"I should have listened. He was right." She kept telling her self, over and over again, tears cascading furiously down her cheeks, as Arnav stood behind rooted to his spot, his mind completely losing the synch to think.

"Gupta, listen, I can explain..I can.." he said out loud, in a final saving grace attempt successful in stopping her, but that he was to know later, that he completely regretted stopping her.

"Gupta does not exist. Its' Khushi." She said icily turning around, locking her eyes with him in a venomous, dreadful manner, her tone piercing him just like the winter breeze from the window outside hit the naked skin on his neck, and she stomped away not looking back once her own misery too advanced to handle. Memories rushed into his mind, that last dialogue of her making him whince with pain, the kind of pain that he was not aware that anybody was capable of inflicting him with anything like that.

"You know, you are so adorable..Raizadaa (he looks at her annoyed, she stops pulling) I know..I know..you don't like it..sorry..but well just so you know..call me with my last name..I love it when you do that okay? You don't need to go with Khushi, and honestly saying I don't think I hate my last name so much when you say it"

"Don't call me Khushi." She said quietly, her eyes cutting off any eye contact with his, in fear that he would read her eyes, like he said he could.

Arnav closed his eyes in slow motion, letting his temple rest against the cold metal of his gray locker, trying to stop the uneasy churning of thoughts inside his head, but he knew for a fact, that what he had done was right. For both them, he just knew that.

Marz bhi hai deti, Chain bhi hai deti
Dard bhi hai deti, Jaan bhi hai leti
Yaariyan

( It gives us disease, it gives us peace

It gives us pain, takes away our life

Friendship)

Karan stood just outside the locker room, waiting for the two of them to come out hand in hand, instead a very unusual, unexpected sight met his eyes, Khushi was alone, disturbed, pelting with shock and terror, he could only imagine by seeing her that things had not gone the way they both had expected, something beyond repair had occurred inside. Khushi walked past him, stopping for a brief second to study his shocked expression, but then shaking her head left him behind, staring at her distancing form, and then at the empty corridor where there was no sign of Arnav.

Full of trepidation, and worry consuming every part of him, he walked inside, and turned towards the panel of lockers where Arnav and his lockers were, finding Arnav there standing motionless resting his temple against the cold gray metal, his eyes closed. Karan stared for a moment at his motionless figure with increasing puzzlement, that understanding of what had happened dawning on him, but he found it hard to believe after all he had noticed, after all that had passed between the two of the them, after what he noticed in their eyes, it was beyond imagination how things had gone wrong.

His breathe heavily condensed, he proceeded towards Arnav perplexed, Arnav not even noticing that there someone else other than himself in the area now, or even if he did notice he didn't want to show that he noticed. Karan kept his hand on Arnav's shoulder and for the first time in the last ten minutes, Arnav drew his head away from the shiny, cold surface of the locker, his eyes meeting with Karan's filled with remorse and regret.

"What did you do?" Karan asked him in bafflement waiting for to answer, but he didn't, just stood there staring blankly beyond Karan's head at the wall ahead.

Na chodhe yaariyan (wo oo)

(Will never leave friendships)

"What the hell did you do Arnav?" Karan asked him again, now shaking Arnav badly by his shoulders, but the more he shook his shoulders the more Arnav felt incapable of uttering a single word. For a single day he had already spoken enough, and broken a heart, the only heart that he cared for.

"Arnav I am asking you danmmit! What the f**king hell did you do? Why was she crying? Why are you like this! Answer me dude! Answer me!" Karan literally shouted now, losing his patience completely, remembering the devastated figure of the girl he so adored just a few minutes ago walking out of the corridor, her tormented soul looking at him in an unforgiving manner. Here in front of him was his best friend, who he nearly believed was made of stone, could see that stone eroding, looking hopeless like never before. He felt his instincts getting bruised he felt as disturbed as the two of them, he had been a part of this, he felt equally guilt, he had led her to believe that he would say yes.

"God danmmit Arnav! What the hell did you do! Why did you do such a thing idiot? Are you nuts! Why Arnav! God hell! Shit! Shit!" Karan was screaming mad now, that guilt striking all over him, as he disgustingly looked away from Arnav, his hands on his head, sweat trickling down his face uncontrollably.

