Chapter 80

Batool Imran

@nav_bat

So there was that day when she had walked out on him, more like when she had resolved to herself to deny his existence, a merry ghost is how he would put his interactions with her for the past week given she hadn't truly dared to make any eye contact with him. You'd think that would be beyond remarkable considering eye contact was a major component of dancing, specially couple dancing, but Khushi had found a way around it without it being too obvious much to his irritation. He still didn't know what exactly he did wrong, or what part of him hadn't been compassionate and been constantly put down because of Vivek's illness issue and how it was taking a toll on her emotions and everything else around her. It wasn't his fault and yet he was here dealing with it, cursing his luck for the millionth time on getting involved in this situation.

"Will you talk to her then?" Karan repeated himself for the third time now, shaking Arnav for good measure having finally gotten his attention, successfully snapping him out of his doomsday reverie.

"There really isn't a lot of choice here for me." Arnav retorted picking up his bag and in one quick motion stuffing his heavy disastrously uninteresting book into his bag slinging it on his shoulder, waving at Karan only half heartedly as he sped in the direction to where he had earlier seen Khushi and Vivek turn to.

"Khushi" He said apprehensively, the sound of her first name from his mouth still vividly foreign to him. Not surprisingly Vivek turned around before Khushi did, acknowledging him with his eyes that silent right here bro' eye talk unnerving Khushi to a certain unbearable degree.

"Yeah Arnav?" she said finally cutting into Arnav and Viveks wordless communication eye session, her voice clearly impatient and annoyed, as both of them quickly turned their attention back to her, Vivek slightly embarrassed having been caught having a very friendly silent talk with his best friends arch nemesis/lover/constant bickering partner. Before Arnav could say anything he had already interrupted excusing himself. One quick hard look from Khushi told him to stay, but against her wishes knowing it was in her best interest he left the two of them saying a quick goodbye and ducked into a familiar corridor that lead to the washrooms until they finally lost sight of him.

"Seems like everybody's busy ditching me these days" she said hoarsely, sharply averting her gaze from Arnav's who had been looking at her unflinchingly ever since Vivek had left them two alone.

"We need to talk. (Khushi is about to interrupt him) Somewhere quiet. (Uncomfortable pause) Locker room?" He asked in an unsure voice, not really knowing what sort of reaction to be prepared for, but thankfully for him she gave him an imperceptible nod and followed him to the locker room silently. There was something about her tired look that made him think that she was finally going to let go and wait for Vivek to tell her everything, but knowing Khushi he knew the look was deceiving. Her mind worked in weird ways that he couldn't comprehend, but this time around he had only come to her with a deep resolve that he would either fully convince her or..well that wasn't a scenario he had began to consider yet.

Once inside the locker room which was usually crowded as it was now, Arnav meandered his way to that one isolated corner he had found out a couple of weeks ago, in pursuit of some quality isolation, Khushi following him soundlessly as he suddenly stopped towards the end of the path seating himself on the wooden bench leaving enough space for her to sit which she promptly took, waiting for him to proceed with the conversation. When he seemed to be too lost to continue, like he was suffering from some short term memory loss illness she continued faintly hoping he was still in the mood to talk. You could never know about moods with Arnav Singh Raizada.

"So I heard about the back up's. Apparently our fiery chemistry isn't working out anymore for us. Our magic's dieing" she finished bitterly fidgeting with her hands stopping instantly as her mind registered the warm, refreshing touch of his hand engulfing hers. Looking up into his stormy eyes, brought back the fears of losing herself in them, getting lost in their infinite depth, it frightened her witless but more so she hated herself for being such a weak specimen when it came to him. It was like she was made of jelly-O when it was him around her, and though that feeling of powerlessness with him weighed on her conscience heavily, secretly she knew staring into his eyes unabashedly right now, was the first time she had felt alive in weeks.

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for.
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for.

"It can be fixed you know. It's still us." He said in an almost inaudible voice, though his words were perfectly clear and comprehensible, the ghost of a blush creeping into her cheeks until almost like waking up from a sensational dream she took in her surroundings and then the most earnest of expression painted on his face, seeping slowly back into the reality that was her life.

"I wish. (Arnavs grip on her hand loses minutely) There is no us. Its you and me. We are a team yes. We are partners in a play. We are not us'" She said with a note of finality, her voice much to her awe not betraying her to the heart shattering feelings that were threatening to get the better of her.

"Gupta. I cant. I didn't choose to not, I just can't." He said in a shattered desperate voice, after what seemed like a million years, admitting to the fact that indeed he did know Vivek's secret but he couldn't tell her so, not that this wasn't the billionth time he was telling this to her already. It felt good hearing him address her with her last name again. Better than good actually.

"He made you promise didn't he?" She said in a tone that reflected her sadness but also a new sense of understanding was creeping into her voice. It did after all seem futile to prolong it with Arnav, to jeopardize the nature of their relationship, which was pretty tumultuous to say the least, and really whatever he said that day, she realized, he was right. It wasn't his fault, and yet against his own nature he had been taking the blunt end of it. It was truly her mistake to be expecting him to be so tolerant about her constant dips in conduct, in fact as much as she hated to admit it he had outdone himself in this discreet test of patience.

