~*~The Huge Debate~*~

1 years ago

Astraea

@Astraea1306

The sight of Kalyani's hesitated eyes and sorrowful face was making me impatient. I asked her impatiently, "Kalyani, what happened dear? Do you want to say something?"

She slightly nodded her head and raised gloomy eyes to look at me. Then she spoke in a very sorrowful voice, "Hey Jyeshth Kuntinandan (O eldest son of Kunti), the haunting memories of Dyut Sabha are making me sombre. I still remember, while leaving Hastinapur, everyone, except those 4 wicked souls, were welled with tears."

I lowered my eyes, while taking a deep breath, and nodded slowly. Kalyani's words had reminded me about those unfortunate memories which had been haunting me past every night. 

Sahadev's word interrupted my line of thoughts, "Panchali, do those wicked souls even know how to cry? They are stone hearted. I am sure, they must be delighted thinking that we eat on leaf plates and sleep on hay mats. Dear,  please do not grieve thinking about them." I noticed all my brothers except Bheem, had gathered around us on the veranda outside the hermitage. I signalled them, through my eyes, to get seated on the hay mat.

Panchali started shedding tears. She wiped a streak of tear from her rosy cheeks and said, while looking at Sahadev, "Aryaputra, I am not aggrieved with the thoughts of those wicked souls. But I cannot bear to see you all in these pathetic conditions." Then she turned towards me and said, "Aryaputra, seeing you all sleeping on these haybeds and hay mats, I get reminded about the luxurious life at Indraprastha. In those fortunate days, you, adorned in white expensive silk garments, remained surrounded by innumerous kings and ministers in your bright courts and, today, wrapped in these tattered rags, you are surrounded by these monks in these deep dark woods."

She continued further, "Look at your brothers' condition. Your ever enthusiastic fun-loving brother Bheem, for whom multiple delicious dishes were being cooked by the royal chefs is now surviving on these roots and fruits of the forest. Your ever charming brother Arjun, who always remained optimistic, has lost all his charms, and remains lost all the time. Your most handsome brother, who smelt heavenly, due to usage of sandal paste, now remains smeared with mud and dirt. Your knowledgeable brother Sahadev, who always remained engaged in studies, is now undertaking mundane jobs like collecting fire wood and dry grass."

I raised my eyes shamefully and found expressions of dejection on my brothers' faces. Immediately, I lowered my eyelids and realized that whatever she was telling was right. My mighty brothers, for whom nothing was unachievable, were suffering with me in these woods. And none other than me, was responsible for their condition.

She continued, but this time with a hint of aggression and taunt in her voice, "These powerful brothers of yours are capable of avenging their plight, but they are mum, just because of the promise you gave before the beginning of the second game at the Dyut Sabha. But you seem to be living  quite peacefully. Don't you get furious even after evidencing their miserable condition? I, celestially born Draupadi, daughter of King Drupad, wife of the famous Pandavas, empress of Indraprastha, humiliated, worser than even an animal, at my own in-law's house. Look at my hands and feet, which used to remain decorated with altah always, are now wounded by the thorns of these forest. Why don't I see the fury in your eyes to avenge the insults and sufferings faced by me?"

Her words had brought back all the incidents of Dyut Sabha infront of my eyes. My ears were echoing with her shrieks for help and evil laughter of Duryodhana and his gang. My heart was blazing in the fire of anger and hatred. I simply tightly shut my eyes because I feared that I might lose control anytime and ashen everything around me. Finally, the boon of calmness, given by my father, helped me to regain control.

Looking at a void, I replied, "Kalyani, anger is a very powerful weapon. One must know to control this weapon instead of get controlled by it. Anger generally clouds one's judgement and when one's judgement is clouded, that person causes harm to his enemies as well as himself." Then directing my glance towards Kalyani, I continued, "It's not that I don't get tormented by looking at you all in these miserable conditions. But do you really want me to lose all my senses in the fit of anger, when it is not even needed?"

This time arjun asked discontentedly with a hint of aggression in his tone, "Jyeshth, do you mean to say that we don't even have the right to get angry on that wicked Duryodhana, poisonous Dusshashan, deceitful Mama Shakuni and sutputra Karna? Have you forgotten how they had humiliated you? Have you forgotten how they had insulted Panchali in front of the whole Raj Sabha? Have you forgotten how they had called our dear wife a whore and tried to disrobe her? Have you forgotten all these incidents?"

