Chapter 1
Context: Arnav returns from a mysterious trip late at night to find Khushi in his bed. Things get heated and Khushi stops him by claiming that they aren't really married. Enjoy!
"Desiring another person is perhaps the most risky endeavor of all. As soon as
you
want
somebody- really want him- it is as though you have taken a surgical needle
and
sutured
your happiness to the skin of that person, so that any separation will
now
cause a lacerating
injury."
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The Raizada household was alive with activity this morning and Khushi couldn't figure out for the life of her what was going on. She stood at the top of the stairs and watched as the Prakash's ran from one corner to another doing god only knows what. The entire family was in the lounge room engaged in animated conversation, as chai and sweets were passed around. Arnav had his face buried in his mobile and was sitting with his back toward the stairs; not that he needed to seeKhushi to be aware of her presence.
Her dupatta rest in her fisted hands as she nervously debated joining in the organised chaos. The idea of facing Arnav today seemed mortifying.
Memories of last night kept flashing in front her eyes, her skin instantaneously igniting from the ghost of his touch. The depth of her own passion had caught her unaware; terrifying her. Khushi realised that when she was with Arnav, the world seemed full of possibilities. Together they became lost in a world where they were only answerable to themselves. A world where the consequences of their actions only went so far as what they felt was right. A world where Khushi had the inherent fear she could lose her self.
In short... a dangerous world.
The reality of life was so far removed from it but Arnav refused to acknowledge the fact. He had refused to acknowledge it all his life; living it on his own terms. Money and power his weapons against anyone who took the liberty of questioning his lifestyle. How could she explain to him that it wasn't the same for him as it was for her? The world was a cruel place. He of all people should understand that. Women had come a long way in their battle for equality but there was still a long way to go.
A man who sowed his seed in many gardens was lauded for his virility and championed for his masculinity. A woman who chose to allow many seeds to be sown in her own garden was branded as characterless and unclean. It was unfair but it was the reality of her life; especially in lower middle class India. The consequences of her actions would affect her family and it was something that she was unable to compromise with.
Because if Khushi was anything, she was not selfish.
Her selflessness knew no bounds; sacrificing her own happiness for the ones she loved was as much a part of her nature as was breathing.
No.
She was sure she had done the right thing. But who ever said that the right thing to do would be easy? It had hurt the man she loved and that was as good as hurting herself. He was her other half; her heart...her life. If Khushi, however, was being honest with herself she would have admitted that her selfless love of family wasn't the only reason she had stopped her lover from continuing his ministrations. There had indeed been a far more selfish reason. But to even contemplate thatthought was to flirt with the devil. The heave of her chest became more pronounced and her face flush as certain images flashed through her mind.
It seemed that Arnav Singh Raizada had the uncanny ability to awake the wanton seductress that lay dormant within the confines of her mind. Khushi supposed that she shouldn't exactly be surprised at how passionate she had become, after all he was a good teacher and she had never done anything by halves. Perhaps then it was the environment to which she had been exposed to all her life. Her own Amma and Bauji refrained from any physical embrace in front of their children, the occasional hand hold being met with teasing glances. It had been the same for all the people she had ever known. Understandably then, any reference to sexuality or sex itself was shied away from; the only sexual education coming from tales whispered to her by her giggling friends in the dead of the night.
The knowledge, it was safe to say, hadn't been quite accurate.
By those accounts Arnav and her had consummated a long time ago. That thought was laughable. She smiled.
"Are Khushi bitya, you're awake! Why are you standing there...come down here." Nani called out to her smiling brightly. She awoke from her musings. The decision had been made...she was joining the chaos.
All the members of the family looked to her except Arnav. It seemed he was still angry. Her heart beat in an unsettling rhythm. Rehaan ran up to her...
"Come on Mami!" he tugged on her hand and dragged her down the stairs.
"Come sit next to me!" Nani patted the sofa beside her. Cupping Khushi's face in her hands she said "How would you like to officially become a member of this family?"She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.
Nani took Khushi's hand in hers. "Chote had finally gone to ask for your hand in marriage from your father. Your Bauji agreed." Khushi turned very slowly to look at Arnav her eyes becoming moist as her bottom lip trembled. His face was set hard, his expression impassive.
