Chapter 26

25

Arnav stretched his hands more and more, in search for the missing comfort that crudely was leaving him feel bereft in his sleep. It felt empty, it did not feel right. His eyes shot open, yearning to see the one person in whose hold his sleep was a pure bliss. His own, personal bolster. Soft and calming. She was not there.

Arnav sprung up on the bed, full of anxiety that was slowly turning into plain and sheer fear. His sleepy head still could figure out the absurdity of feeling this way but his body moved instinctively. He put on his shorts half-heartedly and was out of the room the next second.

"Khushi!"

He paced through the corridors looking for her. What was the time? When exactly was her flight?

"Khushi!"

His voice came out desperate. Did she leave without telling him? How could she do it?

"I am here."

Her voice came from the direction of the kitchen, soothing his restless heart instantly. Arnav halted in his track, holding his breath. And then he exhaled deeply, both his hands covering his face. He shook his head slightly in exasperation, not missing the humor in it. He had lost it! He stood for some time with his hands clasped against his mouth and nose tip and ended up smiling.

"Arnav .. suna aapne? I am in kitchen."

''Yeah! I am coming."

Now that his body system was calming down, Arnav leisurely walked into the kitchen, rubbing his sleepy eyes and yawning. Khushi was still in her white oversized t-shirt and salwar, apparently making breakfast.

"What are you doing?"

Khushi turned smiling as she heard him yawning.

"Making breakfast. What else?"

Her smile eventually faltered and she visibly gasped as her eyes landed on him.

Arnav Singh Raizada. The man she had accepted to herself that she loved. The man who always took her breath away.

Arnav raised his eyebrows wanting to know what happened. Khushi swallowed in response.

"Good Morning!"

Her voice came out almost in a whisper. Arnav stood surprised and then he nodded slightly.

"Morning, Khushi."

When she had woken up, he was still sleeping on his front under the duvet, his left hand wrapped around her. She had spent quite some time lovingly watching him sleep – his beautiful face looking younger, calm and innocent. She had felt like ruffling his already ruffled hair even more, to wrap her own hands around him as her heart had overflowed with affection. But she had not wanted to wake him up.

The man was standing in front of her now, still looking the same. But her heart fluttered in a different manner in response to his appearance – far, far away from the chaste feelings from early in the morning. She could not control her eyes from traveling over his body. His hair tousled, day old stubble reaching down to his delectable neck, his shorts hanging dangerously low from his hip, his utterly sexy hip bone and happy trail emphasizing his perfect physique, his bare torso more scrumptious than what she was trying to prepare for breakfast. He was so .. distracting. She swallowed again.

"Mmm. May be you should freshen up."

Arnav was still not getting it. He was yet to recover fully from his just woke up mood and the early morning adrenaline rush. He rubbed his eyes again and yawned.

"Okay .. or I can help?"

"Sure. But can you please get dressed first?"

Arnav was confused for a second and then a smirk slowly appeared on his face. He glanced quickly over his own body and then tilted his head on one side. She was checking him out! His eyes met hers and Khushi flushed realizing immediately that he knew.

"Like what you see?"

His voice came out amused and teasing.

"Not really," Khushi muttered.

Arnav chuckled as Khushi turned hastily and started kneading the dough with more force than required. He had always loved order and confidence in a person. But he loved a flustered Khushi more .. just as much as he loved a bold Khushi. He remembered the ferocious lioness of last night and the instant tightening in his lower abdomen unsettled him.

Khushi Kumari Gupta. A packet full of surprises. Happy surprises.

He leaned against the kitchen bar as he watched her shaping up balls from the dough. She seemed to have diverted her concentration away from him.

"I had no idea I would love to watch someone kneading dough in the kitchen so much."

Khushi responded casually, still fully focused on the dough, not willing to be distracted again by him.

"What's there to love?"

"You."

The word came out of his mouth with ease and without thought. But the aftermath was not so simple.

Khushi could feel her concentration evaporating as his last word reached her ears. Her hands stopped kneading, body stiffened. Her heartbeat doubled and anticipation crawled its way into her heart unknowingly.

The kitchen suddenly seemed uncomfortably silent.

Even Arnav shifted on his legs. Did it really sound that awkward? He was just stating what he felt. Not that he loved .. .. F**K! He cleared his throat as he attempted to do some damage control.

"It's a lovely view. You in the kitchen .. cooking .. reminds me of .. home."

