Chapter 52: Better

4 years ago

-Archi-

@-Archi-

The content of this story belongs strictly to the author, -Archi-. Any unwarranted use/copy of it is not encouraged and is strictly prohibited.

Chapter Fifty-Two

Better

Arnav couldn’t help but smile as he saw Khushi collect her things and depart the room, grumbling to herself and looking quite adorable in the process. As much as he wished otherwise he couldn’t have her in the room for what he wanted to do next.  

“Everything looks good Mr. Raizada,” Ved said coolly, signing off on the reports and pretending as though he didn’t just have a heated argument with Khushi. “I will arrange your discharge papers for tomorrow.”

Arnav ignored that. He didn’t send Khushi away to discuss his discharge arrangements. So clearing his throat, he said seriously: “You need to let it go.”

Ved looked up from the reports. “Excuse me?”

“You need to let it go,” Arnav repeated without any ire. “It’s not her fault.”

Ved stared at him for a few seconds, his eyes hardening.

“Sorry to say this,” he answered icily, closing the file in his hands with a snap. “But that is between Khushi and me.”

“It would have been,” Arnav agreed. “If the two of you didn’t cause a ruckus just now. You left me with no choice but to interfere by treating Khushi like that Dr. Arora.”

“Right, I almost forgot about your choices,” Ved retorted. “Should I also be expecting a termination letter in my inbox like Dr. Dayal? Or will you have the guts to fire me on my face?”

Arnav grimaced. This was not at all how he had envisioned the conversation to turn out. Ved’s hurt may be justified, but his anger was not. It was simply one of those odd scenarios where no one was at fault, and it was high time he understood that. 

“I think,” Ved continued. “I’m finally starting to get why Khushi hesitates to accept that her husband is a trustee… if you go around firing people like this, it will only be a matter of time before everyone is scared of even speaking to her.”

Arnav sighed, the reminder of Khushi making him realize why he had decided to step foot in these murky waters in the first place. Ved was not like Alok, set in his ways, nor was he like Dayal, insufferable. He was Khushi’s friend, a well-wisher, and Arnav couldn’t afford to destroy that with his interference. 

So changing his stance, he said earnestly: “Look, I apologize if I seem rude–”

Ved snorted. 

“–but I’m just trying to understand… I really don’t think you enjoy being pissed at Khushi. Her speech last night should have told you how important you are to her.”

Ved softened, silently agreeing with him. 

“Fair enough,” he muttered with a sigh. “What do you want to understand?”

Relieved, Arnav gestured him to sit on the stool Khushi had vacated a few minutes ago. 

“I’m not going to bite Dr. Arora,” Arnav said, when Ved hesitated. He wasn’t used to people being weary of him. Only his father and father-in-law had those talents.

Ved –finally– obliged and stoically took a seat.

“So tell me,” Arnav asked. “Why exactly are you so angry?”

He frowned. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Not really. Sooner or later, you would have eventually figured out on your own that Khushi doesn’t have any romantic feelings for you... so why the rage? Why are you blaming her–”

“I’m not blaming her,” Ved interrupted, vexed. “Do I look that obnoxious to you Mr. Raizada? I never have and I never will demand her to like me back... it’s purely her choice.”

“So then why are you acting like a scorned lover?” 

Ved grunted, annoyed. “Forget it… you won’t understand.” 

“Try me.”

Arnav could tell Ved was surprised to hear that. For some odd reason, he was expecting him, Arnav, not to care about any of this… it was a strange and not to mention, a baseless, assumption. Arnav had more reason to care than probably even Khushi. 

“I’m angry,” Ved finally said. “Because she didn’t choose better.”

“Choose what better?”

“You.”

Arnav was stumped. Ved was upset… because Khushi chose him? What did that even mean? Didn’t he know under what circumstances this whole situation even came into being? Khushi would’ve surely given him all the facts, so why was he failing to see the obvious? 

“I think,” Arnav said. “You’re heavily mistaken. Khushi didn’t choose any of this... it just happened.”

