Chapter 15
Chapter 10
Too much to bear...
I
want to shout
I
want to scream
I
can't bear this anymore
This
helplessness is tearing me apart
The
aggression and fire vanishing into nothingness
I
want myself back
I
want my anger back
I want my aggression, my life back...
I want escape the pit of regret and guilt
I
want to scream
I
cant bear it anymore...
As the bulky SUV sped through the empty
streets of Delhi, Arnav glanced back at his sister who was unnaturally quiet
after the verbal war she shared with her husband only a while ago. Thankfully
she had stopped crying though her eyes were still red and puffy. She seemed to be
trying very hard to cope with the startling reality that was staring right at
her face with such alarming clarity. The golden beam of the street lamps
shining brightly above them cast an eerie glow, making Anjali look ghostly
beneath them. Her dried tears had etched a path on her angelic face which now
reflected the light. The whole interiors of the car was bathed in the smug glow
of the night, but Arnav was still in the darkness, concentrating on driving yet
not forgetting to check on his sister, afraid that she would revert back into
her old emotional self again, someone who didn't know how to bank her emotions.
Anjali was torn apart with guilt. She was
unable to imagine the level of suffering and personal problems Arnav had to
tackle alone. She knew he was of the brooding type, one who never liked to
share his worries with anyone but she had no idea he was hiding so much behind
the mask of anger.
Arnav's point of view was different but he
had every reason to defend it. His life had been crafted in such a way that
whatever Vinay had done to him, knowingly or unknowingly, had affected him in
the worst possible way. His life had been upturned, shattered beyond measure,
leaving him hopeless and helpless. He had endured so much, battled mountainous
problems much beyond the level of his maturity when she was busy celebrating
her marriage. She now knew why he didn't attend it. If he would have, then Vinay
would have been pulverized.
She felt
extremely hopeless. She didn't know how to comfort him, how to heal his wounds.
It had torn him apart; everything that happened to him and instead of sharing
it with her, Arnav had chosen to distance himself from everyone, including his
sister, who was probably the closest to him. If she ever had any idea about all
of these, she never would have left Arnav go so cold. She would have given
anything to make him feel better. Tears choked her eyes, as she gulped down
hard, trying to control herself. A soft touch snapped her from the world her
thoughts and she turned to look at the soulful, soft, molten chocolate eyes of
her brother, which held so much sympathy and affection.
"Di," he muttered as he shifted slightly in
his seat to hug her, "Di, please calm down."
"How can I calm down, Chhote!" Anjali sniffed,
"after all that you faced, how can I?"
"Di,
I know how you are feeling," Arnav said softly, kissing lightly on her head, "this
was why I didn't want to tell anything to you. I knew you would be shattered."
"So? You chose to suffer alone?" Anjali burst
out,"am I no one to you, Chhote?"
"Di, you are everything to me..." Arnav caressed
her cheek, "but look happened now. You had a fight with him."
"What else should have I done?" Anjali asked,
rubbing her eyes furiously.
"Di, whatever he might have done to me, he
loves you more than anything in the world. That is enough for me, Di. Even though
I will not forgive him, I will never want you to go away from him."
"How can you talk like this after all
that..." Anjali continued to pine when Arnav shushed her, "Di, what has
happened, has happened and it is just my battle. I don't want to involve you in
this. Neither can I move on, neither can I forget it but you mustn't lose your
heart in this. You have suffered much
already, Di. It is your time to be happy," he said earnestly.
"What about your happiness, Chhote?" Anjali
asked, cupping his cheeks, staring into his depths of melancholy, "don't you
want to be happy?"
Arnav remained silent. He didn't want to
answer her question. He didn't want to rip his heart again into pieces. It had
already suffered enough. He just turned his face away from his sister's,
staring steadfastly ahead of him, trying to figure out the dark shapes looming
out in the distant night.
"I
can understand your anger with Vinay and rest of them but what has Lavanya done
to you, Chhote? How is it her fault that you behave so coldly with her?" Anjali
tried again after realising he won't give any answer to her indirect question.
