Chapter 5

IAdoreYou

@IAdoreYou

| Part Five |

"Now that's you. You don't want to answer? Just change the subject and even better, put the entire blame on me. Fantastic." He unwrapped his hand that was holding her closer, almost instantly letting her go, backing a step away from her. His eyes that were shimmering with hurt a while before, now, captured indifference in them.

Her eyes glistened with the emotions he was very well aware of, but his heart that she had set on fire with the betrayal that he thought she gifted him, did not let him acknowledge them.

A step back. Another one. One more. She slowly moved backwards, in the direction of the door, step by step. Her gaze was fixed at him as she looked at him longingly as if all that her ears were yearning to hear was, that nothing else mattered... all that he saw, all that he heard..., that no matter what, his trust on her wouldn't vanish. With every step that she was pulling back, she was distancing herself from him and so was her heart, that was going away from his.

Her heart shuddered on reaching the door. He did not stop her. He did not say a word more. He just looked at her the way she did. Their stances mirrored each other's, broken and shattered.

He stood there for several minutes even after her sight faded. It was after a while, he got out of the zone. Grabbing his blazer laying on the bed, and his car keys from the side table, he dashed out of his room.

•

She drew a sharp breath in, as she pressed her palms on the railings, leaning at the front. Momentarily raising her head, she took in the beautiful sight standing under the starry sky and the next moment, she found herself drawing comparisons between her soul and the darkness around but before she could go further, the sound of light footsteps alerted her of someone's presence.

"What are you doing here?"

She turned her head to look at the owner of the voice. "Nothing Ma'am. Mai to bas aise hi..."

"Listen, no matter what Rakshit says -"

"I'll not go anywhere." Drishti added the rest of the words, completing Mahima Shergill's incomplete line before she could.

Mahima nodded, her face hardly giving away any of emotions. "Listen, Drishti. You told me that you are a pisces woman and I believed you. Rakshit is safe as long as you are around. If you walk out of his life or he makes you do that then Rakshit's life -"

"Won't fall in danger, Ma'am. Neither will I walk out of his life not will I let him make me. You can trust me with his well-being," she uttered in a tediously uniform and unvarying tone.

"Why was he angry? Does he... know?" Mahima Shergill attempted to further investigate.

"He doesn't. I have promised you, he never will. I have a promise to keep and I will keep it doesn't matter at what expense." Her eye lashes fell momentarily before casting a quick assuring look at Mahima Shergill who bobbled her head and left Drishti alone on the terrace.

•

He clutched the bottle and almost put its opening in his mouth ready to pour all the liquid in a go to ensure a little break to burning soul but a memory crossed his mind and his hands stilled, keeping the bottle aside later.

Alcohol is not a solution to any problem rather it creates more problems, controls your mind and snatches your ability to solve them. Never allow anything to control your mind. It is dangerous.

He let out a bitter chuckle as the events flashed before his eyes and the words repeat telecasted themselves in his ears. She had warned him not to lose himself to anything that would control his mind but she didn't tell him what he was supposed to do when someone takes over his everything without his conscious realisation, controlling which was beyond his control.

He gave a furious jerk to his legs that were down the bridge he was sitting over. The silent bridge that most of the people did not even know existed amidst the crowded roads of the city. The bridge was nothing more than a solid platform, a medium to get to another end from one, without anything on either of its side to hold on.

The shrill ring of his phone tore the absolute silence that he had been in. He made a rough search for his phone in his pockets one after other on not finding it in the first go and faced it to him checking for the caller.

Lavanya calling...

He frowned by merely reading her name. Lavanya was an annoying person, he would love to admit anyday. What did she want now? He thought. Not that he cared though. Disconnecting the call, he dropped the phone back in his pocket after switching on do not disturb mode.

The flashes of Mrs. Shergill with that one eyed woman refused to get out of his head and he felt awful. A sudden uneasiness started taking over him and his head began to hurt. He knew what it was and he inwardly let out many curses for the same. A migraine attack. As if he was already in any less pain that migraine also decided to visit him. In another couple of hours, he would not be able to even move. He sighed, beginning to rub his temple.

He clutched his head in his hands as the pain was rising. It had been almost two months since he had got his last migraine attack. The night was still fresh in his mind. That night could never be erased from his memory. How could it? It was probably one of the most beautiful nights of his life.

•

"Mr. Shergill, are you okay?" Drishti couldn't resist more seeing him lying on the bed, with eyes shut since half an hour.

He had made her postpone the last meeting and left the office pretty early which itself had come as a huge shock to her. If the man who had kept his meetings even on the day of his engagement was cancelling any meeting, then it had to be something serious, she knew.