“I highly doubt that,” Ved answered promptly. “I mean sure, the two of you got married in unfair circumstances or because of unfair circumstances... I get it. But why are you staying in this? Why is Khushi, who prides herself on being independent and self-made, giving up her individuality and compromising to this?” 

Arnav’s answer was instantaneous. “You don’t know about her father.”

“Right, the same father who didn’t want her to be a doctor?” Ved asked skeptically. “Well, she is practicing now, isn’t she?”

“That’s different.”

Ved gazed at him shrewdly. “You can’t possibly believe that to be true. How is it that her father’s opinion doesn’t matter when it comes to her profession, but it does when it’s the point of her marriage?”

Arnav wished he had a fitting reply. Hadn’t he told Alok just yesterday that he can do whatever the hell he wanted, but he couldn’t control Khushi anymore? So didn’t that mean… Khushi was free to walk out of this marriage as well?

“So she did have a choice Mr. Raizada,” Ved reiterated. “And I’m angry that she chose this weird marriage over a life of happiness. I’m angry that she settled for so little. Why doesn’t she see that she is so much better than all of this?”

Arnav was –for a lack of a better word– baffled. 

There was no doubt whatsoever that Khushi was better than all of this. She was meant to soar high, to nestle in the clouds. But isn’t that what he had been supporting her to do all this time? To step out of this cage and achieve her dreams? How was any of that settling for less?

“What makes you think,” he asked, softly. “That she is unhappy in this marriage?”

Ved let out a sarcastic laugh. “Are you serious?”

Arnav simply stared at him, waiting for an answer. 

“What does it say about your relationship Mr. Raizada,” Ved said pointedly. “If your legally wedding wife is not even willing to accept you as her husband outside of the four walls of your house?”

Arnav felt his throat go dry. 

Every single thing Ved had said was not new. Wasn’t it just days ago that Khushi had expressed very plainly how suffocating this marriage was to her? 

You’re not competition, because this marriage is not real Arnav. We pretend in front of our families out of obligation, yes, but that doesn’t change the truth. So, tell me, why do I have to keep up this façade even here? 

So then… why did it hurt to hear Ved accuse him of the same now? 

Maybe because he had assumed that Khushi had no complaints with his companionship. Instead, what she had a problem with, was with the tag of being his wife, for it was all that she was expected to be; with the helplessness that engulfed her during the initial days, when she didn’t even have her practice for comfort… but with him, with the true Arnav that lingered behind what the world presumed to be her husband and his father’s heir, she was happy. Their bond, unbound neither by the expectations of a marriage nor by the rules of a romance, was beyond all else. 

And that’s what he had reminded himself every time she had called their marriage a façade. Because it really was. They were not wife and husband… they were something else, something more profound. 

But perhaps, he was wrong. Perhaps, like Ved, she too saw nothing more than an inadequate marriage in him. 

“So you see,” Ved finished. “Your whole relationship is wrong.”

Arnav took a deep breath. “You don’t know the full story Dr. Arora... What Khushi and I have doesn’t need to have a name. Just because we don’t conform to what you or the rest of the world expects, doesn’t make it any less special.”

Ved mulled that over. “Okay, tell me then... what do you have?”

“We have trust,” Arnav said simply. “We have understanding. We have–”

“Is there love?”

Like a flash, Myra’s hazy face came into view. Her once beautiful features now seemed like nothing but a tantalizing dream, unreal and misleading. 

“Mr. Raizada?” Ved called, when there was no answer.

“Love is beautiful,” Arnav murmured, blinking away the memories. “But love is not everything.”

“That sounds like you don’t want to commit.”

“Hardly. I just don’t see why you deem love to be the only factor to judge Khushi’s happiness... frankly, it sounds like youhave never been in love.”

“My love life is not the point here–”

“It isn’t,” Arnav accepted. “But if you had been in love, you would’ve realized that it’s not all that rosy. Love consumes you, rakes you into pieces... without an anchor, love becomes nothing but desperation.”

Ved stared at him with inquisitively for almost a whole minute, before concluding: “You’ve had your heart broken already.”

Arnav kept mum.