Arnav had gone to ask her Buaji's permission.
That's where he had been. The rejection of last night hit her harder than before. What must he have felt? She silently begged him to look her way with her eyes; she needed to see what lay hidden in their depths. He refused to comply.
Naniji went on. "Chote bought your kundali back with him from Lucknow. Your parents couldn't make it but we thought we would call the pandit and finalise a date." Devyani looked into her eyes, waiting for an acknowledgement. Khushi nodded numbly, too overwhelmed by the happiness she felt. Soon she would be able to scream from the rooftops that Arnav belonged to her and she to him.
Anjali laughed and came to sit beside her. "How does getting married to my idiot brother in three months sound?" She teased Khushi, her nose scrunching up in that typical Di way. Khushi began to sob and hiccup as she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. Anjali's eyes widened with apprehension..."What's wrong!? I'm just joking. You don't have to get married if you don't want. If its too fast..." she began to ramble and Khushi cut her off by vigorously nodding her head.
The entire family held their breath waiting for her answer.
"It's...just...I'm... so happy." she said between hiccups. Everyone laughed. She smiled a watery smile and from the corner of her eye saw that Arnav expression had softened a touch, his eyes gently smiling. Devyani pulled her in for a tight hug and kissed her forehead.
"I couldn't have found a better girl for my Chote. Ratna would have loved you." she whispered only so Khushi could hear.
Devyaani turned to Arnav. "Chote...come here."
Anjali moved out of the way to let Arnav take her place beside Khushi. Nani handed a wooden box to him and nodded. Nani explained what was going on to Khushi...
"The shagun will be done properly when your parents are here but this is a small token from us to welcome you into the family."
Khushi watched as he caressed the box with tenderness; opening it carefully. His breathing became laboured and she noticed the pronounced movement of his adam's apple as he clenched his jaws; the whites of his eyes now blood red. She realised that he was trying not to cry and her own breath hitched. Taking out two kangan's he paused as he held her hand in his own trembling ones. Looking in to his eyes, she watched as all the previous anger disappeared. This moment was bigger than all of that. He quietly said...
"These were Maa's"
Arnav slipped them on to her arms one at a time, his fingers deliberately lingering as they dragged against her skin. Her tears flowed freely and she smiled broadly at him. Looking into her eyes he returned the smile with a small one of his own as he squeezed her hands. Opening her palm he placed a paper within it. "It's for you...read it later." Tears now dropped one at a time; drop of pearl on her cheek glistened in the morning light. He tenderly wiped them away.
The moment was interrupted by Aakash who cleared his throat. "Ahem ahem...plenty of time to do all this after marriage." he teased.
"Don't you know bitwa, they are gooter goo, gooter goo love birds?" Manorama added, clapping her hands together and laughing loudly at her own joke. This time even Devyani smiled. Anjali joined in the fun...
"Yes Chote. Control yourself!" she said with mock seriousness. Arnav rolled his eyes and got up to leave.
Rehaan put his hands on his hips and told everyone off. "Leave Mamu alone!"
Arnav ruffled his hair on his way past. "Thanks tiger!"
She kept watching Arnav, as he disappeared into his room presumably to do some work, the muscles of his back taut with stress. Khushi knew it would be naive to believe that this had resolved their issues. She would visit him later to figure it all out. The rest of the morning was spent with the ladies of the Raizada family as they made plans about the upcoming wedding. Khushi's heart however kept tugging with in her; pulling toward him, begging her to make amends.
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It had been an emotional roller coaster of a day and it was yet to be over. His mother's letter lay crumpled and tear stained in her shaking hands. The dreary Delhi winter had dissipated for today; the warmth of the sun providing respite from the usual cold. Khushi stepped into the sunlight and stretched out her arm letting the warmth envelop her. Swaying on the spot, her bangles tinkled softly as they struck against her kangan. Arnav looked up from his laptop and simply watched her. Against the backdrop of the pool and the lush vegetation he had so lovingly nurtured she was more beautiful than she would ever care to imagine.
The kangan reflected the light of the sun sharply drawing his attention. He wondered if his mother had known all along that Khushi was the one destined for them. Had she written the letter with her in mind?
