Chapter 4

cannot separate us before then. We will waste a lot of money living in the hotel and the ten thousand dollars wouldn't be enough ".
"I will not live at the hotel nor you."
I frowned. Had he taken another decision such as that of the suite, without consulting me?
"And where? ".
"We'll go to Boston, of course. In my house. "
"Do not say stupid things."
"Why not, I'm sorry? That's where I live and work, that's where my residence and that's where the immigration office could play controls. This Las Vegas was our adventure to get married and spend a couple of days on our honeymoon. "

If anyone had ever asked us questions about it, that was the lie to this play.
Only now I realized that I had made hasty and reckless action. Before leaving I had to ask to him at least the most necessary things for example exactly where he lived and not deduct it from me only because I was forced to get married at a chapel in Las Vegas. It could happen that a lunatic would have killed me.
In that time I was in such a hurry to disappear from London, that I probably would have

accepted as groom also a convict.

"I do not understand you, Khushi. You knew that the first few months we had to spend it together, what does it matter if it's here or somewhere else? ".
By then I had lost count of the points in his favor and the more hours I spent with him, the more I saw myself as a spoiled child. I wanted to say anything just for the heck of it, because I hated his perfection, the fact he said always the right in the right moment. And that he did nothing but make me feel even more uncomfortable with myself.
I was the one to take the crazy decision to leave Britain, paying a stranger to marry me. It was a job, he earned it, I earned it. No one forced us to carry on this charade.

