Chapter 4

Loving You

Part 4

"Maine kuch poochha hai tum dono se! What the hell is going on here?!" Shashi Gupta's voice rang out loud and clear in the green hued room, making the warm air even more stifling for at least two occupants of the room and heralding Garima Gupta into hastened action as she hurriedly kept a comforting, warning hand on her husband's shoulder, telling him without words to hold back his anger.

But her hand was brushed off by an irate Shashi as his eyes took in a picture his mind refused to believe - his daughter in the arms of a man he had always treated as his son! The treachery made him see red and lose contact with whatever it was his wife was trying to convey to him and once again he roared that he wanted answers, and he wanted them at that very instant.

When Khushi sputtered in response, the sob caught in her throat not failing to catch anyone's attention, even his, for a moment he felt his fatherly heart melting but the next moment he had steeled himself again as he witnessed Arnav's hand reach out for Khushi and his thumb stroke the back of her palm in comforting circles even as he continued to stare brazenly into his own eyes, an emotion shining in them - one he couldn't quite understand.

But Shashi was not feeling particularly curious about anything other than what he had walked in on a few minutes ago and his irritation at not being given any answers regarding the same mounted, gaining momentum as he saw the unconscious exchange between the two children he had reared - one his own and one no different than being his own.

And maybe just maybe it was this thought that had refused to leave his mind no matter how hard he had trying to push it out that made his stance soften just a little, just so much that his daughter would stop shaking life a leaf and tell him exactly where had he gone wrong that she had been forced to hide such a big truth from him.

And it was this one moment of almost defeat in her father's eyes that gave Khushi the strength or rather the push to step out of the invisible protective shield Arnav seemed to have cast around her and take tentative steps towards her father, swaying hesitantly on her feet for an instant before taking a deep breath and completing her journey.

She stood before him stretched to her full height, refusing to buckle down any more and insult not only what she felt for Arnav but also what she had always been taught by her parents - to stand strong with your actions if you believed them to be right. No longer would she allow herself to disappoint either side.

She loved Arnav with all her heart and she had never thought of it as wrong.

And she loved and respected her parents with all her heart and no longer could she deceive their trust in her and in Arnav.

So she stood in front of her father, looking straight into the eyes she had inherited in shape and hue with apology for disappointing him, for not being honest with him but also with conviction about the relationship she shared with Arnav, the one her father was no longer a stranger to.

And when she heard the shuffling of feet behind her, she knew that it was Arnav who was standing behind her with the same feelings running through him as through her and on her own her hand sought his, her strength increasing manifold as she felt his warm hand slip into hers and gently press against it - he would be by her side always.

Shashi and Garima witnessed the silent display of the strength of the relationship Arnav and Khushi had come to share and they did not need to meet the other's eyes to know that they were thinking the same thought - it was a lot more serious than they had thought it was when they had walked in on the two youngsters who stood hand in hand in front of them.

And without a single word said to any of the three people present in the room, Shashi Gupta turned on his heel and left, his wife issuing orders on his behalf for the two of them to meet the elders in Shashi and her bedroom in the next 15 minutes.

And with that she too made to leave but her arm was caught by her daughter and when she turned to look back at Khushi, she saw in front of her not a woman in her 20s but a child from the past - the evening when they had left Khushi alone at home to go to a relative's house when the storm had hit the city while they were still on the way. Shashi had turned the car around right away and when they had finally reached home, they had seen the tear stricken face of Khushi looking out of the window into the dusky sky as the trees bellowed in the window masking the sound of her crying.

She had never seen Khushi look as vulnerable as that time, until tonight and despite herself and the betrayal she was feeling, she felt her fingers curl around her child's and squeeze them gently, a teary laugh escaping her as Khushi flew right into her arms, almost dragging Arnav along too.

Her eyes met Arnav's over her daughter's shoulders and she saw the same vulnerability in them along with an emotion she could identify only too well - the same emotion she had always seen lurk around in the molten orbs whenever Shashi or she would do something nice' for the Raizadas - of gratefulness mixed with a guilt of taking their advantage' and every time she had wanted to wipe that emotion away from his life, had wanted to shake him and tell him that he was her son, no matter whatever anyone else said and that he need not feel that he was taking their advantage for anything because he had a right over them just like Khushi or Payal. But she had always stopped herself short, never quite knowing how exactly to put her emotions to words without making it appear like she was trying to replace his mother just because he looked at Shashi as a parent.

But not tonight.

Tonight she gave in to that need to wipe away his fears, his misgivings and extracting herself from her daughter's hold, she took a step towards the young man who she had considered her son the minute he had walked into her house and extending one hand, she cupped his cheek - gently pulling his face down.