Sensing his gaze on her, she turned to face him. Silently she shut his laptop and angled herself so that she sat across his lap. A stray lock of hair fought its way out of the gelled mass; defying its destiny. Brushing it away she let her fingers caress his forehead. A soft breeze tickled them and she shivered, holding on to him a little more firmly.
"You met Bauji?" she asked. More a statement than a question.
"I did." He offered no more as an answer. Would she always underestimate him she wondered. For a man that claimed to know so little about love he understood her more than she knew. Perhaps he had gone out of a sense of responsibility or duty or because it was important to her. Perhaps, she realised, she would never know. The fact of the matter remained that he had fulfilled a childhood dream of hers without her even expressing the desire for him to so. Did he know how important it was to her?
"Thank you." she whispered softly against his chest.
He simply nodded in reply.
In that moment she knew that he understood what his actions had meant to her and suddenly she felt selfish. But Khushi knew she couldn't compromise on her inherent values. If she did she would end up hating him for it. It was up to her to make him understand.
Her head was still lying across his chest as he sat ramrod straight on the poolside recliner..."I read the letter."
He nodded again, refusing to partake in the conversation. Partly due to his anger and partly because he wasn't particularly adept or equipped to talk about such things. Arnav chose to talk about these things in his own time and that was fine by her. They both needed their own space in the relationship and she would have to learn to give him his. Now however was not that time.
Khushi could see he was hurting and it was killing her. One twist of the knife to her heart at a time. Looking up at him, she held his cheek in her tiny palm...
"I'm sorry for hurting you." she said sincerely.
He frowned at her before slowly asking..."What do you think I'm hurt about?"
She looked down shyly. "I...we...I mean you..." Khushi looked toward him for help as she turned bright red. He wasn't giving any. Huffing..."I stopped you." she finally managed.
Arnav shook his head..."Try again."
Khushi's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Your not angry about that?"
Arnav smirked. "Frustrated...but not angry."
"Well then what are you angry about?"
"You tell me."
Khushi sat up straight and racked her brain. She drew blanks. "You have to help me Arnav. I'm not a mind reader."
Arnav shook his head again denying her request.
She conscientiously tried to think why he could possibly be angry but to no avail. Sighing she explained to him..."I know you probably want me to understand it by myself but I really don't know. You promised to always share what you were thinking." He looked at her thoughtfully and she continued hoping to get through to him. "Most of the time I understand why you behave the way you do but I'm not you. I don't actually know what you are thinking all the time. I have learnt to read your body language and understand your behaviour in the past couple of months but there is so much that I still don't know. You have to help me. It's not easy...I feel insecure sometimes too. I'm scared most of the time. I have to be brave for the both of us or you would have run away a long time back."
Arnav knew she was right and it annoyed him. He wanted her to understand why he was hurt of her own volition. But the world wasn't perfect. No one knew that better than him. Compromise was the name of the game. After a minute of silence he quietly accused...
"You said we weren't married properly."
Khushi looked confused at first as she thought about what he meant. Then all of a sudden it dawned on her, her eyes widened in fear and she opened her mouth quickly to allay his fears.
"Hey Devi Maiya! But I didn't..."
He put his hand over her mouth.
"I want you to let me speak and not interrupt ok?"
Khushi went to protest again and he clamped his hand more tightly, staring at her. Her shoulders sagged in defeat and she blinked slowly letting him know she agreed.
"When I first met you it was as if my world had been turned upside down. You drove me crazy with your talk of respect, love, morals and all your silly antics. You defied every rule in the book and unwillingly I couldn't stop myself from being with you or thinking about you." Arnav looked at a spot in the distance as the memories played though his head. "Ever since that day I have been fighting it...fighting you. It was as if I was with war at myself. But the day that you took me in front of your Devi Maiya and handed me that sindoor...I stopped fighting. There wasn't a need to anymore. You were mine." He paused to look at her. Resting his forehead on hers he whispered against her lips... "Then you go an say something like we aren't married properly. It ripped me apart. For me...that was the only marriage I will ever have."
