Chapter 16

Chapter Fifteen

Low murmurs woke Khushi up, and she looked around to find Arnav's back. He was standing in the doorway, arguing with someone, stopping them from coming inside.

'She's asleep. Besides I already told you what happened.'

'Arnav ji...'

Arnav stopped and turned around to see a confused Khushi staring at him. He glared at someone outside and then came to Khushi's side, and was followed by a pair of policeman.

'Khushi,' Arnav whispered next to her, 'Khushi the police are here, they want your statement. I managed to get rid of them yesterday but they won't leave today without your account of everything that happened yesterday. You're...well you are the victim so umm they require your statement in order to make your case. I mean mine and Di's account make your case stronger but they need your account firstly to make the case and the arrest.'

After a pause, during which Khushi stared between Arnav and the Policemen, Arnav added, 'Are you going to be ok with giving your statement right now, or should I get them to leave again, just tell me and I will get rid of them.'

Khushi looked at Arnav, she was ready to give her statement, but wasn't sure whether she should give it with him there in the room, but his stance made it obvious that he wouldn't leave her alone with the constables. And truth to be told she wasn't sure if she would be able to do it alone, but no one else was here, and she did draw her strength from Arnav, more than anyone else. So she heaved a sigh and motioned Arnav to help her up into a sitting position, figuring that if they were going to give their relationship any real chance then he should know everything that happened in that room and what better time than now to tell him, when it was all fresh and she was still recovering from it, than having to relive it when she would have left it all a behind her.

Arnav helped her up, and began moving to the side of the room, but she caught his hand, not looking at him, but letting him know with the squeeze of his hand that she needed him there next to her, and so he settled down in bed next to her, while the Policeman took his seat next to the bed with his writing pad and tape recorder ready.

'Mrs. Raizada, I am Officer Khurana, I need your statement about the events that took place yesterday. Please start from the beginning, events leading up to yesterday and everything that happened. Please take your time, and start when you are ready.'

Khushi looked at him puzzled, 'beginning?'

'Yes from when you met Mr. Jha and how he came into your life.'

Khushi closed her eyes and tried to remember how that man entered her life, and realised that it had been after the fashion show. She heaved a sigh, this would be more worse for Arnav than for herself, maybe she should have waited, insisted that someone else come or should have done it alone. But then she couldn't be a coward, not now, he needed to know the whole truth for them to be able to move forward, even if it would hurt him more than she had thought or ever wanted.

She began, her voice hoarse and trembling:

'It was a few days after the AR Fashion show in Lucknow, the footage of me falling in Arnav ji's arms was released and a few goons were chasing me trying take...take advantage of me because they thought I would be willing to adhere to their disgusting thoughts, thinking that I was a characterless person due to the footage, that's when he, Shyam, came and rescued me.'

Arnav became very still next to Khushi. She could feel him go from warm and compassionate to ice cold isolation next to her as her words hit him and he realised that his one thoughtless move to teach a small-town girl her place in society compared to the mighty ASR had resulted in this whole fiasco. He, in his ignorance had often blamed her for coming into his life and thereby coming onto Shyam's radar and ruining his Di's life, but the reality was completely different, he had put Khushi onto Shyam's radar, and not just his but only God knew how many other scoundrels like him. He had made Khushi vulnerable and a target, his Khushi, the mere thought of anyone harnessing indecent thoughts about her made his blood boil, and here it turned out he himself had given them all the license to. What had he done? Anjali's words after he released the footage and Khushi's words when she met him on the road in Delhi came back to his mind:

Chotey did you even think about that girl...Do you even realise the damage you have done, one should always stop and think how their actions will affect the other person, especially a girl...you will never be able to repair the humiliation and damage that you have caused me and my family.

