Chapter 8

[MEMBERSONLY]

Extremely sorry for the delay in updating. I had a crazily busy week. But here's a looong update to compensate. And it's PG rated...😆

P.S - I do NOT condone adultery/extra marital affairs in any form, shape or situation. This is a piece of fiction. Please take it as such...😊

~ CHAPTER 8 ~

The wind bellowed outside in rage, the rain fell in droves, the storm still reigned supreme...But the silence inside the cottage was strangely shattering. Arnav froze for a moment as he heard Khushi call him softly.

"Arnavji..."

"Hmmm..." Arnav mumbled acknowledging her finally.

"Arnavji...Could I speak to you for a minute please?"

"Hmmm..." another mumble. Wow! What a brilliant conversationalist he was, Arnav cursed himself for being an idiot, a weak idiot.

Khushi hesitated slightly "Arnavji...I'm really sorry for what I said on that day"

Arnav sighed deeply and finally turned around "It's okay Khushi. You don't need to apologize. You weren't wrong, I was. So I should be the one apologizing here"

"No Arnavji. I was not right. I was wrong...very wrong...And..And Arnavji I was also a liar" Khushi looked at him earnestly with a strange fire illuminating her eyes "When I degraded your love Arnavji, I demeaned my love too . I was being a coward when I drove you away with those savage words. Words, which weren't even true! I'm so sorry Arnavji"

Arnav's heart felt like it would burst of its cage at any moment now. Khushi loved him! His Khushi loved him too! But after weeks of self-exploration he had reached a decision, and he couldn't in all decency go back on it. He took a deep breath before he continued "Khushi...What you are feeling is guilty conscious and pity, not love" he said tiredly. Why is that he cannot even have a scrap of happiness for himself? And when he actually is lucky enough to find some, he had to heartlessly push it away. Life couldn't get ironic than this, Arnav regarded morosely.

Khushi stared at him incomprehensively for a long minute and laughed humorlessly "Is it the revenge time Arnavji? I hurt you badly on that day, so you think it's my turn now?"

Arnav shook his head "Khushi...You are an innocent. You don't know what----------------"

"DON'T!" Khushi snapped "Don't you devalue my love! I'm not a small child Arnavji, who doesn't know the difference between sympathy and love. What I feel for you is not pity.Yes. I'm guilty about what I said on the day of your accident but as I watched you struggle between life and death I knew I wouldn't be able to live if you didn't make it. I called your love a sin but in that moment I was ready to sin a million times if only it would bring you back safely to me. My love is not false Arnavji...Don't humiliate either of us by calling it such" she laughed bitterly with no humor "I should know, I did it once and have been regretting it ever since. I loved you when we went to Goa Arnavji, I loved you even as I brutally crushed your emotions, I love you now and I KNOW I will love you forever!" she replied with her beautiful eyes were illuminating with angry tears ready to fall.

Arnav stood stock still at her vehement defence of their love. He wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms, comfort her and never let her go. But he contained the urge by fisting his both hands tightly. He had to protect her first and foremost. From the cruel world. From himself.

Forcing himself stand aloof, Arnav gave a mirthless smile "Khushi...Have you thought about your future? What can I ever give you that's of worth? I can't even provide you the security and the respect of my name in the society. Your life will be pushed into shadows where nothing can be declared openly. You are a wonderful girl who deserves to live her life in the light and shine Khushi...Not kept hidden like some dirty secret" Arnav wanted to howl at the moon at the unfairness of it all. Finally he had found true love and he himself had to destroy it.

"Arnavji...All I need is your love...I don't want or need----"

"ENOUGH KHUSHI! Don't be so naive. Do you want to be known as a rich man's mistress? A rich married man's mistress?" he said harshly "Because that's what you will be called------------"

*SMACK*

Arnav didn't complete the sentence as the loud crack echoed in the absolute stillness that followed the slap. Khushi stood there looking stricken, her eyes overflowing with streaming tears.

"Don't you ever use that word again! Is that what you think of me?" her eyes spit fire at him.

"Khushi...I...I..."

"Not another word Arnavji! I don't care what anyone else says. I can only be demeaned by that foul word if YOU think of me that way. Do you now Arnavji?" Khushi shook him by the collar. Khushi suddenly dropped her hand from his shirt and stepped back. Tears filled her eyes. She wiped them fiercely "You want to push me away don't you? I know you didn't mean it. My Arnavji could never say such a thing to me. Fine. If my going away from your life is what you want, I will go away Arnavji. My resignation will be on your table tomorrow" she spun around with a sob and marched across the room. She already had her hand on the door knob ready to walk out when she heard the soft plea from behind her.

