|| SwaRon FF : I Hate To Love You || NEW THREAD LINK IN THE INDEX - Page 91

A/N

Hi guys,

I don't want to talk much about this chapter, this was the most difficult one I wrote so far. I had been trying to make it presentable since four or five days. I wasn't satisfied with what I wrote and I think I'm still not. It's your duty to tell me, how you feel about it after you read till the end.

Warning: This chapter has a small bit of self-destruction. I have never been a fan of hurting yourself. Your body, your flesh, everything belongs to you and never disrespect it. Never hurt yourself because someone told you, you are ugly, or if you feel you aren't attractive. Every human being is beautiful in their own specific way. If someone rejects you that doesn't mean you are worthless. You can never be worthless. Love yourself.

Keechu. :)

***

27.

As the clock ticked by realization grew inside them and the smile adorned their faces morphed into distraught. Sharon was too shocked to fix herself. She didn't know what perplexed her the most, was it the kiss they shared or was it the confession he made; she was absolutely clueless. When she made contact with his eyes she saw speckles of uncertainty in them and she knew her eyes were as wide as his. They both were stunned; the intensity of their attraction and the integrity of his confession stupefied them.

Swayam wasn't going to say what he said, it was the spur of the moment; an impulsive reaction to what he felt while kissing her. Despite how baffled he looked, there wasn't any spike of regret in his eyes. Sharon expected him to erupt into laughter after making a mocking comment but his face lacked the cockiness, it was clenched and as shocked as her. The images of them flashed across his mind sending a wave of pleasure down his spine as his eyes fell over her smudged lips, they were tempting him to claim them again.

He knew, barring the wrong situation, he would never want to take everything that happened as an impetuous act though his confession was a slip of tongue.

He slowly detached himself from her noticing how his hands were still on her waist, feeling cold as soon as he lost the contact; naturally, her arms fell down to her sides from his shoulder. Before bending down to take his shirt, his eyes flickered to her catching embarrassment in them and that was when he realized, how complicated he made their mediocre relationship with an act that he would eventually regret when she leaves after the marriage.

When Swayam moved away he brought Sharon to earth. Her first instinct was to run away to hide under her blanket but something was there in his eyes, which stopped her, may be the same love which kept her captivated, may be the desire, which pushed her to let her loose, may be the longing he displayed when he uttered those four words. She had craved long to hear those but their life has changed in a twisted way to make it impossible to believe him.

She had believed it a few times when it was a lie, but she couldn't when it was a truth.

Keeping her eyes downcast, she swiftly fastened her buttons and she knew he was fixing himself. Her cheeks burned when the images of her pulling his t-shirt over his head snapped inside her head. Before wiping her face with the sleeve of her shirt, she raked her hands through her hair to make it less nest like. She didn't need a mirror to know she looked like a person who needs an immediate shower.

He watched her actions amusedly, fighting the smile that was trying to form on his lips. When he forwarded his right hand to her, to help her she immediately understood what he was implying. Reluctantly though she took his hand and helped herself. As soon as her feet touched the cold floor, without sparing him a glance she turned to leave, which caused him to tighten his hold.

He wasn't in a mood to leave.

"Don't... leave," He said hoarsely, it lacked his usual arrogance. He didn't realize that he was barely audible until she shifted in her place uncomfortably, though she didn't try to pull her hand out of his hold. "Don't leave like this, Sharon."

"Like what?" She questioned, turning to face him, her eyes boring into his and when they traveled to her wrist, where he was holding her, he let her go.

"Like..." He breathed out and ran his fingers through his hair messing them more before resuming to what he was going to say, "You didn't say anything."

Her eyes snapped to his face again and she asked briskly, "What do you expect me to say?" Her voice was cold, she was upset but why she couldn't fathom. Her thoughts were jumbled and she needed time to think. It was true that his actions confused her but her actions were not different too. She did reciprocate to what he did with the same intensity however, his confession staggered her.

