Chapter 11
If only life was a narrative written by man then would the beginning, the middle and the end come to a perfect closure. A closure that fulfilled all desires and dreams. But whomever it may be that did write our narratives, and more so the problems that arose within it were best left to higher powers at be. Because they were somewhat too far from our reach, and too far from our depth. And Sharon at that moment knew she was way beyond her depth here, knowing that she could have easily fainted, knowing that everything was going to come down to a crumbling end. A heart simply awaited the crack, while Swayam on the other hand wasn't planning on stoping anything from crumbling down and instead only letting it fall much faster.
Swayam at that moment was trying to smile at Kriya and Rey, but the key word was trying', because they already knew that he was way more in shock, which never translated into anything good. Everyone became busy in congratulating each other and then finally Swayam saw the opportunity to talk, and he simply walked straight up to Sharon.
"Do you think we can talk to each other privately," he asked and she simply nodded and saw to it that Seher was in her mother's arms, and then she quietly stood up and let Swayam follow her. They kept walking until they reached her bedroom and she stepped in waiting for him to follow. She waited until he came out of his brief pause and finally placed his foot inside her room, and she quickly closed the door so that nobody would disturb them.
Swayam looked around her bedroom and funnily enough thought to himself that the room was what he had always imagined it to be; fit for a princess. The dcor and furnishings were so exquisite that it made his own bedroom look much paler in comparison. But he reverted his gaze back to Sharon, and he couldn't help but worry looking at her state. For a woman who had given birth just three weeks ago she looked as if all her life had been sucked out of her.
"How have you been Sharon? Have you been taking care of your self?" He asked straight off in a rush and concern, but she just looked up and scoffed in response.
"Now you care?" Her words were seething with poison and anger.
He could tell she was far too angry, and it was only re-affirming everything he had started to know about her.
"I wanted you to have some time and space with your family."
She scoffed again, "Wao, thankyou so much Swayam. I am sure it must have been easy for you since you didn't have to deal with my presence for another day. And luckily my parents had come back just at the right time so you could dump me straight back."
It was as if she had slapped him across the face,but his eyes stayed put.
"No not at all, that's not why I sent you back to your parents," he was silently praying that she didn't think that he was throwing her away because she had fulfilled her purpose of giving birth.
She turned her head this time smirking right back at him. "Oh please Swayam I am sure it probably just became a lot easier for you to fu*k Ruhi when ever you wanted." And there she had stung him bad, so bad that he couldn't control his hand or his mind and without waiting to hear another word from her mouth he smacked her cheek. Causing her to fall back on her bed with force and in absolute shock.
"Don't you dare! He almost screamed in hiss so their family outside wouldn't know anything that was happening inside.
"Don't you dare say such baseless things to me when I was just worried sick for our daughter, when all I could do was pray for her well being. And you have the audacity of blaming me for doing this?" He was in shock, his eyes bulging and asking her countless questions, and then he realised he was just plain hurt.
She on the other hand placed her own hand where he had smacked her so she could relieve the pain, but she couldn't stop the pouring down of tears, as it was just easier to hate him thinking that he was with Ruhi and not her.
Swayam hated himself for doing what he did, he regrated it the second he saw her fall back on the bed, but he just couldn't handle it. She had no right to blame him for something he never did. He never slept with Ruhi not even after he married Sharon, let alone at a time when he was supposed to be in the hospital with his daughter.
Sharon kept her head low but her tears saw no end, Swayam lowered himself down to her and pulled her by her face so she could look at him in the eyes. "Look at me Sharon, do you really think that I have been sleeping with Ruhi when my heart was worried sick about you and our little girl? Do you think that I am that low that I have nothing better to do then fu*ck her?" Sharon cringed at his words and just squeezed her eyes shut.
Swayam didn't let her, "open your eyes Sharon." She didn't but he kept whispering the words like an enchantment as he closed in on her. Her body was shrinking too fast that he felt his grasp would become suffocating for her so quickly.
"Just open your eyes Sharon," and she finally did. And there he was right in front of her, and probably ready to leave her again.
