Needles and Medicines.
I saw her flinch as they jabbed the needle into her vein causing the colourless fluid to flow into her body. Overcoming the pain, she looked up to me and willed me to relax, assuring me of her non-existant comfort. I felt my lungs pressing against my ribs, lashing out in inaudible voices when I finally breathed, letting the fresh air in.
Another session of chemotherapy.
"So basically, what you are trying to say is if I strain my ears HARD enough, I might even hear the faint sounds of the Battle of Plassey?"
"No" Sharon said, shooting me a scandalized look "That is what some people believe, but in reality sound does get destroyed."
I turned my head towards Sharon as she tried to elucidate to me the working of sound waves. But then there was a reason I had not opted for the sciences. All i could see was the soft sea breeze making her hair flap around and her highlighted irises due to the crimson light of the setting sun. Very soon, Sharon became aware of my semi-comatose state and sighed, accepting defeat like always.
"Let's go home." She said. I smiled at her in return.
And just when I straigthened myself, she collapsed right into my arms.
I sat on the tiny stool beside the bed and took Sharon's cold hand in mine, gingerly. She tried to smile for me but the pain was strong. Instead, she blinked her eyes in rapid succession to show her pleasure on seeing me. I blinked back my tears and looked at her vehemently, meanwhile running my hand on hers, silently assuring her of my permanent appearance by her side.
Only if we both could show how much it hurt.
I had my head buried in her hair, tears leaking from my eyes akin streams. I could feel her hand running through my hair and onto my back trying to provide consolation while her whole body shook from the gravity of the situation. I felt despondent. I knew it was my responsibility to comfort her, but the reality hit me staggeringly hard.
Sharon had stage 3 bone cancer.
"Swayam?"
"Uh, huh?"
"This is boring."
I looked at her incredulously. But hold on, she had a point. Sitting on a bed for a whole day watching the medicine enter your body drop by drop was dead boring, although necessary. I shrugged at Sharon; I didn't have a solution for her boredom.
"I want to watch Star Wars. Give me your smartphone."
Sharon Rai Prakash had my open mouth in her mercy, once again.
"Don't be a crybaby now." Sharon snapped as I remained silent while watching Star Wars together. Any other day I'd cheer for Han Solo, hoot for Han-Leia and applaud Luke Skywalker. Today I just felt like hugging Sharon till eternity. Two weeks into chemo and Sharon had transformed into Ms. Grumpy given the wig she had to wear now. To be honest, it was amusing to see the otherwise not-so-bothered woman to cry heaps over her lush mane. Okay, maybe not so amusing.
"Sharon, I am not crying." I replied, rolling my eyes; an attempt to make Sharon believe that I was okay. But heavens, even rolling my eyes was strenous.
"You better not. I simply despise pansies, you know it." she said curtly, muching onto the popcorn.
"Yes, ma'am." I saluted her and buried my face in her neck, my shoulder's sagging and my eyes dark.
"I love you so much."
"I love you too, God knows I do Swayam."
I was outside Sharon's hospital room, tapping my foot relentlessly, my face shining with sweat. The doctors in charge were inside the room, trying to find out what went wrong. The chemo had faltered, worsening Sharon's condition rather than the opposite. My heart beat with a painstaking effort and all I could think of was Sharon. Few seconds later, the doctor came out with a defeated expression on his face.
No.
"Sorry, Mr. Shekawat. She's no mo-"
NO.
"I am scared Sharon," I said darkly as we sat on the swings in the empty park. "I am scared you'll leave me."
she looked at me with so much love that my heart melted into a puddle of goo. A buzzing sound filled my ears as I stared at her. She had rings under her eyes and was as pale as a sheet of paper, but never before had she looked more beautiful. A sense of calmness filled her face and it unsettled me. It was easy for her to be calm, it was me who had to live alone.
"Swayam, I would give you all the cheesy stuff saying that I'll always be in yout heart and stuff, but I don't intend to. Yes, I'll leave you someday Swayam and you have to be strong enough to face the truth that day. I am not asking you to move on, or be happy, but you have to be alive; strong enough so that I get to see the world from inside of you, not as Sharon but Swayam Shekawat's love."
I felt my lips trembling as tears threatened to fall out. The bluntness of Sharon's statement bursted the bubble I had built in my head to protect myself from the misery. It was agony, to ignore the truth when it was right in your face. Sharon sighed and walked up to me, keeping a hand on my shoulder.
"Swayam, it's all right. The medicines are still here."
I stumbled into the room, gazing at Sharon's limp body, nothing making sense to me at all. My breath came in hollowed rasps and my eyes became moist. Before I knew I was kneeling beside the bed, crying my eyes out. She had promised me she would be there for sometime more, she had promised me the medicines would work. Then how did this happen all of sudden? I took Sharon's hand in mine and brushed my lips over them, my whole body shaking with anguish. They were so cold and clammy. Utterly defeated, I laid my head against her body and closed my eyes, trembling as the whole world crashed around me.
The medicine had run out, it was now the time for the needles.
comment:
p_commentcount