The weekend passed in agony, for both Sharon and Swayam. Swayam may have sent her the car but he knew that he was going to have to put up a fight for her to actually keep it. Though he was surprised by her absolute silence over the weekend, or maybe he wasn't. Swayam couldn't get over the fact that he had actually had sex with Sharon, or if he could even call it that. It wasn't something he had planned, but his rage simply took over and Sharon didn't stop him either. A huge part of him felt disgusted at himself for what he did, it wasn't right and he knew it too well. He loved her so much and what he did to her was something no woman deserved ever deserved to be treated like, as if she was just a piece of meat.
Sharon on the other hand was trying to live in denial like always. It wasn't working, but she continued to live so just to get through it. She made a decision though, that on Monday she would go see him in her lunch break and return the car officially. It was way out of line for him to give her something like this, especially after what he did regardless of her letting him. She would never dare use the word rape but what Swayam had turned into just disgusted her. He was he trying to compensate her for the sex or was he just trying to outright buy her?
On Monday as planned she went to work, had her much awkward confrontation with Aron, and then went straight into her work, continuing her meetings with clients. Lunch hour came and she drove off with his gifted car, to his office. She somehow made her way past to the reception and found out whom his personal secretary was, realising it was the same blond who was his date at the dreaded wedding where she saw him again after five years.
"Hi I need to see Swayam immediately? Is he with a client?" She asked.
"Um.. He's a little busy at the moment. Would you like me to make an appointment? I am sure I can fit you in for tomorrow?"
Sharon was annoyed and she wasn't going to back down that easily. "No thankyou, please answer me? Is he with a client?"
The blond didn't say anything and Sharon stubbornly stood her ground. Thankfully Sharon saw Swayam walking back to his office with a cup of coffee in his hand, leaving no choice for the blond to make any more ridiculous excuses. Swayam's eyes saw Sharon and he wasn't too surprised because he knew too that she would make an appearance sometime, and he knew exactly why as well.
Sharon called out first, "I had to see you, are you busy at the moment?"
Swayam quickly pointed towards the door to his office and let her in, while the blond watched in absolute annoyance.
Quickly and quietly locking the door to his office he let Sharon sit down while he went across to his own chair.
"I can't take the car. I'm here to give it back period."
She didn't waste any time. "You needed one and I got you one. What's the big deal?"
"You can't just buy me a f**ken car because you thought I needed it. Like many other things you're unloading unnecessary garbage in my life!"
"And why is that?" He asked to push her buttons.
"Are you trying to buy me or pay me for what you did the other night? Is this a way to pay me off?"
Swayam was loosing it but more importantly he hated that this is how she saw things, he got up and walked over to her, and then kneeled down to look into her eyes head on.
"I would never do that." He said slowly and sternly.
"I don't know what you're capable of doing anymore Swayam, I really don't know and neither am I interested in knowing anymore than I have see. I saw your real self that night, and its not what I ever wanted from you."
Swayam grasped her hands lightly, squeezing it. "I'm so sorry for what I did on Friday night. You didn't deserve that at all, and I hate myself for it. It was wrong on so many levels for so many reasons, but mostly because I do know you Sharon. I remember every single night only ever making love to you, but what I did that night was just disgusting. I can never forgive myself." His first words of sincerity came out like a breath of fresh air, she had broken him just like she knew she would.
Sharon closed her eyes, she knew he would guilt trip himself more than anything, but truthfully he didn't need to, what happened between them was completely consensual. She let him do everything in that moment because he needed to end it, and she needed to feel him as well; it was just a side to both of them that they hadn't ever seen of each other. A raw side that always exists even if one doesn't like to acknowledging it.
"It's not like you raped me Swayam, I was very much willing." She opened her eyes and stared out into the distance to not look at him.
He cringed at even the mention of the word rape' and him in the same sentence. But he knew that that's what he was capable of, he was so angry that he nearly did force him self on, the word nearly was so blurry even to him.
"I know I have been the least kind person to you in all this, and what I'm doing is probably worse than what you did to me."
She cut him off, "then why are you doing this at all?"
"Because I need YOU dam it!"