"And I told her you would say yes. I led her to believe that you two would be a couple. Oh My God what did I do!" Karan cursed himself under his breathe, rambling over and over again and for the first time Arnav stepped out of the trauma he had escaped into and looked in bewilderment at the frustrated Karan.

"What? You knew? She asked you from before?" Arnav asked extremely stunned, holding Karan rigidly by the shoulders, his eyes demanding an explanation from an indignant Karan, who was staring menacingly at Arnav, shocked to see that he was being held the sole culprit for the thing whose blame they both shared, Arnav more.

"Don't look at me like it's my fault. Its not. (removing Arnav's hands from his shoulders fiercely) Have you lost it? It's not my fault! How can you even think of blaming this on me! I was sure you would say yes, everyone was sure, that you would say yes, nobody thought you would say no!" Karan shouted, staggering back a little from the force he had applied to detach himself from Arnav's hold, who was now looking at him with a burning rage that seemed to mild down into self loathing.

"Karan how could you have not known? You are my best friend. You have known me for 6 frigging years! How could you have not known?" Arnav asked him, the real implications of his decisions now dawning upon him, as Karan looked into his tortured eyes, and felt himself getting lost. His heart beating rapidly, he sat down on the lone bench that was situated underneath the window, the freeze, irritating breeze pricking him now and then.

Na chodhe yaariyan (wo oo)

(Will never leave friendships)

"I should have known what dude? I don't understand how I could have known something that I hadn't even stopped to consider. You like her, we both knew that. You cared for, we both knew that too. (his tone rising) She meant so much to you, we both knew that to you. Then what is it that you want me to know? Why you said no? No. I am sorry but I don't know that. Didn't you say she can read your mind? Didn't we both agreed that we can read each other's mind? Forget others, me and Khushi both believed with all our heart that you would say yes, and we are the two people who can read you, does that mean we are wrong? Both of us, or its you who has double standards?" Karan spat out his words, as if they were waiting to get out for years, and had chosen this moment to come out. There were a lot of moment when he was angry at Arnav, mostly they were moments, when Arnav caused harm to himself it never inflicted harm to anyone, pain to anyone other than him, but this time it was different, they had both played with Khushi's feelings, they had played with a girls feelings who trusted both of them. He had led her to believe which she already knew, and Arnav on the other hand had done the exact opposite, for the first time, maybe the second time, the two best friends were standing on opposite poles of the thread.

"I don't have double standards. Don't say things that even you yourself don't believe." Arnav shooted back on him, his legs now sliding down to the cold tile, as he laid his hips on the tile, it sending chilly sensations down his spine. He let his head rest between the cross he had formed out of his hands, trying to calm his nerves, a task that appeared to be next to impossible as of now.

"I don't believe anything I say or do now. Forget about us for a minute, and think about her. You saw that hope that happiness in her eyes when she came, that excitement was so evident. She had a good reason for it all, why did you toy here Arnav? That girl, she really liked you. Believe me, I have seen it in her eyes, she really cared, like no other girl ever has. *pause* When are you going to stop seeing a Sarah Andrew in every girl? When Arnav?" Karan asked in a aggravated voice, charging the tiger within Arnav and in a minute Arnav bolted up, his body shaking with fury, taking quick steps towards Karan, and in no time he was holding his collar, pinning him to the wall behind, eyes exploding with rage.

"I don't see that s**t in any girl. I don't. Don't you dare ever say that dirty name ever again.Especially when we are talking about Khushi. Don't you dare." Arnav growled in between gritted teeth, his hold on Karan's collar loosening up a bit as he tried to control his anger, but now all that anger had gotten transferred into Karan.

"Shutup alright? Just Shut up! Who are you trying to fool? Me? Me? Seriously Arnav? I might have been wrong about the Khushi thing, even though I still think it's you who is purposely forcing yourself to get delusional, but I have never been wrong about Sarah (Arnav flinches at the name) I have never been wrong about Sarah! You see her in every girl. You see a desperate betrayer in every single girl. And if you saw that in Khushi then Arnav I am ashamed to call you my best friend." He said in a nauseating manner, every body part of his shuddering with the effect that this fit of anger was leaving on him.