And when he complied to her request with unsure eyes, she smiled up at him before pecking his forehead.

"Tum logon ko chupaana nahin chahiye tha. Tumhara bass utna hi kasoor hai baaki koi baat nahin hai. Nothing else matters, beta, nothing else has ever mattered."
("You two shouldnt have hidden your relationship from us. Thats all you are at fault for and nothing else. Nothing else matters, beta, nothing else has ever mattered.")

And with those three sentences, Garima Gupta soothed out all of Arnav's fears and became his second mother in every right - in even the right of Arnav staking a claim over her as he let out a strangled sob before burying his face in the crook of her neck and letting his fears wash out for once and for all.

*****

When Arnav and Khushi entered the room exactly 15 minutes later, they were not surprised to find Savita and Anjali sitting inside with Shashi and Garima and by the looks of them, it was clear that they had been let on the reason for the sudden meeting.

While Savita looked embarrassed and unsure, it was the sheer joy on Anjali's young upturned face that relieved Khushi just a bit as she was blasted with a full blown smile from the teenager as soon as they stepped inside and Khushi felt her insides uncoiling just a bit at the open support of at least one person of the family.

But the look on Badi Ma's face managed to prick her swelling happiness in the bud itself. She had never seen Badi Ma look so apprehensive and so let down and she felt a rush of affection and protectiveness for the older woman, wanting nothing more than to dispel that look of unsurity in her eyes, if not for her own sake than for Arnav's who she could feel freeze next to her as his mother regarded him with a look of disappointment.

And that was perhaps what her pent up emotions had been waiting for as she felt herself speaking without anyone even inviting her to. She couldn't bear to see Arnav feel burdened by a disappointment which was not his doing in the first place, if one would assume the said disappointment to be correctly found at all. It was she, Khushi, who had in all these years made sure that Arnav never gave the two of them up and it was hence her prerogative now to take up responsibility for her actions.

"Iss sab mein Arnav ki koi galti nahin hai-"
("There is no fault of Arnav in all this-")

"Iss sab mein Khushi ki koi galti nahin hai-"
("There is no fault of Khushi in all this-")

They both stopped at the same time, just as they had started at the same time, turning to look at each other in surprise before that surprise turned to adoration and then to strength and with one long look at Khushi which she read correctly as him telling her that it was now his turn to become her strength, she had been his for far too long without him returning the favour.

And as Khushi was silenced by the intensity of his wordless apology and his silent promise, Arnav began anew, his words and gaze now directed at the others in the room.

"Main yahan khada hokar aap sab se yeh keh sakta hoon ki humein pata nahin ki hum kya kar rahein the, ki humein pata nahin tha ki yeh jo kuch hai humaare beech woh kaise hua par yeh galat hoga. At least partly. We did not know or realize when we fell in love, the exact moment, but when we did we both could never go back to how things had been before. That was not possible nor did we want to do that in all honesty. Khushi aur main ek doosre se pyaar karte hain aur kaafi saalon se karte aaye hain. We have been in a relationship for quite some time now and she wanted to tell you all shuru se but mere kuch issues the and main aap logon ko bata nahin paya. And I tried really hard to push Khushi away but then I tried doubly hard to get her back. I cannot stay away from her, I have tried and I have failed and I don't wish to fail her any more. But yes, aaj jo hua woh nahin hona chahiye tha. Mujhe aap logon se bahut pehle baat kar leni chahiye thi-"
("I can stand here and tell you that the two of us did not know what we were doing, that the two of us did not know how or when we fell in love but that would be wrong. At least partly. We did not know or realize when we fell in love, the exact moment, but when we did we both could never go back to how things had been before. That was not possible nor did we want to do that in all honesty. Khushi and I love each other and have since a long time. We have been in a relationship for quite some time now and she wanted to tell you all since the beginning but I had some issues and I could not bring myself to tell you all. And I tried really hard to push Khushi away but then I tried doubly hard to get her back. I cannot stay away from her, I have tried and I have failed and I don't wish to fail her any more. But yes, whatever happened today shouldnt have happened. I should have talked to you a long time ago-")

"Humein. Humein aap logon se bahut pehle baat kar leni chahiye thi and whatever Arnav is saying about me wanting to tell you all, its true but only partially. I wanted to tell you all, yes, but I was so scared ki shayad mere bataane se Arnav mujhse door ho jaayega and I couldn't take it. I should have never said Yes' to the marriage, Papa, and for that I am really sorry but main aur Arnav ek aise morr pe aa gayye the ki kuch samajh nahin aa raha tha and then suddenly everything was clear. We cant live without each other and now we cant live without your forgiveness and your blessing...please Papa?"
("We. We should have told you all this a long time ago and whatever Arnav is saying about me wanting to tell you all, its true but only partially. I wanted to tell you all, yes, but I was so scared that maybe my telling you would take Arnav away from me and I couldnt take it. I should have never said 'Yes' to the marriage, Papa, and for that I am really sorry but Arnav and I had reached such a point in our relationship that nothing made sense any more and then suddenly everything was clear. We cant live without each other and now we cant live without your forgiveness and your blessing...please Papa?")