Khushi slowly let go of her breath that she was holding unknowingly. She turned her head slightly towards Arnav to acknowledge. Arnav could somewhat see her mouth shaping into a small smile.

Khushi started kneading again, with blood rushing to every part of her body. She tried her best to ignore the unwanted sting of disappointment. Not that she had expected anything but the possibility had given her hope. Useless hope.

Could things go anymore awkward? Arnav felt like slapping himself. He really needed to hold reins on his thoughts and words more. He was losing himself a bit too much around her. How could he say something like that to her? And that too when he knew things were not quite simple between them?

He grabbed a glass and poured himself water.

"Mmm. When is your flight?"

Khushi could feel the awkwardness in his voice. She resolved not to let things go between them uncomfortable at any level. At least not now.

"Half past twelve."

Arnav checked out the mantel clock as he gulped down a mouth full of water. It was almost quarter to ten.

"Ok. We don't have much time. It's a 30 minutes drive to airport from here."

"I just need to finish the breakfast and take a shower."

"Great. I think I should go and take a bath too."

"Sure, Arnav."

Some twenty minutes later Arnav walked into the kitchen again. He was in formal black pants and an impeccably white shirt. The top three buttons of the shirt was open, no belt around his waist, feet bare. He was half ready on his way to look like the CEO he was. But now he was still looking boyish, his wet hair still not brushed.

Khushi looked up from the plate she was placing on the kitchen top. And her heart stopped again. Would she ever get tired of his charm? Perhaps not. But she was not getting to see him anymore anyways. How would it feel to love someone and not be with him?

She hid a sigh but did not try to hide her fascinated appreciation.

"It's a wonder how you look so good 24/7!"

Arnav's eyes widened.

"Are you flirting with me?"

Khushi smirked as she could clearly read the embarrassment and surprise in his eyes.

"I am just stating the facts."

Arnav smirked back, retrieving his composure.

"I would say the same about you."

Khushi did not allow herself to flush and be distracted.

"Clean shaved. Early stubble. Growing stubble. More growing stubble. It's all the same. Have you ever tried full-grown beard?"

"No way!"

Khushi could not but laugh heartily at his fearful reaction.

"I am sure you would look good even then."

"I would rather not take the chance."

Khushi laughed again as he faked being scared but his eyes smiled.

"You better finish your breakfast. I will go and take a shower."

"You don't want breakfast first?"

"Look at me!"

"What?" Arnav stared at her with pure confusion.

"Oh Arnav! I am messy. I need to clean up."

Arnav frowned at Khushi's scolding tone.

"You look alright to me."

Khushi rolled her eyes in feigned exasperation.

"I really would like to shower first."

"Fine." Arnav gave up. "I am waiting then."

"You don't have to. Please .."

"I'm waiting."

Khushi could read the finality in his voice but she still tried.

"It won't be quick. And the food will get cold."

"I'm waiting, Khushi."

Khushi stared at him and she knew there was nothing more to pester about.

God, he was stubborn!

Though she was really craving for a long, comforting bath, Khushi finished in less than 15 minutes, knowing Arnav was waiting for her. She put on her yellow chudidar and quickly towel dried her hair. When she walked back into the kitchen, Arnav was tapping his BlackBerry sitting on a stool adjacent to the kitchen bar. He looked up as he sensed her and Khushi could clearly read the appreciation in his eyes. She flushed. Sometimes the way he looked at her, made her feel uncomfortable. In a good way.

"You really should be careful about your meals, Arnav."

Khushi complained as she started serving again the Aloo Paranthas that she had foil-wrapped before going for shower. She was satisfied as the paranthas still felt warm.

"I usually am. And a little change a day will not kill me."

Khushi scowled at him as she climbed up a stool opposite to him. She was feeling kind of embarrassed and guilty knowing full well it was because of her, he had waited. She could have just eaten the breakfast and then showered.

"I can be so callous," Khushi muttered.

The breakfast was delicious and to their hungry stomachs after a fully spent night, the food tasted heavenly. They quickly finished eating as they talked about random things in between.

"We should start in 15 minutes."

Arnav declared checking his watch as he stood up, completely replete.

"Ok. I will just need 5 minutes."

Arnav watched as Khushi started clearing up and knowing she would not listen, he did not stop her.

God, she was stubborn!

And she was indeed a lovely view to look at.

She was looking as fresh as a morning daffodil in her yellow chudidar. The metal bangles tinkled as she worked with expert care. Water droplets from her towel dried, half-damp hair had drenched the cloth around the waist. She was barefooted, tiptoeing as she placed the clean plates in the wall mounted cupboard.