"Di, I have a reason to behave with her
like this," Arnav muttered looking out of his window, staring at the dark silhouette
of a tree, "I don't want to break her into pieces."
"What do you mean," Anjali perked up.
"Di, I know she's in love with me..." Arnav
whispered still staring into the blackness surrounding him, "but I can never be
what she expects me to be with her. I can never give her that place. She deserves
someone who will love her more than he would love himself and I can't do that. I
don't deserve her, Di."
Tears pooled in her eyes as Anjali realized
what her brother was trying to do. He was trying to make Lavanya move on, get
more happiness, after coming in terms with his rude and arrogant behaviour. Just
because he wasn't happy, he never, intentionally, tried to snatch the happiness
of others. He just knew how to give. He never expected anything out of anyone. He
knew he couldn't give anything to Lavanya, hence, he wanted her forget him,
accept someone who was worthy of her untainted love.
"How can you be like this, Chhote?" Anjali asked,
tears making way out her eyes. Arnav rubbed them fondly as he muttered, "this
is how I am, Di, your Chhote..."
"Why can you not be the one who deserves Lavanya's
love, Chhote? Why can't you be happy again? Why can't you move on?"
"My happiness is long gone, Di," Arnav
muttered, his voice laced with painful sincerity. "It is not going to come back
no matter how hard I wish for it."
"Of course it will come back, Chhote..."
Anjali said with a sad smile, "only if you give it a chance."
"What?" Arnav asked her, his brows furrowed
in a frown.
"Try being the one Lavanya wants," Anjali whispered,
kissing his brows, "Lavanya loves you more than anyone in this world. She is
going to give you all the happiness you deserve."
"No, Di..." Arnav shook his head, moving
away from his sister, "you ask me anything, I will do but I cannot do this. I can't
cheat on her and my conscience. I am sorry, Di."
"But Chhote," Anjali tried to convince him
when Arnav suddenly revved the engine of his SUV and accelerated into the
blackness, indicating this was the end of discussion. Anjali fell back on the
seat, slumped and sad.
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Akash cautiously approached his brother,
who standing near the window looking mutinous. Never in his wildest dreams had
he imagined that one day he had to see two peace loving people, the ones who
were strong headed and calm, fight like this. But he was sure of one thing, if Anjali
and Vinay had fought over Arnav, then the matter had to be something critical. None
of the three were someone who would break out a petty fight. He shuddered to
think what the reason might be for this fall out. Gently he laid a hand on his
brother's shoulder as he muttered softly, "Bhai..."
Vinay turned to look at him and
involuntarily, Akash felt himself step back as the fury of helplessness hit him
hard, "Bhai...What happened?"
"I don't know Akash!" burst out Vinay, "I don't
know. She is just blaming me for all the years Arnav distanced himself from us.
I have got no idea what is it all about!"
"How are you responsible for it?" Akash asked,
wondering all these headed to. How was Vinay of all people responsible for Arnav's
aloofness? What was Arnav bhai thinking?
"I don't know Akash! I have no bloody idea!"
said Vinay and walked away from the room, leaving everyone bewildered behind
his wake.
"Yeh sab ka howat hai?" Devyani asked as Mahendra
helped her to sit on the couch. Tears were relentlessly flowing out of the old
lady's eyes; she seemed to not tolerate whatever was happening in front of her
eyes. Manorama stood in a corner, dabbing her eyes with the corner of her
handkerchief and Mahendra looked really lost to say anything. He was just
mechanically moving about, pouring a glass of water to his mother, and not
really understanding anything that had transpired. Akash was just looking
around with his mouth open agape like a goldfish.