"Maybe" Arnav replied semidetached not wanting to give up any more information than he had already grudgingly offered to her. An awkward few moments of silence passed between them, both of them unsure of how to proceed with this conversation their hands still holding on to each others resting ideally on Khushi's thigh that being the only source of their connection.

"If you could just let it go..I know its asking too much from you.." He began again not sure if the seeds of that topic were well and over with, but one look from her and he stopped mid sentence waiting for her to say something.

"Arnav Singh Raizada being considerate. That's a first." Khushi replied dryly, surprising him with her response who was pretty sure she would get aggravated and walk away, however she delivered no other comment, looking away from him continuing to stare into blank space, conjuring up a non existent fantasy.

"Khushi." He said in a strained voice now reflecting only a hint of the frustration bottled up deep inside him but it was surely there, she was pushing him too hard.

"Its Gupta for you" She replied defiantly in a slightly raised voice, meeting his eyes, the beginnings of rage that she saw in his eyes earlier dissipating immediately as a warm glow emanated from his molten bronze eyes. He took a deep breathe letting go of his anger and opened the fist he had involuntarily made of his free hand, letting go of the tension building deep within him.

"My Gupta doesn't act all petty, dull and lifeless. Not one of her fotee's. Certainly of Khushi's." He said calmly his gaze zeroing in on her in that intense way it did, though the immediate heating up of her cheeks and the way she looked at him incredulously even for a split moment was enough to have him break into a secret grin. There was something deep inside her, curled up ever since that kiss, that seemed to stretch now, purring like a cat, shining through and through, inside and outside. Collecting her head, shaking it ever so slightly, to thrust down all the desires that were pouring into it she concentrated back on the task at hand, the talk they were having to be precise.

"You know why I cant let it go Raizada." She said in a voice that was rigid with holding a massive undercurrent of tension that had been beginning to consume her. Pulling her hand away from his grip so that now it rested by her side on the bench, that flicker of hurt and disappointment surfacing on his face, replaced by something more solid, but she reasoned in her mind, she had to do what she had to. She just possibly couldn't have a serious conversation with her emotions for him clouding her thoughts. She had willed herself though, promised herself to not think of that day ever again, the sharp hurtful words that they had uttered to each other, never to speak of it again, but since the past week every time she saw him, which she dared to say she made a great effort to not, that memory surfaced back all fresh making her wince with the pain it caused.

"Will you just please listen to me?" He tried again, this time a bit more softly acknowledging her use of his last name and their endearment back into action, though clearly he was disappointed by the lack of contact, slightly pissed about it, but since anger wasn't getting him anywhere with her might as well try a wiser approach. Sensing the earlier coldness from her posture evaporating ever so slightly, he calmed himself down further to rational thinking, waiting for her patiently.Looking at him now with a slyly she Yet again she did not fail to disappoint him with her knack of giving him surprising responses.

"Did you say please?" She said slyly, recovering from her trauma, trying her hardest to be cordial if nothing else, as he narrowed his eyes on her giving her a full death glare, and only what seemed like a million lifetimes ago that he saw her fully grinning for the first time.

"Don't push it Gupta. I can only be so courteous. (Khushi continues to grin even more widely mouthing Oh My Raizada') It cant be you and me anymore. (Khushis grin falters) I mean, it has to be we. We are a team. We put up a shitload of work in this crappy play and I am not letting a retarded douche and his s**tty partner take over our place. (Khushi looks at him with pupils popping out) Yeah I called her s**tty because she is. Much contrary to your judgment of me sticking to her (Khushi snorts) Plus there's the matter of wearing that dress..I cant imagine anybody else wearing it but you" He said thoughtfully fierce, giving voice to the thoughts that had been messing up with his head ever since Karan had broken the news of replacements. A warm heat was thawing her cold heart, or at least the heart she wanted to abandon, hearing about that dress, the memory of that evening at the store and the moments they shared together making her happy. But her happiness was short lived as she remembrance struck her, the smile from her face vanishing replaced by a thin lipped adamant look, which Arnav was pretty use to by now, since it was the look she had had about this talking since the last 3 weeks.

"I am not wearing that dress Raizada." Khushi replied with a heavy forced but one that bore no argument tone, much to his irritation but he conceded, rolling his eyes at her, and let it pass seeing an opportunity there.

"Fine. Don't. (Khushi looks at him with a vaguely triumphant expression) I wont annoy you over that dress and you wont ask me about Vivek's problem. Deal?" He said in an exasperated tone, irritated by the fact that he had to agree to something against his wishes, not something that he was use to of, but really ever since he had met Khushi there wasn't a lot of him getting his way around her. For the longest time they sat in silence, as he waited for her to answer, his patience running thin, almost fearing that she would leave right now with one of her clever retorts but instead she said what he wanted to hear.