"What is going to happen to me?" He shot a look at her, snapping his eyes open. "You know what, just go from here. Even looking at you annoys me. Just go."

She stood up from the couch, baffled at the sudden, unforeseen shift in his mood. Wasn't he perfectly alright in the morning? He and his sarcasm. The man was simply too complicated to decode.

"Mrs. Shergill," he joined his palms with a clap with an eye roll, "I am requesting you. Please go."

He riled up her more. She eyed him, unsure of what exactly was up with him. She was almost ready to give him a piece of her mind, reminding him that they shared the room now. He couldn't just asked her to get out if and when his mood informed him but for some reasons unknown to even her own self, she couldn't go forward. More than him, she irked herself. Argh. She stomped out of the room.

The two hours that she spent out of their room in the kitchen, preparing a full fledged dinner, weren't too comfortable for her as they should have been. Mr. Shergill stayed on her mind like a stubborn kid sticking to his favourite toy. Why couldn't she just stop thinking about him? She wondered stirring the kheer once before turning off the gas cylinder.

Should she go and check upon him? She battled real hard, keeping herself recalling how rudely he had asked her to leave. No, Drishti. Getting a grip on herself, she began serving the dinner on the dining table, silently hoping to see him quickly at the dining table but to her surprise and of course, to much disappointment, he did not show up for the dinner. Before she could think how to make it a point to ask anyone about the same, Shikhar enquired about Rakshit and Mahima's reply left Drishti stunned. Mahima told Shikhar that Rakshit ate late in the office which is why, he wasn't hungry enough to do the dinner.

Drishti conveniently excused herself to the kitchen to get the pickle that Simran demanded. She folded her arms across her chest, leaning against the kitchen slab, mystified.

He told Mahima Ma'am that he ate late in the office? He lied to Ma'am? She failed to understand why. Forget about late, he hadn't had anything in the whole day. He had stubbornly dismissed her when she had asked him to have lunch. Something was wrong. She could sense it. Giving the pickle to Simran, she ascended the stairs in a marathon speed.

"Mr. Shergill," she whispered, rushing in the room, closing the door behind her. "What's wrong?" Her hand reach out to touch his arm on coming across his restless figure tossing continuously on his sides, with his head tightly clutched in his both hands. He looked in such terrible pain that for a moment, even she panicked.

He jerked his eyes open only to see her beside him, sick-worried. "Go from here." He managed to feebly say while pushing her with his one hand that he took off from his head but the pain rose and he instantly pressed his head taking back his hand. 

"Have you lost it, Mr. Shergill? Look at you. You want me to go, leaving you like this? Not happening. You wait, I'll call the doctor." She quickly looked around for her phone that was just beside him on the bed. Leaning over him, she reached out to pick it.

He grabbed her hand midway in the air, not letting her take her phone. "Don't."

"Mr. Shergill?" She called out in disbelief. He looked all pale and in pain and he wasn't letting her call the doctor as if she was going to listen to him. His health mattered more than his stubborn refusal to her. Her voice softened as she saw him restlessly shifting on the bed. "Mr. Shergill, please let me call the doctor?" Concern rose more in her eyes when he shook his head that was still in his hands. "You are not at all fine. In fact this seems something terrible. You are not telling me what is happening to you. I can't just shut my senses, and sit here pretending oblivious to your condition. Please don't expect it from me. You won't let me call the doctor? Fine, I'll call Mahima Ma'am. She will see to you then but no way on the universe, I am going to let you stay sufferig this way without doing anything about it." She got moving to get downstairs to call Mahima, not realising that her hand was still in his.

She tried going forward, pulling her hand back but rather he pulled her on the bed. "Don't mention this to Mom. Bekar pareshan ho jayengi. I am fine."

How more stubborn this man could get? She wondered. She thought, it would be really useful to know because then she would prepare in advance to deal with it. "You are anything but fine, Me. Shergill and Mahima Ma'am would get more tensed if your health worsened. Just for a change, listen to me and let me call the doctor."

"No."

She pressed her lips together to control her anger that she was trying to keep below the point since a while because she wasn't willing to shout considering the condition he was in but he ended her patience. "Stop it, Mr. Shergill. Just stop it? Should I bring you a mirror so that you can realize how fine you are and how fine you aren't? Dikh raha hai kitna dard ho raha but zidd nahi chhutegi. Let me go."

He slowly pulled his body up, sitting straight on the bed resting his back against the headboard of the bed, with still not letting go of her hand. "Mrs. Shergill. Kya hogaya hai tumhe? Mai thik hu." He gave a gentle squeeze to her hand. "I am fine, really." Assuring her seemed difficult in that moment when he came across the emotions in her eyes that he didn't dare to name.