"Don't go..."

Her hand tightened and froze on the handle as a whimper left her.

"Please don't go..." Khushi sagged against the door as she heard the hoarse voice implore once more.

"Please don't leave me Khushi..." Arnav had lost the war with himself. He knew what he was doing was unforgivable but he couldn't lose his Khushi. He walked slowly towards her, removed her unresisting hands from the door handle and enfolded her in his arms from behind. Khushi's shoulders began to shake with silent sobs and he turned her around. Arnav gently lifted her chin with his fingers and kissed her on her closed eyes, first on the right and then the left.

{BG}

Tere hi dam se hogi

Dil ki muraad poori

Tere baghair jaanam

Hai zindagi adhuri

My heart's desire will be fulfilled

Because of just you

Without you, my beloved

My life is incomplete

Ae mere haseen

Ab na jaa kahin

Aa meri zindagi

My beautiful!

Don't go anywhere now,

Come, my life

Arnav whispered beseechingly in a low voice "I'm deeply sorry for hurting you Khushi. I was trying to save you from myself--------------" he stopped as he felt a soft punch to his chest.

"Why do you always do this to me Arnavji?" Khushi asked Arnav as she hit him again with her fists. Arnav tried to pull her back into his arms but she shook his arms off "Do you know what I have been going through since your accident? I wanted to be there by your side when you woke up, but I couldn't. I wanted to help you recover, take care of you, but I couldn't. I wanted to see you, talk to you, BUT I COULDN'T! I went through hell in those days waiting for NK to call me about your condition. But..but when you came back, you ignored me completely. I died a little every day when you looked away from me deliberately Arnavji...And now you push me away yourself first then you tell me not to go. Why do you do this to me?" she cried, pressing her face against his chest finally.

Arnav enwrapped her in the cocoon of his warm arms and softly whispered "I'm sorry" against her hair repeatedly, gently rubbing her back. Finally after a few minutes, Khushi calmed as her sobs died down slowly.

"I love you Khushi. Please don't ever leave me" Arnav whispered as he tightened his arms around Khushi.

"I love you too Arnavji" Khushi whispered back looking up at him, her love shining through her beautiful eyes.

Ye jaankar balam ji

Thaami hai teri baahein

Sehni padengi sabki

Kaanto bhari nigaahein

I have held your hands, beloved

Knowing that I shall have to bear

The piercing stares of everyone

Sab sahenge hum

Aur hasenge hum

Aa meri zindagi

We will bear everything

And we will laugh

Come, my life

Arnav couldn't help himself and lowered his face to her and kissed her gently on the lips taking care not to startle or rush her. In answer, her lips began moving against him in gentle hesitation. An innocent's kiss, A wondrous foray into the unknown. Arnav deepened the kiss slowly as he felt her surrender and was rewarded with a moan from her, firing his blood, increasing his need for her.

Still kissing her, he lifted her in his arms and carried to the bedroom she had occupied before. He placed her ever so gently on the bed and came down beside her. In the dim light of the bedroom, Khushi blushed at their intimacy. Arnav tenderly brushed a few tendrils of her hair which were falling on her face with his fingers and cupped her face.

"Are you sure Khushi? I don't want to do anything you are not comfortable with" he said softly.

Khushi turned to him and looked up into his dark gleaming eyes "Arnavji..." she placed her hand on his cheek and turned crimson as Arnav turned to kiss her palm "I already belong to you heart and soul. I can never even think of doing this with anyone else. I love you and I want to be yours completely"

Arnav was humbled by her love. He trembled as he reached down to touch her, stroking a finger from her cheek down slowly to her neck. Khushi gasped at the new sensations and closed her eyes. She was so soft and warm, Arnav thought in wonderment. So beautiful, from her shiny hair to her unpolished toes. She was a miracle. His miracle.

He leaned over and pressed soft kisses to her cheeks, her neck and finally he kissed her lips once again. He teased her lips with gentle exploration and deepened the kiss as she opened her mouth for him. He ran his hands all over her, making her skin shiver with profound pleasure. She sucked in a breath as she felt his hands venture into territories untouched by anyone else. Khushi's untutored hands slowly made their way over to Arnav's back as she slowly grew bolder with each inhibition dropped. Their clothes disappeared in the fog of sensations, their flesh sang the age old song of lovers as they came together in the blaze of love.

