Chapter FIve

K-Shandra

@K-Shandra

Arnav paced his office like a caged animal. His agitation was partially caused by the fact that he had been unable to reach Aman all morning. And when he had managed to get hold of his assistant, the man had only divulged that he was en-route to an important meeting and would report back soon.

He stood at the glass partition overlooking the employees on the lower level. There had been no update from the police or the hospitals and nothing, absolutely nothing, had been established after the call Payal had received.

An aberrant twisting sensation started in his stomach, which caused him to gasp and shift uncomfortably as it grew stronger. It increased for several moments before dissipating again. Unable to determine its cause, he thought over his morning and tried to remember if he had taken his medication… only to eventually conclude that he had not. At the same time he shook his head, knowing Khushi would have reprimanded him for his carelessness – no, she would have reminded him, scolded him and then made him take his medication. Khushi would also have considered his agitation as some premonition of things to come, where he would abandon the occurrence as something only Khushi could understand. The thought brought a smile to his face that just as quickly faded. His world seemed colourless without her.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, alerting him of an incoming call long before the tone started. His thoughts for a moment wandered to the ludicrous tone Khushi’s phone had initially had, and what he wouldn’t give to have the ability to simply call her again. He pulled out his phone and checked the caller id, instantly recognizing the name of the very man who had avoided him for most of the morning. His ire mounted.

With a tone bordering on annoyance Arnav demanded, ‘What the hell has been so important that you’ve been unreachable for most of the morning?’ Silence met his demand, causing him to command, ‘Answer me, damn it!’

With a neutral, if somewhat dejected tone Aman replied, ‘We found her.’

‘What the!’ Arnav fired back, and then in the same breath demanded, ‘Found who?’

‘Madam Khushi.’

His assistant’s words knocked the air from his lungs, leaving him gasping. His blood turned cold.Were it not for the hissing sound in his ears and his pounding heart trying to transport oxygen through his body, he would have thought it a dream, possibly even a nightmare.

Incapable to even forming a coherent response, his knees buckled under him. He stumbled to the closest chair and blindly lowered himself onto it. A bucket of ice water upended over his head would have had less of an effect than Aman’s words.

A sickening sensation took hold as he tried to process the words, their meaning, and whether he wanted to believe them or not. It was the very news he had wanted, no, hoped to hear but at the same time dreaded. Unwilling to face another disappointment, or face up to a brutal reality that would be undeniable, Arnav swallowed against the lump in his throat and hesitantly asked, ‘It’s her?’

‘I came to confirm it first.’ Aman answered, quickly adding, ‘…but you will have to come out here.The doctors will only provide detailed information to direct family or next of kin.’

A tremor overcame him as Aman’s words sank in. The sickening sensation in the pit of his stomach intensified. ‘Khushi’s?’ Arnav managed to ask, hoping Aman understood the question. 

‘She’s alive, but the doctors will have to tell you more.’

Instant relief flooded his body, allowing him to breathe properly for the first time since the call started. ‘Where’s she?’ Arnav demanded, rising to his feet looking about his office for his keys.

‘Jaypee Hospital,Goberdhanpur.’ Aman said.

‘Jaypee Hospital? I’ve never heard of it.’ Arnav said, for a moment confused.

‘It’s a newer hospital in Goberdhanpur,’ Anam clarified.

‘Goberdhanpur?’ Arnav asked, more to himself, as he tried to establish where exactly it was located.‘Uttar Pradesh, what the hell is she doing in Uttar Pradesh?’ And then realized why Aman had been gone so long. ‘I’m on my way.’ Arnav said and then cut the call.

As Arnav made his way down the stairs, a staff member accosted him and hesitantly said, ‘Sir, Aman sir is not here and this package came for you.’

Arnav halted for only a moment, he impatiently looked at the parcel the man held and then dismissively said, ‘Put it in my office, I’ll tend to it when I get back.’ He then continued down the stairs, unaware of the man’s baffled expression.

