Khushi stopped dead in her feet finally registering the changes in eye color. It was few seconds later that she realized that it was Nikhil who was standing before her and not Arnav, as she backed away from him a bit the rest of the couples dancing away, her leaving back a perplexed Nikhil alone, running away from the area towards the washroom, letting the tap of cold water run flow, splashing the icy cold water on her face bringing herself out of the reverie.

Ab sabhi gham ashqon mein simat se gaye
Ab sabhi aansoo palkon se lipat se gaye
Woh piya aaye na..

Now all the sorrows are wound up in tears,
Now all the tears have clung to the eyelids..
That beloved didn't come..

She looked at her reflection in the mirror, tears cascading down her cheeks, all of the makeup washing away from her face but she was least bothered about it, it was the contorted lines on the far end of her cheeks, the wrinkles on her foreheads that caught her attention.

"Hmm.You have no idea; I know really well how to handle such people. He's competition and good or bad, I'll live through it, what's his name btw?"

"Arnav Singh Raizada."

"It's alright. (she looked up at him with questioning eyes and he knew what she was worried about), your secret is safe with me, I wont say anything to anyone"

"Subha Hone Na Dein, Saath Khone Na Dein

Aik Doosrein Ko Hum Sonnein Na Dein"

"Main Tera Hero, Haan Hero, Main Tera Hero"

***************************************

"You stayed over last night, did not sleep for me. I don't like to keep favors, so this was the best chance to return that to you, and so I did."

**************************************

"He had to wait for eleven years, but it was only to his advantage in the end, she was closer to him than she had been to anyone else."

"Who are you talking about?"

"Peeta".

************************************

"Gupta I told you, you are different. Wondered why? Because unlike most girls you can shield yourself from everything. You don't need someone to hold your hand or pick you up in their arms, Trust me you are strong, strong enough to hold yourself."

***********************************

"Sometimes. (Khushi's faces falls) But I like your company"

**********************************

"I love him. I love him danmmit!"

*********************************

"It was you stupid. It was you. *pause* I love you."

********************************

"I have. Sad stories make good books."

********************************

"It's not always you who gets to do things to me only."

*******************************

"You don't have to..don't complete it. I don't like..you..that way..like.."

*******************************

"I fell in love with you. I don't know how. I don't know why. I just did. And now I can do nothing about it. Which makes it so much more difficult. (Arnavs expression calms down a bit, and strained marks appear on his face) But there is no part of me, not even a single one that wishes to get you back. Because I don't want you. I don't think I ever will. (her eyes now completely focused on him, boring into them) I regret loving you Arnav. I regret it every single living moment of my life."

*******************************

Her hand fully covered her ears, as she tried to block those words, everything out of her mind, somehow begging it to end the ringing, to end the suffering, but she was no stranger to suffering yet this was so hard, just so freaking hard for her.

"I cant do this..I just cant..Why Raizada..just why?" She mumbled to herself, resting her forehead on the cold marble of the washbasin, cursing her luck for what it was worth. Everyday she woke u she was in this nightmare that she regretted, there was so much she missed so much of him that she wanted, and yet she had nothing just illusions, and it pained so bad, the void in her heart only increased every time she thought about it.

*******************************

Vivek looked around apprehensively, his eyes moving to and fro in search of Khushi only to find her clumsily walking out of the washroom, it clear from her face that she had wiped her make up off, because either she was crying, or oh well, he figured she was just crying. Worried she rushed towards him stopping her in her tracks, and she managed to smile at him his concern for her not wavering.

"Why were you crying?" He asked her pulling her to a side, well aware that both Arnav and Nikhil's stares were fixed on the two of them, but nevertheless he helped her out on to an empty table, thankful that the rest of the people were busy gorging on the luxurious food.

"Not important. I need to ask you something?" She said masking a look of urgency on her face, her voice surprisingly steady even though it held an unmistakable edge to it. Vivek raised his eye brows at her apprehensively, then slowly nodded his head urging her to proceed further.

Sach lagaa thaa jo be-vajah hum ko
wo bharam ho gaya hai
Mod aane the jis fasaane mein

The truth I thought is for no reason,
that has become an illusion..
The story in which there were twists yet to come,
it has ended (abruptly)..