As their bodies joined, Khushi gasped at the sudden sting of burn and wiggled in discomfort. Arnav slowed down as he realized her unease and kissed her on the lips again before moving again. Khushi whimpered as the pleasure built again inside her as Arnav completed their union. She gasped Arnav's name as she felt her world burst in a kaleidoscope of colors and she reached the pinnacle of pleasure and heard the echo of her own name from him.

As they came down to earth from the heights of ecstasy Arnav held her against his chest. "Love you" he murmured softly against her temple as his labored breathing slowed. Turning towards him, Khushi pressed her cheek against his bare chest drowsily. Both new lovers let their newfound love envelope them as they slid down to a dreamless sleep, entwined in each other's arms.

Bin tere sanam

Mar mitenge hum

aa meri zindagi

Without you beloved,

I will die

Come, my life

Aana hi pada sajnaa

Zaalim hai dil kii lagi

I had to come, my love

The affection of the heart is very unjust

{Bin Tere Sanam - Yaara Dildaara (1991)}

-----xxx-----

As the warm light of the dawn sifted through the windows, Khushi came awake and felt for Arnav sleepily but her hands came up empty. She opened her eyes to look around the still darkened bedroom to see Arnav standing near the window staring at the rising sun on the horizon. The weather had calmed down and only a slight drizzle was evident now. Khushi clutched the sheets to her bosom and sat up on the bed.

"Arnavji...?"

Arnav turned and smiled warmly at her "Khushi...Did I wake you?" he asked softly as he came to sit beside her on the rumpled bed.

"No" Khushi blushed shyly as Arnav took her hands in his and stroked the underside of her wrist, remembering all that taken place last night. How brazen she had been! She changed the subject knowing she would blush into a puddle if she thought about it "Is anything wrong Arnavji? You looked really lost in thoughts"

Arnav sobered at the reminder and dropped her hand abruptly. Khushi frowned.

"Khushi...I was really selfish last night. I mean I shouldn't have------------" Khushi placed her finger on his lips stopping his words and shook her head negatively. She took his hands in her own tenderly.

"It was inevitable Arnavji. I have already accepted you as my husband in my heart, society be damned. I love you and I want to be with you. I don't have any regrets about last night. You shouldn't either. We belong to each other now Arnavji" her eyes held a wealth of love for him that Arnav felt blessed. He cupped her face gently and kissed her on the forehead.

"But Khushi... I haven't yet told you about marriage. I need to tell you-------"

Khushi again began to shake her head "No Arnavji. You don't have to tell me if you feel uncomfortable. I trust you. I love you. I'm sure there is a reason you're still married when it's me you love"

She smiled so sweetly that Arnav didn't know if he should kiss her or castigate her for such blind trust. He felt honored by the love and faith, yet at the same time he wanted reprimand her for trusting so blindly. But that was his Khushi, when she gave, she didn't ration it, Arnav thought affectionately even as he prepared to tell her the bitterest truth of his life.

"I want to tell you Khushi. Because of me, now this involves you too. If I could, I would divorce Sheetal today and marry you, but I...I can't" he took a deep shuddering breath "And you need to know why"

Khushi slid over to where he was sitting and took his hands back in hers in support. Arnav was grateful for the small contact.

"We had a happy childhood, Dhruv and I. But when I was 16, my mother was diagnosed with terminal stage ovarian cancer and in spite of the best treatment available, she lost the battle 8 months later. I remember spending days together at the hospital when she was admitted for treatment. My dad took her death really hard and turned to alcohol, and I became Dhruv's parent equivalent by default. I didn't know until his death 5 years later that dad had neglected the business so much that we were on the verge of bankruptcy. Dhruv was only 18 at the time and was about to go to US for further studies. I was struggling to get the company back on its feet again. But I sent Dhruv to his choice of university in US" Arnav restlessly got up from the bed and went to stand near the window. Khushi could imagine how difficult it must be for him to go through his family tragedy all over again. She slowly got down from the bed after wrapping herself firmly with the bedsheet and went to stand behind him.

Arnav felt khushi's hand on his shoulder and was glad for the support. He placed his own hand on top of her and patted gently to show that he was alright before continuing "After years of hard work I rebuilt the business better than before, and I was waiting for Dhruv to come home after his graduation when he called me. He was in love. I couldn't be happier for him. A week before his graduation, it was his 22^nd birthday and I went to US because he wanted me to meet his girlfriend, Sheetal"

Arnav felt rather than heard Khushi's gasp as it dawned on her who exactly Dhruv's girlfriend had been "Yes. Sheetal was Dhruv's girlfriend. She studied with Dhruv in the same university and had met him in one of the indian cultural conventions. On Dhruv's birthday I surprised him by going to meet him and we planned to meet Sheetal at a restaurant. But we never made it to the restaurant that day. On our way, a drunk teenager ran the red light and hit our car. The teenager was dead on the spot and Dhruv sustained major injuries because of the car hitting us on the passenger side. I was driving but I got away with few minor scratches while my kid brother lay there in the pool of blood" Arnav's voice choked and he paused for a moment to compose himself. Khushi's heart bled for the pain he must have gone through and she struggled to keep her tears at bay. Arnav needed to let it all out.