The drive seemed a lot longer than it actually was, with traffic only further frustrating Arnav. So much so that by the time he turned into the hospital’s parking lot his skin was prickling and his temper raging.

Aman paced the atrium of the hospital, glancing momentarily at the two orderlies who stood at the ready.He was intimately familiar with the force that was Arnav Singh Raizada , and how quickly it could multiply and spiral out of control, especially when it involved his wife. Even though everyone had thought his insistence for assistance with Arnav’s arrival unwarranted, Aman knew only too well what could be unleashed on the unsuspecting staff.

He watched as Arnav stepped into the hospital lobby, looking irritably around the spacious interior. Wasting no time, Aman moved to greet his boss.

‘Where’s Khushi?’ Arnav demanded from an approaching Aman. Arnav’s bearing and voice were clear enough indicators of his impatience and irritation.

Aman held up his hands in an attempt to quell Arnav and calmly stated, ‘First calm down Arnav, you will need to speak with her doctors before seeing her.’

‘To hell with the doctors! I want to see my wife! Where is she?’ His outburst drew attention from onlookers and Aman knew that things were going to spiral out of control fast if he could not reason with the man.

‘Arnav, I promise you,Khushi is safe. I had her moved to a private room. She’s scheduled for some tests, but you really need to speak with her doctors before you see her.’

Cold dread shot through Arnav. While Aman had been adamant that Khushi was alive and well, had even avowed that she was safe, far too much had remained unsaid – especially since it was well known that scorned admirers often retaliated in the cruellest of manners. Just the thought that such an incident could have occurred made Arnav sick to his stomach. The manner in which the packages had arrived could also have been interpreted as someone systematic stripping her of his claim. Arnav’s shoulders stiffened along with his spine as he tried to force air into his lungs. He knew they would face whatever the Gods, fate or some twisted individual had cast on their path; but he needed to know just what he was dealing with first. Looking at Aman, Arnav apprehensively asked, ‘How is she?Be honest.’

‘Physically she is fine,a little weak, mentally, cognitively …’ Aman shook his head to complete the sentence. ‘She did not recognize me, which is why you need to speak with her doctors first.’ 

Grunting his frustration, his fists and jaw clenched. Arnav was ready to retort, he however noticed Aman’s subtle gesture and looked in the direction it had been made. He noticed how the two orderlies attentively remained in position. He knew that no matter how much it irked him, he had to play nice. Arnav instead asked, ‘So where are the doctors?’

‘The doctor’s consulting room is this way.’ Aman said as he turned from Arnav and started along one of the passages. Without objection, Arnav followed and noticed that the orderlies were not accompanying them.

Aman knocked on one the numerous doors lining the long hallway. Moments later he slipped inside,while Arnav took a moment to read the name placard next to the door, DoctorN. D. Vyas MD, before entering the consulting room.

Aman conversed with the receptionist, who in turn gestured towards the chairs arranged in the reception area. ‘They are just waiting for the specialist consultant to join us.’ Aman said while indicating for Arnav to sit. ‘Do you want anything to drink, perhaps eat? It’s a long way from home and we’re likely to be here well into the evening.’

Arnav opted to remain standing and dismissed Aman’s offer with a curt, ‘I’ll get something later.’

Fifteen minutes later,after several irritable turns of the small consulting room by Arnav, the door to the consulting room opened to admit an elderly gentleman. He approached them and stretched out his hand in greeting, ‘Good afternoon, I’m Doctor Governder.’He shook Arnav’s hand and then Aman’s. Turning his attention to Arnav he said,‘You must be the patient’s husband?’

Arnav nodded once and said, ‘Arnav Singh Raizada .’

The doctor turned to the receptionist and said, ‘Let Doctor Vyas know I’m here so that we can start.’