"Are you leaving me Swayam?" She stuttered as she asked the question, but she worried so much more for his answer. Swayam just tilted his head back in defeat that this girl still wanted his presence even though he had done so much to her. How could she even stand him? How could she possibly be competing with Ruhi when she was his victim, his captive?
He came back forward to look again into her eyes, "you tell me Sharon. What do you want? You once said that I never gave you a choice before, but I have made too many mistakes that are simply unforgivable. I won't even ever try to apologise to you because what I did just isn't ever worthy of being asked for an apology, let alone being given one. I deserve enough pain that could end me right now because of what I did to you, because there is no way that I can take it back. I can't take it back that I raped you Sharon."
Sharon's eyes even if they had been open were looking down until she heard him trying his best to apologise in his own way, but the second he mentioned the word rape her eyes were about to bulge outside their sockets. It's a word she herself hadn't used yet he had. But was he right? Did he rape her?
Sharon immediately put her own hands on his face as he held onto her swollen cheek; "I never blamed you for raping me Swayam." Her voice may have been low but it was assertive.
Swayam looked at her as if she had been brainwashed, "But that's what I did Sharon, even you can't deny that in your heart. You may have somehow tried to convince yourself and live in this reality that I made for you, you may have made yourself believe something else, but the truth of the matter is that I raped you." He paused and let her process before continuing again, "We did not make love that night Sharon! I completely ripped you apart from the inside that night, and there is no coming back from that. None at all Sharon!" His words echoed in her head and Sharon reacted by pushing him away and trying to cover her ears to block all of what he was saying, but the distance was no longer a barrier because he stayed put.
"Please stop Swayam, please just stop. I can't take it, please I can't take it anymore." she was begging him to stop as his mere words were destroying her life away, cause she had already made peace with it all in her own way. She was almost convulsing at hearing his declaration, and then Swayam realised that she had been brainwashing herself to accept everything. She didn't want to hear anything he had to say even if it was the truth. He then just grasped onto her body to try control her in hope that she could breath back to her senses.
"Sharon it's the truth. If you want I can go outside and tell everyone what I did. I know I won't be allowed to live even for a second because my own father will kill me with his bare hands. But it would be the one time that I would do the right thing by you Sharon. You deserve someone much better, much much better. Who was I ever to punish you? How could I think of such a thing, and that too in such a cruel manner? I am a beast Sharon and I can't control what I have become anymore, I can't even guarantee that I can even control myself in the future. I destroyed your virtue and purity for my revenge. I am disgusted at myself that I can't stay in the same room as you Sharon, I am ashamed at my self to even look at you! How are you still not understanding any of this? "
Sharon cried harder into his chest and neither did he let her go of her as her body was still convulsing furiously, his grasp wasn't loosening until she came back to her senses, and he was going to make sure that she did.
She finally breathed out loud and Swayam felt her chest rise up in the constricted space against his own chest, he was feeling her from such an intimate distance yet he knew she would soon be so far away. After all he was pushing her back to the reality. Her tears stopped for a minute and she just kept breathing, with her chest continuously rising and falling, up and down. She was gathering her thoughts, and Swayam only kept encouraging her to continue her breathing so that the convulsing would eventually die down.
He didn't know why but holding her so intimately he wanted to kiss her, capture those perfect cupid bow lips and loose himself in her vanilla scent. Forget the pain and only find a way to give her pleasure, but the bricks of his dream came crashing down. He didn't deserve to think such things.
Gathering more courage Sharon finally spoke again, this time with much more assertiveness in her voice."Swayam you are going to listen to me because until now you've decided enough things in my life, and this is something I won't dare let you touch anymore." She furiously nodded her head and kept muttering no'. "No! Just no! You are not going out there and telling everyone what happened between us because I don't want anyone to know, I myself don't want to know what happened from you. I already know what I need to know! And nobody else should be allowed to punish you for a so called mistake that you made against me." Swayam couldn't listen anymore, he didn't want her to continue on because she simply sounded like a brainwashed obsessed girl, "so called mistake? Sharon it was not a so called mistake', I raped you! Get that through your head! How can you not admit it when I can!"