Having made his intentions clear he very slowly caressed her lips with his own. He tried to explain with his body what he could not with his words. Gently nibbling on her bottom lip, he darted his tongue out to taste her. The longer he continued the more she began to taste like salt. Arnav realised she was crying...correction, she was sobbing. Her tiny frame shook as she clutched on to his collar desperately trying to drink him in; trying to let him know what he meant to her.
She didn't have to. He already knew.
Arnav just needed her to know that he was as invested in this as she was. Khushi realised that Maa was right about her son. He did have a lot of love in his heart. She remember her words. Bare his anger and return his love in equal measure. Finally, she lay her head against his chest and he drew his arms around her waist pulling her into him as he lay back on the chair. After sometime she meekly asked...
"You do know why I said no...right?"
"Your family."he answered without hesitation.
She sat up..."It wasn't the only reason." Her fingers once again found solace in her dupatta as she gathered the courage to voice to him what she had not even dared admit to her own self. He frowned and urged her to continue.
Her voice trembled..."When you left..."she paused and bit her lip.
"Yes?"
"To get the..." she hesitated too shy to continue.
"Condoms. You're a married woman Khushi you should learn how to say the word." he teased. She slapped his chest.
"Yes...to get them...I realised that I didn't want you to get them."she mumbled.
Now Arnav was truly confused and slightly weary.
"You want kids?" he hesitantly asked while feverishly hoping that the answer was no. It wasn't that he didn't want kids it was just that he didn't want them now.
"No no. Well yes but that's not why." She looked around as if hoping someone would come and explain to him what she could not. Arnav sighed in relief.
"Then?"
Wringing her hands together she tried to calm her heart that was rapidly galloping away. It was tightly constricting her chest. Khushi took in a deep breath and decided that no matter how afraid she was he deserved to know...
"Our first time...my first time. I want to feel all of you..." She hesitated before adding very softly "...and nothing else."
Her mortifying declaration now out in the open she blushed a deep shade of scarlet, leapt out of his lap and ran away; her payal tinkling in the distance. Arnav was left rigid...his eyes wide with disbelief.
Then he smiled.
Then he laughed.
Reverberating deep inside his chest, his happiness rang out filling the space of the poolside. She was right to run away he thought. Because if he caught her, he was wasn't going to let her go anytime soon. Khushi would get all of Arnav all right.
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"When it started we were alright, But night makes a fool of us in daylight
Yeah we were dying of frustration, Saying "Lord lead me not into temptation"
But it's not easy when she turns you on"
- Coldplay; Yes
*******************************************************************************
Khushi had offered to help Anjali with the dinner preparations. It was a necessary distraction to occupy her frazzled mind.How could I have said that to him. What must he think of me? I really have no shame; Amma was right! I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. I say whatever comes in my mind. Hey Devi Maiya! As she chopped the tomatoes her sister in law to be looked at her very curiously.
"Khushiji?"
She payed no attention to the call and the poor tomatoes were being butchered; the knife brutally tearing them apart as it hit the chopping board with considerable force. This time Anjali shook her; bangles clinking loudly.
"Khushi!"
"Huh?" she jumped a little, replying distractedly.
"Are you ok? You look a little pale." Anjali touched her head checking for a fever.
Arnav who had come looking for Khushi, leaned against the fridge munching on a carrot..."Yeah Khushi what's wrong?" he asked innocently as the hint of a smirk danced on his lips.
Khushi's eyes widened as she caught sight of him. How long had he been there? Turing back to Anjali she smiled weakly...
"N-nothing." She drank some water to cool her over heated body.
Arnav walked behind his Di, resting his face on the curve of her shoulder. Nodding very seriously he remarked...
"That's what she always says Di. It's like its her favourite word. I bet if you ask her again she'll say that nothing's wrong...nothing at all" Extra emphasis was placed on the word nothing. Her declaration ran loud in her head...
Our first time...my first time. I want to feel all of you...and nothing else at all.
Khushi snorted the water through her nose as she coughed, spluttering the contents of her mouth everywhere. Mentally kicking herself yet again she wiped away the water dribbling down her chin. Anjali tried to disguise her disgust, grimacing, she patted her back sympathetically. Arnav barked out in laughter; trying to cough in a pathetic attempt to cover it up as Khushi glared at him. He leaned back against the counter nonchalantly, a good vantage point for observing his very flustered wife.