Sharon's eyes still staring out into space as if his words left her ears the second they came out.
"I need you." He whispered.
His hands still holding onto hers.
Then Sharon spoke, "my sister called yesterday. She said that they've already picked a date next month for us to get married. For the love of God please call this off."
Swayam just looked at her, "you know I can't, not now anyway."
She replied, "we are going to be two people who hate the sight of each other, married onto of that and oh it gets worse bringing a child into this dreaded world of ours. I don't know if this could get any worse." Her tone as monotonous as ever, the blandness sent a chill down Swayam's spine.
Sharon didn't change her gaze, it was as distant as he felt her.
Swayam then spoke again, softly with a little more presence, "it doesn't have to be this way." He paused again, and then spoke, "we don't have to hate each other. I want better for us, I'll try harder for us."
Sharon's eye's dropped silent tears, she wished so hard that there would be a time that Swayam would forgive her for what she did, and give her another chance, and now he was finally trying to remove the animosity between them and start on a clean slate. But she knew it was too late.
She spoke gathering some words, "isn't it too late for that now Swayam. We missed that chance a long time ago, neither of us are the same people."
He wasn't convinced at all, he moved closer to her so her gaze would finally change and that he could bore his eyes into hers. "Look at me and tell me that we really missed our chance? Tell me that you don't have the slightest feelings for me. I know I am not capable of anything remotely close to the love you deserve, especially after what I put you through. But I know you still see hope in me."
He was teary but still moved on.
"You're not just any girl who opens her legs for any man, and I know that because you're still the girl who wasn't afraid to cry and tell me to stop when it was going to be our first time having sex. You trusted me with something so sacred knowing how much pain you felt. You couldn't stand the idea of me touching you like that, but you let me, you allowed me to make that pain go away, you gave me the privilege to pleasure you. You're not someone who does things without emotions because you're too deep in Sharon. You never had sex with me because you always expected me to make love you to, and I was honored to have that. What happened between us last friday wasn't just sex, and you know it! I know you Sharon better than you know your self. You show everyone that you've changed but I know you enough to know that you really haven't. You're still scared when I touch you, and you were terrified of me last Friday, and I made it so much worse. But you of all people still took it. You did that all out of love for me and I never chose to acknowledge it. "
She knew he saw right through her, and that's why he knew exactly how she would react to all that he ever said. He did know her inside out and that was something that scared her more than anything.
"I am not the same person I was Swayam." She whispered pleading that he would let her go.
"I know that, but deep inside you are the exact person I once knew. I know I haven't given much to you that would make you trust me, but I know you want to." Swayam's hands were now removed from hers and instead he was now trying to cup her cheeks. She wanted to move from the immediate touch, but sensed the same warmth that he once possessed. Then Swayam moved closer than ever to her, his nose touching hers and their foreheads almost just touching. Swayam moved his thumb to wipe away the wetness on her cheeks. She closed her eyes in a moment of peace. Swayam then moved a little higher and kissed her forehead lightly, a simple action that he used to do before, a moment of blissful nostalgia for Sharon.
She wanted to believe more than anything that he wanted to try; she really did because she wanted to try as well. He was the only man she ever truly loved. The only man she could see fit into her future as perfectly as she had once imagined it, but now they were two different people who were hell bent on hurting each other.
She finally spoke clearly, "I don't want to hate you Swayam."
He stayed close, "you don't have to Sharon."
She the decided to put everything on the table, "you can never accept what I did Swayam, that's something that will always separate us."
She kept speaking, "you weren't supportive I understood, but you still think you were right. I have a problem with that. I don't want to be indirectly reminded for the rest of life that I made a mistake in our past and cost us our future. I stood by it then, and I stand by it today. I am allowed to think about myself before anyone or anything, and I don't have to feel bad about it, especially not by you."
Swayam just stared at her, he knew this topic was always going to be crux in their life, which is why it had to be cleared out.
He was quite initially, but then spoke up, "Sharon you need to see it from my point of view, you were my girl friend and that was my child. Of course I am allowed to have an opinion about its future regardless of the fact you are carrying it to term, I am not saying my opinion should be applied, all I am saying it that it should be heard at least. You never gave me the chance which is what made me go mad." He was calm and collected, a side he knew he had to bring back again, the angry Swayam had done more damage than good.
