"Everything is so changed now everyone is too. Not even in my wildest dream, I had though to live without them since than but then, as always, "FATE RULES! And we all are its slave." Destiny chose this as my life, colorless like 70's movie. Yeah my life is like a movie, a movie unwanted. Its all messed up like a ' like a ' like a guy's room. 'Guys room' but he was Mr. Perfect with his perfect room. Nothing messed up, everything at its place along with, surprisingly, my belongings. My mask of New Year's party, the venue where we met for first, place from where our story started; we became enemies, which was one side. I later came to know about it. My scarf, that day I was literally about to be caught but then, what I knew, escaped from there without him knowing it. Still the most commendable thing was the intensity and passion with which he danced. The song totally explained his was of dancing, 'DIL SE!' Everyone said, even I notices that the chemistry between us was out of this world especially the intensity we shared while we danced together.

He was the craziest person I have ever come across. He was crazy about almost everything, dance, friends, basketball, and how could I forget the most important thing, proving that he is perfect. He was the person of his words; he always did what he said even if he did not want it. Let it be fighting with me, taking revenge, dancing, goofing around, all he wanted was to prove that he is perfect. He is that gem of the person everyone would crave for. Heartthrob of college, a number of girls were dying just to have a little conversation with him and someone should have recorded me that time. I was being the most idiotic person for misjudging him and constantly provoking g him to fight with me. I did all those kind of activity after which a person would hate me but he was cutely weird to fall for me even more. Till date, I could not understand why he did all those activities and why he fell for me! What was so special about me that attracted him!

To tell you a little secret, I had a tiny crush on him since we met. Now you must be wondering that why was I the one to start the arguments? Well, frankly speaking, I was trying to find a reason to hate him but I could not. I seriously tried a lot but then he was too good to hate. I can never hate him because he was the person who taught me how it feels to fall in love, how it feels when we know that there is always a person to who loves you and will be there for you. Even after all of it I was scared, scared of what if he leaves me, what if he starts hating me!

But now just look at the irony of the situation, sometimes back I was the girl fearing of heartbreak but then what I do to him ' broke his heart! No, I crushed it, I did it with such perfection that it is next to impossible to mend it. I was the one fearing what will happen if he hates me, but what did I do? I myself sow the seed of hatred in his heart. Were they even my intentions? Hell no! I never in my dreams wanted that kind of life for him. I wanted him to be the happiest person in the world.

That fateful night ruined everything. He with all his heart came to wish me on pre-valentine's night. He brought so many gifts to see me happy ignoring the fact that I was trying to run away from him the whole time. They lost it, THE DAZZLERS lost in the elimination round but I could not even go and console him when he needed me the most. It was the time when I would have gone to him and gave him my shoulder but actually, I became insane on hearing this. I was bounded by some promises, which acted like a death sentence for me. I was at fault, I was the one to break the trust then why did he have to suffer? Why life played such a dirty game with him?

Even after that, he came to see me and buy the smile for my face, and what did I do to him? all I did was to crush his heart. I compared him with my best friend, I told him that I was being selfish and used him just to make myself popular. I told him that what we shared was not love but a game; I was playing with his feelings. Still he was insisting me to tell the truth, he was continuously chanting that it is impossible for me to be this selfish. Why Universe Ji, why he has to be so good? Why did he even care? I was being someone cruel, heartbreaker and he was still considering me as his angel! Moreover, due to this purity of heart I was feeling like to kill myself. NO! That will not be as painful as what I gave to him. Each word of mine was like thousand needles piercing through my heart, my soul. I wanted to punish myself for breaking his heart. I wanted to feel pain, more than what he felt. Why I had to be so mean? Why only him? Why not me? What he did to receive this? My life was constantly asking me this. That one promise ruined us.

Please do not feel that I am blaming you, I could never blame you. I respect your decision and your insecurities but try to understand my point of view too. I cannot do it, he is my life, MY BREATHE. It is impossible for me to breathe without him. I tried to live without him to punish myself, to lead a painful life but than this pain is too much to carry. I lost it, I lost everything. Its paining too much, mom bhot dard ho raha hai. I want to see him for once, to hear him, to feel him in order to heal a little amount of my pain. I cannot live with the guilt of breaking his heart. I just cannot do it. I am unable to bear this pain. I want to feel protected. I want him to say this to me for once,

"Don't worry! I will never leave you! No one can make us apart! I will protect you from this world, from this pain of your's! I LOVE YOU!"

However, it is not possible; similarly, my life without him is not possible. It is worthless to even try to live. I know I am hurting you but I am in no condition to think what I am doing.

I am sorry Rey for breaking your heart!

I am sorry for giving you pain!

I am sorry to put you through this!

I am sorry for hiding the truth from you!

I am sorry for comparing you with Swayam!

I am sorry because I cannot be yours!

Moreover, I am sorry MOM! I know I have hurted you very much, I have broken your trust; I know I never was a good daughter but mom I am unable to do anything.

Dance is my passion and Rey is my life. When they both are not with me then what is the use of living. I am going mom, far away from all of you, from Rey, from my passion and far away from this materialistic world too. Please do not blame yourself for this and try to lead your life with a smile. One more request, never let Rey and others know the truth. I do not want them to lead a life full of guilt just the way I had in last some days. Moreover, do not start crying, you know it how much I hate your tears.

Love you!

And,

Good Bye!"

With that, she closed her daughter's diary, crying aloud in front of her. She was crying over her loss seeing her daughter in the hospital bed lifeless. Yeah she died; she poisoned herself and went to her Universe Ji. Now there was nothing left to regret for Smriti. Her insecurities and her impulse decision were the reason for her daughter's death. She was left, to live with the guilt of killing her, all alone. She was going to live her life under the tag of her daughter's murderer!

"Sometimes the littlest thing in life changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't because things have changed so much."

Flame.Of.Rose2014-11-28 03:49:13