It looked so normal, so natural .. as if this kitchen was meant to be for a morning like this. Arnav knew it would not be the same without her in this kitchen anymore. She was like the missing piece – this apartment felt like home with her.

Arnav waited for her to finish and then accompanied her to her room. As he started walking towards his room, Khushi watched him from the door.

Arnav Singh Raizada. The man she had hopelessly fallen in love with. The man who made her feel special, the man who had admitted she was special. The man who had commitment issues. The man who did not want to be bound by marriage.

Khushi sighed. He definitely had not heard her admission of love last night. And if he had not heard it, Devi Maiya did not want him to know. She sighed again as she turned to touch up and get her luggage.

Few minutes later, as she was ready to leave, she walked into Arnav's room not finding him anywhere else.

Arnav was standing in front of the full length mirror, measuring the dark grey tie in his hand. He was completely dressed now in his black suit and white shirt, his hair perfectly gelled up.

"ASR in making," Khushi murmured fondly as she watched him extending the wide end of the tie with his expert hands and eyes fixed on the mirror. He sensed her presence and his eyes locked with hers in the mirror. He smiled at her and mouthed, "Ready?" As she nodded, he continued with tying.

By the time she reached him, he had already completed the first knot.

"Let me," she said softly as she pulled the wide end of the tie gently.

Arnav seemed a little surprised but then shrugged indulgently as he let go of the tie. Khushi turned him by his shoulder to face her and she opened the tie to start the process from the beginning. She carefully tied the silk, with full concentration and a heart full of love. She would go home with memories and she was greedy for more. She did not want to let go of this chance to make another memory with him – memory with the man she loved.

She looked up and smiled as she finished and was quite satisfied with the knot.

"There. Welcome back, Mr. Raizada."

Her soft murmur touched the deepest core of Arnav's heart and what he could read in her bare eyes, he had to admit, he did not want to let go of. Taking him by surprise, Khushi leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his mouth. She stepped back and grinned as she checked him out from top to bottom. He was fully back into his "every bit of" CEO avatar.

"Oh! I think I was missing the CEO Raizada."

Arnav smiled in response though he could feel the storm was getting stronger inside him.

"What is there to miss about him?"

Khushi shrugged.

"You wouldn't know."

Arnav felt like pulling her into a tight hug and kissing her senseless and telling her to stay back. He was confused about their future but he was not confused about how he felt for her. He wanted to be with her. More.

Staring at her beautiful, loving face and those bare, vulnerable eyes, he fought hard with himself, his limitations, his introversion.

"Are you sure you have to go today?"

Khushi stared into his beautiful eyes and smiled slowly. Arnav flinched as she did not try to hide the pain.

"When I have to go, what's the point of delaying?"

Arnav swallowed. What excuse could he come up with now? He knew he could stop her if he wanted but it would be unfair to her. He could not stop her for his own selfish reasons when he had no idea what he could offer her.

"Khushi .."

He murmured but was cut off by her gently.

"Arnav. I have something to ask from you."

"Just name it."

Khushi smiled at his eagerness.

"Don't be so extravagant."

Arnav smiled too as she scolded him.

"I can afford, I think."

"I am just redeeming my coupon. I am not asking for any favor."

"Coupon?" Arnav was confused.

"Yes, sir. Remember. I won the game?"

Arnav recalled their little kitchen game from last night and he grinned naughtily.

"That you did."

Khushi flushed a little but mirrored his grin too. It really had been fun. A game of words. And yet so sensuous.

"So now I want my reward."

"Shoot."

Khushi inhaled deeply and then looked into his eyes. It would take a lot for her to ask something like that. But this she had thought of long time back and this morning she was sure she should ask it. This would be the best for both of them.

"I don't want us to contact each other after I have flied out from Delhi today."

Arnav blinked. He stared into her eyes as if he did not understand what she had said and then he blinked again. She meant it! His eyes widened in shock as he processed what he saw and read in her eyes. She f**king meant what she had just said and she did not want to be in contact with him anymore. Arnav was not sure what he wanted to do – to shout at her, to hug her, to convince her … or to just let her go. This was insane!

"Khushi, don't you think you are going a bit overboard?"

Khushi breathed in deeply, a part of her happy with his reaction. She could clearly see he was unsettled. But she would not back out. She had to make him see her point.

"Arnav. I agreed to spend a day with you because you made me. And I really had a good time with you. But this does not mean I have forgotten our conversation in your office. I have not changed my views about us, Arnav. And seemingly, you have not too. I cannot do this. This is not who I am."