Na chodhe yaariyan (wo oo)

(Will never leave friendships)

"Fine. Fine. Fine. If these 3 years I have seen a desperate betrayer in every single girl. Fine I did that. But I swear to my life, I have never thought of Gupta that way. Never and I can never even. A girl who has suffered betrayal herself, why would she betray me? Someone who hugs her pride, her dignity, her respect before everything else cannot be desperate. I know that for a fact, and that cannot change, no matter how time changes, I know this for a fact. And you think I said no because I find it nice to toy her? To break her? Do I look like such an ass to you? Why would I do that, when I know her feelings are true? But how can you not understand Karan, that she expects something out of me, that I am not ready to give her. You have looked into here eyes, right? You believed she loved me, didn't you? Why don't you tell me what you saw in them, whatever I am saying is it not true?" Arnav challenged back to a much calmer, much composed Karan, who was now using his mind to think, and he knew whatever Arnav was saying was not wrong, he believed enough to know that Khushi did expect a lot more than he had to offer.

"But you aren't the one to make decisions about her life Arnav. You aren't the one. She never gave you that right, you used it without being given it. Who told you to make her life decision? Fine, you didn't want to hurt her, fine I agree with everything else you said, but that still does not justify you and say what you did to her was right. Listen to me, no matter what your reasons will be, you hurt her, that won't change, you did wrong, that won't change either." Karan said in collected, sober tone, rocketing his words on Arnav like they were darts he was throwing to aim the biggest jackpot. Giving one last look he walked away from there, stopping one last time to look at a lost Arnav.

"Just have one thing to say to Arnav, start thinking beyond I, me and myself. That will do you good." He said in an advising tone and the next moment before Arnav had the time to even turn he was gone just like that. He was left alone once again, the isolated corridors and his emptiness coming to haunt him once more, him picking his bag from the floor where it had fallen, and marched out of the corridors to the canteen, thinking it was best to miss the class right now, he didn't think he was in the right mind to attend a lecture now.

Ab jeene ko jaane ko, Na koi raasta
Tanhaayion se hoga, Ab dil ka vaasta

( Now to live, there is no way, no road

Loneliness is now what my heart shall connect with)

*****************************************************

Khushi climbed the stairs that led to the library, tear marks marring her face, leaving prove of the tears that had dried long ago, leaving only a messed up soul of hers inside. She was about to take the last step, when a hand on her shoulder stopped her and she turned around, puffy eyed, looking in the worried eyes of Vishaka, studying her.

"What did you do to him? He won't say anything. He's been silent, since morning, what did you do to him Khushi? I heard you two fought? Why can't you resolve it, he looks more disturbed than I have ever seen him look" Vishaka said perspiring heavily, as Khushi met her concerned eyes for a brief second and then looked down in guilt, her own conscience not eager to face Vivek after all that she had done. She was her mother's daughter, she had done what so many years ago her mother had done, chosen love over friendship.

"I cant talk to him. Not right now." She said in a fairly low tone, turning around, her back to Vishaka, who was looking at Khushi with a stupefied expression, too stunned to say anything. However in a good mind to act though.

Hum khudhi khud ko Ab toh kardenge laapata, woo
Maan le tu aise , Hai zara bhole se
Jaante hain waise, Hai nibhaani kaise
Yaariyan

(Now, I shall get lost on my own

Accept it, that I am innocent

But I do know, how to fulfill

Friendship )

"What do you mean you can't talk to him? Ofcourse you can talk to him! You have to talk to him! What kind of friend are you? He has been sitting solemn faced for ages now, and you say can't talk to him? Where is that Khushi who threatened me never to hurt him, or you would kill me? Lost isn't that Khushi? Too lost to care for her best friend because she now has someone who matters to her even more? Arnav I suppose?" Vishaka said in a bitter tone, her blood shot eyes staring in the hollow space that had mounted in Khushi's pupil's , as if she had been hit with a thousand bullets.

"Look Vishaka, I have no concern what so ever about what you think about me. Honestly I don't care for you (making the size with her fingers) even this single bitt, but you know who I care for? My best friend, my Vivek (Vishaka flinched) Yes, he's mine and he'll always be but just as a friend and nothing more. If you think there's something else between us suit yourself, hell with it, but listen don't expect me to put up with some crap alright? You call me a bitch its fine, you call me an ass its fine, but if you dare as much hurt Vivek, I'll kill you." Khushi said straight on her face, not in the habit of going in round abouts, while Vishaka only stood her eyes dilating and coming down over and over again, trying to digest all the hard words she had said right now. If Vishaka thought that Khushi was going to be sympathetic and say sorry to her, she just had no idea how wrong she was, maybe because she didn't know Khushi at all.