“I’ll admit,” Ved said, more in thought than resentment. “When Khushi first told me she was married to you, I wasjealous... it seemed like you got everything without even having to try. But to have everything and not be able to embrace it? That... sucks.”

“I don’t need your pity Dr. Arora,” Arnav answered, curtly. “I’m simply at a different point in life than you are.”

“And have you ever considered at what point Khushi is at?”

“I’m sure you have an answer to that as well,” Arnav replied, unable to help himself.  

Ved glared at him. “Look, we don’t have to do this. It was you who wanted to understand, not me.”

“I assure you, I still am trying to,” Arnav answered. “I just don’t get your point. When neither of us have a problem with how our relationship is, why are you insisting that it’s wrong, that Khushi is not choosing–”

“Because I know Khushi,” Ved interrupted. “She may be a brilliant doctor, but with everything else…”

Arnav had no trouble completing that. Khushi was reserved with her emotions, hesitant to trust, to let herself loose. It made her intriguing in so many ways. 

“You’re right,” Ved continued. “She may not have had a choice with any of this, and I can forgive her for not knowing better… But what about you Mr. Raizada? Don’t you know any better?”

Arnav looked at his lap in answer, the truth of his words feeling like a noose around his neck. 

“You are more than okay firing Dayal –who by the way did what most seniors around here do– and prove to everyone that she belongs to you, but you can’t love her because of something that happened in the past. And she… well, as long as she stays with you, she will never have the option of falling in love, and until she falls in love, she won’t even know what to fight for. It’s a vicious circle.”

“That’s not true,” Arnav interjected, quietly.  

Ved, for the first time in their entire conversation, was surprised. “Do you honestly think,” he said slowly, with added emphasis. “That Khushi will even consider seeking out another relationship –a real one with no strings attached– with your marriage hanging above her like a sword?”

It was a no-brainer: she wouldn’t. 

“But for arguments sake, let’s just say she does, let’s say she falls in love with someone other than you. Then what happens? Will you just… let her go?”

The answer was simple: he will have to. 

But the real question was, could he? 

Life without Khushi was… unfathomable. In a few short months, she had grown closer to him than most of his family. Could he forget that, and go back to lonely evenings –like the ones he had endured, fresh after Myra’s departure– in the penthouse with nothing but a glass of whiskey for company? Could he enter the kitchen again, knowing that no matter what he made, she wouldn’t be there, ready to be bowled over with just the first bite? Could he ever dare to face his family and at least attempt to fill the void she would indefinitely leave behind?

No… he couldn’t.

“I thought so,” Ved said triumphantly, shaking his head. “Anyway, I should get going... enjoy your last day Mr. Raizada.” 

He had almost made it to the door when Arnav finally found his voice. 

“Dr. Arora?”

Ved stopped in his tracks. 

“Thank you… for telling me your honest opinion,” Arnav said, gratefully. “You truly are a good friend.”

He shuffled his feet, awkward with the unexpected compliment. 

“Khushi misses you a lot,” Arnav continued. “You don’t have to agree with how she handled things, but you can at least understand… Give it a thought.”

Ved gave a curt nod in understanding, before disappearing through the door, leaving Arnav behind with very troubled thoughts. As much as he had wished otherwise, he had once again come to a stop in front of the be-all and end-all: love. 

It was obvious why, for someone like Ved, love was the ultimate thing. It was something he had yet to experience, something that didn’t come easy to him. It was something to look forward to, something to get lost in. 

But for Arnav… love was something else entirely. He had spent six years of his life chasing that excitement, getting lost amidst its maze, not hesitating to compromise even on himself in the process. What happened in the end? It was a miracle that he even put himself back together after that, a miracle that today, he was able to look back and see reality the way it was. Healing from it, however, did not mean he forgot about it. 

No, it would be a blatant lie if Arnav said his whole being didn’t tremble at the mere thought of the agony left behind in Myra’s wake. He had meant every word he said to Ved. Love was painful. And come what may, he just couldn’t re-live all of that once again. 

Besides, what he had with Khushi was… innocent, pure, effortless. There were no unnecessary hesitations or added complexities. That was enough for him. He couldn’t and wouldn’t force something as futile as love upon that and destroy the solace they have managed to find. 