His aggression increased with each sentence he spoke. My Vibhatsu, never spoke to me in such tone. I tried to calm him down, "No Anuj, I haven't forgotten any of these, but this is not the right time to manifest anger."

Nakul interrupted me and said, "Jyeshth, you are a scholar of all the shastras. Once Bali asked Prahlad, which one is superior between rage and forgiveness. Prahlad answered, one who gets outraged in every situation, loses all his loved ones. Similarly, one who tends to forgives every time, also loses his honour to his family, his servants as well as his friends. Citing this example, I believe it's the right time to show that rage, which we had been suppressing in our hearts."

We five of us were like the five fingers and Kalyani was the connecting palm. No doubt, if the palm gets wounded, the fingers too get affected. Her rage had started making my brothers crave for war. I knew, I had to calm them down. So, I made one more attempt, "Anujo, even anger has its own limitations. It often forces a person to get indulged in adharmic activities. Whereas forgiveness always leads to the path of dharma. And I can never sacrifice dharma."

My words fueled Draupadi's anger. Lowering her fumes, she said sarcastically to all my brothers, "Your jyeshth can leave everything, even us, but cannot leave his dharma." Then she turned towards me and said, "Just look at my helplessness that I cannot even call you coward, because I know you are not a coward. My father always used to say, a person who follows dharma, dharma also protects that person in return. Tell me, you have always followed dharma, then why didn't your dharma save you?"

Her comment on my cowardice had forced me lower my gaze, out of shame. I was already ashamed for staking my dear brothers and our dear wife in that corrupted gambling match, but now her perception about me increased my shame by 10 times. When she completed her question, I raised my eyes to look at all of them. Kalyani's eyes were red with fury and were continuously shedding tears. 

Nakul, who was sitting right beside her, had side hugged her and was trying to comfort by rubbing his hands on her back in soft circular motion. Arjun had held his angavastra in tight grip to control his anger, while his eyes gave a glassy appearance. Sahadev was taking deep breaths to tame his rage. Bheem was still seating under the tree, but quite attentive to our conversations. In their eyes, I could see traces of the question, which Draupadi asked me just now.

Taking a long deep breath, I answered, "It's true that I have followed dharma so far and will continue to follow dharma in future. Dharma refers to performing our duties. One must not follow dharma with an expectation of any return. Whatever I have done till now, I have done only because that was my duty. And right now, I feel living in these forests, void of any enemity towards Kuravas, is our duty."

I was struck by a loud roaring voice. And that voice belonged to my dearest brother Bheem, "MAHARAJ, but I think, we should rather focus on gaining back our wealth and prosperity instead of suffering here in these woods."

'MAHARAJ' Did I hear wrong? My brother Bheem was addressing me as 'Maharaj'. Had we drifted so apart that, he was calling me as 'Maharaj'. Had I even lost the right of being his jyeshth. Though my soul was getting tormented with his initial few words, I re-focused my mind to listen to him, "Our kingdom Indraprastha was the result of our virtue, but only because of your carelessness, we lost it to those evils. For the sake of maintaining your prestige as Dharmaraj, we, despite having capability to get back our kingdoms are still silent. Only because of you we all are suffering in these woods and making those sinners merry."

Arjun, Nakul and Sahadev, collectively tried to interrupt Bheem, in chorus, "Majhle bhaiya!!....." I looked at them nodded forbade them to say anything by nodding my head. Bheem continued, "Your controls on our lives have paralysed us. Our inability to crush those wicked Kauravas are adding to our grief. Just look at our lifestyle since past 13 months, only a weak person can love this life. Neither of the us, except you, are enjoying this life. Tell me, why do you favour this worldly detachment? Sometimes I wonder, how could a soul like you got birth in a Kshatriya family, because none of your traits reflect Kshatriya dharma?"

Each of his sentences were like thousands of arrows rupturing my heart. That palm sized organ was burning as if someone had poured acid into it. Arjun, Nakul and Sahadev, even got alarmed after hearing Bheem's hatred full tone, but they were mum and kept glancing at me helplessly. And Kalyani, she herself was blazing in the fire of her anger. She was indifferent.

Without giving any heed to my state of mind, Bheem continued, "The path of dharma that you want to us to follow is absolutely wrong. It violates Kshatriya dharma. Yourself, being an epitome of dharma on this earth, you should never forgive adharma; and Duryodhana in another name of adharma. Please get up now, show that prowess, which distinguishes a Kshatriya from others."