Arnav stared at her as he processed her words. He knew very well what to do when he was angry but when his rage was entangled with a pained frustration, he felt lost. He knew what she meant. He had not forgotten about their conversation either.

"I am not that kind of a girl who would just have .. you know .. just be intimate with someone and move on…"

"What is wrong with that … We can just continue like this .. no strings attached, no responsibilities .."

"It must be very normal for you but it is nothing I am familiar with… I cannot do this anymore. I dread I will not be able to meet my own eyes..."

He knew what she needed to hear now to change her mind. But how could he say anything of that sort to her when he was not sure about it himself?

"Khushi. I cannot say I have changed my views but .. I have told you, you are special to me."

"That does not make any difference, Arnav. Not to me."

Arnav ran his fingers through his gelled hair, tousling it up in the process. Khushi fondly watched his frustrated face – her fingers wanting to ruffle his hair even more. She wished she did not have to do this. She had no idea how she would feel once she would be away from him but she could predict things were not going to be easy for her.

"Arnav. We have known each other for only ten days. We would be fine. We really should not drag this further. And perhaps I am being selfish but I have the right to do it, right? You are not changing your stand. Nor am I. We are even."

"Khushi, can we please not talk about it now? You go back to Lucknow and we will talk about it. We will be miles away anyway. And you will have to come to Delhi for the project too.."

"Work is one reason why we should keep distance, Arnav. Since we cannot avoid meeting each other, I want to make sure we can be sound with each other professionally. If we let our complications hanging between us, working together is not going to be easy."

Arnav opened his mouth to say something but then stopped. What more he could tell her? She had her reasons and she was right.

"And Arnav .. I have told you. I am redeeming a coupon here. So you just have to give it. Don't you?"

Arnav watched her smile but it did not reach her eyes. He closed his eyes, his hand fisted. He had no right to bind her. Not when he knew he could not offer her what she deserved. She was not being selfish. She was just standing up for her values. He could not be selfish too when he was not compromising with his values either.

As Arnav opened his eyes, Khushi suddenly felt a pang of loss. His eyes. Completely guarded. She could clearly see Arnav going back to who he had been with her when they had first met. Indifferent, cold, unreadable. The warmth she had got used to over the last few days was no longer present. The man she was in love with had disappeared.

Arnav shrugged at her mildly.

"Fine. Whatever pleases you."

He turned to the mirror to check his tie. When he was done, he took his bag from the couch and walked out of the room without paying any attention to her. She felt like hugging him from behind and screaming at him to hold her tight, to not let her go. But she knew it was just a futile thought. She did not really want to do that.

Khushi followed him quickly and stopped him as he was approaching the main door.

"Arnav!"

He turned, his demeanour still indifferent, eyes unreadable.

Khushi felt choked. Please, Arnav don't be like this.

Arnav was startled as Khushi suddenly stepped forward and hugged him. She rested her head on his chest, her arms held him tightly. She pressed her soft form against him, seeking his response. Arnav stood still fighting with himself. His armor was breaking into pieces. How could he stay indifferent to her when all he wanted to do was to take her in his arms? He stood like that with his hands on his sides when she was still hugging him. After a few seconds, he felt her hold loosening and she started to move away. No, no, don't move away. His hands disobeyed him and wrapped around her, pulling her closer to him again. He held her in his arms for only a few seconds - feeling her, smelling her – and then he let her go.

"We should start now."

His voice was clipped. Khushi watched the man she loved disappearing again behind the desolate eyes. He was there but he was not for her anymore.

Khushi swallowed down the pain and followed him to the elevator. They started towards the airport in a few minutes. The journey to the airport was in complete silence and even when she got down from the car in the airport, neither talked.

Khushi half expected him to say something to her but he remained silent. She sighed. He was stubborn. She knew she was too. But now she did not want to part without talking. She walked towards his side of the car and knocked on the window.

As Arnav downed the glass, Khushi feigned a bright smile.

"That's it then."

Arnav nodded, indifferent.

"I really had a good time, Arnav. And last few days .. I will never forget."

Arnav's hands tightened on the steering wheel but his face gave away nothing.

"Good bye, Khushi."

Khushi bit her lips. She did not like him so distant. In fact, she hated it. But she knew Arnav would not give her anything more – not anymore. She swallowed down the lump in her throat and brought back the smile on her face. This was it then.

"Good bye, Arnav."