Smita,😊

Here is my interpretation to Section 1 of Part 16.

Khushi who was sitting cross legged on her bed alone was deep in thought. Her thoughts made her touch lightly her own cheek where Arnav had kissed making her nerves tingle. When her thoughts moved to Arnav striding over to her, pulling her into his arms, kissing and hugging her right in front of Naniji, Anjaliji, Jiju, Nanheji, Mamiji, Amma, Babuji and even the vociferous BUAJI!!!! she blushed to the root of her hair. His audacity to kiss her in front of both the families had embarrassed her but she had see the shock in some and pleasure in the rest. She had see that Nanheji's face was a picture of confusion, Jiju was wide-eyed with shock and her Jiji had the tentacles of blush enveloping her cheeks as though she was the one being kissed. She had seen the golden glow of the first rays of happiness engulf their families by this act of Arnav. The ladies who had witnessed this hug were eager to know when was Arnav's wedding and whether it was along with Akash's. Though it was addressed to Naniji all had their eyes on Khushi seeking answer from her. Just the thought of that made her face go red and hot. Burying her face in her hands she thought it was so easy to pass the buck but it was a Herculean task for her to find the answers. The past few weeks had churned her life so much that she felt that she was in the center of a whirl pool being sucked into the vortex. She felt herself spinning never knowing where the steady ground was anymore. Nothing seemed to work on logic and nothing made any sense to her.

Her mind started to recount with the first encounter with Arnav Singh Raizada. The tragic meeting at Sheesh Mahal, the mannat ki chabi, the video footage shown on TV, Jiji's and her exile to Delhi, headlong collusion with Arnavji's vehicle in Delhi, the debt of 25,000, her attempts to find a job, landing in Arnavji's office, putting up with his cruel words and rude behaviour, his hatred and his contempt, every attempt of his to revile her. Just these thoughts made her tremble.

The thoughts of the night at the guest house, her resignation, Anjaliji's sneaky attempt by blackmail to get her to RM to train Lavanyaji to become a sanskari bahu made Khushi heave a sigh.

She remembered Arnavji's anger, his uncontrolled fury, moments and glances of attraction, fleeting touches, Diwali night, his attempt to run away from her, his anger at having lost control, his reluctance to give in to the attraction between them had her tie up in knots of misery. The amount of unhappiness she had to undergo just because they had crossed path shrouded like a cloud on her. It made her feel as though the mist was enveloping her while trekking a mountain side, blinding her from the path that she was meant to take and one false step would see her down the gorge.

She felt it was an unwilling and helpless attraction between two people who should have never met at all, who were as poles apart in their thoughts and actions. The similarity, the loss of their parents, and a nagging sense of loneliness ended there. She pondered whether they had a foundation with enough strength to build a marriage upon? What was her knowledge on love marriages? It was purely based on Salman Khan movies which meant it was next to nothing. The marriages that she had seen from close were all arranged ones like her parents and Buaji and Pupaji, where they had fallen in love after marriage and were content with whatever life had dealt with. Spouses were of similar background, ordinary people with ordinary expectations.

She knew and had realized long back that Arnavji was no ordinary man. He was a law unto himself, in a league of his own. His preoccupations were not the ones that she could share. His likes, dislikes, hobbies, his education, his view of life, all were so different from hers. They were a world apart and she felt like an alien in his world. Even after overcoming all these inadequacies and she marries what if he regrets being tied down to her at a later date? What if she found it suffocating to be with him? All these thoughts made her dizzy and groan.

Payal looked at her with a smile and asked her what she was worrying about. Was it Arnavji? Khushi was dismayed to see that Payal had caught on her thoughts but her contrariness made her ask testily, why should she worry about her Arnavji?

Payal told her that when they had both met at Sheesh Mahal and then started to work for him she would never have thought that one day... and paused with a smile. Khushi pushed her to continue and prompted one day? Payal continued to utter with a blush creeping on her cheeks that one day Arnavji would... and once again couldn't complete it but continued to say in front of all... and tapered off. While Payal blushed Khushi looked away. Payal told her that Khushi used to call him all the names that she could find as he used to be cruel. Payal asked her whether she knew when he had carried Khushi home from the crumbling guest house that night she, Payal had screamed at him for putting Khushi's life in danger. Payal's confession startled Khushi and made her gasp You! Taking on Arnav Singh Raizada? Khushi stared at her sister who was always timid and wondered when had this meek lamb turned into a tigress? Seeing the wonderment on her face, Payal giggled and told her but now he has changed so much. He is entirely a different person. She wondered what had made him change and what led to it? Khushi thought while all the time she was trying to seek the answers, instead of helping her out each one was putting their own to her! Tired of these queries clutching her head, knowing if she is awake, more would follow that would surely burst her head, she asked Payal whether she was ready to sleep.