"Khushiji are you sure you're ok?" Anjali asked once again while wiping up the spilled water.
Returning back to the tomatoes she waved off her sister in law's concern..."I just haven't been sleeping properly that's all."
Anjali started to wash the dal while cheekily adding..."Oh that's right! Now that Chote's back though that shouldn't be a problem." Khushi blushed and momentarily paused from her slicing action. "Especially now that you two have made up."
They both looked at her curiously.
"Oh come on! It was obvious there was something wrong this morning. For two people who are so in sync with one another when your harmony is off its really obvious. But now that my brother is back to teasing you...I feel reassured that everything is the way it should be."Nudging Khushi in the side she whispered..."Don't worry. Only another three months and you can both sleep side by side and no one will say anything."She winked at her brother. "Though you probably won't be sleeping side by side."
Arnav who usually would have complained at such a comment was too busy enjoying Khushi's reaction; the wide smile refusing to leave his face. The brother and sister duo were going to kill her; embarrassment the murder weapon. She now looked up from her tomatoes, two shades paler than before if that was even possible. Gulping very obviously, she willed herself to resume chopping.
"You know what. You're right Di! Sleeping shouldn't be a problem for her anymore."
"Really chote? Why is that?" Anjali asked distractedly while adding masala to the dahl.
Arnav walked behind Khushi using the pretext of grabbing something on the other side of her. As he leaned he pressed himself against her so the front of her body slammed into the counter, her buttocks pressed firmly against him. Her breath caught in her throat as his lips tickled her ears but he spoke loud enough so even Anjali could hear him.
"I mean she won't have to wear my shirt since she has... all of me. Right Khushi?"
Quickly moving away he watched as Khushi's eyes bulged as the suggestive nature of his tone; her hands shook and the knife fell on to the marble floor clattering loudly.
Anjali looked up in alarm. "KHUSHI! Are you ok?" She quickly ran to check whether she had been injured.
Covering his mouth with his hand to stop himself from too obviously smiling, Arnav saw Khushi look from the knife to his face repeatedly as if he and he knife were playing tennis. Her whole body was trembling and she huffed, throwing her hands in the air...
"Forget it!" she grumbled as she flew out of the kitchen.
Anjali looked at her brother sternly..."Now look what you've done. Go do something constructive would you!"
"Di! I have work to do."he whined. She raised an eyebrow at him.
"You had no work when you were standing here teasing Khushiji two minutes ago. Do me a favour and help your nephew with his homework." Anjali pushed Arnav out of the kitchen, hoping to salvage the dinner alone.
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Dinner had not gone so well for Khushi either with Arnav continuing to make suggestive comments that involved the phrases 'nothing at all' and 'all of him'. She had spilled her glass of water, choked on her food and blushed like a school girl. At one point in the evening when it had all become too much she kicked him under the dining table but that did nothing to deter him. So she excused herself from dinner early siting that she wasn't feeling very well.
The second she had disappeared up the stairs, Arnav was met with disapproving faces all around the table.
"Just what were you doing to her Chote?" Nani asked admonishingly.
"Uff ho Chote! Quit teasing! Tum bhi na..." Anjali scolded him.
Arnav felt like he was five again.
"Now go make it up to her...GO!" Anjali nodded her head in the direction of the stairs. Arnav looked to Aakash and Rehaan for help...he didn't get any. Rehaan squinted his eyes at Arnav...
"Make mami feel better!"
Aakash just shrugged his shoulders and said apologetically..."No can do, bhai. You got yourself into this mess"
Rolling his eyes he pushed back his chair from the table and made his way to Khushi's room. Seriously, when it came to Khushi his family had no sense of humour. He was only teasing for god's sake!
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When he finally entered Khushi's room she was no where to be seen. On a hunch he decided to cross the poolside and check in his room. Lo and behold, there she was sitting cross legged on his bed...pouting.
She looked up at him startled...
"What are you doing here?"she asked crossly.
Arnav made a big deal of looking around the room..."Last time I checked...this was my room"
Khushi pointed her finger at his chest and began to argue..."Look here..."
