T H R E E: Alone

4 years ago

-Grace-

@-Grace-

CHAPTER THREE

Alone 

Arnav unlocked the door and turned the knob as he entered his apartment. The moonlight glowed through the huge windows in the living room, being the only source of light in the luxurious apartment, ironically dark.

His heart ached at the realization as it hit him. The moon mocked his loneliness.  No longer he had his worrying mother who would wait late at night until he returned and had his meal.

It was an indescribable feeling, sadness would  make him feel weak which would allow the world to take advantage of him, and he did not have enough courage to plaster a smile that would only secretly eat his insides, he could not forget neither he could move on. He wanted to do a lot but couldn't, nothing seemed in control. They say life is granted once and is more precious than we think, but why did it suddenly feel like those grains of sand that slipped through the fingers?

Without turning the lights on he walked towards the couch in front of the window. His shoes making the clacking sounds on the marbled floor in the pin drop silence that his house forever would be haunted with. A feeling of shallowness occupied his heart.

Wanting to remain alive, yet wanting to disappear into thin air was a nerve wracking dilemma of its own. The courage to survive had faded and backing from problems shredded Arnav’s massive ego.

Sometimes lesser options were just better.

He threw his laptop bag on the corner of the couch and placing his hands in his pockets he stood by the window staring at the lonely night.

"I love quiet chilly nights" she said as she glowed with happiness under the moonlight, as her doe like eyes stared at the full moon taking in its beauty.

"yeah but it can give you a cold" he smiled seeing her happy. 

"oh come on! learn to enjoy Arnav " 

Aliya expressed her annoyance at his cynicism.

He shook his head at her attempt.

"you know you can find happiness in the simplest of things? And if you want you can whine about every single thing and torture yourself and those around you" 

She scrunched her eyebrows in mock anger. 

Her fringes touched her long lashes as her expressive eyes shone brightly.

"Ok fine you win" Arnav rolled his eyes and smiled inwardly, a moment of subtle intimacy.  

She grabbed her shawl from the couch and moved towards the window to enjoy the view.

He extended his arm to touch her shoulder.

Only to catch air as another gush of loneliness ran over him, his outstretched hand unmoved in mid way.

Arnav felt a burning sensation in his eyes and his vision started to blur. He touched his cheek and was stunned to find the tips of his fingers wet. He had thought he no longer had the capacity to feel the pain, to weep or to have any kind of emotion at all. But he was wrong, yet again he had been proved wrong. 

*********

"May I come in sir'" he waited at the door. 

"come in" Vivan replied absentmindedly, his eyes glued to the file.

Asher hesitantly walked inside as Vivan looked up to see who the intruder was.

"oh Asher, please have a seat"

He quietly pulled the chair and sat firmly facing Vivan.

"So everything's good?" Vivan asked and placed the file aside, already impressed at his performance over a short period he was there.

Vivan was an experienced officer and could identify traits of a strong officer when he saw one. In just over a month Vivan had undoubtedly found Asher to be one of the best he had seen. He had every quality one needed to be a part of his team. 

"yes sir, just wanted to talk to you about that case if you have a few minutes" Asher asked in a low voice.

"yeah sure what is it?" Vivan asked as he tried to look at the writing on the file in Asher's hands. 

The tinge of panic in his voice did not go unnoticed by Vivan.

After discussing the details of Ahmed Ali Khan's case Asher felt somewhat relieved but still on the edge, horrifying feeling remained in the corner of his heart. 

"Look Asher" Vivan said as he closed the file and looked at him with a serious expression. 

"sometimes you get cases which are very disturbing and could even relate to real life or first hand experiences at times"

Knowing full well where this discussion was headed Asher tried to compose himself, the fear that grew wild at times, he tried to keep it under control. It was a matter of ego, self esteem, and the fearless quality that was tagged with his authority.

"and believe me it will happen" he said and lightly smiled, conveying layered meanings. His eyes slightly narrowed urging Asher to inquire about the rest, his aura stopping him from unnecessary talk.

Asher's mind went into directions he didn't want on its own accord. Vivan could see himself in those pools of dark brown. For some unknown reason it felt like he was standing in front of a mirror, unknowingly remembering shards of his own story. 