Moments later the inter connecting door opened to reveal a younger doctor of obvious Punjabi origin. He gestured for them to enter his office and closed the door behind them He shook both Arnav and Aman’s hands, before seating himself behind his desk again.

‘Firstly, my apologies to your assistant Mister Singh Raizada. When he showed up here this morning, the staff was somewhat reluctant to assist him. They were of the opinion that he was unlikely to remain here once he’d determined that the patient was still alive. The only explanation I can offer is that no one had been informed of the fact that Doctor Governder had contacted him…’ The man fora moment looked at his peer, before continuing, ‘I think before we continue, I should make proper introductions. I’m Doctor Neeman Vyas. I was one of the doctors on call when Missus Singh Raizada was admitted. I called Doctor Governder in as a consultant when it became apparent that your wife’s condition is serious. Doctor Governder specializes in neurology and is based at the Maulana Azad Medical College in New Delhi. He is also the person who identified your wife. We would have contacted you sooner had we known.’

Arnav looked at the elder doctor and inclined his head in thanks.

‘As I mentioned to your assistant, when I consulted with him earlier today, we can only disclose vital details to immediate family. However once his story checked with the police, we permitted him to see her. He has also provided us with all her details and we‘re awaiting her medical records.’

Arnav felt his ire build at the doctor’s continued attempts at delaying the inevitable. Irritably he replied, ‘Yes, fine, my wife?’

‘Ah, yes, Missus. Singh Raizada … well, she is quite an unusual case…’

Arnav felt his throat tighten at the doctor’s words, as a heavy sensation pressed down on his chest. 

‘Missus Singh Raizada was admitted two – going three – days ago. She was dehydrated and unconscious on admission. Her blood pressure and sugar levels were also dangerously low.These would have attributed to her unconscious state. I would be blunt enough to assert that whoever brought her here abandoned her during admission. The shortage of information further complicated matters since her state was critical and we had no forewarning of any issues that could arise. She was assessed by the emergency room doctors, given two litres of glucose saline along with a strong course of antibiotics to ward off any possible infection.She was assessed by the female doctor on duty and showed no obvious or evident signs of physical trauma, abuse or assault … but they cannot be ruled out entirely. There were physiological indications that she was confined and even physically restrained.’

Arnav clenched his hands and drew in a deep breath; just the thought of another man touching Khushi had him see red. He clenched his jaw as the doctor continued, ‘Physically, at the moment, she is recovering well. But it is not her physical health which has us concerned.’ Doctor Vyas gestured to his colleague to continue.

Arnav shifted his attention to the senior consultant as he spoke, ‘To be absolutely truthful, we have no idea what is wrong with your wife.’ The doctor remained silent for several moments, the obvious confusion in Arnav’s expression had him add. ‘I don’t know what your assistant has told you about his meeting with your wife,but I will tell you, considering how well he knows her, I would have expected a vastly different response from her.’

‘What do you mean?’Arnav demanded, looking at Aman as he spoke, ‘Aman only said that she did not recognize him, which means she must have some form of amnesia.’

The doctor shook his head twice before continuing, ‘Whatever this is, it’s not amnesia. The patient shows no emotion or inclination to interact with others. Amnesia patents are usually fully conscious of their surroundings, even if strange, and will interact or respond to simple requests. With your wife, the only thing we can say with any certainty is that on an interactive and emotional level is that she appears completely removed from this world, both emotionally and consciously. But, to be honest, we too will know more after the MRI this evening.’

‘What do you mean?’Arnav demanded.

‘You will see for yourself when you meet her.’ Doctor Vyas answered, causing Arnav to turn and look at the younger doctor as he continued, ‘…she does not speak, she does not respond. We don’t know if her memory has been affected since she fails to react normally to any stimuli. She does not ask for any specific foods, but seems capable of feeding herself if left to her own devices.’ The man again shook his head as he said, ‘The best manner to describe her condition is that of someone profoundly petrified.’

‘What!’ Arnav demanded.

