Chapter 33

Buaji looked at Arnav as he sipped his bitter tea next morning.

"Bitwaa, have one more puri," she insisted, having taken over Khushi's job of stuffing Arnav with food as Khushi was away at Satwik Mistaan Bhandaar.

"No, thank you, Buaji. I am full," Arnav said, smiling.

Buaji smiled in return. "You look much better now, more like a man." She turned to Garima and the Raizada ladies, "Didn't he look like a skeleton when he came to Lucknow?"

All laughed in agreement.

"He used to frown at food in Delhi, Buaji. I had to fight and pout and cry to get one paratha in to him," Anjali complained.

"Our Devdas was on bhook hartal, Hello Hi Bye Bye!" Mami added, laughing.

Garima smiled and pinched Arnav's chin fondly. "Don't tease him, Jiji. He has to put up with Khussi's fussing over him all the time as it is"

As the laughter died out Buaji became thoughtful. Slowly she said, "Arnav bitwaa, we tried our best to keep Khussi away from you, but... we failed. Not because we didn't try hard enough, but because her parem for you was too strong, Nandkisore."

Garima nodded. "I thought with time... but..." She shook her head. "Even with a vacuum in her memories..."

Buaji said, her voice choked, "At the hospital, when she was recuperating from the fall, she would lie looking at the door as though waiting for someone to come, Nandkisore."

Garima nodded. "We asked her for whom she was waiting."

"She had no reply to give us, but she continued to wait," Buaji sighed.

Arnav's fingers clenched on the handle of the tea cup. The pain he had put Khushi through! She had been lying alone in a hospital in Lucknow when he should have been with her. In fact, had she been with him in Delhi, he would have never let her fall down the steps. But she had been in Lucknow and he in Delhi, burning in the fire of his past, languishing in the dungeon of his loneliness, missing Khushi with every fibre of his body, every breath, every heart beat.

It was time to take the next step forward. He had to help her recall the horrendous things he had done to her,

his petty cruelties,

his callousness,

his harsh words,

his cutting put-downs,

the way he had led her on on Diwali night,

dropped her without a word of explanation and

then rushed away to get engaged to Lavanya.

Arnav breathed in, deep.

His only hope was Khushi's generous heart, her instinctive sympathy, the never-drying well of love she had for him. A love that had awakened her body's memory of his even though her mind was still in slumber, a love that had made her hug and kiss him unselfconsciously, a love that had made it impossible for her to witness his pain without absorbing some of the poison into herself.

"Khushi, let's talk about your days in AR Designs," Arnav invited.

Khushi frowned, uneasy, withdrawing mentally from him. His single statement killed the ease between them.

Arnav felt the loss keenly. Slowly she had been coming out of her shell, leaving behind the sister's Jetji label she had given him, letting her body's knowledge of him overpower her mind's ignorance of him, letting her instinct and her subconscious guide her, her last night's hugs and kiss being proof.

A strange tension filled the air, making her stomach muscles cramp in pain.

"Why?" she asked.

"To make you remember more," he replied, his heart hurting at the look of panic on her face.

"Do I need to...?" she asked.

"You do," he replied after a moment.

Khushi grimaced. "What do want to know?"

"You remember Aman, don't you?" Arnav asked.

"Yes. And Pamji, Simji, Manjuji & Jiju," Khushi said.

"Were you friends with Pam & Sim?" he asked.

Khushi frowned. "Why should I be friends with them? I came to your office to work, not make friends."

Arnav ignored Khushi's attempts to block him.

"Were Pam and Sim friendly to you? Helpful?" he asked.

"No," Khushi turned away to place the newspaper tidily on the small table, hiding her face from his.

"Why? Why did they dislike you, Khushi?" he asked, trying to awaken Khushi's memories of Lavanya so that she could get more of her past back.

"How do I know why they disliked me? You should ask them these questions," Khushi frowned at him, sitting down away from him.

"Was there any reason for them to hate you, Khushi?" Arnav persisted.

Khushi jumped up from her seat. "You ask them and return, Arnavji. I will wait for you," she stated as she walked out of the room.