"Deal" She replied, in a defeated tone, however her mind wandered off again to a memory that was in reality 3 weeks old yet it felt like altogether a different lifetime. Just thinking of his lips on hers and the protective, passionate manner his hands travelled over her back made her feel jumpy and uppity, stealing only a quick glance at him, noting that he was still looking at her curiously but with that lop sided smile she had fallen so utterly in love with. Oh why can he read me like that? I really need to put on a translucent layer on my thought processes, so only selective thoughts reach him and not all of them, Khushi thought to herself.

"What do you think.." she had began saying, but before she could say anything more he had growled a hoarse 'shut up' and landed his mouth on hers, tentatively at first but then with more force. She shut her eyes, taking in the pleasure of his warm lips holding on to hers, his long body half covering hers, letting her feel the strength in his hands, as they skimmed down her sides and pressed her closer to himself, the pliancy of his lips moving over hers, his velvety tongue swirling inside her mouth igniting unexplainable havoks inside her. At first she was just shocked with the suddenness of it at all, but the moment she felt him drawing apart she had pressed on to him closer, defeating everything else and giving in to her desire. She had longed for the flavor of his kiss for so long, and it had seemed like an unachievable thought to her, until now when it was finally happening, getting her lost in sensations so rich and powerful, that everything else faded away except her own emotions, her own desires. When Arnav finally broke off the kiss, they were both gasping dragging in bulks of air, not sure of what kind of expression to show, though Khushi had decided on a dazed one, Arnav was going to go with a sly grin.

Again like it always happened , someone jolted her roughly from her blissful fantasy, that person being her own subconscious, did she react to reality knocking on her door reminding her of the price he had to pay for that dress. That dress that was perfect but came with a huge price. A huge emotional price.

"Kiss. She wanted that." Arnav said in a non committal voice like he didn't care about it, though he couldn't hide the shaky feature from his voice, seeing Khushi next to him go stiff, as if all energy out of her had been sucked out.

"Where?" She asked coldly, blood thumping into her brain causing her to completely lose her sense of thinking and processing rational thoughts.

"Lip." He said, his eyes now fixed on her but before he could even meet it, she looked up fighting back the tears that were welling up in her eyes, and she looked away to the other side, outside the window, trying to figure out her conflicting emotions. She wasn't sure if she was falling in love with him for what he did, or hating him more the price he had to pay for her.

Snapping out of her reverie she turned to face him her expression dark and the green eyed monster within her finally waking up from its dormant hibernation period. He was sitting there like he was a minute ago before she had escaped into the wilderness of her thoughts, studying her ever changing expression from happiness, to remorse, and now of something negative which he couldn't quite put a finger on.

"So how was she?" She asked in a venomous tone, taking secret satisfaction in the confused expression on his face which indicated to the best of her knowledge that really he hadn't spent time thinking of his kiss with that s**t of a sales girl, and evidently had no idea what she was talking about. All these past few weeks they had avoided the topic like the plague, never really talking about the whole kiss paycheck Arnav had to give to that sales girl, but now that she had already asked, well it was time she satisfied all those queries in her mind.

"How was who?" He asked her perplexed treading gently into dangerous territory.

"That girl you kissed. Coopers was it? (Arnav just stares at her) Good kisser?" She said in a detached tone, though she was fairly sure she wasn't really misguiding anybody with her I-am-least bothered facade. He could very well see past that and the green monster that bred luxuriously inside her, feeding on her dark negative thoughts. Khushi admittedly was relieved to get that question off her shoulders though, the one she had been flipping and twisting and dissecting all these weeks to get a certain answer, which she was astutely aware of could only come from him personally.

You know it's true:
Everything I do, I do it for you.

"I don't even remember that..(Khushi parties inside secretly) Listen I told you before, and I am telling you again I didn't do it because I wanted to..I didn't want to..I wouldn't" He babbled on, moving a hand through his hair looking disconcerted searching for viable argument in his mind, unsure of what to say until she interrupted him much to his vexation.

"Relax. You don't have to explain to me. It's not like we...we are a thing." She said dismissively, her heart and mind screaming inside her trying to communicate telepathically with him, for him to negate this thought of hers but it was futile she knew and she only momentarily looked away from him until his next words captured her full eternal attention.

"We are a thing." He said in a self assured completely confident voice, looking steadily into her eyes, immobilizing all of his little hand movement, and leg movement putting all the intensity of them into his look, burning her insides, until she finally looked away somewhat stumbling but managed to catch herself in time, thankful to not have requited his help, and got up slinging her bag on her shoulder much to his disappointment.

"Sure. Whatever you say. *pause* I gotta go. I'll see you around later at practice." She said awkwardly, pacing outside, but one tight hold on her wrist accompanied with a strong tug and she came back waltzing into his arms her body slamming into his as she kept her hands on his chest trying to steady herself, eyes staring into his insistent gaze. Before she could protest he was already speaking.

"There was just one real kiss that day. The one that mattered to me. The one I have been thinking about for the past three weeks. (Khushi gives him her unfaltering attention holding on to his next words) And that was with you." He announced in a tone that was anything but dubious gazing right into her soul as she found herself calming down, the tension from her taut muscles releasing loosening up into his body only minutely, but enough for him to notice and smile about.

"Okay." She replied quietly looking into his eyes, as she let the smile she was holding in for so long come to light, illuminating her finely structured face.

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