Then she suddenly realised that it was in fact his room she was in. Apparently her default mode brought her straight here and the thought made him inexplicably happy.
She mumbled a quick sorry and got up to leave. Khushi had only just passed him when he shot out to grab her hand. He was looking in the opposite direction. With a gentle tug he brought her around to face him.
"Too much?" he softly asked, referring to the teasing.
Khushi simply looked at him with her doe eyes, large and slightly glassy. Her lower lip jutted out slightly and she looked vaguely like Rehaan when he had been denied his favourite game. Bringing his hands to his ears he gave them a gentle pull.
"Sorry?"he asked still unable to stop smiling.
Engulfing her within his arms he whispered...
"Could you just become more ugly or something?"
She pulled back at him and exclaimed..."Kya!"
"Well I have to come up with a solution right?"
Khushi looked even more confused.
"To not touch you. If you want to wait then I want to wait. But its going to be really difficult to not touch you. Ergo my solution."
"For me to become uglier?" she said sceptically.
"Precisely. Oh it would also be really great if you could... well... stop smelling like you."
Khushi smiled and put her arms around his neck. "And what do I smell like?"
"Like vanilla, sandalwood and berry." He paused for a second "You smell of home Khushi."
Tears threatened their presence in her eyes for the hundredth time that day.
"Really I want to see where all these tears come from Khushi. You seem to have a supply ready at will." he goaded.
She slapped him lightly on his cheek before putting locking her hands behind his neck.
"And preferably if you could stop behaving like you do, sounding like you do, feeling like you do...Yeah if you could manage those things I may be able to resist touching you." he finished his list of requirements.
Khushi shook her head at him and nestled her head in the warmth of his chest once more. "You're crazy"
"From birth...according to Di."
"You really embarrassed me today. You don't know what it took for me to say that to you. I couldn't even admit it to myself."
Arnav lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes.
"I do know what it took and Khushi it made me the happiest man in the world. Not because of what you said..." he trailed off and then rephrased. "Well that's not entirely true." he grinned. "But I was also happy because you said it. That you felt you could trust me enough to say something like that to me."
Khushi buried her nose in the v-neck of his shirt, unable to continue to look at him. Resting his chin on her head to said...
"Khushi I always want you to share these feelings with me. What you want is important to me. Whether you want to stop or you want to go further. I will always want to know."
He sat her on the bed and took her hands in his.
He expected her to become she or blush but she simply leaned into his ear and seductively purred..."And you?"
There was a violent twitch in his nether regions and all his brain could think was...Why do we have to wait three months?His throat became painfully dry and he hoarsely said..."And me...what?"
There was a cheeky twinkle in her eye..."Will you share with me any fantasies you have that involve..." she waited for a second for added effect. "...me?"
Arnav felt numb, he clenched his hand trying to feel some sensation in his extremities. Was he just dreaming or did she actually say that? F**k me! He thought to himself as he watched a small smile dance across her face as he squirmed. Arnav realised that his little minx was playing with him and...she was enjoying it.
Putting arm around her waist he said..."Trust me jaan, you really don't want to know what fantasies I have to involve you..." Yanking her down on to the bed he began to mercilessly tickle her. Khushi's giggles rang out and the rest of the family was able to resume their meal in peace knowing that order had once again been restored.
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Comments (46)
Hi Trisasak,I came across this OS of yours and must say I really enjoyed reading it!!!!I never thought Khushi could get this naughty and of course I loved Arnav's teasings!!!!All in all a great OS, please continue to write many more ArShi Fan Fictions!!!!
10 years ago
awwwh i absolutely loved this one <3
10 years ago
Awesome! I LOVE this so much!
10 years ago
how come i found this os today...awesome
10 years ago
wow cant believe didnt see this one beforeawww he went and made sure they were to be married againhmm and then her announcementand not to forget his teasing of herblooming heck that was funhens he tries to tease him too good one
10 years ago
..yes...I rem this part ...loved it all over again...awesome!
10 years ago
although ive read it before, i had a'blast reading it again:)))
11 years ago
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11 years ago
One of the best parts in YLME.I enjoyed reading it once again.
11 years ago
Nice piece of writing!😊
11 years ago