Hearing him had her realize what she was doing. She had to actually take some moments to calm herself down so that she could be able to talk normally, without coming across as a woman, sick worried for him as if his pain hurt her more than it did to him.

"What exactly is this? The way you are not letting me call the doctor, I am sure you know what this is." She breathed in, pondering about the entire situation rationally.

"Migraine." He sighed, having no choice to hide it anymore. He had to tell her otherwise she would go down and inform his mother, that he wouldn't let happen no matter what. 

"Migraine," she repeated after him, processing it in mind. "Mr. Shergill, you okay?" She instantly shifted her entire attention to him getting out of her thought process when he grasped her hand tightly.

He did not respond but just kept looking in the air that dismayed her. Never before had she regretted not being knowledgeable about anything as much as she did, that night. She wasn't aware of anything more than basics regarding migraine.

She didn't know what to do. The feeling of being helpless when he was suffering in front of her was terrible, horrible and awful. She did not even realize when she shifted a little closer to him, scrutinizing his face to see if she could understand anything. She sat there for several more minutes until his head fell back, and he heaved a sigh of relief.

"What exactly happened?" She asked him, not sure if she did right by not informing Mahima for although he was busy assuring her that he was alright but she wasn't blind to the reality that he wasn't.

"Colours."

"Huh?"

"Have you heard about aura in migraine?"

She shook her head in denial, clueless about what he was saying, with a tinge of disappointment with her own self.

"Migraines are broadly of two types, with aura and without aura. In migraine with aura that I have, during migraine attacks, one gets sensory disturbances. I see colours, stars, lighting, zigzag lines, bright dots and what not..." His voice trailed as he was explaining to her. His expression gave away, letting her know how terrible it must be.

"Mr. Shergill, why don't you let me call the doctor?" She urged him again, not falling for the calmness he was talking with.

"Because I have visited the hospital for this for a couple of times. I have medicines with me but I don't really take them. This usually goes away in a specific period of time." He reasoned but looking at her face, it did not seem like she was going to buy it.

"And what is that specific period of time if I may know?"

"30 minutes. An hour. Maybe a couple of more. Perhaps a night. It keeps varying."

"And you call this a specific period of time? Wow, Mr. Shergill." She hated the fact that he was taking it so casually. "One more question, Mr. Shergill since for a change you are replying this normally. What is the precious reason for not taking the medicines?"

"Migraine has no cure. Frequent use of painkillers can worsen the pain. It is not that I haven't tried any. They don't affect me much."

She was listening and processing the information bit by bit. She motioned her head in acknowledgment. "You feeling better?" She asked hoping for a positive response since he talked quite a bit in the last couple of minutes without touching his head.

He gave her an assuring nod, with a quick blink of his eyes.

"I'll bring dinner for you," she said, gazing at the bed.

His eyes were contemplating her as she looked away from him. What was she trying to conceal? He was wondering until his gaze caught a tear drop that fell on the bed. He would be lying if he said he wasn't taken aback to witness the extent she had got worried for him. Migraine wasn't new to him. He hardly cared but the way she was reacting to it had his heart pick an uneven rhythm.

"Mrs. Shergill, look at me. See, I am perfectly fine. Stop worrying." He made another attempt to softly assure her. He wasn't enjoying a bit to see her getting all worked up for him.

"Worrying? I am not worrying, Mr. Shergill. This is nothing more than humanity. Had it been anyone else at your place, I would been equally concerned. I'll get the food."

Her instant response denying everything he was hitting at, made him want to chuckle but he suppressed it somehow. "Really, Mrs. Shergill?"

"Of course. Now if you please allow, can I go?"

"Haan to jao na. Where am I holding you?"

She raised her finger to point towards his hand. "There. There you are holding me back."

Dumbfounded, he immediately looked at where she gestured and unclasped his fingers instantly. He did remember holding her hand but it did not occur him that he was holding it all along.

She made her way out, with her lips slowly curling up in a small smile after she turned from him side. By the time she was downstairs, everyone had finished the dinner and probably gone in their respective rooms. She served a plate for him, carried it upstairs to their room and handed it to him.

He looked at the one plate in her hand and couldn't help asking if she had the dinner to which she gave a small nod. He wasn't convinced. He asked her again. She refused again. He asked her once again. She refused once again and he knew she was lying.

Her eyes betrayed her every time she tried lying. Not that it had happened often though. He felt for her at such times. She could hardly hide anything from him. Whenever she tried concealing her emotions, her eyes gave them away.