Though completely shattered from inside, I tried to pacify Bheem holding a façade of calmness, "Anuj, I know, only I am the culprit of all of you. Through these hands, I threw those dice after staking you all one by one." I said while raising my hands, of which those traces of burns were gone, but were still tainted. "When I see you all suffering in this hell with me, my soul gets tormented. Even, I want to avenge for the sufferings you all are facing. But, for that we must wait for completion of these 13 years. So, I request all of you, please have patience for the time being."

Bheem interrupted me with a growl, "Why not now? Can't you understand, that with time, our old age is catching on us? Maharaj, we may even die in these wildernesses and that Duryodhana would enjoy all our good fortunes."

I replied, "You know, patience is like an unwedded bride and for the time being she has chosen to wed me. Hence, I must respect her. Therefore, I have resolved that I would return only after completing the period of exile." 

Getting up from my seat, I declared, "Further, it was me who played that game of dice and staked all of you. For that I must repent. But you all are not bound by any condition. If you want, you all can leave me and go back to Indraprastha, Dwarika or Panchal."

I noticed their expressions seemed concerned. Bheem's face still had few traces of his anger, most of it was gone. I was relieved, that his temper had cooled. I watched the sky; sun was about to set in few moments. I informed my them, "Now, I must go for my evening prayers. From there I will directly go to Rishi Dhaumya for some consultations, so please, don't wait for me." Thus, I left my hermitage.

As soon as, I was away from the sight of my family, I was completely shattered. The facade of calmness, that I held so far was then gone. If words could kill, I would have been dead by now. The magnitude of pain was so high that felt as if I had been fed poison. This pain was same to that excruciating pain which I felt that day in the Dyut Sabha, or perhaps more than that. After all wounds given by our loved ones hurt the most. But I can never, even in my dreams, think of condemning Bheem or Kalyani for that. I deserved to listen those sentences, because it was my selfishness and greed to win back my kingdom, which has caused all my brothers and Kalyani face such dangerous situations.

Thinking about all these stuffs, I reached the banks of river Saraswati. I humbly prayed to her, sought permission to enter the river. Then I entered the river and continued going inside until I was in the neck deep water. The God of Nourishment, Aditya was on the way of his departure. The red and golden rays were illuminating the entire sky as well as the water surface. The scene was indeed very captivating.

I joined my hands and started offering prayers to Lord Surya Narayan. But unlike other days, I was not able to focus my attention. Every time, I closed my eyes, my ears were echoing with Bheem's and Kalyani's words. After few futile attempts, I realized, that only yogic meditation can help me bring back my lost attention and bring peace to my soul. Keeping this in my mind, I got submerged into the river to attempt under water pranayama.

I lost the count of time under the water, but when I emerged from the water surface, it was dark everywhere. From the location of stars and moon, I realized, the 5th prahar was about to end [1]. Under water pranayama had somewhat calmed me.

