Chapter 21

"I Love You, Khushi.."

Arnav felt Khushi sighing loud, trying to grasp for breath.. He tightened his hold to assure her of his support.. He felt her hands gripping his shirt tighter..

"I know.."

The two words that came out as nothing more than a faint whisper made him stunned and captivated.. Pulling out enough to look into her eyes, Arnav spoke with confusion and uncertainty..

"Wha.. What?"

Arnav felt his head reeling at the sight unfolding infront of him.. Khushi was breaking into a smile.. His Khushi.. His Khushi was smiling at him.. Smiling genuinely.. Smiling genuinely at him, being in his arms.. The world seemed to have been at his feet at that moment.. If her soft words made him fell outta the world, then her soft caress sent him flying to heavens above.. Cupping his right cheek in her arm, Khushi spoke softly..

"I know that you Love me, Arnav.. More than I can handle, more than I can ever imagine, more than I could dream of, more than I'v ever prayed for.. If there is anything I am sure of, then it is only your Love.."

Khushi smiled sadly at finding Arnav bewildered at her words.. Who said that its only her eyes that could give away everything? His were equally transparent, if not, even clearer, unlike hers which are always muddled and confused.. What did he think? That she din't know how hard he was struggling to get into her? What toll it was taking on him to make her get out of her shell? What pain he had to bare to see her all lost and broken? How much of a control it is taking him not to go and claim her as his? How much frustrating it was making him to see her being bullied in her home?

Well, if that's the case, then she has succeeded in hiding her observations very clearly from him, which according to her was impossible!!!

She knew she had given him a hard time by trying to run away from him.. But this man.. Oh he never left any stone upturned to have her fall and stick to his words and moves... But she? Well, that's an entire different story.. Every time he made her feel loved, she felt elated and special, but, she was scared too.. But it was the aftermath that molded her to what she is now.. If his presence fills her with love, then his words fill her with hope and his memories, with strength.. Strength and courage to face the reality.. To fight back.. To achieve once again.. To claim and to win.. To be her.. To be his Khushi..

Still smiling at him, Khushi pulled an awestruck Arnav with her and made him sit along side her near the fountain.. Finding him silent and not so stunned but still in a position not to reply back, she smiled softly taking his hand in hers.. Cuddling into him as he saw her with those warm chocolate brown eyes that were now filled with Love, concern and determination, she spoke in a hushed voice..

"I am sorry for not recognizing who you are, yet.. I know you know about me.. Infact everything.. It aint hard for me to guess it.. But.. I want to tell it, Arnav.. Everything of me.. To you.."

Arnav din't know that he was holding his breath all this long.. But the moment he saw her tilting her head up to look at him, Arnav surely knew that his breath got squeezed out of his lungs.. She bared her soul out to him.. He could read each and every thing of her.. The love, the fear, the pain, the loss, the helplessness, everything.. Crushing her into him, he placed firm kisses to her head.. Finding her breathing go normal, Arnav spoke softly..

"Let go of it, Khushi.. I'm with you.. I always will be.."

Khushi nodded into his chest as she felt Arnav kiss her head again.. After a moment of comforting anticipation, Khushi began with a distant voice..

"I was 15 when I last came here.. This is the place that saw the Khushi you are trying so hard to re-surface, in the full glory.. This was the place that witnessed me become the Khushi you had met a fortnight ago.. And this is the place that is going to see Khushi as the one you'v changed into... Amma's parents lived here, in Manali.. Every time we used to visit them, this place used to be my permanent sanctuary.. Parimala Aunty and her daughters were never good with me.. But Amma loved Aunty.. Not only because of the sister relation, but also for what she had to go through at such a young age.. My pain infront of her Love felt so negligible that, I never confronted Amma with that matter.. I was very happy, Arnav.. With everything I had.. The relations, love and each and everything of my life.. I din't face a single situation where I had to ponder over or get confused or feel low.. I never cried or went sad.. It was just like a fairy tale.. Me, Amma, Babuji.. Our perfect world.. People loved me, Arnav.. Everyone wanted to be with Khushi.. Every single person.."