He asked her to settle down and eat with him with a threat that he wouldn't touch the food otherwise but it wouldn't be he if he put it all nicely. "I'll eat, you will keep looking at me, I'll fall sick."

"Aap kehna chahte hai meri nazar lagegi aapke khane ko?" She asked through her gritted teeth. This man was never going to change.

He shrugged, with a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. "Maybe."

She sat to eat with him, not up for getting into an argument with him, not especially when she knew his head still hurt and he was purposely not making it visible, probably not to make her more worried.

Just as she got on her feet after they finished their dinner in silence, she heard him.

"I must admit, you cook good."

Her eyebrows raised and curved in surprise. She didn't tell him that she made the dinner. How did he get to know?

"You should have taken cooking as your profession. Your future would have been bright as a chef than a PA and in the former case, you wouldn't have had to deal with this bedil Shergill as you fondly address me."

His words stilled her on her place. The mere thought that she would not have come across him had she chosen another career was unsettling. She did not like it.

Reading her face seemed his favourite pastime. He drew his lower lip between his teeth, with corners of his lips slightly curving as seeing her little disconcerted gladdened him.

She left the room wordlessly clutching the plate leaving him chuckling.

Stop getting upset over his words, Drishti. She scolded herself once again. For some unknown reasons, she couldn't get over what he had just said to her. What if she had never met him? She turned off the tap, and dropped the washed plate in the utensils holder.

"Mr. Shergill." She hurried in when she reached the door of their room. He had held his head again his hands. "Is it hurting again?" She sat on the bed. His condition was scaring her and she could hardly do anything about it. "Mr. Shergill, don't press it so tightly. You might just restrict the blood flow." She tried taking his hands off his head but he didn't let her. "Mr. Shergill, please." She slowly got his hands down his head and he clamped his eyes shut with the pain of his throbbing headache.

She was still thinking what she could possibly do to ease his pain when she felt her hand being grabbed inflexibly. She looked down to see her right hand tightly held by his left one and it somewhat made her know the extent it was hurting him.

"Mr. Shergill," she murmured helplessly.

He unlatched his eyes and darted a glance at her, alarmed by her quivering voice.

"I... am fi... ah." He fought with the shooting pain to pacify the anxious and distressed woman in concern of him but alas, the pain defeated him.

He knew the pain would subside sooner or later. He was used to it but he was alone back then and his wife was certainly not used to it. He wanted her to relax but she seemed far away from that word. He knew he did not need a doctor but his wife was adamant on calling one.

"Mrs. Shergill, what are you -"

"Not a word more." She warned in an icy tone on him questioning her when she kept her hand on his forehead and slowly rubbed her fingers on it. She was hoping it would make him feel better.

He bowed down to it, shutting himself up. He would admit and even thank her the next day, because what she was doing was certainly affecting him in a good way though he was not sure was exactly was working, the tender forehead massage, or having her beside him in those moments.

Several minutes later, he was fallen asleep. She was relieved to see him in slumber. Her hand was still caressing his forehead. She looked at the empty glass of water on the sidetable in disappointment when her throat went dry. Need to get it from kitchen. She was about to step down when she realized that her hand was still in his grip. He would wake up if she moved, she knew but she needed water and in the battle between his sleep and her comfort, she chose his sleep.

She sat back, resting herself against the headboard. Her eyes caught her phone that was still lying beside him. She carefully lifted it from the other side of the bed and her night began, with the occasional glances at him from the phone and at the phone from him.

He was up with the sun, the next morning and the first thing he realized was, his wife, sitting beside him with her phone lying in her lap. Shock registered on his face as he recalled every happening of the last night. She sat the entire night. He wondered why. As far as he remembered, he slept soon enough. Why didn't she? All the questions did rounds in his head until her hand clasped in his near his chest, occured to him.

Damn. He let her hand go, almost instantly, in guilt. She did not sleep so that he could. She sacrificed her sleep for the sake of his. The acknowledgment wasn't pleasant. Before he could go on with his silent curses for himself, her phone started vibrating. He quickly got it to shut it to restrict it from disturbing her sleep. While he was putting her phone on do not disturb mode, the opened browser came in his sight. Probably she was using the browser when she fell asleep last night, he thought.

47 tabs? His eyes and mouth were frozen wide open and he, absolutely stunned in surprise when he read the heading of the opened tab at the front.

Everything you need to know about migraines.

She was reading about migraine?

Woah! He hadn't expected that. Curious to know what the other 46 tabs were about, he began checking them.