Shashi had been listening to the two silently but with complete attention and as his daughter asked him the most important question of it all, he felt himself reflect on what the two had said with words and what he had seen them say with their eyes - to each other and to him, Garima and Savitaji.

He found himself think back to his younger days when Arvind and he used to joke around with Savitaji and Garima about how Arnav and Khushi would fall in love with each other and would help further their relations from friends to relatives but all those had been jokes done in jest. Arvind's untimely death had jolted them all out of their reverie and suddenly Shashi had been entrusted with the responsibilities of his family - one he had always considered his own.

It had hence come as an even bigger shock when he had found Khushi in Arnav's arms. That joke of his younger days had turned around and greeted him as a reality he had not ever dwelled upon as such and the fact that this had happened merely minutes after Khushi had agreed to a marriage proposal he had never forced her into had made him feel even more clueless.

Clueless and hurt.

Because with both Khushi and Payal, he had always tried to be their friend first and father later and when they had been too embarrassed to come to him with something, they had always taken their mother into confidence. Hell they had known about Payal going out with a classmate of hers since day 1 and Payal was the more secretive one.

Why had Khushi, his princess, the one he was secretly closest to, hidden such an important detail from him? Such an important part of her life had been deemed by her to be kept away from his knowledge and that not only disappointed him but also made him question his entire lifetime of thinking he was Khushi's best friend.

And Arnav...

He had always been reclusive but he had never given him any indication that he felt so deeply indebted to him that he had not found the strength in himself to come clean to him. Shashi had always considered Arnav his own son, even before Arvind's death he had often staked claim over Arnav only half jokingly yet today, today the young man in front of him, one whom he had so loved and adored had managed to make him feel like a complete outsider.

And with a heavy heart, he turned to look at Savitaji to inspect how she was reacting to Arnav and Khushi's candid confessions and it was the expression on her face that shook him to the core.

It spoke of a longing mingled with a fear that that longing would be quashed.

He could read the longing and just as well he could read the fear.

He knew at that moment that somewhere he or rather those around him had failed to make the Raizadas a part of their family and he had failed to dispel those elements and the effect their mindless blabber had had on the three people he had vowed to take care of, and not just because Arvind had died. He would have felt the same for them even if Arvind had been here sitting next to him.

Shashi got up from the arm chair he had been sitting on with a deep sigh and made his way to the partially open window with the curtain covering it blowing gently in the breeze and looking out of it at the world as it rushed by, he spoke.

"Aaj pata chala mujhe ki hum log Arvind ko diye hue mere vaade ko theek tarah se poora nahin kar paaye, Garima."
("Today I got to know how we have not been able to properly fulfill my promise to Arvind, Garima.")

And before anyone could respond to his declaration, Shashi had already raised a hand to stop them and had continued,

"Kyonki agar kiya hota toh aaj Arnav aur Savitaji humein itna paraaya nahin kar dete. Nahin Savitaji, meri baat suniye. Main yeh nahin keh raha ki aap ko Arnav aur Khushi ke baare mein kuch bhi pata tha, in fact main jaanta hoon ki aapko nahin pata tha kyonki agar pata hota toh aap iss baat ussi waqt khatam kar deti aur yeh isliye nahin kyonki aap Khushi ko pasand nahin karti par isliye kyonki aapko bhi yeh lagta hai ki Arnav ne Khushi se pyaar kar ke mera aur Garima ka vishwaas toda hai, ki inn dono ke rishtey ko hum kabhi manzoor nahin karenge sirf isliye kyonki Arnav, aap aur Anjali bitiya yahan humaare saath rehte hain. Inkaar matt kijiyega kyonki aap aur main dono jaante hain ki agar aaj Arvind yahan hota toh aap poore haq se mujhse Khushi ka haath maangti par kyonki aapko lagta hai ki mera aap pe koi ehsaan hai isliye aaj aap apni aankhen neeche kar ke baithi hain."
("Because if we had succeeded in fulfilling our promise, then Arnav and Savitaji would not have made us strangers to their pain and wants. No, Savitaji, listen to me. I am not saying that you knew about Arnav and Khushi because had you known, you would have definitely nipped their relationship in the bud itself and not because you dont like Khushi but because you feel that by falling in love with Khushi, Arnav has disrespected me and Garima and broken our trust, that we would have never accepted their relationship just because you, Arnav and Anjali bitiya live here with us. Dont deny it because you and I both know that had Arvind been alive today, you would have asked me for Khushi's hand in marriage with full right but because you feel you 'owe' me something, you are sitting there unable to meet my eyes.")