"The next day, before his death Dhruv called me to his side and took a promise from me to take care of Sheetal. She was pregnant and they had planned to get married. I couldn't refuse him anything then. I agreed to take care of her and married her in my brother's place to give the child the "Raizada" name. Sheetal didn't have anyone else as her mother had expired two years earlier and she didn't have any contact with her father after her parent's divorce when she was young"

"What...What happened to the baby Arnavji?" Khushi asked hesitantly.

"There was no baby. Sheetal lost the child in her sixth month of pregnancy. The doctors termed it as one of those things that are not meant to be. But she took the loss of the baby on top of Dhruv's death very hard. She held me responsible for Dhruv's death and all her miseries. She turned to drugs and embraced a turbulent lifestyle. I tried to help her by getting her into rehab. But each time I got her treatment, she hated me more. She wanted to destroy me. The third time she was sober, I sent her the divorce papers"

"Then...?"

Arnav gave a weak laugh "I severely underestimated her hostility towards me. The same night I got a call from my lawyer Mr.Maxwell, that Sheetal had been admitted to a hospital after slitting her wrist. When I went to see her, she laughed at my face and told me that she would try something else next time I tried to divorce her. She told me flatly that she would never allow me to divorce her. She wanted me to live a cold and lonely life that I had I had enforced on her by killing Dhruv. I came back to India, cancelled the divorce proceedings and never tried again. Worst part was that I couldn't deny my part in Dhruv's death. If only I had done something that day, maybe I could have avoided that accident. May be I deserve the unhappiness. May be I deserved the hell she had promised me"

"That's is the stupidest thing I have heard!" Khushi said sharply causing Arnav to turn to look at her "You cannot seriously think you caused Dhruv's death Arnavji. It was an accident for god's sake! It could have happened to anybody. God forbid, but what if it was you in the passenger seat and Dhruv driving the car? Would you have held Dhruv responsible for it?"

Arnav shook his head slowly "Then do you think Dhruv is very happy right now to see his big brother lamenting in a hell of his own making? And what is WRONG with you Arnavji? You just gave in to that b@#$#'s blackmail? How could you? Give me 5 minutes with her, I will straighten her out. How dare she try to ruin your life because she is unhappy!" Khushi was clearly offended and indignant by his so-called wife's treatment of Arnav.

Arnav chuckled at an irate Khushi. She looked cute when she had her face scrunched so. He grabbed her by her shoulders gently "She is not well Khushi. The doctors diagnosed her with borderline mental instability with suicidal tendencies" Khushi's eyes went wide and she made a "oh" sign with her mouth. Arnav nodded "I have tried to get her into psychiatric treatment each time I check her into rehab but she somehow goes back to her own lifestyle the moment they release her. I don't know what else I can do. Her being mentally ill is another reason I cannot divorce her. I'm well and truly and stuck" he gave a bitter laugh "Aren't you regretting your decision now Khushi? Even my Nani has lost hopes me ever being free. I don't think there's any deity left in the world that my Nani hasn't prayed for me...Owww..Khushi..What was that for?" he asked massaging the area of his waist she had pinched.

"That, Arnavji" khushi said haughtily, gritting her teeth "Was for even suggesting that I would ever regret loving you! After hearing your story I feel more proud that I love YOU. You are the best man that I know...And let me remind you Arnavji, I grew up in a convent orphanage. I knew a lot of good men and women while growing up!"

"What did I ever do to deserve you Khushi?" Arnav whispered as he wrapped an angry Khushi in his arms "I love you...I love you so much"

"I love you too Arnavji...And don't worry, Devi Mayya will make everything all right. Even if it doesn't, I would never leave you. And you better not find any stupid noble reason, like for my own good, to stay away from me either!" she told him in her best authoritative voice making him smile.

In response Arnav lifted her in his arms and carried her back to bed making Khushi shriek playfully as he tumbled her on it before coming down on top of her. The playful sounds slowly gave way to moans as passion escalated swiftly. The sun rose unheeded as the lovers lost themselves once again in a passionate world of their own.

~ END OF CHAPTER # 8 ~

[NOCOPY]