Khushi remained silent and once around turned, tears of regret trickling down her eyes as she walked away from Vishaka towards the library where she had been first proceeding towards, that empty feeling in her heart now spreading rapidly, taking over every single good emotion that had even remotely started growing in her heart.

"You are plain selfish Khushi! Just plain selfish!" Vishaka bursted out to her retreating back, causing Khushi to stand stationary for a moment, and then fighting her inner demons she let go of that rude remark and went off on her way again, reacting as if nothing had happened. Vishaka stood their for a moment, still too puzzled with Khushi's ignorant reaction and turned around on her heels, fuming in anger and disgust over Khushi's self -centered nature.

Khushi entered the library, her eyes searching to and fro for a free, quiet space to sit, where no one would disturb her, and finally finding one she went there to sit there, among a cluster of senior Grade 12 girls, their eyes focusing on her for a long time, and then seeing her not reacting to it, they left off to continue doing their work again. Sitting in the peace of the library, her mind seemed to soothe down a tad bit, the turbulence giving away by some very meager measure giving her a chance to deal with her emotions properly.

Na chodhe yaariyan (wo oo)

(Will never leave friendships)

While she was lost in her thoughts, supposedly to passers by staring at her book, she felt a warm hand rest on her shoulder, and she lifted her eyes from the letters on the book to look at Anjali towering over her, the usual Anjali smile on her face, and much to her deep disappointment, she could see Aakash and Payal enter the library too, both walking towards her, a little concerned but fairly un aware of anything that had happened recently. They took their seats next to Khushi, her inner desire to leave the library so she wouldn't have to face them, but then she knew she couldn't afford to screw up any more relationship's, to much of damage had been done in the span of a single day for now.

"Alone? Where's Vivek? *pause* Nah, stupid question to ask, he must be with his Ms.Kissy pants eh?" Anjali asked light heartedly, Khushi swallowing the tears that were rising inside her throat, and which much difficulty managed to make a painful nodded, the twinkle in Anjali's eyes telling her that she had not seen Khushi's forced actions. Anjali turned the edge of the book, to look at the title and smiled, straightening the cover again, her eyes meeting once again with Khushi's.

"Wuthering Heights. *pause* Sad stories make good books" Anjali remarked, taking Khushi my surprise, as her heart began to sink more and more at the sound of those words, being reminded of the blissful memory she had with him at the tent, probably the last one she figured it out to be.

"Wuthering Heights." He said to her, or to himself he didn't really know, he was just announcing it as if she didn't know already.

"I just started reading it. Have you read it?"

"I have. Sad stories make good books." He ideally commented, taking her by surprise since he wasn't really use to ideal commentary, or keeping up with a talk, but she nodded, her smile seeming enchanting in the sparsely lit room.

"This is the third period right? Why are you here I mean, as far as I know you don't have any free period on Monday." Aakash quizzed her suspiciously, his eyes moving eerily to observe her pulled in features, and sickened face. A lump formed in Khushi's throat hearing his question, all three pair of eyes fixed on her and she felt an urgent need to run away, and never to look back at either of them ever again.

"It's the Biology period, and Ms.Anita was only going to talk about the field trip, so I didn't feel like wasting my time and attending that class." Khushi said in unsure kind of tone, making Payal and Aakash both exchange confused, worried looks with each other, while Anjali seemed reasonably convinced by Khushi's explanation.

"Okay. Okay, besides how do you people even endure Ms.Anita's lectures, she's just the goddess of boredom I swear." Aakash said ideally, trying to lighten up the mood, and not show the growing tension that he felt breeding in him, being fully aware of Khushi's lie. He and Payal had passed Ms.Anita's class and she had been teaching nothing remotely related to the field trip, in fact from what they could see she had started off with a new chapter, and knowing Khushi who missed no class no matter what happened, was of all days sitting here in the library, puffy eyed and lieing. Khushi managed a tight lipped smile, and looked away quickly, staring back at the black digital fonts of her books, them as of now, making no sense to her at all.

Na chodhe yaariyan (wo oo)

(Will never leave friendships)

*****************************************

nav_bat2013-01-12 04:10:58