Chapter 5

Arshi67

@Arshi67

Part 5

The best of festive greetings to all you delightful folk out here. Muah!

I was feeling rather mellow and kind of melancholic with the end of the year coming up (nothing to do with the empty bottles of France’s finest lined up in my vicinity, of course) until I peeked into the last few days of recordings of the goings on in the Shah household. What on earth happened there?! It almost had me convinced I had had one too many glasses of that delightful full bodied red! I have no idea what bizarre filter has been applied, but it sure is not going down well at my end.

It isn’t often that I agree with that almond oiled one, but at this moment I’m with her. Something is not adding up. All those shiny happy people laughing with fully paid up subscriptions to the ‘live and let live to all MaAnkind’ society is making me feel ill. It’s like Bapuji’s atma has decided to annex all the bodies around him. Someone please teach that atma the difference between multiplying and mutating!

This overzealous use of Nirma washing powder for the doodh ki safedifying of the inhabitants is so annoying. I don’t do utopia. Period. Seeing Mr Shah and Anupama bonding like BFFs in a utopian wonderland is making me gag. Terribly dehydrating that as you know.

So, I know that delicious Anuj Kapadia is rather smitten with Anupama, but love is force feeding carrots?! I mean, carrots?! Guess aphrodisiacs come in all shapes and sizes. With this family you learn something new each minute! Flights of imaginations soar only to land in the sabzi mandi. I just can’t.

I have a question though. The pair of them go around twinning when it comes to their attire and rock up in twos, and then are taken aback when couples and they are mentioned in the same breath. Smoke, fire anyone?

I see that Anupama’s love for bhashan continues unabated. Love, shove be damned. Priorities, priorities, priorities. Literally anything and everything can trigger it! Even Santa Claus wasn’t spared. Besides, she’s now got another Sweetudi in her life to lecture to. Albeit one who comes clutching Issey Miyake backpacks. What a Tantrum queen this one is! She can nearly give me a run for my money in the drama stakes! Her brother is going to need a lot more fidget toys than the chumbak to keep himself sane. She is a handful that one I tell you. The message on Samar’s jacket would be a better fit for her - Don’t go rogue!

I suspect Baa has convinced herself she really is Leelu darling seeing how she’s going around doling out words of wisdom to Kavya and rocking it with Mukku. But, can she please get her daughter in law (current) to quit screeching and apparating. It’s creepy and if I keep wincing any longer, those frown marks will take up permanent residence on my face. Ugh.

Speaking of frown marks, those have miraculously disappeared from my eklauta son-in-law’s face. Before you ask, yes I did receive that idiotic selfie he sent me. Complete with a strange coloured note in his hand. Aren’t they usually pink though? Like I said, you learn something new every minute with this family.

He doesn’t have much staying power though, does he? I don’t think Samar’s welcome bouquet had even bloomed properly before he abandoned the cafe and waltzed off to pastures new. He’s perfectly positioned to witness the blooming friendships around him though. My head is spinning just listing the various permutations and combinations that are there for his delectation. The penthouse will seem like heaven in no time once again! For the moment, I’ll let him strut his thing around the house. Leading his little quintet of Kinjal, Samar, Nandini and Paakhi from one drama to the other. It still baffles me how every outrageous statement uttered in that house has a line of witnesses present to gasp in synchronicity.

Including statements which are outrageously false! “Mom ke intentions sahi nahi the”!!! I’m quite miffed, I have to say, though not surprised. He’s so like his father this one. Fluttering slyly with changed wind directions. And yet again, my Kinjal falls for it. It’s no wonder Chhoti Anupama and Anupama 2.0 are bandied around for her. What’s a mother to do, peeps?!?!

Ah well, the year is ending and I really should say something nice, shouldn’t I? So, here goes. AK has good taste in his work glasses. Cartier wooden framed spectacles are very classic and elegant. In the spirit of goodwill, I will not question its authenticity. I can be nice, you know ;)

Oh alright, I will wish them something agreeable. Anupama, just get on with it and spill what you’re dying to say already. Paraphrasing your son and my damaad (for my sins), “Aansuon se regret ko dhona padega”, otherwise. Besides, I’m fed up of that omniscient Mukku hopping around nudging people to say and do stuff. How did she even know what Toshu had said to his mother? Maybe I need to qualify the omniscient bit... clearly the brother being adopted slipped past her. I really need to have a word with AK about timing of revelations. No wonder Anupama and he make a good pair!

A tidbit before I go off to ponder in solitude about future plans, and Mr Shah’s statement of “Bade bade games khelna seekh gaya hoon”, pallus getting snagged in buttons reminds me of a couple close to my heart (yes it exists, guys) and the clan going on about faraq is not helping. I have a jalebi craving coming on, which must hamesha be eaten with a bluetooth stuck in my ear. I’m ajeeb that way ;)

Hope you all have a safe and fabulous New Year’s Eve celebration. Even if it’s in pyjamas in bed with the telly. As we all saw, pyjamas are a thing in Mukkuland.

Wishing 2022 does not spiral into twenty twenty too. I have plans damnit!