"but that doesn't mean you take it personally. You have to learn to deal with a case as a case, not as a personal problem because it is not" he spoke seriously, not wanting his new officer to grow weak, and in between convincing his own heart.

"And that will only help you survive here and become stronger" he said which sounded more like advice, almost brotherly in a way. 

There was no place of doubts, no place for weaknesses and definitely no place for fears.

"Thanks" Asher murmured and left his cabin with a smile of gratitude.

To say he was relieved would be wrong, but Vivan’s authoritative tone was promising. One could not help but truly believe everything coming out of his mouth and Asher was no different. There was some level of reassurance that was there. It was a weird mix of anxiety and relief. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, memories from the past kept flashing laced with fear. 

Perhaps no Vivan could help him with this one.

*********

"Im fine, I have some important work to look at, I will talk to you later"

Vivan disconnected the phone before he had lost it, he clenched his jaws and closed his eyes, his posture stiffened when the memories of the past refreshed over a simple phone call.

He had run away from the cruelty he had witnessed at home as a child no- a place where souls were captive, his childhood had been murdered, the love of parents unknown, the care between husband and wife non-existent, the warmth and bonding were foreign concepts. That was not a home. 

Time and again he had tried to separate his present from the past but it had come repeatedly to haunt him.

Why did he feel strong one moment and on the verge of shattering the next? 

Couldn't the man who claimed to be his father act like a stranger and forget he had any family?

Why did he have to care now?

*********

"Arnav find me if you can" her tinkling voice echoed, laughter coming in melodies.

"I'll always be there" Ma's soothing voice flowed like honey in his ears.

"my son is the best" she said kissing his forehead

"you are my best friend" Aliya said, hugging him from the side.

"im all yours"she said, holding his hand.

The voices echoed repeatedly and he felt himself  drowning in darkness, so dark that he couldn't even find himself, all those voices growing louder and then fading, mocking him of his fears and loneliness.

He woke up panting and sweating, his hands reached out to find nothingness.

"ma…Aliya…ma…Al..Aliya" his voice cracked and  his breath constricted. 

The bedside clock read 3 am, and he realized the nightmare was no longer a haunted dream but one bitter truth that now summoned his life.

It was about time he accepted the reality and faced whatever was thrown at him. Throwing the duvet off of him in exasperation he opened his closet and started shoving clothes in an empty suitcase.  Ma and Aliya cannot just leave him stranded on the thorny path that lay ahead of him. They cannot betray him, they had promised to be by his side forever and always, leaving him alone was simply not an option.

*********

Asher rested his hand on the window frame and looked at the piercing sun, his dark brown eyes shimmering against the glass.

Images from the past flashed before his eyes, no matter how hard he tried to block the visuals an unknown force seemed to keep displaying them, his troubled mind unable to process anything, all rational thoughts had vanished. 

His mind knew Ahmed Ali Khan was just another case and it was a part of his job. He couldn't mix emotions with profession, there was no room for that. But his heart knew better, it kept showing the mirror in which he saw Ahmed Ali Khan as another Asher.

Khirad entered the room casually and moved towards the window as her eyes followed.

"Hi" she spoke in a low voice.

"Hey" he said looking away.

"How is it going?This case seems interesting  but there are a few details missing about the subject" she said casually, as a matter of fact, eyeing the file that lay open on his desk. 

"can we talk about this later?" he looked directly into her eyes, in a firm voice that was on the verge of cracking. 

"why do I have a feeling that you are taking this case too personally?" 

Khirad cocked an eyebrow, no signs of amusement on her face. Was she trying to ask him something he did not want anyone to know? The barriers werent meant to be broken. 

"I am not."

 He clenched his jaws, the anger in his voice and the fear in his heart rising by the passing second.

She narrowed her eyes at the coldness in his tone. Sure things didn't always work out as we wished them to, but this was no way to talk to someone, if he didn't know how to keep himself in control then he was at the wrong place.

"Please. Leave me alone." he said after he turned around, his back faced her. 

Without a word she threw the file on his desk and left his cabin, her calculative movements secretly throwing daggers at him.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Hello everyone!

I know  there are a lot of confusions and questions still. But the nature of the story is such that it had to start with tangled minds and slowly unravel. 

I cant disclose much just yet, but feel free to ask questions :)

Thank you to anyone and everyone who takes the time to read and specifically those who take a few minutes to comment :)