"Right now, I mean earlier, when we were dancing, was I, was I dancing?" She asked him sheepishly feeling foolish in the first to ask that question, but she didn't know who else to ask, he was probably not going to pull her leg for this, and he was her best friend, that were two major reasons why she was here right now, asking him this. Vivek looked at her closely, as if peering into her soul, trying to read her mind, but baffled he backed away, looking at her oddly.

"Erm.You were dancing too. Why?"

"Because, I think I imagined it. I think I was dancing with Arnav. (hiding her face with her palms) I am going crazy..real crazy..I cant..I coudnt have danced with him..not like that..I coudnt" She said to herself, depressingly, increasingly confused by the second, Vivek keeping both of his hands on her shoulder and steadying her, causing her to slowly remove her hands from his face trying to meet his eye.

"You were dancing Chun. With Nikhil. And with Arnav. (Khushi's eye pop out of her sockets looking at him in disbelief) You were dancing with him okay? Relax. Just relax. Your mind is not playing tricks on you were dancing with him." He told her calmly, cringing a bit as he said the words, looking in Arnav's direction for a split second who was still looking at him and then back at Khushi who was crazed out of her mind.

"I was dancing with him, and you let me? Why Vivek? (Vivek cringes again) Wait. Wait. Wait. When I stopped spinning Nikhil was standing in front of me, but initially Raizada made me spin. What in the world?"

"That's because Arnav let go of your hand mid way, and Nikhil picked up his position the moment Arnav walked away. (Khushi looked up in Nikhil's direction and then in Arnav's uneasily) and then you stilled, and marched out of the floor." Vivek ended, now he knew why Khushi did what she had done, he knew why she seemed all over the place, and was doubting the functioning of her mind.

"I feel sick. I need to go home."

************************************************

Khushi jumped into her bed, reaching out to her side drawer and extracted her small black diary from it along with her pen from it, slowly in complete relax fashion sliding her hand across the smooth cover looking at with moist eyes. Opening the diary, she flipped through the pages reading a word here and there, as tears continued to stream down from her face.

I normally have a lot of horrible days but today has to top the list. I met this guy, Raizada guy, Arnav Singh Raizada, I think he's a baboon headed dork face who I would like to punch in the face all the time, but there's something so uncannily mystifying about him, that attracts me to him, I guess I have lost it.

*************************************************

Arnav wrapped himself in the soft brown blanket of his, getting cosy to its soft touch on his freezy cold skin, his hand peeking out of the side of the blanket scrambling aimlessly into the drawer that he kept his diary into. Her words at the Diwali celebration played in his mind, his hand recoiling away from the diary once he had kept it on his lap and it took all of his will power to open the diary, even though he had lost control over not reading what he had been writing in it.

Today I had a horrible day at school the worst one ever, I mean today what has never happened did come to happen; I met her, that new lady in our class Khushi Kumari Gupta. The moment I saw her, I fell so giddy about her seeing her, and you know what, I couldn't look away from her?

*******************************************************

Stilling my movements, like my heart had stopped beating for a second when I was there in his lap, everything seemed to change, in that moment he looked to me like I had known him forever.

And you know diary, just to think, only earlier we were like a calm ocean, and later the two of us here are now on loggerheads, there is such a huge rift between us, its like the gap will never fill up.

*********************************************************

I went to sleep on Raizada's shoulder (OMG! I nearly fainted when I read that) and he kept me on my bed (Okay, I lost my breathe then) that too while watching his favorite show Desperate House wives (I feel like a retard really -_-)!

She seems out of her mind most of the time to me, but she okay to be around with. I think having her around isn't so bad after all.

*********************************************************

But well he didn't know, sometime wouldn't do, it had taken me six years to collect myself, and I still haven't done that fully, well not to blame him, he knew none of that, he kept assuring me and telling me I could share with him, and finally all my barriers snapped, and before I knew I had thrown my arms around and was hugging him tightly. Okay, yea that was a massive hug, like I mean massive when I say 'massive', and the best thing he hugged me back (shocked me)

It broke me, when I saw her that vulnerable. I understand the act completely that even the strongest of them can crumple, but her she told me what happened, she trusts me, she hugged me and it felt good. Really good, I haven't felt do good in a long time, maybe never. I like being trusted I hope this stays.