"What if I want to stay in Las Vegas? ".
"I will not waste money staying in the hotel, when I have a house and a red fish just waiting for me. Also, if there was any control, how we explain the fact of living in hotel? And why do you want to stay here? When I leave, you'd be alone and this is not a safe city for a foreign girl and without any kind of knowledge. "
Between the lines he was saying that even after getting a green card and the subsequent divorce, I could count on him? Was he worrying for me? Adorable Laad Governor ...
"You say this only because you want to go home."
Arnav stopped suddenly and grabbed my arm pulling me inside a phone booth. When he closed the door of Plexiglas, the bustle outside subsided, as if we were inside a soap bubble, I realized that I had gone too far.
In his eyes usually calm, there was something else which I identified with anger, but he could very well be even impatience.
"Look here, miss. What game are you playing? ".
"I'm not playing any game" I mumbled almost mortified.
"I cannot understand your attitude about this whole thing. It seems that you're doing me a pleasure. It isn't me who is interested to get a green card and it isn't me who has flown from London to obtain it. I'm only a mean, a medium, and I do what I'm paid off. Come against me is like going against yourself, do you understand? ".
Here, he was blown up. I was just a stupid. Neither do I understand exactly what took me, it was a mixture of emotions and feelings of guilt that combined with the fatigue and stress, created a lethal mix.
I felt like crying as I couldn't do it, I looked at my toes.
"I do all this for you to get a green card, for me to earn my ten thousand dollars and then I"ll leave. Nothing of what I will do, will have other motives, if that's what you're worried about, I assure you. I'm clear? ".
I nodded, keeping my head down, I could not bear to look at him.
"Yes, I'm sorry" I whispered.
Arnav sighed and took me by the chin with his fingers lifting my face.
"And when you talk to me, always look at me in my eyes" He asserted severe.
I nodded, puzzled and uncertain as soon as I realized the depth of his gaze.
When he opened the door of the phone booth, the noisy world hit us in full, bringing us back to reality and making appear our brief discussion only a parenthesis for that evening.
We returned to walk on the sidewalk, mixing in the many tourists who crowded the city, but Arnav did not talk more nor took my hand.
He was angry with me ... all because of my temper.
Then, for the first time, it was me who groped to approach him. It is said that the facts are worth a thousand words and I really wanted to prove.
I had apologized, however, he did not believe me. I had not the certainty, but in his place I would have thought exactly.
With a little hesitation, I took his hand. In the same way as he did with me and that is, as if he were grabbing a child. A gesture unpretentious and completely harmless.
That was the proof that my apologies were heard and that I would not have done anything to prevent it. And since he knew how much I was reluctant to physical contact, I had no doubt he believed me.
"Can we eat? I'm going to faint from hunger" I said, looking in front of me.
"Yes, of course."
Arnav turned a corner and stopped in front of a crowded staircase.
"Look" he said getting closer to my head and pointing at a point not far away.
I was stunned and very impressed when I saw the miniature Roman Coliseum and a little later he showed me, the Eiffel tower and many other important monuments, faithfully reproduced on a smaller scale. It was amazing. They had brought in Las Vegas the most beautiful works of the world.
I wanted to ask how many days we would stop before leaving for Boston and if I had more time to explore the city, but I was scared to death to ask.
We got in line, in front of a kiosk that stood near a huge park. I wonder if there was a place in Las Vegas where you don't stood in line.
"Stuffed Pizza? " Arnav asked me casually, while fiddling with his camera.
"Yes, with olives." I opened my wallet to take the money, but he anticipated. "My treat tonight, you only concern to find a free table."
I smiled and took a step sideways to get out of the row.
"Wait" Arnav said grabbing my hand.
For the first time we touched hands where both leftover wedding ring. I felt the light touch of the two metals rattling, his fingers that closed on ... and maybe it was just my suggestion, but even I knew that those rings were fake, just like the priest and the entire wedding, they emanated something magical.
Even Arnav was staring at our joined hands.
"I wanted to tell you ..." he began uncertainly. "What do you want to drink? ".
"EMH ... a coke."
"Ok ...".
I chose to get married at a chapel in Las Vegas to give less weight to the possible marriage. Among all these oddities, the priest disguised, the eight-minute ceremony and the launch of confetti from complete strangers, it would be easier to think of as a staging and not feel remorse for my wrong action. But if I felt the bond with him what mattered all this?
Maybe I never stopped to think that the consequences of that action could have been more serious as I had always imagined.
I walked past the row and entered in the area dedicated to dining, where there were wooden picnic tables scattered everywhere. The ground was soft and covered with grass scorched by the sun.
I saw a free table at the end of the area, near the fence, so I hurried to catch up. I sat down, taking off the bag I was carrying over my shoulder and pulling the phone out from my pocket.
I could call home to see how my parents were getting along without their only child clumsy, that the only passage destroyed the most precious ornaments. There was a time in my life, when I was called Toofani.
Then I thought that my mother would have liked Arnav a lot. I imagined her eyes widened with happiness as he passed the threshold of our house. And I bet that dad would have like him, even if he would never admit it.
I was thinking totally useless and impossible. I would not be back home and Arnav would have disappeared from my life very soon.
My fantasies were foolish and out of place, especially in the delicate moment in which we found ourselves.
"Here I am."
Arnav, my husband, sat down next to me, leaning on the table a tray with food and drinks ordered. He took off his jacket, letting it dangle on the edge of the bench and then put the camera, carefully in front of him.