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Lavanya
dragged her feet back into the foyer of Raizada mansion. She was in no mood to
enter the house to endure the hatred of ASR again. She felt suffocated and
insulted here in the presence of the man she loved, who never showed any sort
of affection and adoration towards her. At least just a Hi would make her day. But
no. Arnav was resolutely avoiding her as if she was a piece of trash. This wounded
her heart so much. She didn't want stay beneath the same roof as Arnav,
pretending that she didn't get hurt. She wanted to escape into the protective
confines of home, back in Madison, Wisconsin. Yet, she knew her mami would
never allow her to go back.
Sighing
dejectedly, she walked into the living room. One look at it, she knew something
was terribly wrong.
Everyone was present there. Her mama was
sitting on the couch with his hands on his head. Her mami was standing in a
corner, looking sombre, her grandmother was sitting on the couch, crying and Akash
was standing near the window, looking miserable. Her heart stopped for a
second, "What's wrong?"
Akash immediately came and hugged her,
whispering, "Bhai and Di had a fight."
"What?" Lavanya said, a frown making its
presence on her pretty face.
"Yes,"
Akash nodded solemnly, "they had a big row just a while back. Di just went away
with Arnav bhai."
"Di and what?" Lavanya couldn't believe her
ears, "ASR took Di?"
"Yeah, it was kind of strange. He consoled
her and took her away, in fact, it looks like bhai and Di had a row because of Arnav
bhai."
The confusion plaguing her mind instantly
turned to anger and annoyance, "how is it that whenever ASR comes home
something or the other happens?"
"It is not like that, La..." Akash tried to
reason.
"Then what is it like, AK?" Lavanya reproached,
"Why every problem in this house has a root in the great ASR? Everything that
is happening is because of him. Di felt bad because of him. Everyone was sad because
of him. Now Di and Jiju have had a fight because of him."
"Apparently, Di thinks bhai is responsible
for why Arnav bhai distanced himself from us," Akash explained, "I don't know
what happened but all of a sudden we heard loud voices from their room and went
to check on them. They are furious with each other and La, Bhai and Di are not
someone who would row for a small reason. They are too matured for that. Just think
what might have happened and no matter how rude and arrogant Arnav bhai is, he
will never cause any fight intentionally. Doesn't it make you think something
really grave has taken place?"
"I agree with you AK but how is that all of
a sudden everything changes?" Lavanya frowned, "what is happening in this house
and why doesn't Arnav just explain what is his bloody problem?"
"Because Arnav is too important to explain all that
by himself, Lavanya," a harsh voice sounded and both Akash and Lavanya jumped
in alarm. They turned to see Vinay climbing down from a small set of stairs to
the living room. Everyone in the room got up and approached Vinay. Manorama went
up to her son, "Vinay, kya baat hai beta?"
"Why do you ask me, maa? Ask your daughter
in law," said Vinay crossly. Just then there was a dull click of the shoes as Arnav
and Anjali came into the view, holding each other. Lavanya's mouth fell open as she saw how protectively Arnav
was holding his sister, the very same woman he had ignored till now.
Vinay's fury reached its zenith as he saw Arnav
walking into the room and immediately he crossed the distance between them and
went and held his shoulder, yelling "what the hell did you tell her? Ha? What
do you even think of yourself?"
"Vinay!" Anjali shrieked as she struggled
to remove Vinay's hands off Arnav's shoulders, "Vinay just leave Chhote! Vinay!"
"It's alright, Di," Arnav said calmly as he
disentangled himself from the vicar grip of his brother in law, all the while
staring at him defiantly. Vinay was close to smashing someone. Both of them
continued to throw dagger looks at each other. Finally Vinay broke the embarrassing
silence, "what did you tell her that suddenly my wife goes all against me?"
"I just told her the truth," Arnav answered
back confidently, not agreeing to break the steely gaze.
"Truth?" Vinay smothered in anger, "you
think you can get away with all the cock and bull stories that you fill into
her ears? What bloody truth are you talking about?"
"Don't you know?" Arnav cocked his eyebrows
in a sarcastic manner, pushing Vinay's temper even more, "I thought you knew everything!"