"Isn't that what you wanted to hear all those time?" Speaking, he took a step towards her, making her take one back and his heart filled with pain. He shrank into himself with disappointment, her indifference was hurting him. He wasn't a person who forgets his actions, he was utterly aware that he said something that he shouldn't have, at least not after pulling such a stunt. The time wasn't right, he knew that he should have waited until he makes sure that, Sharon wasn't going to reject him.

"I have heard it a few times, Swayam," Her voice brought him back from his thoughts, "but all those times it was a lie and I was an idiot to believe you." She paused to gauge his reaction before continuing, "And I'm not going to be an idiot anymore."

Her each new word shattered him more than the previous one. "I don't regret what I did and said," He explained.

"You may not regret it, but you didn't mean to say it. It was a slip of tongue, Swayam"

He hung his head low, confirming that she was right. It definitely was a slip of tongue.

"Good night," She muttered vaguely and walked away leaving Swayam in a daze.

After Sharon left, he barged into his room and he was welcomed with a tranquility he hated the most. The loneliness had been with him since he was born. It wouldn't be a lie to say, he even had talked to it. However, suddenly he was unfamiliar with the solitude the four walls offered and he knew why.

He needed her.

As he kept on standing in the center of his room, the cold air inside the space sucked the last bit of dominance he had over his emotions throughout the years and he ended up falling weak on his knees.

"Why did I do it?"

He whispered to no one in particular. He was completely devasted to even voice out his frustration. The sight of Sharon walking away pushed him into agony and he ended up with a pair of red eye pouring out hot tears. He never cried since the day his dad choose Sharon over him. There was a time he used to feel useless and that feeling was coming to him again. When Rishi ran out of their house on Swayam's thirteenth birthday as if he meant nothing he was broken beyond repair and what shattered his small heart was, his father was gone to the girl who took his dad from him, since then he never celebrated his birthday.

"Why would you do that, Swayam?"

Yelling at the top of his voice, ignoring how painful his throat felt, he threw the lamb, which was in the reach of his hand, into the wall in front of him and watched it breaking down to millions of pieces, with a wicked smile; that's how she broke his heart. His eyes blazed with rejection. She rejected him and he couldn't blame anyone but him. He was the one who deserved it.

Lifting up his exhausted body, he faced the wall length mirror. He appeared there as vulnerable as he looked when she walked away. He stood there staring at himself for some time before reaching down to get something to break his own frame and he took the first thing his fingers touched, a paper weight.

"Why would you fall for her? Didn't you see how she walked away? She has moved on."

He yelled again before throwing the paper weight to the mirror that reflected his tall frame, he could see that the reflection mocking him.

Could he blame anyone? No, he couldn't. Whatever happening was his fault.

When the emotional pain started to over power his mental stability, he took a long slice of glass from the floor and sat down leaning on the wall, extending his legs in front of him. Slowly yet steadily he brought the slice near his left biceps and without a second thought he shoved it into his flesh, blood gushed out like a dam, he ripped his muscles and he didn't even wince once. The grin on his face deepened when he witnessed blood oozing out and that gave him a sick feeling.

If no one wants him then why would he want him?

His mother never wanted him.

His step-mother never wanted him.

His father never wanted him.

And Sharon will never want him.

He shifted the slice to his left hand, bringing it closer to the other biceps, he ran it over the flesh again and again and again. Cuts formed without a break, blood flowed without hesitance. But he never winced, never flinched. Not being satisfied with the physical pain, he brought the piece of glass near his wrist. Both arms were drenched in blood yet he didn't stop himself. He started from his wrist, the sharpened end of his weapon dug deep and he moved his hand upwards, slicing the body in the way. Ripping open his flesh he brought it near his elbow and then proceeded to his shoulders. He always chose a place which he could hide. The lopsided smirk never left his lips, he wasn't suicidal, he just enjoyed hurting himself...a way to hide his emotional pain.

He chose physical pain over the mental one.

When his body had enough of his torture his eyes rolled back, he was losing his consciousness. Then darkness over took him.

***

I'm really sorry if I hurt anyone with this. :(

Thanks for each vote and comment.

I love you all. :)