But even as he had come to that resolve, Arnav knew he couldn’t make that decision alone. Sure, he had come to respect Khushi, to admire her, to stand by her come what may… but like Ved said, it was also his responsibility to find out what she wanted. Did it all, ultimately, boil down to ‘love’ for her?  

The clock read almost one in the afternoon by the time Khushi finally returned to his room, her lunch –a take-out box from the cafeteria downstairs– in hand.

“Can I come in?” she asked formally, with a knock on his door. 

Arnav rolled his eyes. He had almost forgotten that she was still annoyed with him about kicking her out earlier. “Since when do you need permission?”

She walked inside, miffed. “I figured it’s better to check in case it’s a bad time and you have other appointments.”

“I see,” he answered, kind of amused. “Well, in that case, you’re good. My schedule is cleared for the next ten years.”

“Ten years?” Khushi mocked. “Wow… I think I need to give your girlfriends the tip.”

“Who said the schedule is open to them?”

“Oh, so this courtesy is reserved for me?”

“You and only you.”

The strangest expression crossed her eyes at that, the humor vanishing, to be replaced by veneration. 

“What?” he asked, uneasy under her piercing gaze. 

She looked away, the lightest of pinks coloring her cheeks. “Nothing… so did you tell Ved you don’t want to be discharged tomorrow?”

Arnav frowned. “Tell me something honestly.”

She sat down beside him. “Okay?”

“What course of treatment would you give someone who came to you with a simple fracture in his lower leg?”

Khushi narrowed her eyes in understanding. “Don’t try to teach me–”

“Why you are so against me getting discharged,” he cut in. “As far as I know fracture means putting the patient in a cast and sending them home, if possible, on the same day… it’s been a week Khushi.”

Her shoulders fell in disappointment. “So, you want to go home.”

Arnav wished he had a different answer to give her. He couldn’t stand upsetting her. 

“I get it,” she said in a small voice, bowing her head –an ingrained habit whenever she didn’t want him to know what she was thinking– and staring at her lap instead.

“Khushi,” he called. “Look at me please.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. Of course, you want to leave… it’s not exactly fun staying here locked up in a room.”

“On the contrary, I think it has been one hell of a fun week Dr. Gupta,” he said, adopting a lighthearted tone. “You told Ved the truth, you won an award, your father dropped in for a visit… I would say this is the best hospital visit I ever had.”

“Hilarious Arnav,” she muttered. “You forgot the rest of it. Ved hates me. My father is probably plotting his revenge. And most of the hospital will figure out very soon that I got Dr. Dayal fired.”

“Correction: most of the hospital will thank you that you got Dr. Dayal fired. Didn’t I tell you to keep the negativity to a minimum?”

“How can I when my only silver lining will be leaving tomorrow?”

It was like the Nainital trip all over again. Her hesitance to go far from him, her dejection at what she presumed would be less time with him… their relationship was perfect as is. He couldn’t possibly want more even if he had tried.

“Your silver lining will only be a text away,” Arnav said gently. “But that wasn’t my point.”

“Then what is?”

He struggled to put it nicely. “It’s just that… you are a little blindsided when it comes to me.”

Khushi stiffened, looking at him as though caught in a wrongdoing.

“I think you should trust Ved’s judgement. He may not be award-worthy, but I’m sure he is still quite capable.”

Khushi took a moment to answer. “And did you listen to anyone when I was down with influenza? You grounded me for a week.”

“That’s different–”

“How is it different? And because I listened to you that week, you should listen to me now.”

“But you were contagious!” he protested. 

“And you are crippled,” she snapped. “So there, we’re even.”

Arnav gazed at her, trying very hard not to laugh at the innocent pout sitting on her lips. “I never expected this from youDr. Gupta…”

A line appeared on her forehead. 

“Taking revenge from a cripple,” he explained in a mock disappointed voice. “I thought you were above that.”

She rolled her eyes, but the corners of her mouth pulled up into a smile, nonetheless.

“I guess you’re right,” she relented at last. “I am being over cautious.”