Arnav looked after her, feeling his heart sink. She had built a dam against her memories related to Lavanya. He had to shatter, break down the wall she had constructed in her head if he had to free her. But the cost to him!

A few hours later, Arnav tracked down Khushi. She was hanging clothes on the line.

"Khushi," he called.

She turned around to face him, her eyes wary, apprehensive.

Arnav inhaled deeply, trying to draw in courage along with air. Slowly he held out the phone in his hand to her.

She looked at the phone as though it were a live snake.

He moved closer to her with the phone held out.

Khushi took a step back.

"Someone wants to talk to you, Khushi," he said softly, walking towards her with measured steps.

She hesitated, some sixth sense telling her that pain was waiting for her around the corner, that recollecting her memories might not exactly be a consummation to be wished for, that ignorance perhaps had its advantages, that she had to be careful what she wished for.

Arnav pushed the phone in to her hands. Her cold fingers trembled as they took the phone to her ear, led by his hold on her arm.

"Say hello... Khushi," Arnav instructed softly.

"Hel... Hello," whispered Khushi.

"Chamkili! Bhool gayi mujhe? Why didn't you call me? It has been so long," came an excited squeal from the other end.

Khushi's lips parted, trembled. No words were forthcoming. The picture of a dusky heart-shaped face with dimples rose in her mind.

"I called ASR and asked him about you. He kept on putting me off," the voice continued.

Lavanyaji. Lavanya Kashyap.

Pamji & Simji's friend.

The image of Lavanyaji straightening Arnavji's tie in his office when she had gone to ask for permission to go home after the photo shoot flashed through her mind with cruel clarity.

Khushi's heart stopped beating for a moment.

ASR's girl friend. That is, Arnavji's girl friend.

"Lavanyaji..." Khushi whispered.

The devastation on her face rent Arnav's heart.

"Yes, Lavanyaji," Lavanya laughed. "Khushi, tum kaise ho? And why are you so silent? Remember how we used to talk and laugh when we were at RM?"

Khushi shut her eyes tight.

Janmastami. Cooking classes. Teaching Pooja vidhi. Making diyas for Diwali. A hundred pictures rushed in to Khushi's head as the dam broke.

"We used to dance on the bed, Chamkili. And drive ASR wild," Lavanya burst out in to peals of laughter.

Her heart wept. Lavanyaji wiping away the mud stain on Arnavji's cheek. Lavanyaji, Arnavji's girlfriend.

He had fought with his Nani and brought her to RM to live with him.

Nainital. Arnavji fighting the thugs for her.

Returning to Delhi to find out that her Babuji had suffered a stroke in her absence.

The pungent smell of the hospital... she had run in to his arms and cried.

His arms had not risen to hug her back. She had pulled back in horror... He had paid her hospital bill...

the hot tea she had flung on his face and chest...

She had called him character dheela and he had twisted her arm behind her back and bruised it.

Arnavji had showered abuses on her and thrown her out of RM

"tum jaisi larkiyan to paison keh liye..."

"OUT"

"I said OUT"

and then come to her Buaji's house to bribe her in to returning... they had gone looking for Anjaliji together... Teej... Arnavji had broken her fast by giving her water

and fed Lavanyaji her prasad...

She had been blackmailed by Anjaliji in to helping them turn Lavanyaji in to the ideal wife for Arnavji...

Khushi tried to still the spinning of her head and the palpitation of her heart...

The phone fell from her numb fingers.

She had been instrumental in putting the idea of marriage in to Lavanyaji's head...

she had forced Arnavji to bring Lavanyaji back to RM after she had left it...

Her limbs gave way and she staggered, only to be caught in Arnav's arms.

Diwali night... Her heart quailed. She saw the triumph in Arnavji's eyes as he announced his decision to marry Lavanyaji...

the joy on Lavanyaji's face as she hugged Arnavji...

the tears of joy in Nani & Di's eyes, the pride on Mamiji's face...

while she stood outside in her borrowed finery, weeping, feeling her heart break, trying to make sense of what was happening, why Arnavji had been about to kiss her and had then thrown her away from him...

Lavanyaji hugging her in gratitude for having brought her love life to this satisfactory conclusion...

Khushi fainted.