Each one of those words stung Arnav. How right she had been, he would never be able to repair the damage he had caused her, it was his fault. His sole fault that Khushi had been through hell and was still in it. He was beginning to sink again, he had put his innocent, his sweet Khushi through so much misery, and yet she never said anything to him, she never once blamed him for how things turned out. Even after everything he put her through, she still worried about him and Di, and took the sour pill in order to keep their life sweet by hiding Shyam's ugly truth from them all and dealt with him all this time and on top of it dealt with his unjust anger.

What had Di, and Khushi for that matter, always told him, control your anger and never take any decision whilst angry as his anger always blinded him, if only, if only he had realised the extent of the damage his blind rage would land him in he...he...why was he like this, why did he never take heed of his Di's or Khushi's advice after all they had him pinned better than he himself.

He had so arrogantly asserted many a times in front of Khushi that he was ASR and that he was always right, but lately all he was finding was how wrong he was and how right she had been. The fact that she was right didn't hurt him, it was the fact that he was wrong and that he had wronged her so grievously that ate at him making him hate his very self. He felt like he was suffocating inside himself for all the wrongs he had done, it was becoming hard for him to breathe again when the pressure of Khushi's hand on his changed.

She squeezed his hand hard and brought him back to his bearings, Khushi had reached the climax of her story, she was about to start telling the constable about yesterday's events and had stopped to take a breather, when she clutched Arnav's hand. He wasn't sure who that clutch was for, was it her needing his support to be able to tell the previous day's events or had she sensed him sinking and therefore hardened her grasp on him to bring him back. Bring him back the way she always did with her soft touch. Whatever the reason behind that change in pressure, they both needed it, to have a grip on reality. Their two hands folded in each others' was the only thing that was real, safe, and right, it was a reminder: that beautiful strong yet comforting feel of the others' hand bought them out of their pain, reminding them that they had lived through it all, they had survived and were together.

Khushi began again after a sip of water, her voice more shaky than before,

'Everyone had left for the mandir, and I was resting in Jiji's room, home alone, although at that point I thought Arnav ji was still home and in his room I didn't know that he had left too. After a while I went downstairs to the house mandir, I was in the middle of my puja when I realised someone was behind me. Thinking that it was Arnav ji I didn't turn around but went onto finish my puja, when a hand gripped my arm and ferociously turned me around, making the thaal (platter) fall, as I came face to face with Shyam ji. He snarled at me, saying something about how it was impolite to keep your back to someone and then added that he unlike me didn't disregard manners and so wouldn't stab me in the back like I had him. That's when I noticed the knife, and realised that he was here to kill me. I struggled and pleaded with him, asking him what he would gain by killing me,

'Revenge' he said, 'revenge on you for playing me, but most importantly revenge on Arnav for humiliating me and kicking me out of the house.' His mention of Arnav ji, reminded me that he was still in the house, and so I struggled with him and began shouting in hope that Arnav ji would hear and come downstairs, but Arnav ji wasn't home to come downstairs. It was during our struggle, that he stabbed me in the side, and I fell on the floor. I grabbed the thaal and bashed Shyam ji's head with it, he staggered backwards and fell too as he lost his footing. I scrambled up and began running upstairs, shouting out for Arnav ji, but when I got to the room and he wasn't there I realised I was alone in the house, if I had known before then I would have ran out of the house instead of going upstairs. I slammed the doors shut, as there was no point in going back down for he would be there on his way up. I pulled out the knife and decided to use that as my weapon when he came in. Thinking I could wound him and then run for help, but when he threw open the door I saw that he had a gun and I dropped the knife losing hope. But he didn't, instead...instead his thoughts turned sick. He...he...' she hesitated, she needed to tell this part but it would hurt Arnav beyond anything, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and whispered more to her chin than to the persons around her 'he...he decided to make use of the bed, and lowered the gun to...to...rape me. Saying that ruining me before murdering me would hurt Arnav ji more.'

As she whispered the last, she expected Arnav to turn ice-like again, going still with shock, or that he would turn to comfort her, as the sobbing and shaking had begun again, even though she had tried to stay calm. But the unthinkable happened, he let go of her hand and bolted for the door, leaving her in shock.