Khushi shifted closer into him, if that was possible.. She clutched Arnav's arm tight when he tightened his grip on her and kissed her forehead lovingly..

"I was 14, I now remember.. We went to Mumbai.. The reason, I never knew back then.. That was when the condition of Amma was finalized that she could make it no longer than a year or 2.. And I was completely oblivious to all of it.. The next few months, I was pampered even more.. Specially by Amma.. Babuji suddenly became very very busy but, yeah, he too started to pamper me a lot more.. Our trips and travelling increased too.. I was 15.. The day after Babuji's birthday.. I heard Babuji shouting for the first time in my life.. I.. I was so scared, Arnav.. I din't dare to go to him and see what was happening.. But.. I guess, in their heated conversation, they din't realize that I was listening to them.. It was the day Amma asked Babuji to marry Parimala Aunty.."

Arnav held her close to him, tightening his hold.. He kissed her hair as she took a deep breath and continued..

"I was shattered, Arnav.. I'v seen the Love they'v had.. Love so strong and pure that all I'v ever prayed was for a love atleast half of that.. But what I heard next left me devastated and numb.. She wanted this to happen.. For me.. For ME, Arnav.. For me, she was ready to give away her Love!!! That was the moment I hated myself.. I hated to have been loved.. I hated myself to have become their weakness, their pain and their misery.. I simply hated me.. From further conversation, I learnt that Amma wan't going to make more than a year.. She made Babuji agree to her last wish.. But nothing of that made its impact on me.. Because, I was already dead by then.. I was dead the moment I knew I was the reason Babuji was going to lose his love.. I went numb.. The discussion went here, in Manali.. That night was the last I came here.. The night when I transformed into what I made my Amma feel like.. Hollow and helpless.."

"Khushi.."

Khushi closed her eyes as fresh hot tears made their way down her eyes, wetting his shirt.. Digging her nails in his back, Khushi wept out loud as she felt his caresses and soothing voice asking her to stop..

"Sweetheart, its okay.. Shush.. You'l get.. Khushi.. You'l fall sick, sweetheart.. Khu.."

Arnav flinched at the intensity of the agony her eyes displayed.. He immediately cupped her face and kissed her fore head firm and hard..

"Oh God.. Khushi.. Sweetheart, please.."

Feeling Khushi shaking her head from side to side, Arnav immediately loosened his grip and looked at her.. Wiping the tears off her face, he kept kissing her eyes everytime fresh tears made their way.. His heart clenched at the way her tears din't cease..Arnav's eyes went wet when she hurled herself into him.. Gathering her in his arms, Arnav continued to kiss her when he heard..

"Let me.. Please.. Its been 8 years, Arnav.. 8 years since I'v opened up.. 8 years since I had someone with me.. 8 years since I felt home.. Since I had a shoulder to cry on.. A person who could seep through my barriers and break my walls.. A person who loved me the way I dreamt.. A person who's mere presence filled me with strength and hope.. A person who brought back the Me.."

Khushi lifted her face and cupped Arnav's cheek..

"Now that I have you, finally, after 8 years of my loneliness and agony, please let me speak Arnav.. Let me tell you my journey.. Let me become as transparent to you as a crystal.. Let the burden of my heart be shed.. Let me.."

Pulling her out of him, Arnav almost made his way to her lips but stopped as he felt Khushi's fresh tears made their way down touching his cheek.. Kissing away her tears, he pulled her back into him and crushed her, kissing her head..

"I'm all yours sweetheart.. I'm all yours.. Arnav hamesha Khushi ka hain.. Only yours and no one else's.."

A few words it may seem.. But to Khushi, they were the anchor.. The elixir in her cursed life.. The brightness in her dark fate.. The hope in her ceased dreams.. The life to her dead soul.. Hugging him with all the strength she could muster up, Khushi continued sobbing..