**********************************************************

He said he likes my company, and he said he doesn't feel weird when he tells me that he cries too, you know I think diary I am terribly falling for this guy now.

She is beautiful diary. Sometimes even breathtaking, but she is beautiful and mystifying. She claims she can read me, but can she really? I don't know that for sure, but I feel safe if she reads it, this is weird but I believe my thoughts are protected with her.

**************************************************

Its hard not to fall for him, he comes close, he comes so close and I cant draw myself apart from him. He doesn't like me calling him from his first name, he was really hurt today you know, I feel sorry.

People who hide stuff or me, I hate them. But my mind and my heart fails to hate her. Somehow, just unknowingly I don't what this is, what is happening to me, but I feel lost in her when she's around, nothing else suddenly matters to me.

***************************************************

The thing is, diary, I have fallen in love. I have completely fallen in love with him, and it's like the best feeling ever. I guess, I haven't been so happy all my life.

I heard her shouting that she loved somebody. I asked her but that wretched Vivek intervened in between, however that's not the point I am curious to know who it is. Could it possible be me?

******************************************************

Wo khatam ho gayaa
Bhoole hum bhoole wo
Kaise sab se kahein baat ye..

it has ended (abruptly)..
I forgot, s/he forgot..
How do I tell everyone..

My world's come crashing before me. Everything seems to end just right here, in front of me, it's all into pieces, there's not much to hold on to accept for a few things.

I broke her, every inch of her seemed to tremble before me, but there is so little in terms of what I think I could have done to make it better. This is beyond my league, I wish, I just wish I didn't have to hurt her like this, but my mind had stopped processing anything rational, it was just a complete breakdown situation for me.

*********************************************

I think of him every day, every single second of my life, if it was possible, I would run away from it and go die in peace, but is dieing really an option?

She's always on my mind. I don't know what though, but she is. I want to see her, I wish there was some way I could make up to her, because the truth is I miss her already.

*************************************************

Tomorrow it's Diwali, and we are going to meet. I really want to see him, and then at the same time not see him, it's really stupid of me I know, but I think that's why they call it falling in love, falling hurts right?

Its Diwali, as so Paa says, and he told me she is coming too. I really want to see her, and tell her that I need some time, because the next time I come to her, I want to say the right things to her the things I won't repent like she told me to. I hope it all goes well and something, even if a little gets back to normal.

**************************************************

As she turned the next page, she stopped, her fingers trembling, a new fresh page opened before her, waiting for her to write. Her pen was fixed on the clean page before her, but her mind was in a whirlpool as a cassette of events of the night played in her mind, causing her close her eyes and letting a few more tears flow.

Dear Diary,

There are moments when you feel like its falling apart, like everything is just a bizzard dream, because you know what? It is. Life is a bizzard dream. Sometimes you can understand but most of the times it is beyond comprehension. Like today dear diary, it was Diwali, my 16^th Diwali, but you know I wish it was my 4^th Diwali. I had so much then, my father, my mother, a happy life, the perfect house, I guess there was not so much to want then. But you know, they say, as you grow you want more, you start to need more to put your desires to rest, but you keep wanting more and more, because nothing is enough. I guess that's the case with me, though technically there isn't so much that I have, things people have and I don't. Like my dad. Maa won't tell me but I can see that blankness in her eyes, because her eyes are searching for him everywhere, a flicker of hope always alive that somehow he is going to come back. But I know it's futile to keep such hopes up, but, I just don't know. I love him. I love my father. I need him. And I want Arnav. See the difference between 'need' and 'want' there? I need Vivek too, and he is always there, for which I am grateful, but life is so short. Everyone keeps dieing, I don't know how long will these people stay with me, if they stay, which is a big if in itself. If there's something that I have learnt from life up till now, that is that people always leave. In the end it's you who comes up and only you who goes down; ALONE.

