.nerfherder thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#1

I moved the pen aimlessly on the paper creating samples of modern art on it, trying to pass the stubborn time. There was still 15 minutes to spare before the teacher would storm in the class. 15 minutes before us 11th graders lost our freedom. Not like I cared much. Everthing was alien for me and my thoughts seemed to be amidst a strange limbo-like state. The new surroundings didn't help much too. Murmurs of the girls were sneaked amongst the shouts of the boys. About a new boy. Few girls were wondering why he was chewing off his pen, while some of them had already labelled him as a loser.


Yes, I am the new boy.


Dying of boredom, I put the pen down and slammed my book shut when a high pitched laughter reached my ears. I could gauge a sense of control in it yet it sounded mesmerising to me. I looked up to the door and was transfixed. She stood in the doorway, with two of her friends (more like guards) by her side looking haughtily at the class. It was precisely at that moment I realised the whole class had gone silent, enraptured by her arrogant aura. She swiftly scanned the class around and as her eyes stopped at me, things went haywire.


I could feel my heart beat furiuosly, so much so, I feared it would explode. A buzzing sound which I considered equivalent to violins was prevalent in my head. A sense of dizziness overcame me as I looked into her eyes. Greenish-hazel and mindboggingly deep. They reflected emotions which were not visible in her outer persona. After a quick spasm of confusion, a look of disgust filled her eyes. Which was when I was made aware of the lopsided grin on my face. Waving my attention off with an air of haughtiness, she took lofty steps into the classroom as the crowd paved the path for her. My gaze followed her as she walked to the first bench of the classroom and seated herself on it, her friends sitting beside her. While the boys were smitten by her, I could see that the girls were mostly stunned into silence either by fear or by pure dislike. Which made me come to a good conclusion of what the girl's stature was.


"Look at her attitude. Bloody arrogant Dazzler and her two sidekicks." A girl spat behind me.


Though the word didn't make much sense to me, I later came to know that 'Dazzlers' was a bizarre yet well worshipped concept in St. Louis, and that it wasn't going to do me much good.


I kept on staring at her from the back, trying to analyse my unusual reaction on seeing a girl. Cinema portrayed these symptoms as those of love. But she did seem as an arrogant girl, could I possibly grow to love her? Or maybe do so at this instant?


She turned around and looked at me, pretending to do it casually. Her eyes were searching for an identity and the way they searched me made my stomach back flip. She turned away and I felt my lungs rejoice as I finally breathed. I was amazed. All my life, I had known to control my mind and body. And in a split second after seeing her, all control was lost. My heart seemed to work on it's own accord. I knew practically all of this was rubbish. But for once, practicality had taken a back seat. I smiled and stared at her back, looking at her pony tail with utmost sincerity, my thoughts recovering from the limbo.


"Sharon-" I heard the friend call her.

"What happened Simmi?"


My heart fluttered once again on hearing her voice. I was alarmed. It seemed as if my whole internal mechanism had changed. I couldn't quite place what happened to me despite being an analyst; maybe I would in a few days. But I was very postive about one thing- Life as I knew it was going to change.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Girl, I still remember, the first time I saw you

In your eyes I saw, black shining light

Now at that moment, I knew I was going to love you

Like no one ever loved you

Like I loved never anyone before

Edited by Rhapsody. - 9 years ago

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.nerfherder thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#2
Hello people. Long time no see.
Well, this particular One Shot is dedicated to Shini as it is her birthday today. One of my lovely friends. 😳

Do read and give your reviews.

Cheers
NV

P.S Happy Birthday Shini. :)
Edited by Rhapsody. - 9 years ago
Incorrect thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#3
hey nishhh
thank u soo much
i feel happy you did dis for me

the os was beautiful as always
ur an amazing writer
portraying all the emotions soo well and precisely
the change swayam went through from the tym he saw sharon was splendid
iam smitten by swayam in this os
lovely work gal

once again thank u :)
Edited by shiningshannu - 9 years ago
..MiStLeToE.. thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#4
Mine.

^Unreserve^

Nishi this was like going back in time and see how actually those lines of Girl I still remember came into existence. . .something which we never saw.

And you crafted this beautufully. Swayam first feelings. . .everything it felt so beautiful.

And the title really you know compliment it.

I loved the way you endes this. Swayamknew something was going to change from that instant, that he had fell in LOVE.

Awesome.

Chitra :)
Edited by ..MiStLeToE.. - 9 years ago
thegameison thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#5
Nishi,

The substance and length of this prose are, in my opinion, inversely proportionate. The nuances you have given to Swayum in this very short fiction are exemplary. And I use that term because of the simple fact that this is how he must have felt, the Swayum that we have all admired for almost as long as he claimed to be in love with Sharon at the beginning of the show.

At the beginning, he's Swayum and he's self-aware and bored. The first two paragraphs and the extent of his knowledge about what was happening around him reminded me of the first few months I spent at my new school in eleventh grade. For that reason, I was not going to stop reading, no matter what unfolded to be the actual plot.

He undergoes this metamorphosis, if you will, in a matter of minutes, at the sight of the mightier-than-thou diva that he ends up loving with all he ever had and all he ever hoped to have. It is very comforting, if nothing else, for me, to read this take on how he must have felt when he first saw Sharon. For, I have often wondered how such strong an emotion could root from mere attraction to her looks and grace. I thus felt delighted to see that even after the metamorphosis, Swayum is still Swayum, he's Swayum in love but he still knows his element, he still knows hers.

You have written this prose with an effortless flow and it is enjoyable from start to finish. The best fiction is the fiction for which you put other things, any and all other things on hold and this is one of them for me. This, by the way, lastly, would make a most beautiful prologue to a full blown fanfic too. If you ever have the time, you should continue this. Write it in a manner that holds true with the original story, but all the same, change whatever you wanted to be changed when you watched it happen. I would be fascinated to read that!

PS I took the risk and ended up writing a comment almost as long as the prose.
PPS Well done, you!

K
srstrulez thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#6
Now, I am sitting here, staring at an empty box (now not so empty, but whatever), thinking what should I write, really. I mean like, I know I really want to reply cos this little piece here really deserves a lot of compliments but I can't form the words. How do I write pages after pages for a story is beyond me when I can't write a simple compliment properly...

This Swayam... I had always wondered how did Swayam fall for this girl who didn't seem to give a shit about him. Sure their relationship is what got me here in the first place but that missing element was something I really wanted to know. Even while writing Remember You, this was the thing that worried me, how do I write about their love when I don't even understand how it began. But now, it's like I finally found relief. Ah yess, this...

But one thing, more than Swayam's monologue, what blew me away was when Sharon turned around searching for him, that was the thing that defined this entire OS in my POV. I applaud you for this, love.

Please keep writing, it's a sincere request. Don't you ever quit, Nishi. Cross my heart and hope to die before I ever tell a lie. (That's not really true but) I never fake-compliment anyone. So when I say I like it and I want you to go on, you better do it, love.
prachi_vrushan thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#7
omg this was awesome
just like swayam
a lover boy
it was brilliant yar
ExpectoPatronus thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#8
dis is beautiful... just loved it... 😊
-spongy- thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#9
Thos little piece of work was magic. It was fabulous.
I was so so into it.
anf I blame you because I'm crying now. The last poetry (Swayam's Poetry) made me remember all those beautiful moments that I had witnessed as a SwaRon lover.
Beautifully written. Thanks for the PM.

Keep writing such beautiful works.
..MiStLeToE.. thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#10
Yes.I have Unreserved on Page One. :)
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