Chapter 9

rulama

@rulama

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RECALLING ARNAV - II

Part 9

Khushi looked uncertainly at Arnav as they walked up the steps to the temple. He was, as usual, dressed in formal clothes and stood out like a sore thumb among other devotees.

"Khushi, do you need to buy something? I mean, when Di goes to the temple, she takes a plate with flowers and stuff with her," Arnav asked, a frown on his face.

"Yes," she whispered as she led him to the vendors selling pooja material. Why does Arnavji want to meet Devi Maiyya? He is an atheist,' Khushi wondered as she purchased the offerings.

"How much is it?" Arnav asked the vendor before paying him.

Khushi stood staring at him.

"What is wrong?" Arnav asked, cocking one brow.

"Nothing," Khushi tried to smile, tightening her hold on the thali with flowers and other offerings.

They walked up to Devi Maiyya's idol. Khushi handed over their thali to the priest and folded her hands in prayer. She stole a look at Arnav to see him doing the same. He stood looking at Devi Maiyya's kind face for a few seconds before shutting his eyes. Khushi followed suit.

Arnav stood before Devi Maiyya, his eyes shut, his hands folded. He could hear the pigeons cooing, the temple bells ringing, the wind rustling the leaves of the banyan tree, the soft chants of other worshippers...

"One day you will understand that you were not charting your destiny, but that Devi Maiyya was holding your hand as you wrote your future," he heard Khushi tell him.

He saw himself running down the stairs in Sheesh Mahal, Di limping after him, asking him to return her sketch book to her. He had deliberately paced himself so that Di could follow him comfortably.

His Mama had looked up to see them, a smile taking birth on her face. She had said, "Chotey, will you trouble your Di so?" knowing very well that he would never let anything happen to his sister, that he loved her even though he was not good at showing it.

His feet had come to a stop at Mama's question and Di had caught him by his shoulder.

"Here's your book," he had thrust it at Di, not wanting to trouble her any longer.

"Chotey," Di had pulled him down to sit on the steps. She had sat by him and turned the pages of the book till she had located her latest sketch.

He had stared at it. It was of him sitting on his bed, hs face as cross as always. Di had written "My papad ka tukda, jab dekho ukhda" by it.

"Anjali has drawn a picture for you, Chotey," Mama smiled. "What will you do for her?"

"Anything," he said softly, the words slipping out before he could stop them.

Mama had smiled at his words. Then she said, "Look after your Di, Chotey, after I am gone."

Arnav had frowned. "Where are you going, Mama?"

But Mama had only smiled.

Arnav swallowed hard.

He had tried, as hard as he could. As a teenager with the rug pulled from under his feet, he had tried to hold his family together, keep his Di smiling, standing tall with her head held high against the snide remarks of society. Hadn't I?' he asked Devi Maiyya.

'Didn't I try to give her every happiness under the sky? Where did I go wrong? Why did Shyam come in to her life? Couldn't she have fallen in love with an ordinary, decent man? Why did Di have to lose her child too?'

Khushi looked at the frown on his face as he prayed silently.

Why did you send Khushi in to my life? Was it to teach me a lesson or to punish her? Whatever your intention, meeting me, marrying me, living with me and bearing me turned her life in to a punishment, a punishment she didn't deserve,' he said silently.

'I can understand if you are mad at me. I don't pray. I attend under duress the innumerable prayer meetings Di organises with unfailing regularity. I am arrogant, driven by my ego. I try to do things my way and have a sharp tongue. I am impulsive and hurt others. The punishment should all have been mine. Why did you punish her? Why did you give her the hope of a baby? And having given her the hope, why did you snatch it away from her? Why did you make her cry when it was I who deserved it all?' he asked, his jaw clenched.

Khushi looked at him and at Devi Maiyya. Other people were moving away after praying but Arnavji was staying put.

Why did you punish her? She prayed to you, daily. She made jalebi for you. She called you a hundred times daily; you were never far from her thoughts. How could you bear it when she cried? Why did you let me hurt her? Why didn't you fell me before I could hurt her?' he asked.

You took her parents and left her alone, scared of the dark, scared of sleeping alone, scared of speeding vehicles. Was her loss not enough, her tears not copious enough that you pushed her in to my arms that night? In to the arms of a Rakshas, a Shaitaan? Why? Why did you do it?' he asked.

The priest began the aarti but Arnav was lost in his thoughts.

What was our baby guilty of that you had to kill it before it could draw breath? Why did you punish Khushi for my sins? Why did Khushi have to pay for my ignorance, my bad judgement, my arrogance, my blindness? Is there no justice in your world? Why did you punish an innocent for my crimes?' he asked as the bells tolled.

"Beta," the priest held out the lamp for him and Khushi.

As at the temple when he had bandaged her finger, Khushi extended her hands touched the flame that had been used for aarti and ran her hands over her head. Then she and the priest looked expectantly towards Arnav.

He swallowed hard. He lifted his hands towards the flame, uncertain how to go about it.

As he hesitated, Khushi's hands covered his and lifted them to the flame. As his hands neared the flame, she let go of them. He extended his hands too close to the flame, the heat of the camphor burning the skin of his palms. Quickly Khushi caught his hands and pulled them away from the fire.

He looked at their hands, hers over his. He lifted his eyes to see Devi Maiyya smiling at him.

At that moment he understood what life had been trying to teach him ever since he had met Khushi"that their lives were entwined, that there was no his and hers, only theirs. Their life, their marriage, their mistakes, their baby, their future.

"Kya hua, Arnavji? You look pale," Khushi whispered. "Did you burn your hand?"

"No," he said as he led her away.