My husband ... sounds really good.
I did not realize that I was staring until he waved his hand in front of my face.
"Are you enchanted? "He asked softly. "What were you thinking? ".
"That you eat here a lot of crap."
"Do not be prissy British woman, now."
He had a voice like a flute, I could stay hours and hours to listen him without ever getting tired. His girlfriend was really lucky to have him.
If he had been with me, I would never have allowed to marry another woman, not even for all the gold in the world and she probably thought as I did, otherwise Arnav would immediately put aware of his intentions.
"Why are you doing this? "I asked him point-blank.
"What? "He said, frowning. "Eating? I'm hungry ... It's so disgusting as I do? ".
I smiled.. Even when he ate, he seemed flawless. "No, I was referring to this work ...".
Arnav shrugged and dropped the hem of his pizza on the tray. He turned to me putting himself astride on the bench and closer until his chest touched my elbow.
"You, why do you do? ".
"I do not want to talk about."
"Then I will not discuss it myself" he said in a low voice.
"But I asked you first."
"You're wrong, Jaan" he said putting my hair behind the ear. "While we were in the bath, I asked you and you have changed the subject."
I almost forgot, he was right.
I took one last bite of pizza and left more than half in the tray. His proximity and that tone of voice calm and subdued that no one had ever used with me, was too much for my stomach.
I could not help but wonder all the time what dictate his every action, his every word. Always he acted? It was all for the plan or simply he acted according to his way of being?
Of course if he was really that way ... Arnav Singh Raizada was a dream.
"Do not you finish to eat? ".
"I'm not hungry anymore."
"You have to eat it or I swear I'll make you eat until the last little bit."
Tempting. "Why do you care if I eat or not? ".
He smiled that way so sexy and it made me think he was going to say one of his naughty jokes.
"You're my wife now ... and I must do everything I can to make you feel good."
He waved his eyebrows up and down flaunting sly expression, then he raised my hand.
"You have beautiful hands, you know?" He said, stroking the fingers. "And they are soft and smooth."
My breath caught in my throat and stomach tightened more than before. His intent gaze was steady on my left hand. His eyes ranged from the toes to the back and then to the palm. He seemed a critic as he was examining a work of art.
Arnav was a photographer, he had the artistic vein. Who knows what we saw in that my stupid hand. Maybe he saw something artistic even in a squashed hedgehog on the asphalt.
He crossed his fingers with mine, for the umpteenth time. Our wedding rings clashed again, then he took the camera and snapped a couple of shots at our joined hands.
"What are you doing? ".
"Photos do not you see? ".
"Yeah, I mean ... why? ".
He immediately went off from his catatonic state in which he had fallen and smiled at me. "We need a bit of photos together, we have to scatter them at home."
Semblance of truth, remember Khushi?
For a moment, really small, I was fooled that he was photographing our hands because they were our hands. Not for work.
After yet another blow, I ate all my pizza without another word.
I felt really pathetic at times.
We walked a little and I discovered that keeping his hand was becoming easier and comforting. It was almost as if his presence there with me, had another purpose in addition to the pre-established from the outset. But who can say? I was wrong so many times in my life that I could not rely on my feelings.
When we returned to the room, I sat on the bed getting off the shoes. I was really exhausted and I had forgotten the last time I had slept eight hours.
"You take the bed, I settle on the couch" Arnav said as far as he stared at the shimmering landscape beyond the window.
"Why? ".
He looked at me puzzled and I hurried to continue my thought, so totally wrong.
"Can I sleep on the couch ...".
What the hell am I saying?!
"I am a gentleman, Khushi. You would never sleep on a couch. "
"Then we'll sleep together. In bed " I caught my breath. "It is big enough to be able to sleep in two, we will not give us trouble and I do not feel guilty."
"As you wish."
I raised myself directing towards my suitcase. My heart was pounding, but I was happy to have taken another step forward with him. And then it doesn't seem right to make him sleep on the couch just because I did not know him.
Given our relationships and agreements, I had to trust him and I had to start doing at the little things.
"EMH ... what you wear to sleep? ".
Less wore him, the more I'd wear.
"Nothing."
I widened my eyes when the image of Arnav naked wrapped himself in those red silk sheets passed before my eyes. In the vision he had also raised a hand and called me to join him.
Since when my imagination was so vivid?
"Just kidding" he said amused. "Do not make that face."
"I have made no face" I said defensively.
"Just because you do not know yourself enough. I see more things in you and I know you since a little than you... And you know yourself since forever. "
Grimacing, I went to the bathroom to wear a large white t-shirt and black shorts. I was shaking, my hands were shaking.
That Laad Gorvernor was strange for me and I did not like. And I did not like it because I liked him... how twisted thinking ...
When I returned in the large bedroom, Arnav had turned off all the lights except for a small golden lamp on the nightstand. He was lying on the bed with a gray t-shirt and boxer shorts in the same color and he had his arm behind his head.
I avoided his gaze as death and before to slip under the covers muttered a good night that seemed incomprehensible even to myself.
I pulled the covers up to my chin and turned on the opposite side to his.
"Good night" he said.
When he closed the light, it seemed that there was more silent than before. I could even hear his regular breathing. Even the chaotic traffic of the city was able to get up there, on the top floors of the luxurious Hotel.
I closed my eyes trying to calm down, but there was a question that swirled in my head continuously.
"What do you see in me? "I whispered a little intimidated.
"I do not understand" he said between his teeth.
"Before ... you said that you see things in me that even I don't know."
He moved between the sheets until I felt the warmth of his body next to mine.