside her, inside her and she couldn't hold herself any longer, she couldn't cage her pain. Neither could he. In a glorious moment, they felt pain and pleasure together. All the walls had been smashed down, nothing but them existed at that second. Recovering from her release, Sharon opened her eyes to meet Swayam's searching eyes. His face was flushed and tiny drops of sweat glistened on his forehead, his hair sticking to it. He was enamoring and she saw him searching her with such an intense and pure emotion, she couldn't hold it back any longer.
He sighed and rested his forehead on hers, making sure not to crush her beneath him. Kissing her softly, he rubbed her cheeks as tears leaked out of her eyes. As he felt her body underneath him, he knew
There was no going back now.
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