Chapter 3

SS: Storm Within by TINA!

Part 3--If you had to choose between two loved ones, could you?

As Khushi made her way to the study, her hand settled on her burgeoning belly, caressing gently. As always, a swell of love squeezed her heart. How much she loved this child.. their child. If only Arnavji could accept that, if only he'd allow himself to love once more.

She found her husband sitting in the dark in his favorite armchair, his eyes closed, his face ashen. He must have heard her approach because at once he said:

"Go away."

She did not, coming closer instead. She knew he was falling apart within. How could she leave him to suffer these torments alone?

"Arnavji," she knelt before him on the carpet, grasping his too cold hand in hers. "It was just a small baby shower."

He stiffened, wrenching his hand free. He stared at her with something akin to the terrible rage he'd displayed downstairs. "How could you agree? Dammit, how could you?"

It felt painful to swallow, much less speak, but she did, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "Jiji and Di organized it. How could I say no? It made them so happy."

"And you?" Those eyes she loved so much focused on her, penetrating deep. "Were you happy?"

Khushi reached for his hand again and surprisingly, he let her. "I tried to be," she admitted. "But I needed you there. The baby needed you there."

"Don't you dare mention that thing in front of me."

"Thing?" Tears blinded her vision, but she blinked them away, glaring at her husband. The hurt and anger bloomed in waves. "How can you call your own child a thing? How can you not love our baby? He or she is a part of us already--the purest symbol of our love."

"You expect me to love the child?"

She nodded vehemently. "Of course I do. It's not the baby's fault."

"No," he agreed, his eyes hollow and dead-like. "It's mine. I should have never--"

Khushi covered his mouth with her hand, stopping him right there. "Please, don't. We've gone over this. It's no one's fault."

"Maybe you're right, but I still can't love it. Never."

Khushi brought his icy fingers to her lips, pressing a tender kiss. His jaw tightened at the brush of that softness. It had been so long.

"Arnavji, don't you see?" she whispered, placing his hand on her abdomen. "You already love the baby--very, very much. You're just not allowing yourself to show it."

"HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO?" he roared, shaking visibly as he stood. He drew her up against him, his eyes darkening. "How can I possibly love the reason I'm to lose you?"

"It's not like that."

"YES, IT IS!" Arnav bellowed, cupping her face in his palms and forcing her to meet his gaze. "You. Are. Going. To. Die, Khushi. This child will kill you."

His rage fell away then, replaced by the most horrific, stomach-churning pain. He couldn't speak, his mind unable to contemplate even the thought of it: her death.

She winced at those words, shaking her head. "Not our child. Never our child."

He looked furious at her all over again. "Have you really forgotten? The doctors told us clearly."

And despite everything in Khushi screaming not to remember, the memories of months ago came, fast and vivid:

She was sitting beside Arnav in an uncomfortable hospital chair. Her husband looked thoroughly stressed, though there was no reason for it. The morning sickness had finally stopped, she felt wonderful and healthy. Her first pregnancy was going quite well, all things considered.

"Arnavji," she murmured, squeezing his hand. "Everything will be fine."

He raised her hand, pressing a kiss over her knuckles. "I know, but I just hope--"

She never heard the end of that sentence. The doctor entered just then, a grim, tense look on his normally smiling face. Her husband noticed the difference as well.

"Is everything alright?"

The doctor stared at the pair, and then slowly shook his head. "Mrs. Raizada, I've just looked over your recent test results. Unfortunately, several complications were found."

"Complications?" Khushi's grip on Arnav's hand became vice-like. She couldn't breathe, could barely speak. "Is the baby okay?"

"Yes, your baby is just fine. But the results show that this pregnancy poses a significant risk to you, Khushi. I'm afraid that at the time of delivery, it would be close to impossible for both of you to safely make it."

The ground seemed to slip beneath Arnav's feet. His face whitened. "You mean.." He cleared his throat, tightening his hold on his wife's rigid hand. "You mean they both can't survive?"