‘You will better understand when you see her.’ Doctor Vyas then looked at his watch and then said, ‘They would have finished the tests we requested, and the MRI will only be done later this evening.’ He rose from his seat, although visibly uncomfortable, and asked, ‘Shall we go?’

Aman and Doctor Governder rose with Arnav as Doctor Vyas stepped around his desk. Together the group made their way to the lifts. A nervousness consumed Arnav as the doors closed. His heart raced anew, as equal measures of doubt, fear, trepidation and excitement rushed through his system.

A thousand conflicting thoughts flirted through his mind, but all of them returned to the same point,the same question: What if Khushi did not recognize him? In his mind he had not for even for a moment thought that she would not recognize him. They had shared moments and intimacies she had never shared with another. That knowledge fed the part of him that outright rejected even the mere suggestion that she would not acknowledge him.

The lift’s doors opened and suddenly everything seemed too loud, walking seemed too difficult, and fear became his most prominent emotion. The walls blurred while his throat dried and swelled. Swallowing became impossible since his heart lodged in his throat.

The doors of the room they stopped in front of were partially ajar, allowing for some privacy within the room without the need to close-in the occupant.

Doctor Govender gestured to the door and said, ‘It is best not to overwhelm her with too many people at once, so we will wait here, should you need us.’

Arnav looked past the doctor and into the room. The late afternoon sun was shining in through the windows, lending the room a soft glow, yet he could not force himself to take the next step. The most important person in his life was in that room, and as much as he wanted to see her, hold her, he could not move past the doctor’s warnings. Khushi was the colour in his life. She brought with her fun, love and boundless amounts of energy and enthusiasm. She could give as good as she got,but always did what was right – regardless of the personal cost. Yet everything the doctors had said had pointed to the opposite and Arnav had no idea how to react to that.

He was jolted from his thoughts when Aman’s hand landed on his shoulder, moments before the man’swords sunk in, ‘You don’t need to say anything, Arnav, chances are she won’t respond. Even if you had the most perfect words for this situation.’

Arnav looked at Aman only to realized that the man had thought he was trying to muster the right words, rather than fight the sickening need to turn and run from there. He turned his attention back to the doorway and drew in a deep breath before stepping inside – not entirely certain as to what to expect.

His gaze landed on the bed, but it was empty causing a moment’s disquiet to start. He looked towards the armchair placed close to it, only to find that it too was empty. He could not feel her and that panicked him. Dismayed that he had somehow lost her again, his gaze flitted over the room until it finally landed on her.

She stood by the window,a pale off-white silhouette with her back turned to him. Instantly, relief flooded his system. She was there. She was alive. Her long, mahogany hair contrasted with the pale salwaar suit. The suit he knew was Aman’s doing, but from where he had sourced it Arnav had no idea. Her acceptance of it at least indicated that her stubbornness had not gotten in the way of her needs.

A strange sensation overcame him. In a manner it eased his immediate apprehension but left him with something else… something undefined, ambiguous, unclear even. He remained uncertain, hesitant even. They were sensations as foreign to him as snow in the desert.

Khushi remained motionless, peering into the distance. The action was so contradictory to her very nature, her personality that it was almost impossible to endure. Yet something stopped him from approaching her too quickly. Whether it was the way she stood, motionless, withdrawn even, or whether it was the obvious weight-loss he could see, that make her look gaunt, everything warned him to approach her with caution.

He slowly moved towards her then stilled for a moment. He waited. It was a lesson he had learnt well –not to force anything on her. Ever since their first meeting there has been an intuitive awareness between them, whether alone in a room or surrounded by people. The sensation had been fleeting at first, but it had been there none the less. He waited for that inescapable sense of proximity to take hold, but for some reason it was absent, causing him to realize that it was that absence that made him hesitant. It was that same awareness that had inevitably drawn them together and the one aspect of their fascination he had fought most arduously against. Yet with it missing, it felt as if the imperative part of them had been ripped from him.