No one attempted to disagree with him, not even the woman he was addressing as she felt her throat clog with the truth Shashi had resounded and with the hurt she could hear in his voice which beseeched her for thinking how she had been and all she could do was blink back the tears that threatened to spill over as she missed her husband more than she had in a long time, thanking him for making as great a friend as Shashi Gupta.

"Par kyon Savitaji? Kya maine ya Garima ne ya phir Khushi aur Payal ne bhi kabhi bhi aapko ya Arnav ko ya Anjali ko yeh ehsaas dilaya hai ki aap humse alag hain? Ki aapka iss ghar par, iss ghar ke logon par, bachchon par humse kam haq hai? Agar kabhi bhi aisa aapko laga hai toh please humein maaf kar dijiye-"
("But why Savitaji? Did Garima or I or even Khushi or Payal ever make you or Arnav or Anjali feel like outsiders? Like you had any less say on the matters of this house, its people, its children than any of us? If you ever felt like this then please forgive us-")

"Aap kaisi baatein kar rahein hain Shashiji! Aapne aur Garima ne humein itni izzat, itna pyaar diya hai ki hum...woh bass kuch cheezein mann mein ghar kar leti hain, chaahe jitni bhi betuki kyon na ho aur aisa hi kuch mere aur Arnav ke saath hua shayad...aur aapko dukh de baithe...maafi maangna bhi ab chota lag raha hai..."
("What are you saying Shashiji! You and Garimaji have given us so much respect, so much love that we...its just that some things reside in your heart, no matter how nonsensical they are and thats what happened to me and Arnav...and we managed to hurt you...even asking for forgiveness seems too daunting now...")

"Wahi toh main keh raha hoon Savitaji, abhi bhi aap chotte-bade ki baat kar rahi hain jab ki aapko ab toh poore haq se Khushi ka haath Arnav ke liye maang lena chahiye!"
("Thats what I am talking about Savitaji, even right now you are talking like outsiders when in fact you should be asking for Khushi's hand in marriage for Arnav with all the right in the world!")

There was an instant air of surprise and jubilation in the air as the last sentence left Shashi's mouth and he turned around to face his family, his entire family, with a smile on his face - a smile that made him look years younger, as if it had been just yesterday when he and Arvind had been chuckling while planning the future of their toddlers.

A smile that faded just a bit as he took in the tear streaked face of his daughter and the look of utter surprise on Arnav's face and shaking his head at his own incapabilities as a father, he made his way to the two of them, his wife and Savitaji who had jumped up in elation and had launched themselves on the two children who played the pivotal role that evening having stepped away to let him have Arnav and Khushi's complete attention.

"Par main tum dono se abhi bhi bahut gussa hoon. Khushi, tum mujhe itna paraaya kar dogi maine socha nahin tha and Arnav, you...I don't even know what to say to you except I always thought of you as my son but I never knew ki tumne mujhe kabhi ek benefactor ke alawa kuch dekha nahin jiske prati tum sirf thankful feel karte ho aur kuch nah-"

He was not able to complete his sentence as the bodies of the two people he had been speaking to collided with his own and he felt two pairs of arms going around him in a tight hug and he could feel the linen of his shirt dampening as the two children, for they would always be children for him, let out their apologies in shaking voices and broken whispers, pledging their love and respect for him - now and always.

And he could only smile and shake his head as he hugged them back, thanking the Lord above for letting him know the truth before his two children had gone ahead and ruined their lives - all for misconceptions.

"Chalo ab yeh rona dhona band karo! We have to plan a wedding and Savitaji, I should warn you pehle hi about your to-be bahu! Kaafi pagal si ladki hai-arrey! Dekha aapne?! Apne Papa ko jo maar sakti hai woh apne bechaare pati ka kya karegi!"
("Come on now stop all this crying! We have to plan a wedding and Savitaji, I should warn you that your to be bahu is quite mad-arrey! Did you see what just happened?! The one who can hit her father, wonder what all she will do to her poor husband!")

And it was amidst laughter and jokes and love and happiness that Shashi Gupta finally fulfilled his promise to his late friend in all its glory - he gave a new family to Savita Raizada and her children.

His own family.

Because I see love

I see love when I close my eyes

And I see love

I see love when I close my eyes

The End

______________________
*Not proof read

Lyrics credit - 'I see love' by Passengers

Apologies for the late update, had gotten busy with some university work. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter and the story.

Please scroll down for a 'Thank You' note :)

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