Next morning, she quickly got ready to go to her work grabbing her lunch box and the water bottle on her way out of the house. But midway came the call from Buaji to her Sanka Devi in the name of her diety Nandkisore, as to where was she racing to so early in the morning skipping breakfast. While sipping the milk that was being forced upon her, she managed to answer that she had some work that needed to be completed in a hurry. Buaji would not listen to her excuses. She ordered Khushi to finish her milk and told her that unless she drank the complete glass of milk she would not be allowed to step outside. Khushi who was busy gulping the milk choked when it went to the wrong passage and protested at Bauaji. But Buaji was not the one to back down easily. Rubbing her back she made Khushi empty the glass telling her to drink and calling her as Munshiji's stooge! Once it was emptied Buaji looked up to see Arnav near the open door watching them. Buaji called out to him exclaiming Arnav Babua, tum! A startled Khushi turned around to see him in his formal wear all set to go to his office with his eyes on her. He told them that he was on his way to his office and had thought that he would drop Khushi to her work place. When Khushi looked at the clock she realized it was not the normal time he usually left to go to his office. Buaji asked her Sanka Devi to cleanup the milk moustache she was sporting before heading out with Arnav Babua. Khushi embarrassed at being caught out so, headed to the wash making Buaji say this girl vociferously tapping he hands on her head.

As Khushi left the house with Arnav, Buaji hollered out to her Titaliya to empty her lunch box. Khushi agreeing to her demand rushed out.

Arnav held open the door for her. Khushi whispered to him that the godown was on the next street and even if she rolled on the ground it would take her only five minutes. She asked him why did he come so early? He told that it was to see her with his eyes lingering on her clear skin and bright eyes. She frowned to hear it and asked him why was it? Was there anything wrong? Her mind was already checking out all the possibilities of lacuna during the preparations of her sister's wedding. Arnav with a sigh nodded his head. Khushi quickly got into the car wanting to know what was wrong and asked so. Arnav drove in silence to her godown peeking at her every now and then, loving her worried and impatient gestures. Once he parked, when Khushi repeated her query he told her in a serious tone that he was unable to sleep at night. He could neither work nor sleep, he said. Hearing his complaint, Khushi thought out aloud that it must be acidity. Arnav added that he felt dhakdhak too and wanted to see her all the time and be with her. Khushi stared for long into beautiful caramel eyes that had darkened.

Then she asked him what had happened to him? Why had he changed so much? Why was it he never got angry now like before? She even asked him why was it that he was not using What the! anymore!

This update is about being in a QUANDARY.

It begins with Khushi recollecting her feelings when Arnav hugs and kisses her right in front of her family . When they look to her for the answer to the query when was Arnav's wedding it leaves her in a quandary as to what should her answer be. Though all the things and omen point towards their marriage she is yet to quell the misgivings that have arisen and have a deep root in her heart.

"I felt alone on the planet, drifting through the cosmos. With both hands I reached out to the night. There was no answer. Or maybe I just couldn't hear it"

~ Jerry Spinelli, Love, Stargirl

For her to answer their question she needs to probe her inner self whether she could be happy and he would be happy once the matrimony takes place not just now but will it sustain over the years given their disparity in physical, emotional as well as spiritual terms. She knows for her marriage is once in a lifetime event and it is irrevocable. These are the things that she needs to address.

"The way is not clear, and it is when you do not have clarity, when this is allowed, that you will finally have clarity."

~ T. Scott McLeod, All That Is Unspoken

A trip down the memory lane after her first encounter with Arnav Singh Raizada only abets in increasing her quandary.

Talk with her sister pushes her deeper in quandary instead of getting nearer to the solution!

The next morning seeing Arnav at her doorstep doesn't give her any solution.

"There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself"

~ Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

He too is in a quandary as he doesn't know what may be her answer even though she seems to be the chosen one by his mother!

Finally she tries to seek answer from him over what has made him change so much?

To seek answer for her quandary she puts him in a quandary to answer her!

"Sometimes the best answer to a question is another question. Is it not by asking questions that we stimulate each other to reach more deeply into our own source and, thereby, approach the Source, both together and in our different ways?"

~ Jean-Yves Leloup, Compassion and Meditation

That's why it is QUANDARY.

That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.

rulama2013-04-02 07:57:33