Before he could leave the room the officer had stopped him and now was wrestling with him, while he yelled and struggled to be let go of. A new feeling crept into Khushi and she began trembling. She felt completely soiled and unclean. She could feel Shyam's animal breath on her skin again as he had advanced towards her, his sickly warm breathe on her arms, on her neck, on her face as she reached achingly for the vase terrified and his horrible touch on her arm for that one moment before Anjali had shot him, making him tumble onto the floor in front of her. She felt ruined. Was that how Arnav now saw her, because that man had tried to rape her, did he think she was impure and filthy, was that why he did not want to be in the same room as her let alone hold her hand. She felt disgusted with herself. Disgusted with her mouth for uttering those filthy words. Disgusted with being inside her skin. She grabbed onto her arms and shoulders and began to scrub herself clean, feeling incredibly sullied.

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'I SAID LET ME GO!!! I'M GOING TO KILL THAT B*****D!! HOW DARE HE? HOW DARE HE TRY AND TOUCH MY KHUSHI!!! MY KHUSHI!!! I WILL RIP THAT OXYGEN MASK OFF AND BEAT HIM TO PULP FOR EVEN DARING TO HARBOUR SUCH A LEWD THOUGHT FOR MY KHUSHI!!! HOW DARE HE!!! I SHOULD NOT HAVE EVEN LET THEM TAKE HIM TO THE OR (OPERATION ROOM) TO GET OPERATED, HE SHOULD HAVE BLED OUT THERE AND THEN IN THAT VERY ROOM WHERE HE THOUGHT HE COULD TOUCH MY KHUSHI!!! I WILL KILL HIM!!! THAT MAN DOES NOT DESERVE TO LIVE OR GO TO ANY JAIL HE DESERVES TO DIE AND ROT IN HELL!!! I WILL KILL HIM!!!'

'Arnav sir, please Arnav sir calm down. Arnav sir you cannot take the law into your hands please, please sir calm down. We are here to ensure that justice is served in favour of Mrs Raizada so please, please just relax. We will ensure that that man gets what he deserves and no woman ever becomes the target of his lust. Please sir, just relax. You need to remain calm.'

The struggle between Officer Khurana and Arnav went on for a few minutes, in which Arnav was winning out. He had managed to butt him and had his hand on the door handle when Khushi's voice stopped him, and he jerked to turn around and see the affect of his reaction on Khushi.

'Maam, maam please stop. You will injure yourself. What are doing please stop.' Came the exasperated voice of the other officer who was trying to subdue Khushi while the other had been trying to subdue Arnav.

'Let me go. Let me go...I'm filthy. I'm impure. Don't you see, I need to clean myself, he cannot even stand to be in the same room as me. I need to get out of my skin, I'm dirty.'

Arnav froze. Horrified at the conclusion Khushi had come to by his reaction, she...she thought that he...he was repelled by her. The outrage of what Shyam had done, or had tried to do disappeared as pain and passion took over. He let go of the door and was next to Khushi in the next moment. He grasped both her wrists, pulled them away from her body which was now turning red due to her vigorous rubbing, and pulled her into a fierce hug. He held her completely still, while she struggled trying to get away from him. But he continued the tight grasp around her and kept her in his embrace.

'Khushi...Khushi' Arnav murmured into her hair. 'Ssshh sshh. Khushi...Khushi I could never even think of you to be dirty, jaan. Khushi...my sweet, sweet Khushi...your my Khushi...mine and I'm yours...always. There is no one more pure, more innocent and more beautiful then you, do you hear me. Khushi...Khushi...Sshh...'

As Arnav's soothing, steady voice spread through her body she finally stopped fighting him and clung onto him. After a while she stopped shaking and pulled away to look at him with tear filled eyes. He wiped away her tears and gave a shadow of smile as he kissed her forehead. And then looking right at her said in a low but poignant voice,

'Khushi...I love you...I always have and I always will.'

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