"Two years passed by Arnav.. I din't know how.. These two years I'v learnt how to fake.. Fake my innocence of not knowing what my Amma made my Babuji promise her.. Fake my smile of being happy and chirpy.. Fake my life filled with colors.. Fake myself.. Fake everything!! I freaking learnt to live so very perfectly faking that I feel it was lot easier to do that than to live in the reality right now.. And she left.. Just like that.. She just left.. Leaving me and Babuji, my Amma left.. Will you believe me if I say that I don't remember her last words, Arnav? That's because I was too numb to accept that the time has come where I had to step out of my faking world to enter into reality.. Everyone thought I'l not be able to cope up.. They knew how it was with me and Amma.. But, what they din't know was, I was already dead.. Long ago.. But then, there was Babuji.. He.. I still remember Arnav.. He behaved exactly as a corpse.. A walking corpse and nothing else.. He shut himself from everything.. Everything except me.. All he would do was relive his moments with Amma, making me sit alongside him.. That was the only thing he did for the rest of the 7 months he lived after Amma died.. And then, he went to sleep in Amma's lap.. He always loved to do that.. So he finally went searching for her.. Of course he loved Amma more than me and I have no complaints.. Infact, I'm proud to have them as my parents.. But.. If I was dead earlier, then I lost myself into something I had no control of after Babuji died.. Agonized haunting nightmares of pain and death and darkness.. They were the only pals who never left me, not even a moment..."

Khuahi lifted her head up and saw Arnav shaking along with her.. Her mind could register nothing except the fact that he was in pain since she was in.. It might sound sadistic, but, that brought solace to her heart.. The fact that her pain, her words, her trauma meant something to him, made her breath in hope.. She felt her mind blacking out.. She saw him cupping her face with his hands so tenderly and kissing her tears away with such gentleness that all she wanted to do was to get lost into him.. Mingle with his soul.. Get clasped to his form.. She could hear him calling out to her.. But no.. She's not done yet.. Forcing herself to consciousness, Khushi continued..

"Never did they leave me until.. Until the day you came.. Those chocolate brown eyes of yours brought me back to life.. Gave me hope.. Filled me with love.. Made me feel secure.. Special.. Loved.. You spread the warmth in me as if igniting my soul to life.. You held me.. You helped me.. Took care of me.. Read me.. Understood me.. You saw 'ME'.. The 'Me' that no one ever could.. You saw the pain living in me as well as the life I buried.. You made me breath, Arnav.."

Arnav could not take anymore.. It was taking a complete toll on her.. She was breaking down with an intensity to leave her blacked out.. Her every sob, every word, ever sniff were shattering his heart into pieces he couldn't imagine.. His chest became so tight that he wondered if his heart was even pumping.. He grasped for air but felt nothing in him.. he could feel the pain seeping very very deep into him.. His soul weeping to an extent he feared that might leave him dead.. Hauling her onto his lap, Arnav crushed Khushi into him and kept kissing her vigorously..

"Sweetheart stop.. Khushi.. I.. Oh God!! Khushi please.. I know sweetheart I know.. You'l never face them again, Khushi.. I promise.. Arnav Singh Raizada's promise to you Khushi... Your Arnav's promise to you.. Love, look at me.. Please Khushi.. Look at me.."

Arnav stilled as he felt Khushi's body slumping against his.. Panic gripped his entire form.. Lowering her into his lap, he began hyperventilating..

"No.. No no no no no.. Khushi.. No.. No you can't do this.. Khushi!! Are you listening to me?? You can not do this to me dammit!! No.. Khush.. Khushi open your eyes.. Look at me, for Christ's sake, Khushi.. I said you ca.."

A shiver ran through his spine as he felt Khushi bunching his shirt at his chest.. Kissing her firm near her lips, Arnav breathed his breath soft and warm on her lips.. His heart swelled as he saw her eyes fluttering open.. His soul literally came to life as he saw her smiling faintly at him.. Lifting her shivering hand to his face, Khushi smiled as he kissed her palm and covered her hand with his..

"Amma always assured that I'l get a Prince Charming in my life just as she got Babuji.. Do you know what Babuji used to tell me everyday, Arnav? The ray of the dawn I seek for everyday would faint to nothing when I'l find the person who'l dawn the same ray in my soul.. And finally.. Finally you came.. You are that Prince I'v dreamt of, Arnav.. The ray Babuji promised me of.. You found me.. Won me.. I love you, Arnav.. With everything of me.. I love you.."