I realized; I was already late for visiting Rishi Dhaumya. So, I started taking a brisk walk towards his hermitage. I was still few miles away from my destination, when I felt a strange kind of fog spread across the forest. Soon that fog started engulfing me. Suddenly a strange chillness crept on from my spine to my shoulders, my head started feeling heavy, the trees around appeared blurry, my legs trembled, I fell on my knees, black spots started dancing across my vision, and soon everything went black.

~~~~~*****~~~~~

Sahadev's POV

Today, whatever happened, we had never witnessed in the past. Majhle bhaiya Bheem had always been a short-tempered person, but we had never seen him getting outraged at our jyeshth. Infact, in the past, if anyone of us even dared to question any of the jyeshth's decision, then that person was bound to get reprimanded by majhle bhaiya. That day, I realized that Duryodhana and his gang not only robbed us of our kingdom and our wealth but also our unity. Perhaps, fearing this, matashree had advised us to stay united while we were leaving for exile.

Whatever, jyeshth did at the Dyut Sabha, was a mistake. And for that he was burning in the fire of repentance for days and nights since last 13 months. I had seen him, crying at night outside our hermitage, hiding from everyone under the sal trees. Seeing him repenting so hard, I could not keep myself away from jyeshth any long. I had already decided that I would ask for forgiveness for my dejected behaviour towards him and mend our relationship, but then this incident happened. That guilty and shameful look, which appeared on jyeshth's face while listening those harsh words of Panchali and majhle bhaiya, is something which I could never forget. I, along with Nakul and chhote bhaiya (Arjun) tried to stop majhle bhaiya, but jyeshth even stopped us from doing so.

I knew my jyeshth, pretty well. He was a person, who would share all his happiness with everyone, but endure all his pains alone. I never wanted him to go alone for his prayers, but the announcement he made before leaving clearly told that he wanted to be left alone. So, hopelessly couldn't do anything other than waiting for him to return.

Majhle bhaiya would never admit, but I knew he was feeling sorry too. Majhle bhaiya had always been way too outspoken. He never shies away from showing his feelings for others. He dearly loved Panchali, and always wanted to see her happy. Her tears had caused that outrage. And Panchali was extremely depressed as she was humiliated the most at the Dyut Sabha. Naturally her anger, would also be the most. On one hand Panchali was like the blazing fire and jyeshth was like a calm and deep ocean. So, one, could easily understand, that no one was at fault except the situations.

Almost, 5th and half prahars had passed [2], still there was no sign of jyeshth. We were in the middle of a dense forest, which served as abode to many demons and monsters. Nights were generally most dangerous. His absence was making me restless. I knew all my brothers and Panchali were also anxiously waiting for him; for time and now they were looking at the gate of our hermitage. Silently, we finished our dinner, leaving aside his share of food and made our bed for sleeping. Though none of us were feeling sleepy, still I volunteered for the job of keeping a watch.

7th prahar[3] had started, when, I felt tired. I sat down at the roots of a tree, supporting my body on the trunk, to rest a bit. Suddenly I got a premonition. A giant beast, which resembled half human and half animal, was trotting across the forest. On its left shoulder, an unconscious body of human was dangling . That man's arms were adorned with garlands of rudraksh and his head was covered with matted curls. When this premonition ended, my breathing was laboured and my body was covered in cold sweat. I couldn't utter anything other than a low gasp.

Next moment I heard a chorused call for help approaching our hermitage. When the group came into my vision, I realized, they were those snatak brahmans, who were residing with us in the woods. I bowed at them to pay my respects and asked the reason for approaching us at such an odd hour. One of them came forward and informed that one of their companion and dear friend was missing and they wanted our help to find him.

~~~~~*****~~~~~

Third Person's POV

Somewhere in Hastinapur, an old widowed woman was praying to Lord Shiva for the welfare of her sons. Infront of the lord's statue, she had lit 6 mud lamps. Out of those, the second lamp from the right suddenly started flickering. She, got very scared, her eyes glistened with tears and quickly covered that lamp with her hand. She tearfully prayed to Lord, "Lord, please keep my son safe. Let no trouble befall on him. He has promised to return to me. Please, take care of him."

Author's Notes

This chapter comprise of stories from the original text as well as some portions of my creativity. In the original text, the argument takes place only between Yudhishthira, Draupadi and Bheem. But for the sake of my story, I have included all the Pandavas.

Draupadi and Bheem said a lot many things to Yudhishthira and Yudhishthira's replies were also too elaborate. Here I presented only few of the notable parts of the dialogue to make short and clear. Also, few dialogues of Bheem were too insulting, so being a devotee of Dharmaraj, I cannot rewrite them in my story.

In the story, I have given reference to the time using prahars. For the ease of readers' understanding, I have given note pointers beside every prahars. The description to the same have been mentioned under:

[1] – 5th prahars was about to end i.e., it was almost 9:00 pm

[2] – 5th and half prahars had passed i.e., it was almost 10:30 pm

[3] – 7th prahar had started i.e., past 12 midnight

In the story, I have taken the assumption, that only Yudhishthira fondly called Draupadi as Kalyani.

From next chapter onwards, I will be changing the sequence of events from the original text to make the narrative a bit attractive.

Some of my readers must be thinking, that till now all chapters had an emotional appeal. But I can't help it. After all, it takes time to forgive someone. I promise, as the story will progress, readers will certainly find the change of mood.

In the third chapter, I had mentioned that Pandavas brothers and Panchali never misbehaved with Yudhishthira and then in this chapter about how they insulted him. In the third chapter, just a week of their exile had passed, they were so aggrieved by their own sufferings that they could not react to anything. But in this chapter, about 1 year had passed and they are losing their patience. Yudhishthira's calm and peaceful attitude was making them further impatient. Hence, resulted into this outburst.