"Yes, that's it exactly. Only one is likely to make it. As the baby grows bigger, she grows weaker. By nine months, the consequences can be terrible."

Khushi finally found the strength to speak. She shared a wordless, pain-filled glance with her husband before turning back to the doctor. "Can't something be done? There must be some hope."

"I wish there was, Mrs. Raizada, but there's not much. Studies have found that in cases like yours, less than 5% of expectant mothers survive. The remaining 95% do not. So you see, this pregnancy is a very significant risk to your life."

"What do you recommend?" Arnav asked.

"There's no easy choice here. The best option would be to put Mrs. Raizada's well being first. There's a good chance future pregnancies will not be this risky. Once you've regained your strength, you can try for another baby."

Khushi's free hand rose to her stomach as if to shield it. "And this baby?"

The doctor stared at her with silent sorrow. "I'm sorry, but like I said, only one of you is expected to live."

"And that has to be you, love," Arnav said, turning to face her. "I know this is hard and painful, but there's no other choice."

Tears streaked across her cheeks. She wiped them aside with quivering fingers, shaking her head. "No.. No, Arnav."

He pulled her into his arms, holding her tight. "We can have more children, Khushi, but there's only one you. I can't lose you. I won't allow it to happen."

She stiffened in his embrace. "I choose our child, Arnav."

He was sure he'd heard her wrong, but the determined glint in her eyes said otherwise. He knew her so well, he could tell she'd made up her mind. It felt as if he was losing her, a terrible agony biting into him, choking him..

"No.. Dammit, no.. Don't do this to me."

She tried to embrace him, but he was already backing away. "Arnavji.."

"Choose the child over yourself, and you'll lose me, Khushi.. I won't stand by and watch you die. I can't."

Her eyes were glazed with pain. "There's no other choice. I'm sorry, but I can't harm our child. I can't, Arnavji, please understand."

"Never," he whispered. "Never."

And just like that, in a handful of minutes, their world had toppled around them.

He'd taken her to the best doctors and specialists in the country, but all agreed: the baby's birth would likely mean her death.

Khushi, however, would not be swayed. As weeks passed, Arnav found himself gradually losing control. He spent weeks reasoning with her, days pleading and begging for her to change her decision.

"Do I have no say?" he'd yelled out of sheer frustration one dark afternoon. "Do you care about me at all? How do you expect me to watch you wither away?"

Khushi glanced at him with alarm. "Of course, I care about you. I love you, Arnavji. I always will. But, I love our child too. I cannot harm the baby. Not now--not ever."

"THIS PREGNANCY IS GOING TO KILL YOU!" he roared, shaking her bodily. "Why don't you understand that?"

"I know that," she whispered. "Do you think I ever forget? But my love for our child far outweighs all that."

"You won't listen to me?"

Khushi shook her head slowly, staring up at him with silent regret. "I'm sorry, but I can't. Not this time."

His gaze hardened, his lips twisted. "My love is not enough to change your mind, but maybe my hate will be. From now on, I will only hate you. Can you live with that again? That same pain? You want me to watch you die without complaint. Well, I won't. I'll fight you every step. I won't accept your choice. Never. Do you hear me? NEVER!"

The strength of that roar still echoed in her mind. Khushi swallowed as she stared across at her husband now. Months had passed from that moment, and they still remained at odds.

"Remember, now?" he ground out. "As much as you and the rest of the family want to delude yourselves, the fact remains: you will die in less than a month if we don't act now. All because of this pregnancy and your damned stubbornness. But of course, you ignore all that, throwing a party instead!"

He drew in a harsh breath, spinning away from her.

"Arnavji.."

"Leave me alone, Khushi. You have no idea what I'm going through and nor do you care apparently." His chuckle was hollow, a harsh sound of pain.

Her heart broke all over again as she studied him. How much he'd aged in the past few months, how much he'd suffered..

If you had to choose between two loved ones, could you? Khushi had known from the start that she could not.

Her husband and child were two parts of her soul. One needed her in his life, while the other was fighting to survive.

She could not choose between them. And so they would live, while she.. she would die..

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