Posted:
Originally posted by: FleurBleue
You don't need to "teach" anyone how to love. Love is not a skill. It's a feeling that comes from within. It's a feeling which is universal. Had she been capable of loving, she would have. Having bad parents have zero to do with that. Jhanvi being a weakling, is still far greater a human than Maya ever was.I will not be debating whether or not Arjun can be given a clean chit. I have always greatly disliked his character given how volatile he is. However, there's no equivalency between Arjun's mistakes and Maya's sins. Mistakes can be forgiven. Sins could be too if sinner repents. Maya neither repents nor comprehends to what extent she wreaked havoc on innocent lives.Maya was Maya long before Arjun stepped into her life. While I couldn't care any less for Arjun, he shouldn't be taking responsibility for Maya's fate. She's a mass murderer for heaven's sake. Don't give me all the BS that Arjun compelled her to commit murder and all that jazz. Nah. Nobody can compel you to commit manslaughter. There's always a better option but for humans that is.
Love is not limited to just feelings/emotions. Love manifests itself in the choices. The choices you make everyday for your loved ones. Choice sometimes guided by and sometimes opposed by your own emotions but a choice you nevertheless make. A choice to help them, a choice to be angry on them, a choice to care for them, a choice to set them free, a choice to pull the strings when required. Love is indeed a skill meant to be learnt. Ever wondered why so many teenage relationships end in bitter breakup? Because they haven't learnt how to love. They have the feelings, but they don't know how to handle them, how to act on them, how to channel that energy in the right direction.
Contrary to what age old romantic stories project, love is not a magical potion that brings out all the good in us. Rather love can bring out the best as well as the worst in us. When a child is born, his brain has a lot of learning to do on the emotional front. This learning goes on till 20s. That is why psychopathy is not even diagnosed with full certainty till this age because the brain is still developing and being influenced by genetic as well as environmental factors. You know the most influential teacher when it comes to emotions, no prize for guessing it right, yes your family. Your family is the first to provide you a template for handling relationships and love. They sometimes set up wrong examples which may nor may not have bad influence on your child.
Quoting from an article the words of a child psychologist:
She also believes a child's biggest influence when it comes to love is their parents' relationship. "[Children] are aware from a young age that their parents are meant to be in love, Elizabeth says. "Their definition of love is influenced by this and what they see.
So yes, love is meant to be learnt. Most humans have a tendency to love but the end result depends on your skill to hone that tendency. Many psychotherapies are all about teaching you these skills. In fact many parents can become very obsessive about their child because this is what their emotions tell them, to be extra protective about their child. But at some point they act against their emotions to let their child go and live his/her life. This is a skill, a choice against your emotions that they know they have to make because they have learnt it from the examples around them. If they relied on emotions, they would probably not make this choice. So yes you can learn it. You can learn to become a better parent, you can learn to become a better spouse, you can learn to become a better sibling. Feelings alone cannot make you love a person. You have to execute, execute love so that it grows not diminishes. That takes a lot of skill.
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