“Just a little,” he replied, grinning. “Besides, I’m just being discharged, not banished. You’ll see me every single morning and every single evening, well, the ones you’re not on shift anyway… I can also stop feeling guilty about making you sleep on the sofa and go back to eating real food. It’s a win-win situation.”

“The food here is real Arnav.”

He sulked. “Real food, Dr. Gupta, is fettucine alfre–”

He never finished for a nurse arrived just then, faithfully carrying a tray laden with his lunch. And for the first time since his admittance, Arnav gobbled it down without a single complaint, comforted with the thought that it would be one of his last ‘healthy’ meals for many months to come. 

Long after they had finished eating and Khushi resigned herself to attending emails, Arnav plucked up enough courage to finally ask her what he should have a long time ago. 

“Khushi?”

She looked up from her phone. “Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

She echoed his words from before: “Since when do you need permission?” 

He bit his lip, hesitant. “If Ved wasn’t so like… Ved, for a lack of a better word, would you… would you have considered going out with him?”

Khushi was puzzled.  “Err… what? I don’t understand what you’re asking me.”

Arnav took a deep breath. Why was he so nervous to talk to her? It was not the first time they were going to have an honest conversation. 

“I’m asking,” he clarified. “Why you never thought about Ved… romantically.”

She kept her expression –impressively– impassive. “Why… why are you asking me this all of a sudden?”  

Arnav shrugged. “I’m curious. Ved is a good man, handsome according to the grapevine, nice and respectful… He’s ideal I suppose.”

Khushi took her time to answer, appearing as though she was choosing every word with great care. 

“Love just happens Arnav,” she mumbled, tearing her gaze from his. “There is no why to it. I thought you knew that more than me.”

Did he? 

After six years of loving someone more than himself, Arnav wasn’t sure what he knew anymore.

“Remember what you said at NK’s farmhouse,” he pressed. “You asked me if I was okay being married without love… What about you? Are you okay being married to someone you don’t love?”

Khushi appeared almost stricken to hear that. 

Did that mean… Ved was right? Was love the only thing she wanted?

Arnav watched her think in dread, waiting and assessing for some sign, some indication of her answer. He was just readying himself to hear a resounding ‘no’, when she at last cleared her throat and said–

“Yes.”

He didn’t dare believe it, not just yet. “Because of your fath–”

“Because I’m happy here,” she said simply, meeting his eyes once again, this time with confidence.

“So love doesn’t matter to you,” he concluded, more to himself than her. 

Khushi sighed and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “You tell me Arnav… what is love?”

How did she manage to turn the tables on him? He had been racking his head all morning trying to understand what shethought, and here she was, asking him just the opposite. 

“I’ve heard Ved’s definition,” she said, matter-of-factly. “I’ve understood my mother’s and I have somewhat seen yours’ too… tell me, which one is right?”

“Perhaps none of them.” 

“Or,” she stressed with a small smile. “All of them. My point is, how does it matter? Is there some milestone we have to reach in life saying we’ve loved someone? Or is there a checklist somewhere that says this is love?”

Arnav shook his head, feeling his anxiousness slowly ease away. 

“The way I see it, in the end everyone chooses what they want. And I...” –she clasped her hands– “I chose trust and understanding. That’s what you have given me Arnav… and that’s why I’m happy here.”

Cool, glorious relief spread through Arnav. Not because she named him as the reason for her happiness, but because she understood, as well as him, the value of what they had. Unlike Myra, she didn’t need a name to stamp their bond, or a performance to stun the world. All she asked for was faith… and that he had in abundance to give. 

 -------------------------------------------------------------

Firstly, apologies for being a few hours late... had hit a writer's block 😅

Loved your comments to the last chapter, a huge thank you! ❤️

I hope you liked Ved and Arnav's talk... though Ved's words had a much bigger impact on Arnav than the other way around. I know we all want smooth sailing in ArShi land, but after having such a horrible break-up, Arnav is definitely going to hesitate before jumping all in with Khushi. In some ways, he is more scared than her about all this... because what if  things don't work out? 

Please like & comment! Next chapter will be up on Friday night, EST.

Love,

Archi