Migraine - Symptoms and Causes

More than "just a headache"

Migraine - Wikipedia

Migraine headache - Symptoms, Causes, Triggers, Medicines, Treatment and Relief.

Home remedies for migraine.

What are some tips for instant migraine relief?

10 natural ways to reduce migraine symptoms.

Migraines : Simple steps to head off the pain.

Migraine. Migraine. All about migraine. What was she doing? A PhD in migraine or what? He was at loss of words. He didn't know how to react. Something occured to him and he opened her browser history.

4:13 am Shining a light on migraine relief.

She was reading until four in the morning? He was amused to say the least. This woman was simply, unbelievably, unrealistically crazy, he had no doubt about it anymore. He hadn't thought that she would get so worried and worked up for him. It felt good, regardless though to have her care for him.

"Mr. Shergill," she mumbled incoherently, in her still sleepy state but seeing him awake, she quickly straightened herself. "How are you feeling?"

He could hear the desperation in her words. God, she was still worried. He needed to get her out of it. "Tumhara dil badal raha hai, Mrs. Shergill."

"What?"

Bending forward, he locked her by his one hand on the headboard on her right side. "I said," he leaned over, whispering in her right ear in a deep husky voice, "tumhara dil badal raha hai." He pulled himself back, just a little to see her face. "Last night, it seemed as if migraine had surely hit me but it affected you. You served me food in the room and... and Mrs. Shergill sat the whole night. For me?"

She stepped down the bed, getting his hand off the headboard making herself a way to get away. "I think you are forgetting Mr. Shergill that I am your PA, even in home. It is my job to look after my boss."

He grinned at her attempt of getting away with it. "You aren't supposed to give up on your sleep for your boss's comfort in your PA job. So tell me, you did it being the PA or being Mrs. Shergill, hmm?"

He had lately developed a fond of pulling her leg, saying something that would leave her at loss of words. However, in that moment, all he wanted to do was to divert her attention from the stupid migraine that had taken away her smile.

"As a human." She grinned wider than him. Did he really think that she wouldn't have a comeback?

•

His heart leapt as recalling the once beautiful past suddenly lifted his mood. Her adorable, little victory dance after giving it back to him in his own way still made him adore her.

In that quiet night, reminiscing the other night that had given him an idea about how much he mattered in her life and to what extent his pain affected her, flashed light in his brain that was darkened due to the anger.

Could she really possibly do what he was accusing her of doing? If at all, she was working with/for that one eyed woman and had vicious intention for stepping in his life, why would she care him? There was no doubt that she did care for him and cared a lot for him. Neither would he ever question it not will let anyone else do.

If it was a misunderstanding, why wouldn't she clear it but refuse for any explanations?

Mr. Shergill, I know you deserve to know the reason I married you because of and believe me if you can, I want to make you aware of it as well but I can't. Not right now. Like I said on the first day too... I have my reasons that no matter how desperately I want to share but I cannot. I am sorry, Mr. Shergill but I cannot. I can not force you to believe me, but I don't know, a part of my heart believes that that you will. Will you?

How could he not think of it earlier? She had told him that she had her own reasons and she would let him know them all when it was the right time. That day, she had confessed that there are parts of her life that she would want him to know but would have to wait until the right time. She had asked him that day if he would believe her and he... had assured her that he would. He had promised her that he would.

Damn it. He had made a promise to her, to trust her, and he failed to keep that promise. Anger, like always, had controlled his mind and had not let him think sane, analyse the situation and understand beyond unsaid. The two incidents of Mrs. Shergill with that one eyed woman and Divya had got stuck in his head, consuming all the space, leaving no bit for him to process anything else.

But why couldn't she just tell him everything?  He chided himself for repeating the mistake. If she could tell him, then she would have, long back.

Something was holding her back and with the entry of the one eyed woman in the picture, Mrs. Shergill's reasons had to be grave, he was beginning to understand.

• • • 

Finally!  It took me so long to write this. I hope it was worth your wait. Do leave your likes and comments.They do mean a lot to me. 

Also, I have been asked a lot for PMs but I am not sure. I mean, I have always been apprehensive about PMs. Somehow I feel it burdens the reader to read and I don't appreciate/want/like forced reads and forced comments. If you are reading this, I want it to be because you like this and not as a responsibility because you have got a PM for it but I get it if you want one because you aren't too active and don't check MF. 

However, do mention in you comment if you would like to receive PM for this story and yes, you would have to add me in your buddy list for the same. I will make it a point to include you if I am sending for the next update. 

Also, 30000 views in four parts? I don't know how to react. This is a huge number and it is overwhelming. Thank you.