"Cut the crap, Arnav!" said Vinay, fisting
his hands, trying very hard to control himself, "I have got no idea what you
are talking about!"
"On the contrary, I think you know exactly
what I am talking about!" Arnav thundered, making Vinay jump back in apprehension.
As he stared at the cold eyes of Arnav, Vinay understood something was
seriously amiss. Hence, he cautiously said, "What have I done Arnav? I can't
remember anything!"
"Really? You don't remember anything?" Arnav
asked with sarcasm brimming from his voice, "perhaps this will help you
remember. Sunshine, Dehradun. There was someone who told you, 'isse agar aap
thodenge, toh zindagi bhar aapka dil yeh bhoj sehta rahega...' "
As those words left Arnav's mouth, Vinay felt
himself reeling back as the enormous force of his past hit him. He never
thought he would again stand in the same place where someone would look at him
with nothing but disgust in their eyes instead of all the respect and adoration
he was used to. Arnav was standing there, with his hands crossed over his
chest, his deep pools of molten chocolate reflecting nothing but revulsion and
loathing...
PRECAP:
I am sorry Arnav
Sorry?
I never knew it was you, Arnav
Yes, you never knew...you just ruined everything and you expect me to
forgive just because you apologized?
I am...
Please, I hate pretence! You can keep your sorry to yourself! I am in no
need of it!
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Comments (13)
read all the chapters in one go wow its amazing continue soon
11 years ago
emotional outbrusting update i don't sympathize with la here, seriously why she's here when she always hatred and insult from arnavwhere the hell your self respect lavanya vinay related to arnav past, what happened at past honeslty this question never let me sleep :(Arnav so much into his shell of pain and darkness still hold his past to him whatever happened in past vinay never want to there again and he knows he was at fault at that timeisse agar aap thodenge, toh zindagi bhar aapka dil yeh bhoj sehta rahegawhat does these words means No doubt arnav is so much pain and darkness but still he never his rude and dark behavior effect on any family member's life, He just wants to be with himself where no one dare to enter.
11 years ago
so arnav's hatred and sorrow is not baseless...vinay did do something in the past that must have changed many people's lives drastically...but i do wonder what it is ...thanx for the update...pls continue soon 😃 ps...hey radz i would greatly appreciate if u could update ur index that is on the first page...b'cos when i look into a story i do tend to glance through a few of the earlier updates so as to be able to go with the flow of the story...as the index is not updated after chap 5 it becomes quite difficult for me to turn to each and every page to check on the earlier chaps... thanx 😳
11 years ago
So there is a past here too..And I absolutely agree with La, why is Arnav the cause of everything ? He isn't a bad huma... Circumstances have just turned him into what he's become now.. As for Anjali, Im glad she listened to Arnav and went back to Vinay.. But the next precap looks like we have a trip down the memory lane.. Waiting for that !
11 years ago
read all in a go...loved it ,pm me plz👏
11 years ago
very curious about the story
11 years ago
fabulous update !!! vinay don't even remember what have happened in past that arnav is holding him responsible for... but few words from arnav and vinay is shocked.. what would have happened that have literally taken all the colour out of vinay's face ??? lavanya was so rude to talk about arnav.. arnav is clear and have stated to his sister that he doesn't love lavanya and can never love her and is treating her bad so that she can move on and it seems to be working on lavanya and thats the reason lavanya is so rude for arnav.. loved the update..thanks for pm 😊
11 years ago
Hifirst a BIG BIG THANKS FOR PM ME...👏👏👏 I knew it Arnav must have a very bitter past..A very emotional update...😭😭😭Awaiting for the next update...Plzzz PM me when you updateLoveTrisha
11 years ago
Nice update waiting for the next update
11 years ago
after a long gap ...thank u for ur update ...yaar u left us cliff hanger...wat was with vinay...watever the reason ...Arnav kept everything with himself...and suffered everything alone ...but somehow he get back to Di's chottey...atleast now his heart feel some sort of relief...don't worry ur khushi is on ur way...
11 years ago