Her pen stopped moving as she re read her last sentence the intensity of the words hitting her square in her conscience, and without so much as a thought she closed the diary keeping it back inside the drawer, and laid back on the bed, switching off the table lamp, until only she and the darkness were left behind to deal with themselves.

The pen that he extracted from the door with the diary clicked open by one sharp move of his finger, and clearing his head a bit he began to write.

Dear Diary,

I was normal before she came into my life, atleast in my personal definition of normal I was normal but the moment I saw her, she entered like this whirlpool in my life, disturbing everything, and nothing from that moment on wards has been normal. That for one is very disturbing. I hate her for doing that to me. Hate is a very strong word, an extreme word, you and I both know that I am not capable of hating her, but I don't love her either. Or maybe I do. I don't know it hurts to see us like this, the thing we had disappearing into thin air, it really hurts, in..in..my heart. So complicated.

Wishing, Wanting and needing are three words that put me out of my league, and that is what has happened from the day she has come here. I have been wishing for people to be with me, like 'wishing' for her every second of my life. I have been 'wanting' my parents, and Karan, but this isnt the worst of it, I 'need' my siblings more than ever right now and they wont even look at me which is treacherous in itself. Do you know how much it takes to accept the shaking truth, that fact about them. This is hard and all because of one. Her. Khushi. At this moment, there are 6 billion, 4 hundred, 71 million, 8 hundred, 18 thousand, 6 hundred, 71 people in the world. Some are running scared.. some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day.. others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good.. struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls -- and sometimes...all I need is one.

He struggled with himself, waging a war within him to continue writing but he couldn't do more of it, he had had enough for a night, slipping the diary back into the drawer he lay restless on his bed, turning the lamp, letting his world fall into darkness, like it really had.

Ab chalo hum dheere dheere bihal se gaye
Ab chalo hum jaise bhi ho sambhal se gaye
Woh piya aaye na.. wo o.. piya aaye naa..

Now slowly I have become hopeless,
Now howsoever, I have become a bit stable..
That beloved didn't come..

***********************************************

Regarding The Title

Whirlpool- For me, whirlpool is a this natural disaster that signals mass destruction. Mass turbulence within an individual speaking in metaphoric terms. Here in this chapter, I guess it went really well with the whole situation of the individuals. From the precap it looked fun and full of an upbeat atmosphere but Precaps can be misleading cant they? Who knew so much was going to happen. For Khushi her life has become a living nightmare, after Arnav's rejection, for Arnav who is clawed with guilt, is just as devastated. Vivek on the other hand has been juggling his broken heart with a broken best friend, while new entry Nikhil is a character storing deep secrets within himself.

************************************************

Events In The Chapter

I know some of you are thinking how a reconciliation can trigger such extreme feelings, but I'd like to inform to all of you that after a mass destruction a quick reconciliation marks the eventual presence of everything that was before the destruction disappearing into thin air. Its the first alarm, the most dangerous of them which tells in clear signals that all's over, and only a new beginning can get it all back.

So this is a turning point in the story. The reconciliation between the two. The air hasn't cleared mind you, its only become as thick as it used to be between the real Arnav and Khushi in the drama, and this is dangerous because these guys here are teenagers, they love easily, and they forget easily too, so you know.

*******************************************

Precap

"Its been really long since we sat like this, isnt it?" Arnav sat breaking the silence between the two as Khushi craned her neck sideways to look at him, seeing him fidgeting with his fingers, twisting and turning them doing absolutely senseless stuff to them.

"Yeah. I wish it would rain." She said calmly, him stilling his movement to divert his attention to her, looking at in bafflement.

"Huh what? Rain? Why?"

"When it rains, you cry and nobody can see your tears. That's the biggest advantage of rain, it hides your tears like nothing else ever can" She said solenmly, looking down at her thighs not being able to look at his wary face. It was as if God had been around when she had been wishing that she felt a droplet of water fall on her nose, and she looked up in surprise at the dark sky above, pouring out rain. Her eyes shifted from the sky to him, and he smiled quietly to him, his eyes holding a sad twinkle to them.

"Cry. The rain is here."

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nav_bat2013-06-09 11:32:32