Sharon in response just whipped her tears with one hand and grasped his neck with the other, "you don't get to decide what it was anymore Swayam! Not anymore! I am the one who went through it, and I am the only who knows what it was for me. It's the reason I have a beautiful daughter Swayam, and don't you dare Swayam Shikhawat ruin that for me. That one peace of my heart that I love more than myself is here because of you, just stop saying this! Just stop please Swayam just stop!" She was pleading once again and neither could she bare to hear the word rape' because that's not how she ever saw it. She never went as far to look at that direction or that word. How could she think of that night as rape when she wanted to be with him just like that so many times after, when she still craved for his touch with such ferocious intensity, when her entire world started to revolve and melt around his, when the jealousy started to cloud her heart and her mind. She didn't care what it was but just that she needed him, and only him. He was the only cure to the poison he put in her system.
Swayam just looked down with his eyelids lowering with the guilt of completely brainwashing Sharon, this was not girl he ever knew. This girl was so broken in her misery and so desperate that she just wanted Swayam to float her life by, when she clearly deserved so much more. He spoke slowly and looked into her eyes again, "haven't I already Sharon? I can't look at my own child because of what I did to her mother. She was never the product of love Sharon." Sharon just furiously disagreed by swaying her head side to side. "No, No, No Swayam! I saw how you looked at her Swayam, I was there when you held her today in your arm, don't lie to me, I am her mother and I know when someone holds her to protect her. I saw that you were crying and your hands were scared, I saw that you lost your speech and you lost your words. You already fell in love with her Swayam, she already stole your heart. You are her father and nobody can take that away from you. Not even yourself Swayam! You love her because she holds a piece of your heart in her tiny hands, you will never be able to look away from her. You will make sure that she is well looked after and happy for the rest of her life, don't lie Swayam! Don't lie to a mother!"
Sharon was right and Swayam knew that too well, she had spliced up his heart and told him that no matter how his daughter came into this world, she was his blood and he wouldn't dare let anything happen to her. He simply wouldn't tolerate a scratch on her body let alone complete abandonment. But neither of this was this helping his decision. How could he make Sharon understand that he wasn't right for her, he wasn't right for their daughter.
Sharon then just impulsively pulled him even closer, thir foreheads meshed and eyes once again began dripping with water, "what if I ask you something in return for everything you did. What if I ask you for something that would leave you with nothing left? Are you ready to pay the price for everything that happened, for everything you blame yourself for?"
Swayam was confused at what she meant, but he did owe her this much and so much more, he was her culprit and it was time to pay his debts.
"Tell me anything Sharon," he closed his eyes in awaiting a response.
And Sharon slowly opened her mouth and finally spoke, "marry me Swayam and promise to keep me and my little girl happy for the rest of your entire life." It was a short and simple demand, but just as long as Swayam was ready to pay the price and upheld his end of the bargain.
Swayam closed his eyes again and just cried out loud, he didn't know how long he stood there on his knees and cried, but even if it wasn't that long in time, it felt time had frozen for him. He didn't know anymore who was wrong? He was clearly in the wrong but why wasn't Sharon ready to accept it? But he blamed himself for that more than anyone as well, he had unknowingly made her submit to him, and that scared him. The power he held over her scared him, no being should have to live like that. She was still clutching on to his shirt with her nails grazing his chest, they had surely punctured marks but he couldn't care less about them, instead the pain brought some relief.
Sharon then spoke again, "I ask again Swayam, keep me and my daughter happy for the rest of your life and all your mistakes are forgiven. It would be a new start, a new life for us Swayam."
Swayam opened his eyes and let more tears to drop, he allowed his hands to perfectly cup her cheeks, and then he pulled her forehead in to place a small kiss. An instance passed and their heartbeats calmed down, they were both frozen together but then Swayam finally spoke, "your wish is my command Sharon Rai-Parkash."
YES! This one is a very intense chapter and I know there is a lot that is going on! But please please leave behind your thoughts because I can't wait to hear them!
Neet <3
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