He stood several paces from her, simply watching her. Her presence has always reassured him. His eyes drank in the sight of her, allowing his mind to process her presence, realizing just how much he had missed her simplicity and the playfulness she brought into his life. He held his breath as the void that had been his heart slowly filled,and then swallowed in an attempt to gather the courage to speak.

Clearing his throat he finally managed to whisper, ‘Khushi.’

There was no immediate reaction as he had hoped. The lack of response along with the dearth of her natural buoyancy and enthusiasm could not have been more pronounced. A thousand needles puncturing his skin simultaneously would not come close to the anguish he felt.

Her skin was too pale and pulled far too tightly over her bones. He looked for any familiar mannerism, anything that would identify his Khushi, but it seemed as if it had all been washed away, leaving behind a pale and frail rendering of the person most dear to him. Instinctively he wanted to gather her together, to breathe in her scent and let her know that she would be fine, that together they could fix anything.

Slowly, Khushi turned to look at him. The vacuity within her gaze tore through him. Gone was the fire and mischief that always stole his breath and held him thralled whenever he challenged her. Her expressive face, which could within moments give witness to a thousand different emotions, remained lifeless, empty and emotionless as she blankly looked at him.

Her forehead was devoid of sindoor, her mangal-sutra missing from her neck. He knew only too well the significance Khushi attached to them. For they not only signified his rights on her, but also her acceptance of his claim and rights on her. While he had never really given their significance much thought, their absence felt like rejection. And that too from his wife, who deeply felt everything and attached meaning to even the most mundane of things. Their absence, and the fact that he had no idea where her mangal-sutra was, distressed him.

He has always been sensitive to her every emotion, able to decipher even the smallest shifts in her behaviour, but this time Arnav felt adrift… as if a large gaping hole had opened under him. His fall was only momentarily suspended as he fought the inevitable truth; that Khushi had retreated – not only from him, but also from the world as a whole. Even during their most difficult of times, Khushi had remained a constant, his strength… because she never conceded, no matter how dim the outlook seemed.

She lowered her gaze,which only served to further frustrate him. He could tolerate anything from her– anything but her indifference towards him. Even at the start of their acquaintance, the slightest indication of her indifference towards him, his presence, his opinion or judgment had incited a sense of disbelief, even distress, in him. So much so that he had felt the need to impose matters on her, if only to get some reaction from her. It was only with time and careful observation that he had realized just how much what he thought or did mattered to her, and that she did not appreciate anything forced on her – especially if it was only to prove a point.

‘Khushi,’ he whispered,half pleadingly, his shock and disbelief obvious in his voice. 

He stepped forward, and reached for her face, as he had done on numerous occasions before. The fact that she did not flinch, or look up, or even try to move backwards was not lost on him. He tilted her head up, so that he could see her eyes again. Her eyes had always spoken for her and expressed her thoughts and feelings whenever she tried to hide something. She blankly stared back at him, almost unseeingly.Staring into their depths, he fought against the sense of loss that threatened to overwhelm him.

Not knowing what else to do, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, selfishly appeasing his own need to confirm that she was indeed there. Intuitively he took from her what he needed. As he drew in her presence, a hundred things instantly registered; the changes in her body, her inability or unwillingness to reciprocate the hug and the fact that she felt far more frail than she should have. He could not see under her clothes, but on contact alone he knew she had lost a lot of weight – when she should have gained some. And while she remained standing, with her back stiff and her body unyielding, he knew it took a tremendous effort to remain that way.

The fact that she was there was almost overshadowed by the realization that she needed to recover her strengths, yet he could sense her reluctance to even allow for that.

He pulled back and said, ‘Take rest, Khushi.’ He then moved and lifted her up. The action once again imposing his will on her, but she needed to rest. He turned towards the vacant hospital bed and said, ‘I’ll see to everything.’