Then he went out on a limb to finally ask her something he wanted to for a while, "Come over for dinner tonight?"
Her eyes widened at his sudden request. "I don't think that's a good idea." She immediately stated.
He was going to be persuasive and she should have seen it coming. "Please, lets have an evening where we try and get along and talk about all these things. No shouting, no crazy antics. Just give me this chance so we can try and understand where we both are and what we both did wrong. That's the only way I can see us come to terms with what happened. I promise I won't push you into anything, lets just have dinner at my place and you're allowed to say anything you want to me. I promise you that you won't have to hear anything from me unless you want to know something, I know you lost so much then and the decision you made wasn't easy. On top of that you had no one by your side during or after the abortion, when it really should have been me. My disagreement would have never let me to abandon you Sharon, you would have always come first no matter what. And I really need you to believe that."
Sharon's eyes just welled up listening to words she only ever dreamed Swayam would ever say. He finally understood the gravity of the entire situation, and that made her heart swell. An acceptance of this deserved a second chance.
Sharon wasn't sure about much, but she knew this wedding was happening whether she liked it or not. This was her only and best shot to make it work anyhow.
She lightly nodded her head and said, "ok, but the minute it gets too much then I'm out of there. Remembering the crazy argument and loss of temper they suffered on Friday."
He smiled, "I promise I won't let it get anywhere close to that."
He was looking straight at her, "just trust me on this, and I won't let us fail."
Sharon left Swayam's office feeling not quite sure about everything or anything really, she was confused and her feelings were all over the place. It didn't make it easy that Swayam actually wanted to try to make them work, but it did make it easier knowing how he felt about what happened. He came to terms with it, that mattered more than anything else. She later realised that she was there to return a car and ended up saying yes to dinner instead. She smiled, Swayam knew his way too well with words, and that's where she realised that she was the lawyer not him. How is it that he could get away with her? After work when she reached home she stood under a hot shower to get ready for a completely unavoidable dinner. She wanted to dress appropriately and not send out any wrong messages. She picked out a navy full sleeve lace dress and paired it with black pumps and small diamond studs. The length of her dress was higher than the knees which worried her but she realised it was the most modest she had, apart from a few funeral calibre dresses. Her hair was out in cascading waves, applying a little bit of eyeliner she picked up her clutch and her new set of car keys. She couldn't even tell herself how she felt about anything because there were far too many emotions involved. Her heart was racing ahead of her and at times she couldn't tell how she was supposed to react at all.
The drive to Swayam's was an unusual one, cause it was her first time driving there but once she arrived she waited for five minutes silently in the car, not sure what to do next. The day was setting so it was clearly getting dark, gathering her courage she went over to the main door to ring the bell. At the first ring the door swung open, and there stood Swayam with sense of relief to his face. His hair slightly messy but he stood in his top two open buttoned black shirt, rolled sleaves adding a whole different level of sexy. The shirt hung on dark blue demines, an odd choice from the light blue ones he would usually wear.
"For a moment I thought you would go back." He said with a smile.
She looked back at the car, his car' and realised he must have been watching her from the time she arrived and was contemplating what to do next.
"You didn't come out? To get me, I mean?"
She asked sincerely and he replied genuinely, "I wanted you to make your mind on your own, the rest I have under control from here on."
His smile really showed off his confidence.
"Come on in." He said swaying his head and his arm stretched out invitingly.
There she took her own leap of faith and stepped inside.
Upon entering the first major thing she noticed were the vanilla scented candles dressing the house and kitchen counter. The lights dimmed to the lowest points and a very distinct smell of delicious Italian cuisine. Swayam clearly hadn't forgotten how to impress a woman. Without much of a warning he touched Sharon's shoulders indicating her to take off her overcoat, she slid it off hesitantly revealing the navy lace on her arms, and the creamy skin of her long legs. Taking the coat off he smirked, "if it isn't obvious you look ravishing." She blushed hoping he didn't see it, not yet atleast.
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